Welcome GenX Adulting and today we have with us Nashville recording artist and media coach Amy Scruggs. Welcome Amy. Thank you so much. Really looking forward to this. We're so happy to have you. I know we spoke a while about this episode, so we've been eagerly waiting to have you on. And our first question is always, what year were you born? 1972 at the very end. Yeah. Yeah. So you're a Gen X. You're right in the middle. We're 71. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So we're those 71. Yes. Yes. I think we experienced literally everything related to Gen X. Yeah. Yeah. We were the lucky ones. We weren't too close to the boomers and we weren't too close to millennials. We're like the quintessential Gen X. completely. mean, I even graduated high school right at 1990. So that was the time. yeah, yeah, we got in all the good music. So where were you born? I was born here in Southern California, just outside of Los Angeles. San Dimas, California. for, because we're Gen Xers, everybody remembers Bill and Ted's excellent adventure. San Dimas football, San Dimas, that's where I'm from. And so always heard about the Bill and Ted's reference. my gosh, that's awesome. I'm going to have to, I haven't watched that movie. I'm not kidding. And like 20 years, maybe, you know, like it's been so long. I'm going to have to now go back and rewatch it now that we know that's where you're from. Now, as far as, generationally, was it your grandparents that started there? Your great grandparents? Do you know how far back your family goes? My parents were both raised in the Pasadena area Glendale and Pass uh Highland Park. So they were always Los Angeles their parents raised them there my grandfather on mom's side came over from the south, which you've got the Scruggs last name. There you go. like I've got Scruggs in there and then also my other grandfather Rippy that all was like the south but they came to LA well before that and so My parents and myself, we were all raised in Southern California. Do know where in the South? The Scruggs side, was, I believe, Russellville, Arkansas, and the Rippey side was somewhere in Tennessee. Okay, do you know the motivation of why they came to Southern California? No, and it's interesting with the family dynamics on everything, honestly, do not know. There's just mysteries on all sides. No. Exactly. And I think on the mom's side, on the Rippy side, I believe my grandfather worked for Lockheed. I think it was work that brought him out and he was with them for years. But as far as on the Scruggs side, I know they started in. that was Arkansas and Idaho where my dad was born and then they came out here and I don't know why but they started the family business in Southern California. Okay, okay. So do know how your parents met? work. I guess they were about 19 and 20 and they my mom was a secretary or something and my dad was doing something. They were young and they met at work and they were engaged like three months later and then married not far after that and immediately my dad enlisted into the Air Force. So they had this really big fast experience. so they dated and then they married three months later. Wow. And then after that, did he serve in any... Air Force for four years and they served out in Plattsburgh, New York. So they went from being Southern California to upstate New York and all the snow and dad loved always telling the story of digging the cars out and having to learn to live in snow because we're very fair weathered here. absolutely. You have the perfect weather. So did your mom, was she out in New York with him or was she in Southern California? oh 58 Chevy across the country and they moved to Plattsburgh and they were there together all four years. I actually got to go back there a couple years ago visiting a friend that was in upstate New York and drove through Plattsburgh and actually got to see where they were. My mom told me where to drive by the little apartment they rented and what their life was back then. And I was able to FaceTime dad and show him that one last time. Yeah, that was really neat. That is so cool. That is so good. Now, do know what years they were there? 61 to 65. Wow, so they drove across the country during the early, how cool would that have been? That is really, really cool. For most interstates. Oh, absolutely. That would have been really neat. So um are you the oldest? Okay. Okay. So did they have your brother in New York? No, we were both born here in SoCal. So 65, my brother was born in 68, also a GenXer. So they were back here a few years and dad had stepped into the new family business that his mom and had, his dad had started, his mom started, his dad died shortly after his brothers were there. So he stepped into the family business after the service to help run it. It was aerospace industry, interestingly enough, and they had a huge company that grew in just outside of LA in the city of industry. And it was there for years until they sold the business about 25 years ago. Okay, so was your mom a stay at home mom? Yes, she, we were literally like out of an 80s TV show. Mom was the stay at home mom, just, you know, the whole thing dad provided. Scott and I were, it was like, it was, you know, the happy days like on paper, but all of the underlying themes of what it's like at that time and being a Gen Xer and we can, we'll talk about that. know of just what, what the underlying themes and what was really going on, but that, that face front, you know, billboard. looked just right. Right, right. So you guys had that perfect idyllic look from the outside looking in. It looked like just the and your mom's home and you and your brother. Now, did you guys have the typical Gen X where you were out until the streetlights came on and no one was really supervising you when you were children, young children? Yeah, yes, there was no supervision. I mean, even, and I've said this to my kids, I remember kindergarten, walking like five blocks to the bus stop myself, waiting for the school bus, getting on the bus. And I can't even imagine when my kids were in kindergarten doing that. My mom was just like, okay, go. And it's not because she was trying to hurry or trying to get to work. She didn't work. She just went, okay, bye-bye. Rain or sunshine or heat, I was... Walk into the bus stop at five years old, a kindergarten. I don't get that. brother was with you, right? Were you on your own? Were you guys together walking to the bus? think we might have been, I'm trying to remember because at that time we were like five years apart in age. I think he went at a different time. We were five years apart in school, but then I skipped a grade later. So then we ended up in high school together, which he was not happy about. So that was kind of mucked things up, but we started off further apart grade-wise. So I remember being by myself. So at five, you were out there wandering the streets like so many of us. With the other kids though. Yeah, no. Probably had the neighborhood pack, right? Yeah. Well, did you have like a group as you grew like five, six, so that's like kindergarten, first, second, third, fourth grade. Did you kind of have a group that you guys would ride bikes or you guys would go to each other's houses and it was completely unsupervised? there was another family on our little cul-de-sac, another family, and I was always over at their house and I had another best friend, Christy, up the street. I mean, I remember it was quite a ways and that, mom, I'm going to Christy's house. And that was like first grade. I was going, taking my bike or walking all the way up the other side of the neighborhood to go to Christy's house. And was it a long kind of busy roads at times? uh kind of tucked in. So it wasn't busy roads, but nonetheless, was still. And I don't remember getting there and calling saying I arrived safe. I think there was just this trust like, oh yeah, they'll come back. It's a miracle. for the kids that did go missing, they had been missing for like eight hours till someone knew because they had been gone all day. And if they were snatched, the parent didn't realize until they weren't home when the streetlights came on. You and so you had that long period of time where and it's and it did happen, but none of us were aware of then eventually the milk carton. Yes. But up until then, was like, but even then I didn't feel an urgency from anyone, even with the Mel cartons, you know? It had to be pretty dark. Yeah. pretty dark and you had to be maybe outside the circumference of the local hood you were in. We were, I don't know, when they say we were feral, we really were. We were just out there figuring it out. pool in the backyard. And I remember my mom making me do swim lessons at like four years old, right? Okay, she knows how to swim. My brother's four and a half years older. From that point forward, we were just in the pool. The neighborhood kids would come over. Everybody's in the pool. I do not remember any supervision or lifeguarding of any kind. It was like, can you swim? Okay, there you go. I don't remember any mothers signing any releases. I don't even know how we all survived and nobody drowned. mean, there was one of those old slides, the ones that kind of rattle when you go down it. There was the big diving board. You can't even have those anymore. And we were just out there in the pool all summer long with the neighborhood, no supervision. Yeah, yeah. And it's funny because even for stay at home moms, like you had alluded to, they weren't doing that because it was convenient for them because they had other things going on. It was just the culture. And that's why stay at home moms actually did watch soap operas back then, or they did sit together and like have coffee and talk. Whereas stay at home moms, when we were like, I was a stay at home mom with my kids and I never had to, never sat down, I never, I still don't sit down, but I never sat down and watched the soap opera. I never sat with a friend. If I'm having coffee with a friend, I'm meeting them for coffee. We're doing that thing. And I'm coming back home and continuing on with whatever's going on in the house. But they were just like smoking cigarettes and having coffee and gossiping and watching. It was such a different culture for the stay at home moms back then. Cause they still didn't supervise us. mom didn't miss her soap operas. And boy, when the VCR was invented, that just changed everything because then she would do catch up and she had all the tapes of all the soaps and it was just she did not miss the soap operas. We could have been drowning outside. Didn't matter. Yes, exactly. That's so funny. Now, when you were in elementary school, were you involved in any like sports or clubs or like art or were you showing any signs of what your interests might be? completely. So for me especially, by the time I was three, I already climbed up on a piano bench and was playing by ear by myself. So they realized, hmm, this girl might have something. I was already singing and belting it out. I would practice the national anthem on the fireplace with the hairbrush, the whole thing. So I was immediately put into piano lessons. but because it was a, we were a sports family. My brother was all-star everything, always. All CIF, everything. My dad was very athletic. Everything was sports. So therefore we had to steal. I joke that my dad, I love him. I miss him so much. But my dad raised two boys and I only have one brother because I was the other boy. I knew how to take care of the car, wash the car, clean the pool, help mow the lawn. Everything that the boys had, I had to do with him and that included fast pitch softball. So I remember hours in the yard, grueling, being trained. for that pitching for fast pitch softball. Cause my dad was a pitcher. I needed to be a pitcher and they put me in softball for a couple of years. That was probably when I was like seven, eight, nine, 10. My dad was the coach. My older brother was the assistant coach. That was so fun on the mound. That was so, so much fun. I just wanted to be doing music. I wanted to be in theater. I wanted to be performing. I'm like, okay. Soccer was a disaster. I quit that after the first three games. So they really, they did try with that. And I am still very physically athletic. I'm capable. just wasn't where I wanted to be. So it was definitely the performing and I was in children's groups. So mom would take me to the lessons and keep me active. And I was in all the church choir groups and all that stuff as well. But sports were definitely, definitely right up there, drowning out there on the lake, learning to water ski, didn't matter. Just, yes. But you know what? mean, it's kind of cool he did teach you all those things. know, the thing like cleaning the pool and all the things that back then would have been for the sun, right? Now it's... But it is cool he did that. You that you learned a lot of stuff that a lot of us GenX girls didn't know. and I had no idea up ahead in my life how much that was going to be put into play that now I'm so impatient or have a little tolerance that I'm sure we'll get to that of like, wait a minute, what do you mean can't do that? Like I'm the pool man now at our home. Like I'm like, I got this. I know how to do all of this. I have no problem taking care of the car, doing all the things or running a home completely by myself because I was trained to do that. I see things need to be done. You get it done. I have my own tool belt, like everything. And that really came in handy. No, I'm sure. When did they catch on though that, the sports thing isn't a thing and we need to let her have her outlet for music and for theater? I don't think they cut on yet. I think that was always, always a struggle. It was always just the sports and that music thing isn't that cute. think there has been a, my dad got it and he finally, he was like, you're gonna be a singer. He wanted me to be Barbara Maddrell. So my dad caught it and music was our thing, but. For everybody else, it was, when are gonna get a day job? When I was performing full-time, especially, this is my day job. This is what I do. So I think it was always, the arts were never really understood. I don't think either side of their families, they weren't raised up with the arts being something of value. And em I was different. Nobody else had musical talent or had this capacity in them. It was... all sports. had a cousin that was, you know, triple A ball player. had this cousin that was that. It was just, it was sports and aerospace industry and I didn't fit that mold in any way, shape or form. Never did. So interesting. It's wild because you're in LA. You're in Hollywood nearby. Yeah, I mean, isn't the culture out there? All the daytime shows. I was thinking about this. I was walking the dog. I don't know why, but like, what was it? The Bad News Bears was filmed in Southern California. All those shows were from everything we grew up on. Yeah, I was you probably recognized all that. Yeah, that's part of the culture. So it's interesting. I'm Southern California, though, still probably a lot like anywhere else where You still have your little cult your culture for each your little areas. 100%. I don't know in your area if the entertainment industry was as prevalent as maybe another part of Southern California. Was it? Well, I think the difference too is that my family, there was also this other like protective bubble. Like everything we did had to be at the church. Like everything, the friends were all the same. So I wasn't exposed to other possibilities of what LA really had to offer when it comes to entertainment. I wasn't exposed to the things that our kids can know today, especially because of today's technology. You know what's going on. I look back and I have this conversation all the time, my daughter and I play a game of what school could I have gone to, what career could I have had? I'm like, I could have totally gone to the School of the Arts in LA. I could have gone to broadcasting school. I could have been at the LA film school. Like I list all these places that I didn't even know existed. It wasn't even an option for me. You can sing at church and at that time we were really raised to be a mom that stays home and watches soap operas, right? There was no teaching of. a career for me or a female modeling of an entrepreneur or what was out there. It was not even provided as an option, but my brother was groomed for the family business. He's still in aerospace to this day. The patriarchy was through the roof. Well, yeah, yeah, definitely. And your parents like for me, my mom was a single mom. So I was she was forced to work, right? So I had that example. But I think that was really it. It was either your mom. Now, during the 80s is when women were starting to go to work. So that was that whole the women's movement and all of that. So you were seeing it. But we were really kids as that was blooming. And so the typical situation would have been your parents are married, your mom's home, or your parents are divorced and your mom is a single mom and working. And then there was those unique situations where parents are married and the mom did does have a career. But that was just really starting to be normalized. And I know people are always like women worked in the six. I know women's worked in the 60s. But I'm talking about where it was really accepted and and supported and society was starting to shift. That was more during the 80s, late 70s and 80s for us. it makes sense. you've said as far as like you sang in the church. So and they created this bubble. So it was almost like a bubble on top of a bubble because you had the bubble of where your parents are married, your mom's a stay at home mom and your race to kind of follow in her footsteps. That's how it's supposed to be. Your brother's supposed to go into the family business. But then it sounds like you had another bubble of your world as church and and sports, but your whole family still tied into all that. So they did really protect you from, it's almost like somebody that lives outside of New York City and never knows about anything about New York City in a way. I mean, that's comparable. I was in a bubble, in a bubble, in a bubble. And they even put me in private, small private Christian school that only had 300 students for seventh through 12th. So I wasn't even in the public school. So I was in a bubble, in a bubble. uh When I say I went into the world with no life skills, other than what dad taught me as far as taking care of the car, the house, the pool, the yard, like I had. those skills, but as far as life skills and understanding anything about adulting whatsoever, zero. Well, did that bubble last all the way through high school or did it start to pop a little in middle school and it start to pop a little more in high school or were you truly kept like. kept until I became a parent at 18. gonna say you had to some rebellious point. So wait, was the Christian school K through 12? 7 through 12. Okay, so it was elementary public. Yes, I did public school in elementary. And that's the reason I skipped sixth grade. My mom didn't want me going to the public middle school and the private school they wanted me in. And my brother was already there. Didn't start until seventh grade. There was no sixth grade. So they had me test and they skipped me. So I went right from elementary school and a public school in fifth grade to a private school that was seven through 12. And so I was 11 years old in school with 17 and 18 year olds. When you were young. Wow. But that's still okay. So so was there any exposure to like in high school to alcohol, drugs, partying, sex, any of that stuff that kids typically start to experience during those years for you? so taboo. I mean, I imagine my brother was probably drinking a little bit in high school, but he was so protective over me or like he would have never told me. I never, to this day, I haven't seen a drug. Like it's just not something that has been in my surrounding. I had never seen anything. I didn't know anything. Now I had, had boyfriends. So I rebelled in other ways. That was my, that was my. channel of not rebellion, just trying to find myself. guess that's the wrong word to use because that upbringing says it was rebellion or the shame. And now I just see, well, I was a teenage girl and I wanted to meet people and have a social life. And I'm an extrovert and an entertainer I was put in a tiny, tiny, tiny box. You were shushed big time. you were shush, shush, shush, shush. So what about when you got your license? Like did you kind of explore a little bit outside of that bubble or were you just so used to your little world they created, you kind of still stayed in it? and I had to go to work. So I got my license in my little car and I was working at the pharmacy and I was also working two days a week with family business doing filing. And when I say filing, that means actually where you pull all the cuticles off of your fingers, cause you're in the filing cabinets, right? That was, ah, but I I was filing, I was working and then I had a babysitting hustle on the side. had different families that would call me to babysit. So I was like, running like three jobs just because it was a great outlet for me to be out of the house, I think, and find myself, but it was the hustle. I already started hustling then. well, yeah, was going to say, mean, because typical Gen X grind, but would you say the hustle was your only outlet outside of the bubble? It was the hustle. So in a way, kind of right away identified work as an escape or just to get away from this oppressive vibe you kind of grew up under. that? Yes, because then it leads to work. And not when I was working at the family business, but when I was at work at my little pharmacy job, I loved it. I was meeting customers. I ran the cash register, had to do the little post office desk where you had to handwrite the certified receipt stuff and all that. I mean, I had to learn how to do that. The cash register did not do the math for you. You had to do the math yourself for the cash register for every purchase. My kids would fall over dead if I told them they had to do that. Absolutely. I remember working to catch us registered having to count backwards on the change and you had to do it all in your head Oh, but you're talking about even with the I remember doing that I worked somewhere where I had to write down like this is a dollar 12 This is 250. This is this and then add it up and then tell the person was a Henry seat and then make the change so you could just push it, the cash drawer would come out, but I had to make the change, make sure it was right. yeah. about I still hear that sound. I totally forgot about that. then you close it. Yes. I'm like, was I right? Is it 20 cents off? Am I okay? You know, mean, it was terrifying. Well, they would tell you. Well, would fire you eventually. the customer. Yeah, would definitely let you know. So, so was your only outlet for music, the church then and or at home or did you at school? Did school offer anything? I was in the acapella group. So again, it was a Christian school, so it was still that same, but I was in the acapella group and the choir. And I would always be the one that the teacher had direct the choir. Like the music teacher would step aside and I was the one directing the rest of the full choir. So I loved it. I wanted to be performing, but it was still in that bubble. I didn't even know that I could sing music that wasn't Amy Grant. And I mean, not that it wasn't wonderful, but I just I didn't know you could do this. So did you not have MTV? We did. Oh, I remember. I do remember that if mom was in the other room watching her soap operas and after school and I had some time I could go in and I discovered MTV and it was just I remember Ah-ha's take on me in that video just being like blowing my mind and I was just obsessed with the movies of the 80s. Today is the 40th anniversary of Pretty in Pink being released. I know, I think they're releasing it in the theaters for the anniversary, at least around here. Isn't that cool? Yes. allowed to watch, you know, in Dirty Dancing. I felt like every bit of who I am and wanted to be, I think as an actress or as a performer, I could have done that. And I just, I lived it and I would watch them over and over and over again. I would use some of my mom's soap opera tapes so could record, right? And I would just watch them. And I remember just living through those stories. and this other world that was so far and those experiences, even seeing those high 16 candles, those were all big high schools. I didn't even understand that experience, but I lived through those movies of the eighties and still today one of those comes on. very nostalgic because I feel like that allowed me to at least through there, try to find out who I was and what I liked or what I resonated with and understanding, know. that it was okay to get angry or express yourself, like all of the different things that were taking place in these films, as silly as it was, was a huge, huge impact on me. I was obsessed with TV. I loved watching Family Dies and Happy Days and Laverne and Shirley. Like anything I could just watch and see these characters play out and live through was what I loved. Because it probably helped you, like you just said, it resonated with you and helped you understand yourself. You probably got to know yourself through it and also feel seen and understood because you maybe weren't in a situation where ah any space was created for that. it was through. It's amazing that you had full access to all of that because your world was so not that it was the opposite and it was protected and sheltered. But yet you did have full access to entertainment via music. film TV. at least you had that. oh hiding Madonna and Beastie Boys from mom. Like she had no idea that that existed and we had those cassettes like in his room. So that we would hide those things. And I was one of those that the, know, spend a penny, get the first 50, you know, records from the, right? And so I was like, I do that and I had my babysitting money and I'm like figuring it out and I would buy the cassettes and they would show up at the house and I was so excited. I had the Bengals and I had the Thompson twins and that was just, my gosh, Depeche Mode, Erasure, The Cure, like all of that was just so powerful and so fun. I probably still owe them money, I don't know. I think we all do. We all owe them money. There's no question. I think it was such an outlet for all of us, especially Gen X and their music. So and those movies and all of it, we all hold that so dear. But I'm thinking about it coming from your perspective. It would have been like 10 times more than the rest of us because that was your only exposure to like you said, a big high school or kids at a party. or normal stuff that a lot of us did experience you were not experiencing so for you yes yes now did your mom ever see the tapes come into the house because they were shipped to the house tapes and so there was a few of the groups, like I was allowed to once in a while put my erasure cassette in her car if we were driving somewhere. And so she approved that. So we kept her from Run DMC and Madonna and Beastie Boys and those things. But I was able to tastefully like these are okay and that was fine. And I was able to listen to those. And we had those first Walkmans so I could put that cassette in and just listen on my Walkman. And I loved that as well. Cause my high school being a small school like that. We weren't even allowed to have dances. I mean, I was living the Footloose story, right? We couldn't be, so that we, didn't even have dances. So wait, was your town small though? Like how big was your- outside of LA. were at the high schools. If I'd gone to the public high school, my gosh. oh was really truly this creation of this small world from your parents basically. Was it more your mom the strict one or was your dad as well? You know, I see it now. I probably would have told you differently years ago, but now that I've come around full circle and watched all the family dynamics unfold, especially these last few years, I would say it was mostly mom. My dad worked so hard and had so much pressure at that business and he was running everything. And he was putting in 12, 14 hour days and I remember him coming home just exhausted. So I think my dad relied on my mom to be... that and all those decisions. He really did allow her to make all those decisions. I used to really think that dad was the one that was dropping the hammer on stuff. And I think it was to do what your mother says. I think my mom had a lot of all of the say in the household. Now did her um approach to parenting was that how she was raised? The way she raised you guys? No, I don't. Her father was always gone and traveling the world. So she had her mom and her brother. I don't know, she doesn't talk about it. I can't, to this day, and I can't get her to talk about those emotional issues or growing up issues or communication issues. There's just a, you just, don't, I don't. She's gonna be 86 next week. So it makes me think because that's a way of the basis for that type of parenting is control obviously and that's usually rooted in fear. You want to take control, keep your children safe. If you can control the things then your children will be fine and it's giving the parents security and helping them feel like okay with parenting. So I'm wondering if that was from her mom. If her mom uh wielded total control even more severely. than your mom did, like maybe she wasn't allowed music or maybe she had nothing. Because where would that have come from to feel the need to create this space? know, I don't know. And my mom's brother. Oh, God, I adored him. My uncle, he never had kids. And we were very close. And I used to go and spend time with him. He lived on the coast and had a home right there on the water. And even as a teenager, my mom would let me go out there and spend a week or two with him. uh And I just remember how close we were. And he was hilarious. He was fun. He was great. I don't know. And he was totally open. You could talk to him about anything. oh There was just the two of them, brother and sister. I'm not sure. And she's never told me. There's a lot of mysteries with my ancestry, a lot of mystery that I've been unpacking now for years because I've completely changed the narrative of who I am as a mom. those generational things, they stopped with me, hands down. But I don't know and I have to live with not knowing and be okay and be thankful that I did change the narrative. Yeah, yeah, and that's your closure. That is your closure. that you broke the whatever was going on with the generational, not going to call it trauma, but you broke it, the cycle, you broke that. So then growing up in this bubble, was college ever discussed? it like, were they going to let you then go out in the world on your own to college? and I bring this up often, especially with my youngest in her fourth year at UCSD. I'm like, it wasn't even an option. I wasn't even made to take the SAT. I don't know, what was the plan for me? I look back now and go, there was never a common, now my brother went straight off to a four year university, had a soccer scholarship and he was groomed for being a provider, right? I was not, it was not an option. And I know, okay, I had a baby the next year, but I would have had to have done the SAT, applied for college and been accepted before Ryan ever even came about. So that didn't happen until after graduation. that one had nothing to do with the other. I really had nothing. I remember after graduation, she opened the phone book. And for those of you watching, it's this thing that was about this big. It was yellow and it had everything. Anything you needed to find was in there and you had to search. The original Google. Yeah. And I remember her opening up to the different employment agencies and said, okay, go find a job. And I remember finding a minimum wage job as a data entry clerk in STEM office could not be more opposite of what my personality is and what I should be doing. There are so many other things that could have been like that I could have done. Didn't even know that was an option. were kids in your school though taking the SAT? Were kids going to college? Or was it? Okay. had a few. There was a few of my friends from high school that went on to uh college, but not as many as you would see today. mean, when our kids, it was all about, you applied? How many did you put in for? Everybody's talking about it. We had college coach, all the thing, the FAFSA, all the stuff. It wasn't discussed. I don't know. It's so interesting because your brother did go to college and then so he had to have gone through all those things. He had to have taken the SAT and applied and everything. Did you at all ever ask like when do I do this or where or was it just so ingrained that you were not going that you didn't even voice concerns about it? and I was so young and dumb. wasn't thinking, gosh, if I don't do this, what the heck am I gonna do in the next couple of years? What's my life gonna look like? I was just like, it did it. All right, well, I didn't even realize. I was like, good, I don't have to take a test. Yay, I hate taking tests. I was smart, but I hated doing school. I wanted to do the bare minimum to get the A, so I could skate through. My brother had to study really hard to get his grades. Like he really worked hard. because he had some learning disability and he had to work hard. I could be like, okay, I'll read that for an hour. I'll pass the test, fine. So I felt like this entitlement. think that, well, good, I don't have to, nobody's making me. All right, let's see what's next. And I didn't know there were choices. If I had known I could be excited about going to a film school or a school of the arts, oh my gosh, I would have done that. I'm just picturing all this potential because you have all this talent musically and you're incredibly bright, right? So, oh, but you had no guidance and no one was there empowering you. So it's just such an it's so interesting. So you graduate, you get this job as a data entry clerk and you're living at home still. And that was just going to kind of be your existence is what did you continue to sing like in the church and everything? stopped then. I wasn't singing. was just, um, I had my one high school friend. We were hanging out a little bit, but still I had like an 11 o'clock curfew. mean, and even high school at a 10 o'clock curfew. So I still really wasn't allowed out. And I remember going out to my uncles and staying with him for like a month, I think before I took the job in data entry. And then by, by October, I was by September, I was pregnant. So was that a boyfriend? Yes, it was uh a friend that I had met through my brother when I was still a senior and he was older. And then it quickly became very toxic and very abusive. And I didn't understand abuse. I didn't understand to speak up. I didn't know you could. There was no Me Too movement. There was none of that. Right. And so I was so worried about being in trouble. And I remember wanting to run away and my mom being mad. It was all like right after that graduation. And then she said, fine, then go. And I think I left. He lived in the same neighborhood and I went to his house. um But it was a very violent, very scary, um very sexually abusive situation. And so I finally got the nerve to leave. I ran away from, got away from him and back home. And I remember then, telling my brother, I'm afraid, he's gonna kill me. And I remember hiding in my brother's room for a few days for protection. And then he finally went away. He stopped stalking me for whatever reason. He let me go. And then I found out I was pregnant. my goodness. So you went to his place. You ended it, got back home and basically hid for a few days in fear. I'm assuming your brother had words with him, I would assume. OK, interesting. his other friends said, don't, you'll just get in a fight. They were like, don't do it, just let him go. And we let him go. And then that's when I found out that I was pregnant. So did you tell anyone or did you keep it a secret for a while? I told my parents which... Yeah, I mean considering the talk about popping the bubble. So did you tell them both at the same time or did tell your mom first? that's a big dark blackout time for me. I honestly do not remember. I've blocked a lot of that time out. But I can tell you what did happen was I know that they, and they along with my brother, because my brother was like another parent, so my parents consulted with my brother, the older sibling, to decide what was going to be best for me in this patriarchy. And they all decided that um we needed to terminate the pregnancy, which... They said, we're never gonna tell anybody, we're gonna sweep this under the rug because that's a no-no in the Baptist Church, of course, and you don't, but there was no way that they were going to have me do this. I went, my mom actually took me to the Planned Parenthood and I was next to go in. I had signed everything away. I was in the scrubs, the booty, the gown, the whole thing. And I remember sitting in that room with the other girls in there and some of them, They were saying this was their third time or whatever. And I remember just going from the complete bubble girl to what the heck just happened. And not even identifying that I just come out of that kind of abuse. I didn't even understand what had happened. And the nurse called me out and said, Amy, and they brought me to the side and said, you're not pregnant, go home. Interesting. So they had done a test while you were waiting. I don't remember. I honestly don't remember. Again, it's such a blur. It was so long ago. I'm old now. According to them, they said if you still feel like you are, you can come back in two weeks. And I can tell you Ryan's almost 35 years old now. So what happened? mean, you just, did you never go back? Was it just? my mom's like, what are you doing here so fast? Cause I came back out to the waiting room so quick. And I said, they said, I'm not pregnant. And I remember that that time she said, I know you are, you and I both know you are. She goes, okay, well then there's a purpose for this child. You'll have the baby. So she stood up for me then and said, I will stand up to your dad and I will tell him that clearly there's a plan for the life of this child. And all right, we'll walk you through it. So I... How did? Go ahead, I'm sorry. that started that. you go. So it is it absolutely is. um Two questions. First is, because you were raised in a fairly religious upbringing. How did you and you may not remember this, but how did you reconcile them when you to terminate the pregnancy when that would be so against how you were raised? Was that? of the shame and the punishment. There was so much right here. mean, imagine what was going on inside my mind and body. And I've just come out of abuse and this has happened and I'm pregnant. I don't even understand. I didn't take any of these classes in school. Like what the heck is going on? And then so afraid of my parents because I'm just a kid. I was still 17. I was a kid. Because remember I had skipped a grade. I graduated early. Yeah, I wasn't even 18 yet. And so like they say, this is what I have to do. Okay, well then it'll just be our family secret. And then I can start my life, whatever that looks like. So then for you, for your family, uh keeping the persona of the family and not shaming the family overrode the religion you were taught your whole life. Yes. Isn't that interesting? uh years that I was ready to talk about this because I never shared this at all ever, especially publicly until just the last few years. thankfully, my mom was like, no, I'm OK if it helps another family. It's OK. Tell the truth. We were wrong that we shouldn't have done that, you know, that kind of thing. So so it is OK for me to share this because that's just where everybody was at that time. And it was, you know, 1990. And there you go. I think that was normal to you you're living one way but if something like that happens you're going to still protect the reputation of the family and I think that was very normal then but had you experienced any abuse up until that boyfriend in your life? Okay so then you went into that completely blindly too and like you said you had no idea it was even really abuse. No idea. when it was happening to you. you're dealing with double trauma here. You've got you've got you're a survivor of abuse and now you're pregnant. Was the abuse ever did you did anyone ever discuss that you had been abused? Was that ever acknowledged in any way? until really the last few years in therapy. Okay. All right. So that was just kind of like, push that aside, bury that, compartmentalize it. Now you're pregnant. Okay. And did you continue to work while you're pregnant as the data entry clerk? and they took me in at the family business. And I remember what that was for my dad to have me working as a phone answer and a filing person in the family business while pregnant. That was my dad's growth here. That was a big deal because he was the one that wasn't even going to look at me like, nope, you're not bringing that baby home to this house. Like it was absolutely. And he started taking me on his lunch break every day. He'd take me to lunch and we would just sit there. share a sandwich and it was quiet. And then he, you know, we, we eased our way through and it's interesting because we just had this Valentine's day. I remember when, when it turned because it was Valentine's day and I'm about four or five months along now, four months along. And my dad came home with a gift for me that was, he had gone to the maternity store and bought me clothes. I knew that that was his way of saying, okay, I'll walk you through this. Yeah. you did have both your parents support by the time your son was born and your brothers. Kind of. We've never repaired. Yeah, yeah. But my parents adored, adore Ryan. So what do you think your brother's issue was with it? I don't know. We'd have a whole other podcast on that one. uh I don't know. just we've just never been connected since and that's okay. He has his life and I wish him nothing but the best. Okay, okay. You guys are probably fairly close up until then because he was your third parent, right? Okay, so that's that's the third trauma to the situation if you really think about it. But you had your parents support and so when you brought Ryan home, I assume that was to your childhood home you were still living. bedroom, where my Barbie house used to be, had a crib now. Yes. And what was it like when they handed Ryan to you though? you, how did it change you? I had a grueling, horrific labor with him. It went on way too long. And I had back labor, I was in crisis. The doctor, they did not give me any epidural, anything at all. And I was about 30 hours of him on my spine and I never dilated past three. So they finally took him in an emergency C-section. So there's trauma number four. So by the time I was blacking out, by the time they finally took me for the C-section, I was like blacking out. after the surgery, think it was probably nine or 10 hours before I finally, like they came in and I was awake and said, I wanna meet my baby. So it was really, really traumatic. I mean, it's insane that they let you go that long, please. I mean, that's crazy. They wouldn't let... when they released me three days later, because I had the C-section, I remember when he came in to do my release pages, he was this old guy. And he said, don't let me see you back here in a year, okay? Oh, so I wonder if this was some BS punishment crap in a way like some subconscious. Let her let this be a nightmare. Yeah, yeah. Because that would never happen now. My God. What a dick. No, that's no crazy. No, there'd be somebody would sue somebody. Exactly. I mean, because that is that is truly true torture. That is just torture. things like that could happen. Who's gonna say anything? Didn't even realize it was something to say. Why didn't my parents say something? Like, where was my advocate? Absolutely. It's like a violation. uh That was a violation on you for sure. Gosh, my gosh. Okay, so they hand him to you. You still have had this huge traumatic birth. So um was it really until you got home when you started to kind of take in the whole, I'm a mother to this child and... from a C-section. I mean, I've just been sliced in half. You know, I mean, you know, I mean, it was just so much trauma to my poor little 18 year old body. And I remember he was just, he was just so sweet. And I went, okay, buddy, I guess it's you and me. Let's figure this out. And I knew that we were going to grow up together. I just knew it. And I just immediately was like, all right, little guy. Okay. I'm asking your forgiveness now for whatever's about to happen, but we got this. Ha ha! Well, so true in any circumstances when you have children young I did I wasn't as young as you by any means when I was 26 But I can tell you my last one I had at 39 and I'm a totally totally different mother at 39 that I wasn't 26 We were kids raising kids. Well, especially you were raising a kid So, you know, it's almost that what you just said forgive me in advance for what I might do because it's so true you were you know, what what was about to happen or any of that, you know, so and your upbringing had been very protected. So it's not like you even had a lot of exposure to bring it home a baby and what a mother needs to do. You kind of you were about to do is so different than what you grew up in your whole right. The world. Yeah, yeah. I even teased Ryan the other day. He's so sweet and he's got his wife and his little baby. His first baby's a year old, right? And he's like, mom, I'm tired and it's hard and all this stuff. went, please. How old are you? I'm like, you're 34. Okay, so how would you like to have you, you were 16 when I was 34, would you like to be dealing with a you right now? He goes, ew. I'm like, just saying. Yeah, exactly, So, right, right, right. So, did you, how long were you home with him? Did you end up going back to work for the family business or were you able to? back to work eight weeks later. As soon as the C-section time, the state disability gives you six weeks for natural birth, eight weeks for a C-section on the first day after week eight. My mom wanted me to make sure that I didn't get too comfortable or feel that this was okay. So she said, you need to work. And she also said that she wouldn't watch him. So I had to have a babysitter outside of, so he had to go to babysitting and I had to go to work and then pick him up. as if I was in an apartment by myself. She wanted me to have kind of that tough love. it was. Wow, girl, you were not getting a break. No, was, no. Jeez. Like, you're, you grinded as a Gen Xer, but on a totally different level than so many of us. I mean, we all have our own experiences, and I'm not belittling anyone's experience, but it was handed to you, man. Like, you really had to figure stuff out for you to have to have a babysitter outside of your, where your mom's home, and she's telling you at eight weeks, she won't even watch the baby. Like, that's, that's a harsh reality. So how long did that go on? went on for a year and a half. And I finally, I mean, I was literally making $4 an hour answering phones all day. And I went, this is, this is crazy. I couldn't even afford the formula. Like I was just going, this is, this is crazy. And I, I don't know if you guys remember, cause this was a total eighties thing and you're back East. So don't know if they had them then, but there was this restaurant called Bobby McGee's and all. of the waiters and waitresses, they dressed up in characters and you had to be in character. So whenever I did get to do something fun, when I was younger, we'd go there for my birthday. And then when my girlfriend and I, if we could get a night out when Ryan, her mom would watch Ryan and we would go to Bobby McGee's and have dinner because it was such a fun place. And it had just the restaurant and then there was like a nightclub, which I could never get into. But it was a really fun place. And I remember going, that's where I want to work. I want to work there. And so I went. I'm gonna make it happen. And so we were in there and I asked one of the waiters, how do you get a job here? Well, you have to audition and it's this and it's that. Okay, I'm fine with that. And I actually applied and I auditioned and I just sold my butt off. They were like, do you have any table waiting experiences? Not whatsoever and I'm the biggest klutz you'll ever meet, but I can entertain. And so they said, okay, we'll take a chance on you. And I quit the family business to go work at this restaurant that was dinner only. So now I could be home during the day with Ryan and then my mom agreed, okay, I'll watch him. So I could go to work at four o'clock for the night shift and I'd get off at like two in the morning. So he'd, she only had to watch him really from four till she put him to bed at seven. And then I was able to do that. And that was what I call my Gen X college years. Everybody I worked with was in college. They were in college and working and doing that to get themselves through. I was the only non-college one, but I was all their age. And so this was the first time that I met like the most fun and these people were fun and crazy. Like one of the guys was getting uh appearances on Seinfeld. Like they were actors. Like it was like, oh my gosh, this really exists. These people are so much fun. I'm still friends with them to this day. And it opened everything up. I wore a costume where I was a Native American and my name was Princess Running Mouth and I loved it. I had a bow and arrow, anything went in that restaurant. You could stand on the tables. I mean, it was crazy, wild, and fun. And I finally got to have that fun at that job. And I loved it. I still have the costume. That is amazing. But was that your first time? Yeah, right. But you had stopped singing, you had stopped entertaining, you had gone through all these levels of trauma, as we just discussed. Was that your first time back at entertaining since you had stopped? So, my God, it had been like almost like a drug, a dopamine hit because the happiness... You had to be funny. You were paid to be funny. Now, I was a horrible waitress those first six months. mean, honestly, embarrassingly so. But I figured it out and they almost fired me. They're like, if she does not get it together, we cannot keep her. And I finally, like it clicked and I learned how to work the station, right? And I could get 10 plates up my arm and built my strength. like, I better learn this. You know what's funny is because of my upbringing, The hardest part for me of that job was learning all of the alcohols and the drinks. I didn't know what a gin was. I didn't know what a vodka was. I didn't know what a tonic, I didn't know anything. I didn't know the difference between bottle and draft. I didn't know wines. I knew nothing. So here I had to take orders and I had to memorize when they'd say, well, what do you have? know, what's on tap and what vodkas do you have? Huh? I had to memorize something that I didn't even know and never even heard of. That was the hardest part. that's amazing. But it was such a sanctuary. It was such heaven for you for that part of your soul that you're like, I'm learning it. I'm learning. I'll figure this out. I'm not losing this job. I'm just thinking that was God sent honestly, that job for you because you had been through so much. And then it's just this handed this perfect job for you get to entertain you get an outlet for your singing. You're entertaining. Did you guys sing? Did you sing? all night. We would just make up songs. I would just walk around the restaurant singing. People would ask you to sing like, okay, do a song. And then the other uh servers would come in and we'd harmonize and the cowboy, he had this giant standup base he'd walk around with in the restaurant. And so cowboy and the Indian, we had all kinds of songs together. We had a ball and it was that college I didn't get to some degree. It was a socialization I didn't get in high school. It was that time period that... etched so much for me that I found out that I was funny. I didn't know I was that funny. And I didn't know that I could come alive like that. And it was just so unrestricted. It was like no other restaurant. It's a shame they all closed down. it was like no other place. And it's a piece of time that it will always treasure. And all the coworkers that were so good to me. Well, some of them were tough on me at first. But they were so good to me. Yeah, well, it gave you a space, though, to even blossom and figure out you were funny. You had never had space to even let that party yourself out, you know. So it's how long did you work there? years. I turned 21 in that place and no, I never ever would drink because I always had to finish work or pick up Ryan or take care of Ryan and I never drank because I had a kid at home. That was it. Okay. So you said you would get home at two. So when would you sleep? Would you only be running on like four hours, five hours of sleep? then he would. Yeah. True. True. college. And during that time, shortly after starting that job, is when I moved out of my parents' home and actually got my first little apartment. And so I made twice as much waiting tables than I did working all those hours from seven to five, seven in the morning to five in the afternoon, minimum wage answering phones. I was getting good tips because it was entertaining, right? So I was able to do that. I was able to get a little apartment. And so then Ryan would be with my parents and then I would... get off at 12, 1, 2 in the morning, whenever it was, depending on the day of week, drive there, pick him up in the sleep, drive back to my apartment, keep him asleep, and then lay him down in his crib in my apartment, then go to sleep, then get up with him and be with him during the day. So how was it having your little place with just the two of you? my God, it was so fun. It was so nice. We have such, he remembers, we have really good memories of that time of just the loud music. would, you know, we'd turn up the music and he had his little toy guitar and he'd be dancing. And I just, and I loved it. You know, we only had a wall on the phone. Nobody could reach you on a cell phone. There was just a different time then that life wasn't as hard as it is today. It was hard. mean, I'd have to go to the grocery store with the 12 bucks we had and we'd make it work and okay, get mac and cheese this week and next week, you know, you're gonna get meat. That's okay. But we made it work. And I remember it not being hard like it was later. Yeah. And I wonder sometimes if the hard part of it comes from with technology and with knowing what everyone's doing and um this, the persona of you should have everything and you should have all the things and then your house should look like this and your clothes should look like this and your children should be doing this. When we were growing up, we didn't have access to all of this um comparison is the thief of joy stuff going on. So you could come home and snuggle with your little one and have whatever pasta that night and watch family ties. And they just lived in a normal home and had normal clothes on and everything felt normal. Whether you had everything back then or didn't have a lot, there wasn't this feeling of going, feeling without, I guess. You were still able to be happy for just happiness sake. And I think as things progress, there's just always that, you need to have this, so you need to be doing this, you know? uh And I feel like that's what's stolen that just organic piece of mind and soul of just being happy with where you're at. Does that make sense? oh now and then we didn't know what we didn't know. I mean, we didn't know we didn't know that phone on the wall with the cord that you only went so far. If it couldn't go any farther. Sorry, I gotta hang up. I gotta go over there and do something. Sorry, I change the laundry. Gotta hang up. It just it was OK. It was just simple. was just simple. Everybody could relate to that. Yes. I reached the end of the cord. Yes. right. See you. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. So and not having everyone having access to everyone 24 seven. That's exhausting. You know, so and not having something to scroll on all the you all of that. But so you were in that apartment for how long with him? there for a couple years. em And I actually met at that job, I met someone and we got married a year later. And so, and then we were in that apartment until then we moved to a little house and started, that's when I started that part. em And he took Ryan on as his own. He fell in love with Ryan on the first minute and Ryan adored him. They still do, that is his dad. and that's all he ever knew and they are closer than anything and I'm so thankful. So we, ended up marrying then by 22 because that's what you do, right? I was still waiting tables. So I stopped, we got married and I still worked for a little bit. And then by the time I was 24, then we had Jeff and at 26, I had Matt. So you said you worked for a little bit, then were you a stay-at-home mom? Then I was the stay at home mom once I had Jeff. Three. Yeah, Ryan, Jeff and Matt. Frack and Jeff. yeah, him too. Okay. We do matter. Yeah, well, and you are like children a lot of times. But okay, so for you being a stay at home mom, you know, you've been grinding like crazy all these years. um Did you find it to be kind of a reprieve just to be able to be home with your boys? Okay. I didn't sit. I didn't watch the TV. I was involved in every play group and this. I homeschooled Ryan for kindergarten. I was, you know, singing at the church again, like in the, in the worship band and had friends everywhere. And we like had park days and play dates and science days. And I was always hustling and going. And it was, it was, it was great. It was, it was great. When I was in soccer, we'd been out at the soccer field. I was the team mom. I mean, I loved, I ran it, right? The house was run like a business, everything in order all the time. I really did like it and I loved getting to have that time with them. And I had two more C-sections, so that was fun. Right. Well, but not as traumatic, assume, as... Yes. Yeah, but still. Yeah, so by the time I was 26, three C-sections and three kids. Geez, girl. Oh my gosh. did you um find, because you said you broke that generational cycle, did you find that you put a huge effort into exposing them to all things and everything and not having them be in a bubble? Not yet. That actually, that came later. I was still in the bubble. I still was in what I knew, not as bad, but I was still, I mean, I was more lighthearted and fun and totally involved and play on the floor with that. Like I was, they weren't out swimming in a pool by themselves. know, like I was, I was more involved for sure, but I wasn't out of the bubble yet. Not yet. Okay, and you were singing in the church. yes, yes. But was that still your only outlet for music? Was the church? music. That was it. That was it. Okay, so did did something shift because I know you are a singer. You're a national singer. So was was when did that shift or are there a lot of things that happen before you get to that point? flip was at 29. Unfortunately, he and I divorced. We were young. Honestly, we're the best of friends to this day. I adore his wife. We are all good. There is no drama, right? it's like we both, yeah, we were young and stupid. I mean, I take responsibility, right? We divorced. was 26 years old with three kids. What did I know? So got in a stupid fight. Bah, it's done, bah. You know, that was, so I then realized now I was a single mom with three kids and I had the house. My favorite uncle that I used to stay with he had passed away during that time and he left me an inheritance to buy a house So we had bought a small home in outside of LA ah With that inheritance and so of course my ex was like, yeah, that's your house. Of course. He was like great. No big deal So I had the home, but I had to pay for it and the voice. So I went out and started hustling. I figured, realized I got to find work. Wait a minute. Now when I realized that I didn't have career, I didn't have education, I had no resume except for a job at Bobby McGee's and answering some phones, right? So I went, uh-oh. And I started hustling. And I realized within the first month that it definitely takes money to keep those lights on and pay that mortgage and to put gas in the car. I hustled, I met somebody who had these, and you're gonna laugh, I swear us what we did then. They were these like the new big latte machines, like at the gas station when you could make the latte and all the different coffee stuff. I literally was going like door to door gas stations to sell those, because then I could make a commission. And I, it was commercial equipment, so I'm like, I just, needed to bring in money, right? I gotta figure it out while I figure it out. And so I did that, and I had somebody watching the boys and then, One of the places that I went to try to sell a coffee machine, I remember the guy looking at me, he was not much older than me, and he goes, what are you doing? He goes, you're tenacious. Like you've got drive, you're good at sales. He goes, why are you selling this? I'm like, and he goes, come into my office, I'll teach you everything I know. So he was a mortgage lender. So he brought me in and started teaching me about mortgage. I'm like, okay. And I remember sitting there like, okay, well now I'm just cold calling on his phone. I'm still not making any money. But he was great. I mean, I'll never, never forget him doing that. And there was another guy in that office that walked in one day with a Post-It and he said, I want you to call this phone number. I already told him you have five years experience. I want you to call it. I want you to take this job and don't look back, go feed your boys. And this guy gave me a number that I called. I didn't even know. And it was another lender, bank. And I got an interview. with this woman, the first woman to come into my life that was just amazing and showed career and everything. And she was a single mom with three cancer survivor in her thirties. And I sat in front of her and I finally went, they lied to you. I have no experience. I don't know this industry at all. And I just had to come clean. And she goes, I like you. I'm gonna take a chance on you. I'll teach you everything I know. That was my first big girl job that had a salary, car allowance. I was going to be a wholesale sales rep for all of Southern California for Citibank. Wow. And it was given to you by another woman. But it started with the guys. The guys. Yeah. Yeah. So those two guys deserve their dues because they, yeah. Why can't it just be connection? Yeah, it is. I love that this woman was obviously an amazing example for you. And like you said, the first real example of a woman that's working, that's hustling, that is a single mom and is doing the thing. to point where you respect her so much, were like, I got to come clean. As badly as I need this job for my children, I still have to come clean. And she was like, I'm still going to do it. mean, that's a girl's girl, man. That's awesome. still friends to this day. She gave me that chance and I was so grateful for what she did for me and for the boys that six months later I was the number one rep in the country. And I hustled and this was during the mortgage boom. Now we're in 2000, 2001, 2002. I hustled and that is when I then joined a cover band that was country music and I became a lead singer. So I'm working during the day and I'm driving around, the boys were in their daycare, I'd pick them up and next thing you know we're at a big concert in the park and Ryan's watching his brothers on a blanket and mommy's gotta sing tonight. And it was all family events and the fairs and the concerts in the park and just the good community shows. And that's when I got back on stage. That's when that happened, where I became a front runner. with the Silverados. It was a girl I had known from childhood and she said, we have an open spot. You want to sing? Yes. So it's like, I was the reverse country song here. I finally had a job. was making money. I was paying for the house. I was paying for the kids. I was paying their daycare. I was feeding them and I was performing. It was so much fun. So was this six months? So six months you're the number one sales rep, which is obviously from your not just your hustle, your charisma, know, your talent that takes a lot of talent. ah You obviously connect with people, you read people well. So from your inherent talent, which I'm sure is what this woman saw in you, her gut instinct was like, she's going to do great. But six months in, you become the number one sales rep. And then when did this friend say, we have an opening? time, like right away. It was all happening in the same months. Like I just, started working, singing, everything clicked all at that exact same time. Yeah. That's amazing. So what was it like? Because this would have been your first time you sang in church, you helped at school with choir, you entertained at that really awesome job. But was this your first time on like a real stage with a real band? Yeah. with the huge audience and it was all cover music, but it was a blast. It was a blast. No, never, no. No, mean, yeah. you remember the first show? Like walking out for the first time? Does that still resonate? I was like, all right, let's do this. Okay, we got this. was songs I knew and it was just, I just remember that high and just loving it and saying, okay, finally took a while, but at least I've got this. I was so, I didn't care. And I still had the aspiration and the dream that I wanted to be in Nashville someday or have that opportunity to record. But at this point, to be a single mom at 29 with the three kids and doing this, I mean, I was literally changing Matt's diaper behind the stage before going on. and then I'd pass him to his brother here. I would throw money from the stage, go get your brother an ice cream. I mean, honestly, I'm sorry. What an inspiration because I'm you think about your background and then what you went through and all the levels of trauma and then just and then finding this awesome job and then doing the married stay at home thing and then being the single mom and finding such success monetarily in your career, but then still going for your dream, which is really what lights up your soul, lights up your heart other than your children, obviously. The strength and I'm not just gonna say it's because I want to say it's because you're Gen X. We're awesome. That's part of it. But it is but the strength in you to still honor you and what really what your real desire and happiness was because a lot of women would have been like I'm doing good. I'm making money. We're doing good. So let's just keep everything's kind of stable. But you still chose I'm still going to take a chance and get up on that stage. Yes. and follow my dream. That's such an inspiration. It really, I hope you know that. It's amazing that you did that. the different corners that that would turn. was during that time, so 2004, my parents by this point had bought one of those massive, you do this, know, massive RV, and now they are gonna go see the countryside all the time, and they were always gone in their RV. Well, one of the times in their RV, they were in Nashville, and I went, I'll fly out and meet ya. The boys are with their dad for the weekend, I'll fly out and meet ya for the weekend. So I flew to Nashville, because I'd never been and always wanted to see it. And you know, that since young with my dad saying, I want you to do this someday. I remember weeping at the Ryman auditorium going, oh my gosh, I was supposed to be here. Like, this is just, my gosh, I'm supposed to be here. And it was another one of those like, I have such weird little crazy moments where it just connections, right? We go to lunch after the Ryman and there was this nice gentleman waiting for a table as well with my parents. And he strikes up a conversation with my dad. We're like, hi, where are you from? And then he goes, hey, why don't you join us? So we did, we joined him. Well, he had an office right there on Music Row. He's a song plugger, and he pitches the songs to the artists. And my mom's like, yeah, she's a singer. Anyways, we ended up at his office. He pitches songs. The next thing you know, we're over at a studio, and I meet Chip Martin, one of the amazing producers here in Nashville. And the next thing you know, I spend the summer of 2004 flying back to Nashville to start recording. No. how soon after while working? So how long had you been doing the cover band gig before you flew out to Nashville? Okay, so you're doing the cover band, you're still selling, and then you take this trip out to Nashville and then this opportunity literally lands in your life. I mean, talk about meant to be, there's no question. and I recorded the song, The Mia Meant to Be during that season. was interesting. And this is where it gets a little sticky and you're gonna go, Amy, you were so close. So close. There's a time you're like, So close. I had met someone, drew my work here in Southern California and we started dating and all of that. So right as I realized it's time, I really need to make, I gotta try to do this. And the boy's dad had agreed, hey, I'll take them and we'll start school here so you can go back and forth to Nashville. Amy, you gotta do this. He was so supportive. So I decided it's time, let's make that trip and let's live both places. I really wanna be in Nashville more. And it was on that road trip I found out I was pregnant again. And yeah, so, em yeah, so we got, yes. So. you dating him or was he kind of just okay? uh and all of this. I'm like, oh, you've to be kidding me. And I remember he had family that lived there that we were going to stay with. And he's like, you just realized you just ruined her career. You blew it, right? And the manager who had found this opportunity for me, the song plugger James, and he was like, you blew it, you blew it, you blew it. mean, at the time, I was like literally setting meetings with Capitol Records and Sony. Like everything was starting to come together. Like it was really going to happen. And I... had ended up on bed rest with her. I was the dog. I was back in California, stopped all plans to move to Nashville and got ready for baby number four. Now, if you hadn't, if you had had an easier pregnancy, had still been able to just keep going with, would they have honored it? But when I say this child made me sick, this child made me so sick. We joke now it's all the brains in there. She's incredible. she's, you know, and here I had the boys already and now here I have this girl. Yeah. you got your girl. was that? 2005, May 23rd, 2005, this amazing little one was born. And that was the fork in the road again. So I have her and I had to go back to work with the banking. I went right back into wholesale, back to work and supporting now all of us. Her dad was kind of in and out of work a little bit. So I'm now in the house, got four kids and I'm supporting all of us back out in wholesale and not singing. And I remember just feeling like, you've got to be kidding me. And then in oh January 07, I had worked my way back up to being a manager and a supervisor. I was doing well. I was back in the saddle with that. And then January of 07, found out that I was very ill and needed to have a full hysterectomy from all the damage from the four C-sections. While I was recovering from that surgery, the entire mortgage industry collapsed in the recession. I was about to say. Gen X, that right when we were always just getting that next foot forward, that rug came out from underneath us. Now I understand there were some self-inflicted rugs. I take full, I get that. But, but that's, but like, I'm like, come on. for it because we're risk takers because we've been we've always been feral and no one ever really put up guardrails for us. So what do you expect? We're going to go into adulthood like that, too. It's not like all of a sudden we're to be like, no, we're not going to do that because we've been going like Tasmanian devils that's in our blood. So that's just going to continue on. Yes. know, and I'm sure if you hadn't been sick, I bet you still would have tried to honor that contract and still go for it. As at Gen X, you would have like, I'm pregnant, I can still do it. I can still do it. Yeah. It took you, your body, you say no. It was for you. Right. you know, the hysterectomy. mean, I, I'm not to segue, but I'm just so thankful that you're doing all right. I mean, I followed your, your journey. So my heart was just going, oh because so I, my heart hurt for you. It's crazy how much I'm just going to say and I think I might just stop every episode and make the statement how much women's pelvic floor health is totally ignored. And we do the most important job in history with our pelvic floor we give life. And then it's never acknowledged that our pelvic floor needs to be supported, strengthened. The health of that should be of the utmost heart, brain, pelvic floor as far as I'm concerned. So thank you for your well wishes and for any listeners I did an episode I had a just recently had surgery for pelvic organ prolapse but I did have a hysterectomy in 2020 and it's a whole thing. It's a whole thing. Yeah. Yeah. career collapse, all at the same time, two career collapses. I'm 34 years old. That's why when my son calls me yesterday saying it's hard because he has his one year old, I'm like, really? Do you remember when I was 34? Do you remember? We had just lost this, this, this, this, and I had your sister and I was recovering from the surgery and you were helping mama put her coat on. Do you remember that? Okay, let's... Don't tell me it's hard. she was a cesarean too, right? So that's more. Yeah, yeah. Did the hysterectomy fix? Like, you, were you good after that? Or did you? good. I still have a lot of complications. I work through tremendous issues physically that I use through the right diet and exercise to overcome because the scar tissue and the mangling was so bad. will, I will, I never recovered and it, it, um, yeah, I'm a mask, but I'm just super, super careful about my diet, my exercise, what I can and can't have, what I can and can't do to keep myself healthy and well, or else I would be. I would be disabled. that's been another part of the journey, but we've got, you know, 07 here with all of this trifecta taking place. But here's another gen X spirit. go, okay, well, what tools do I have in the toolbox and how do we make lemonade out of these lemons? Right? And I'm like, you know, I did good in sales. Sales is sales. The widget is the widget. I'm good at sales. I did that. What else can I sell? My talent. And I knew that how I was gonna provide for the family now, because the mortgage industry and the real estate industry, it was done-done. I didn't have anything else. I didn't know anything else. I had never been trained in anything else. But I knew I could perform now. So I put an ad out and I hired musicians, started having rehearsals in the house, put a set list together, put a marketing package together, and started asking for the business um in performing. And I found out what venues pay the most money. because I had to do it that way. And I put together the band, I called them the Vintage Cowboys. They were all a bunch of older guys, retired. They were so nice, still friends to this day. And I put the Vintage Cowboys together and um six months from that time, by 2008, I was opening for Clint Black on a national stage in Arizona by asking for the business. my gosh. How do you go from, how do you do that? How did you do I know actually. Well, you glossed over it, but for you to be given an opportunity in Nashville, for anyone who's not been to Nashville, Nashville's one of the top music cities in the country, in the world, right? We've been there, we've gone there and you walk down the street and the musicians are tremendous. So the fact that you were offered a contract means you've got talent. Well, that but but even with talent, I mean, you can sell. Yeah, it's the selling. was the selling personality, the hustle, the energy. Yeah, it was the combo. Yeah. download then. So I was burning CDs on my home computer and making and have my little demo from what I did get to record in Nashville back before I was pregnant with Elisa. Like, so I had my little demo and I had my, I had a photographer do a photo shoot on me. So I had this, you know, cover and this, and I wrote a bio and wrote up the story and the Scruggs last name did not hurt. And I started asking for the business. So you started with selling the commercial coffee makers, then you were the top seller with the mortgage and real estate. Now you sold you. Now you sold you. So you combined your talent selling with your talent, just your pure talent, musical talent, and then your opening for Clint Black a year later. went on over those next years and this is where the time and the, you say, I open up and expose my kids to more when we, there's no bubble anymore. The kids were with me. Mind you now, Ryan is like 17, okay? Ryan had picked up a guitar on his own at 14 and the kid had fricking amazing talent. I don't play guitar. He was incredible. So he started coming up alongside and playing with the band and The kids are with me. The two younger boys, they were helping sell CDs at the merch table. The three-year-old, she's autographing my CDs all with a Sharpie. Like everybody had a role. And we went on to open for some pretty big names in country music. We went on tour in 2009 in the suburban. So here's all these other tour buses. The other artists have their tour buses. Here's mama pulling up in her suburban with the car seat. And I'm like, try me, try me, try me. Yeah, that's us. That's right. Loud and proud. music mom. Yeah, yeah. it's what you do. before each town, I would call and try to get a press feature, reach the local newspaper. And I had an assistant named Mary, maryatamysgrugs.com. And Mary would call ahead and make arrangements for press and radio interviews. And Mary was an amazing assistant. She still works for me to this day. Because if you're doing it on your own, you're not taken seriously. What artist has... calls for themself, right? So I became Mary and Mary handled all the logistics. I handled the tour. I ran it as a business. Mary would be like, yes, Ms. Scruggs will get that contract back and signed over to you. I just figured out how to run it as a business to keep the roof over our head during that time. And uh that's when we were doing a lot with the military and veteran community and the AMVETS were asking us to do... appearances and sing the national anthem all over the place. And so I said, well, this is great, but they're a nonprofit. They really can't pay and I have to feed these kids. we need to put, and this was before influencers were a thing, right? This is 2010, 2009, 2009. There was no such thing as influencers and, know, Facebook was brand new. There was no Instagram. YouTube is just where you went to look at funny dog videos, right? Like there was none of this. Yes. still flip phones, right? So I sat down with the Amvats and said, look, you need me and I need you. So we're going to come up with an agreement and I'm going to be your spokesperson because you can put that in your budget under admin because of nonprofit allows certain part of admins. You're going to put me in your admin budget so that I can perform for you. You can have your service officers there to meet more veterans to help benefit with what you bring to them. And they said, yes. So I put together my own endorsement contract. Oh my gosh, you basically said, here's the role, I created the role, you're gonna hire me to fill this role, and this is, you're gonna pay me, brilliant, brilliant. the other shows, but I had AMVETS to where I would get to go and perform at the veteran centers and at the veteran hospitals. And I would perform on their behalf at welcome homes and deployment ceremonies. And I found out about the Yellow Ribbon Reintegration Program, which was just phenomenal. The Army then was doing this huge program as soldiers started coming home. Now we're in, you know, 29, 2010. And so I would go as a community partner. AMVETS brought me in there as a community partner to perform. Yes. but also to be there and meet with the wives and the families that are reintegrating with their soldier just coming home. And was this incredible opportunity for me to learn about what was really taking place in veteran affairs and in our veterans coming home from the service at that time and being the daughter of a veteran, always proud that my dad served. I was so proud and so honored to do that. And they wanted me to start traveling to some of the different events in Dallas and these places. I'm like, that's great, but. I can't pay my way to get there. So I said, I need to speak to somebody. they realized the only way they could cover all of my expenses, and Vets covered me as a performer, but I went on orders with the army as a civilian so that I could go to these other things and be at these yellow ribbon events. I mean, I just kept like, there's gotta be a way, right? got like, so you just keep reinventing. Well, wait a minute, if I go on orders as a contractor, and then I was on per diem and everything else for that time. And so I just kept finding these ways. to make it work. You were so scrappy and finding the blue pole. Very creative. So scrappy. m Now, what were the kids doing for school? I'm trying to pick. the boys uh were with their dad for school. He had agreed, he goes, you gotta do this. So the boys were with me anytime they were on break, weekends, anytime we were home, I'd go out there. We weren't that far from each other, but they had their stability of school with their dad. uh The youngest, she wasn't ready for school yet. And um the oldest, he had just finished, right? So we've got that, like he's 18 now. So he bumped up to um be our second guitar player. And by 2010, 2011, he became my lead guitar player, still is to this day. So this baby that was saved all those years ago, right, is now playing with me. He still does for veterans and for these events. I can't even tell you the bond that we have and the music we've done together and the experiences we've done television, we've done radio. I remember his first radio appearance in... Arizona and he was he was shaken like a leaf his his knees were knocking so bad I had to hold his knees down while we did the interview because it was you could hear it rattling you know their their equipment but he learned so fast and he learned the hard way about you know behind the scenes and and Nothing ever going right at every venue. There's always something missing. Something didn't happen. This thing didn't show up. They don't have the right lines. They're yelling at you. You know, you're late to get on this. You got to know we have to cut your set 15 minutes early. I mean, there was always something up. A monsoon just came in. Of course it did. So there was always those things. And we have so many funny road stories. The ticket he got, I mean, I think he still has a ticket in Wyoming he never paid. And God knows the toll roads, we backed up those in Colorado. and the story of the bull, do I have time to tell you? The bull, we were in somewhere Colorado, don't even remember which city, but we were doing a fair for the whole weekend. And the other boys weren't with us, so I had Ryan and I had the little one. We were doing the fairgrounds and we were singing every night. Then they also had going on, there was a derby, one of those demolition, know, car derbies one night, and they also had a rodeo going on one of the nights. Well, we went on after the rodeo and had just such a fun show. and we were performing and it's the end of the night. There's nobody else in the fairgrounds at all. And I my lead guitar, Dave, I Ryan, and they said, my God, have ever seen a up close? I said, guys, don't do it. Please don't, please don't do it. So the band, they decide to go over to the bullpen at night. Elise and I are waiting in the suburban, in the dark, waiting for them to come back. They come back with the flip phone where they had taken a picture and they were so proud of themselves that they took a picture of the white bull and they got to see these bulls up close. No big deal. Next morning, they're all sleeping in. And Alisa wanted, she gets a band to ride all the rides, cause I'm there performing all weekend. Mom, I want to ride. So we take her to the pony ride. The guy that runs the fair rides up in the golf court and he said, how you doing this morning? Made small talk and said, we had a rough morning. He goes, we woke up this morning and found the white bull dead in the pen. Oh no. They just went somehine through it, right? That's just, hmm, do guys have cameras? Like, I called a band meeting so fast, I said, what did you guys do? We swear to this day, I'll still ask Ryan what happened to the bull. We just took a picture. Well, it died that night. And we were the last ones on the premises. No, how could, I mean. a small talk, Oh, we just happened to know. like, oh, sorry to hear that. They said we had to get that thing out of here before we opened the fair. So that is still the joke to this day is who killed the bull, how the bull died. Nobody will talk. I don't know. I don't know. And that was before every there were cameras everywhere too. You're lucky like nowadays forget about it. Yeah. oh what happened. They swear they just took the picture. They don't know. Did it scare it? Did it have a heart attack? I don't know, but it was that kind of stuff all the time. I'm just picturing, though, like you said, you you you and your son started out, you know, you're you're a baby and then he's a baby. And then now you're out there performing together, which performing with people in general is an emotional experience, a bonding experience. You know, it's art on stage. It's it's a different it's just very different. And then to do that with your son with with that. it is. Yeah, no, mean, it's it's that's such that's amazing. It's so beautiful. And it's just the gift that keeps on giving. And it's always so fun on the stage when I introduce the band at the end. And then he goes by his first and middle name on purpose, because he didn't want people, he wanted to get the applause or he wanted to know he was respected for his talent. then I'd go, Ryan Owens, scrugs. And then I'd say, this is my son. And the audience is like, know, what am I, 36 years old? And here he is, 18, 19 years old. I mean, we look, it was awesome. I was in great shape. I mean, we just, had a ball. It was hard. hard work and one town to the next and the flat tire in middle of the night. I mean, there's all the things and getting yelled at behind the turkey stand. And I had a drummer say, F you fly me home. I flew him home. You know, like what would you get was life on the road. It was life on the road. And I and then all the veterans events in my, you know, Elisa's, you know, three or four years old and she'd be like, Okay, okay, mommy, who's watching me while you're on stage? Okay, well, Commander Byrom's gonna watch you with first class private, you know, here you go. And there was always soldiers that were responsible for watching her while I was on stage. And it just, we had this well-oiled machine that just worked. And in between, we were at home and it was great until. Well, was going to say how awesome too that with your ex-husband that he was so supportive. for your two sons that were in school, their life didn't get completely up. There was no upheaval there. you know, it was a team effort for because that's fortunate you're doing that with four kids. So someone's helping some. But you know what I mean? And then with the soldiers and all that, so you had a lot of support. So how long did you do that? Were you on the road? through 2010 and off and on, off and on. And we would, I'd come in, go out. I tried to do a lot of Southern California shows really is what I prefer because then I could just get there and come back. So I really tried to fill the schedule with that. And if you ask the two middle boys, I always feel so bad. They will, they have different memories of that time. I mean, they got some really cool experience like private tours on the military bases and sitting in a fighter jet and helicopter and. a private tour of a gold mining facility up in the middle of Nevada. like, were just, you know, every fairgrounds, they got the wristbands and the whole thing. So they had some fun. We had some really cool experiences. But they say the same thing if they were sitting here, they'd say, we were hungry, tired, waiting for mom. Hungry, tired, waiting for mom. Because also a lot of those times, I couldn't feed them till I was done singing. And we'd have the merch sales and then I'd go, okay, guys, go ahead. I mean, it was tight. We needed the gas money. I had to pay the band. It was not. It was not an abundance. It was just enough. And town to town. Singing for my rent, singing for my supper, as Jodi Messina says. Yeah, well, talk about popping the bubble. Like you said, your children, the bubble was popped for your children and in an even more extreme way than just normal kids would maybe be out riding their bikes. Your kids are hustling right along with you and getting these really cool experiences, like you said. But also there's times where they're probably were tired or they just wanted to lay in bed or you know, so they so you definitely pop the bubble with them. They got exposure to so many different things, which is a huge benefit to them if you think about how you grew up, know, they were not sheltered in that way, at least once you hit that point in your life. So, and I'm sure as they get older, the memories, all those others like hungry, tired will go away. You know, that all fades and all the good stuff just shines. then what... Yeah. still forgive me, right? We're good, right? Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, and again, the old like anything the older you get all that other stuff just kind of comes nostalgic. Yeah, and it becomes nostalgic. So what happened at 2010 though to cause you to stop during Okay I uh did a change of management and leadership and board members and they decided not to renew. So my income had disappeared. Also at that time, we were really struggling to make ends meet and I was not able to continue keeping the house. we found out that the house, remember this is all in that mortgage bubble, all the foreclosures. guys got hit very hard in SoCal. It was sort of the epicenter for the US anyways. only did that career not exist to pay me, you here I'm singing for the rent and supper, but it was no longer enough to keep the house. And then in 2011, I lost my contract, I lost my home. And then our bass player died of a heart attack suddenly. And I went, he was 40. was his 40, week after his 40th birthday. my gosh. I, once again, went like this, okay, okay, pulling the plug. pull on the plug. Boys had to be with their dad. I have my daughter. We had uh to figure out what we were gonna do and um how that's gonna happen. And I ended up back at mom and dad's house briefly. It was just a mess. I had to sell the truck, sold the trailer. And I went, all right. The industry was starting to open up again as far as mortgage and real estate is now people were buying all those foreclosures. And I just I just put my hands up and said, I don't know what I'm supposed to do, but I think I'm supposed to do this. And I actually accepted a job back in sales in the mortgage industry in San Diego. And Elise and my daughter was ready to start first grade anyways. And I know she and so touring wasn't an option then either. And so I went back into the industry, moved to a new city. The boys were then now an hour and a half away from me. And I put her in school in San Diego and started this new job. And I remember it uh was a Thursday I was opening for Trace Atkins to a sold out crowd for our last show in Northern California. And on Monday I was in a cubicle starting over again. And my daughter and I, rented a like 200 square foot room with a twin bed. I mean, I literally lost. everything, all of our possessions, everything gone. And it's she and I with the clothes and what we could start with one more time. And that was August of 2011. But it was it was interesting. I feel like because that had been the narrative of of this Gen X life that we had and the timing of just the world and some of this stuff was just it just was what it was is worth these what it should have been our earning years and young kids. This is when all that crisis was happening. Regardless, that was gonna happen. And so said, Amy, you did it before, you're gonna do it again. And I remember just saying, okay, what's next? And I've coming off of touring and getting that rock star life a little bit. I'm stepping back into this world. I don't know anyone in San Diego. I literally was like, I am starting over. But I had no idea that when you stop in like and just say, okay, I'm willing, I'm literally surrendering to it so big. I'm not fighting it. I'm not creating resistance. Everything else has had a crazy story. Why won't this one too? I'm still in my late thirties now. Why not? The boys were okay. We hugged it. We came up with a great how, you know, once a week when we're going to have dinner and the weekends and this and driving up and it was okay. We could, we were going to make this work. And um I'm so thankful to say that. uh I was able to remarry in the next few years. My husband now is here in San Diego. Elisa has uh that little girl that went through all of that, that went through losing our home, sleeping in a twin bed with me, starting over. She's in her fourth year at UCSD in a marine bio and a performing arts major. She was valedictorian of her high school. She's so talented. And in 2017, I was given the opportunity. got a call because I had now networked and made friends and was, you know, back out business development and lending, still performing when I could. Right. Did a couple of cool shows. I got to open for Chubby Checker and Frankie Avalon. And so I still was taking shows like there's always it was always kind of sprinkled in. Right. was that with a band or just you solo? piano with a gown, like, bougie. Yes! I was like, I'll do that. I've been playing since I was three. I just never told anybody. you playing the piano while singing? Okay. So you went from country music and your last show was Trey Atkins, said? Which talk about a shock to the system. I'm just picturing you in that environment and then in the twin bed with the apartment. mean, yeah, just yeah, just talk again. Well, you've been tested. Yeah, I mean, That's why you were probably like, okay, yeah, I know this. know how this goes. Okay, okay. Yeah, whatever. Yeah, whatever. But then so in San Diego was your when you were performing, did you go right into the new genre of you at a piano? Did you ever dabble in the country music again? Or did you totally switch genres? well, it's definitely dabbling in the country music, but I switched to where I could play some country. do Sinatra, I do Green Day and Goo Goo Dolls. Like I learned like, uh you know, Bonnie Raid and Adele. So I learned uh for a general audience different songs that would relate to all the different multi-generational stuff. So I had put on, because I had a piano again now, finally, you know, I've landed and now the piano and I'm just like, thank you. So I taught myself how to have a piano show, right? And the next thing I knew somebody said, they're looking for somebody to open up for Tony Orlando. I can do it. I'll take it. Oh, and then there was another big private party and Chubby. I got to open for Chubby Checker, right? It was and I was in a gown at the piano and it was just such a blessing. I'm like, what a blessing. That was like 2018. I don't know. It was just such a blessing to get these other little and also in that time, I I sing the national anthem at Padre Stadium every year. In 2011, I sang at Dodger Stadium for the 10-year anniversary of 9-11, and my daughter stood at home plate with me. It was just beautiful. So here I was still singing the anthem in the stadiums, doing appearances when I could, rebuilding my career. And in early 2017, I got a call from a colleague that said, Amy, I have somebody you need to meet. There's a TV show in San Diego that they need someone that understands real estate and mortgage that's not afraid of being in front of the camera. that can also host and understand Veterans Affairs and do a Veterans show. No, stop. You're like the only person on this earth who... Oh my god, I'm dying right now. That's hilarious. up in this driver's seat of this Veterans One TV show, and then they started letting me do the American Dream TV. Now I'm out doing field shoots for Lifestyles San Diego. Now I've learned how to be a TV host. And then it grew to where they were picked up, and I was hosting the show for CNBC. my gosh. That's hilarious. That's amazing. you your whole life shift and you're like, fine, I'll build this up too. me. Yeah. Right, right, right, right. These are all like these hold my beer moments. Yeah, exactly. How did you meet your husband? Mutual friend. a friend that I had been, they've friends with them for years since Ryan was little, introduced me to their best friend who had been divorced and uh we've been together ever since. So yeah, it was, it was really, it was instant for both of us. Yes, yes, yes. I assume he totally supports the music part of your life and all of the things that you do. Yeah. uh much, too much. I know, I know, I know, I get it. But I, I'm just, I love when you hand me a new widget. I think that's how, a new tool for the toolbox. And that's why it's so fun when I, when I have to like turn in a bio, like what's your bio? Like, crap. Yeah. But it makes sense when you see it laid out in chronological order because I just get handed or trip into these next things where I go, I can do that. Is that gonna be, why not? Yeah, I was going to ask you, you had been on the road with Ryan and doing all this performing and then you had the whole downshift and the whole life changed and you and your daughter went to San Diego. Where did he go? Did he go to San Diego? I know we still are. When I do a show, it's still Ryan. We still perform, we do private parties and I'm very involved with Rotary International and so he's done some big performances with me in the last years for big audiences at the conventions for Rotary International and any opportunity that we do get to do something. But he had to go to work and I mean it's still, if music comes up he's still like. What does he do? can, but now he's got a wife and a new little baby. And so he's where he's supposed to be right now. And as you know, my story now, God knows what's next for that. mean, that'll come around. It's okay. And then when COVID hit in 2020, all the shows, no studio, no filming, no field shoots, I had to start doing remote filming. I was doing that from home and that's when I set all this up and like, okay, we're doing this from home now. I got a call, the same guy from Nashville from 2004, James, the one that brought me in his office and started that for me all those years back, calls me in 2020 because we had stayed in touch. He said, Amy, are you finally ready to do your big project? I went, what you talking about? He said, I found your producer. He said, listen, nobody's touring right now. COVID's locked everything down. They want the work. He said, I have one of the biggest and best producers in Nashville that has said yes to you. Let's do your project. So he started the song search for me. And in May of 2021, my husband came with me. My daughter came with me because she was in remote school. And during COVID, I recorded my dream project in Nashville in one of the biggest studios with the bus producer. And I was able to release my first dream project to radio after all these years at 48. And you're going to love this because the hit song is called What If It All Goes Right? I listened to it this morning. I watched the video and listened to it. It's a wonderful song. dad I'm finally in Nashville. By this time his Alzheimer's had started. I am finally, it took me to 48 years old after all those times of it getting ripped away, ripped away all the should haves and what I could haves in this and doing the right thing and having the kids and all the stuff, all the hustle led me to the most amazing, beautiful, incredible experience that I could ever ask for. And it's not about the results of whoever hears the songs. It was... That project meant the world to me and I know that I appreciated it so much more than I would have at 28. And I knew that I was going to be a voice for women in their 40s and 50s to say, not give up. Do not give up. You don't know what's around the corner. I would say for younger girls, honestly, anybody male or female, but even for young women. For GenX women especially, I think it's so important to have examples of peers who are still going for their dream, like their real dream, and hitting the speed bumps, hitting the speed bumps, hitting walls, sitting walls, busting through those walls, and it can still happen. There is no time limit for us. Yes. You're an example of that. There's no time limit. I'm amazed that this producer, was that just a random phone call? Or had you kept in touch with him through the years? James called me and he goes, Amy, I was talking to Fred and he said yes. they were all out for COVID. And it was that perfect point in history and in time, because any other time, I don't think they could have had the time and the space for me. Right. I'm like, yes, yes, yes. it's a beautiful song. It's such an I was listening to it this morning. I watched the video is the production on that video is amazing. I encourage all listeners. Did you really? with everything before, I'm like, I can do a music video. And uh our son-in-law, he's a videographer, he's so talented. said, meet us at the beach. I mean, literally, my husband's holding the Bluetooth speaker that I'm lip syncing to. The other grandbaby's like running around. My son-in-law's holding the camera and I produced and picked every one of those clips for what if it all goes right. And then just um outsourced the editor that put everything together. But I timestamped every clip. because I wanted that story and I wanted people to see the video and realize that they see themselves in that in different parts of life that you can turn that around. And it was so much fun. We did that video twenty twenty two uh twenty twenty one. No, twenty twenty was performed at twenty twenty one. And then the song was officially really released early twenty twenty two. And I didn't tour that time. I did everything from this desk. We were still coming out of covid. And honestly, as a Gen X are now and now at 50 is three. I don't want to sing at night. I can do a matinee tour, like where it's just lunch group, I'm good. I got tired. I don't want to go on stage at nine o'clock at night anymore. Well, and I think that brings up the whole we've been grinding for so long and it's great to go for your dreams. But I think for us Gen X women, especially it's important that we allow ourselves to downshift and let our nervous systems regulate and everything is in an emergency or has to be done quickly and we don't have to be pushing ourselves to the brink. And right there, that example of, you know what, I think I'd rather do matinee because that fits better. It allows you to kind of downshift a little bit and give ourselves permission to not be like going 110 % all the time because that's what we've been doing. So that's a great example of that. was so fun and I realized that I had something to help other professionals and especially women and women our age who have to transition into this digital world, right? Because they also want to be on a podcast. They want to speak with you, but they're afraid to be on camera or they don't know how to be eloquent or have a clear thought or put together their media kit. And that's where media coaching went. You know what? I've literally done all of these things and I speak the language. I come from a place of like just so raw. with all of it. And I started coaching professionals in all industries on their keynote speaking and on being on podcasts and how to prepare for that, how to handle your press, why it's important to have a digital footprint, how to do it right, how to vamp up their social media presence. And I joined Rotary International and it didn't take long before they put me on the stage as a keynote speaker to start training on how to have this digital presence and do it right and reach your community. So I became known. as a speaker that could speak about media coaching and digital marketing. And then at the end of it, they get a song because I can sing and perform. So I turned into a really good like trained circus monkey with all of these things at one time, because I have these key careers that all blended together into this, I think it's just a beautiful bundle of what I can offer now, how I can help others. It's like a complete product, really, if you think about it. Like you're taking every aspect that you've done and you've created this product that you can offer to people and say, look, you're going to get a little bit of this, a little bit of that. And at the end, you're going to get this great, beautiful song. And you're going to leave here feeling amazing, inspired, knowledgeable about something that you maybe were insecure about before. But now you have the confidence. You're giving people the confidence to go for it, to just do it. Just do the thing. here's the tools, you can do it. They're leaving with confidence. leaving. Then with this song, this inspirational song, which really ties into a lot of what you're teaching them to, you know, that, you know, I don't know if you're singing just that song, but that song ties into what you're talking about with them. So it all kind of goes together. That's amazing. Are you clinging with that song each time? Are you changing up the songs? usually with my keynote, it's that one, it's the broadest one for the audience. Another one of the songs I recorded was called Fly, and I chose it on purpose for the kids. It is literally my heart and song to the kids. And I know you'll fly someday, and I know that you're going to do great things, and they are going to have the opportunities that I didn't have. And it was so fun, because when it came time to think about the music video for that, that song released. at the same time my daughter was about ready to graduate high school. After all this now, that little baby is now graduating with honors here in San Diego. And I see that it was all worth it for who she is and what she needed, right? Those pitfalls or those stopping points were what she needed. Maybe not what I thought I needed, but I know it was definitely what she needed. And so I got permission from, again, you don't know if you don't ask. I went to the school district and said, I want to film my music video for the song, Fly, can I please? permission to film it on the high school campus and they said yes. So I brought in the cameras and we did the drone shots and I actually got her and a few of her friends were in the video and I was able to film this song fly with this all-American high school watching the track team go around and then I asked anybody that wanted to submit a picture of their graduate anywhere in the country. If it's a college graduate, a kindergarten graduate, submit photos of your graduate and then they're woven into this video. and honored that we honor all the graduates at the different stages of life. And so I produced that video and put it together and released it. And that was really something to do that for her and her friends and to honor her as she then got into her number one university of choice. And it's just, I was at the university last week and you guys will laugh at this because that's when it hit me that I never had that or even understood. And she's at UCSD, it's a big school. Yeah. I'm like a five-year-old when I go over there. I'm like, ooh, what's this? And I'm like running around the school and taking selfies. And I'm inside the cafeteria, like I own the place. I'm like, who cares? They'll never see me again. I don't go here. And I just realized, my God, this is what I missed? Ooh, I want to go check out the library. Wait, where's the gym? And I am just so excited. And I want to be with her friends. And I want to, I sit on the floor of her rehearsal studio with her acapella. She's in an a cappella group and the president of the group and an incredible voice and she's in performing arts. And so it's so fun to watch her. my God, to watch her almost 21 years old as the soloist and leading and singing. And man, she just looks and sounds just like me. I'm watching this happen again. And it's like, okay, your turn. I got it. We're all good. But getting to live some of those things that I missed and the things that I can never get back that I didn't get to do. I live through them. Yeah, yeah. boys, when they call and they're sad and scared because they lost a job and like, it's just a job, you're gonna have another one. It's okay. It's okay. You do whatever you want to do. You want to go to clown school? I don't care. I want you guys to always follow your heart, follow your instinct in your gut. There's no shoulds. There's no have tos. Just do it and I'm right behind you. If anybody showed you, can have 25 careers in 15 years. It's me. Go do it. And I hope that I can bring that to them. Well, and I think to listeners and anyone you can reach. mean, your children are incredibly lucky to have you as an example of that and to have a parent that will support them taking all the turns, going for all the things and um being that cheerleader because so many parents, me included, I can say is, um I tend will go to the safe route. Like, you sure? you? And my knee-jerk reaction isn't to be like, no, just go for it. his is more like that. So thankfully, he'll come in and he'll say, no, no, you don't talk about that. Like, let's just let her. Let's put the fear in. not put the fear in, because I do that. And I'm aware, and I've got to stop doing that. So for your kids, that's such a gift you're giving them, because you're giving them your model. Yes. You talk the talk and walk the walk. But also, um you're saying, I believe in you enough that you can do it. You're giving them the confidence, but you're also saying, go for it, because I believe in you enough you can do it. And if you don't, that's OK, because you're failing forward. Just keep failing forward. So, you know, and probably when you go and you talk to people is what you're giving to people. And that's huge, especially for those of us who are in our 40s and 50s and 60s who never had anyone have that confidence in us. who never gave us permission, especially Gen X, who never said, do it, fail forward. What do you have to lose? That's not how we were raised. Well, especially her. Especially you. Yeah, you're upbringing in the bubble. For sure. think about it. bubbles. Think about it. Like you were here and now you're way over here. very well protected. Yeah. And now you're the opposite. Yeah. oh he said, Amy, I swear, you can fall on your butt and you just turn around and get right back up. And like, well, what's the alternative? Staying down? How's that gonna help anybody? It's gotta get up. of people to do, you know, I mean, that that to have that scrappiness and that endurance of life. It's an endurance of life. It's it's that you didn't let life knock you down. You didn't stay down long. You might have knocked you down, but you didn't stay down long. Do your kids know your story? Do your kids know your story? What you've been through? Yeah. don't want them sitting in an interview someday having somebody ask them, well, tell me about your mom's upbringing and going, I don't know. Because, so I'm so transparent with them and I've begged my daughter to write the book someday. I'm like, you know, most of the stories, write the book someday. And so I, yeah, we're just, and we're all so transparent with each other and so close. In 2023, by that point now, she's in her first year of college. Two of the boys got married. One had just moved to Idaho with his wife. em I was speaking full-time, coaching full-time. And that year, I kid you not, I was on or hosting 100 podcasts. So I was just like, I was just doing it, right? We're just doing it. It's 2023. And then... Visiting home the holidays, 2023, realized how bad my dad was and that he was declining quickly and that my mom was not capable of caring for him. And so in January of 2024, I made the tremendous decision that I shut off everything, my entire business, everything I was doing and moved in with my parents, two hours north again, left the home. moved in with my parents to become my dad's full-time caregiver with his Alzheimer's. And that really was the next chapter. I was now in pigtails every day in a ball cap. I learned everything I needed to learn about being a caregiver for Alzheimer's. I immersed in the caregiving community. But what I did, and I asked his permission early on and I asked mom's permission, will you let me turn the camera on? Will you let me turn my phone on? because there's so many life lessons in this. And here also to go back to that root beginning, to be back with mom again, to be back with mom, like I was going back and that was, there were some triggers there, The last time I stayed there, was, cause I was homeless in 2011. yeah. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. But going back to the place where, and you haven't been triggered probably in a while and that can throw you off a little bit. It comes out of nowhere kind of, and can take a minute to realize. Well, 40 years later, right? Roughly doing the math. 30. 35. at 19 and here I was back at 51, yes. So that was okay. I've learned something as I reflect back. And it's interesting we're doing this interview today because tomorrow is the one year anniversary of his passing. So I'm really, really feeling that right now. And as hard as that was, and as hard as it was going back in the family dynamic. But my dad with his Alzheimer's, man, he was hilarious. My dad was who his soul and spirit didn't get to be in those working stress years. He didn't have care in the world, right? Cause he didn't know. So every day was just play. We want to go out and play in the yard, let's play. Let's play with the birds. Let's catch a squirrel. We had baking with dad. I turned that camera on and I video documented every day my dementia care life. And that was our... Caregiver carpool karaoke, that love for music, that love for country music that was embedded with dad and I from the beginning, that was always there, that he always loved. He would get restless because with the Alzheimer's, he couldn't sit down. I would strap him in the car and we would just drive for hours and sing and I'd turn on the camera. My dad grew quite a following. He went viral and everybody fell in love with Tom. And I shared the joys, the heartaches, the falls, all the things that went with it. And I kept the camera on. all the way until the last day one year ago. And it was beautiful, but it was the first time for me since I was a kid that I got to play. I played. I was like a child again, meeting my dad with his childlike heart. And it's like we were two five-year-olds frolicking in the yard for a year and a half. And it was the most amazing, beautiful, incredible season. We sang, we played. Nothing was, there was no, you didn't use the word no for anything. Yeah, you want to do that? No problem. My mom would be like, why are you handing him a glue gun? Why not? my finger, my skin will grow back. uh Everything was a yes. Yes. He had a bucket list and we hid it. I took him to his last casino. went to the Apple Farms. I took him to the uh airport every week to watch the airplanes and have lunch and everybody there knew us. We went out into the community every day. We knew every clerk at Target in the grocery store and I pushed him around in the wheelchair and he'd shake hands like he was the mayor of the city and everybody. fell in love with him and he had the best, happiest last year and a half of his life. mean, everything you're saying, I'm almost speechless. It's so beautiful because it's beautiful for him. But what an amazing opportunity for you. You got to say goodbye to your dad in the most beautiful, amazing way. If only all of us could have had that moment before we lost our we've lost our dads. What I would give to I mean, and I know Alzheimer's is a nightmare. So I'm not taking that away from people. I know that, but what an opportunity for you to have that. That's absolutely, I'm crying. It's absolutely amazing. and thousands and thousands of comments and people saying, thank you, I've learned, I'm a better caregiver now. I learned how to do this with my loved one. Thank you for making a smile today. Thank you for being a part of this community. I'm still getting messages today. Can't believe it's been a year. We miss your dad's smile so much. I'm still doing some of the things you taught me to do in my caregiving world. And I was so honored after he passed that PBS reached out to me. and they were just starting the promotion of the Bradley Cooper documentary on caregiving. um And they featured some of my videos to promote Bradley Cooper's movie. And I was just like, my God, dad, this is incredible. This is incredible. What was hard for me was coming back home then and the notes on my desk still said January, 2024. I had let go of my business, speaking, my singing. I let go of all of that. to take care of dad, now I had to come back and this is the first time that I've really had that identity crisis that I was like, and now what? I think I ran out of the now what's. And I had to sit on that and I decided to set just some personal goals and said, okay, I'm gonna read 25 books in 2025. I'm gonna do things that I didn't know I could do. I lost weight, I strength trained, I spent time with the kids. I had two grandbabies in the midst of. of dad's care to the two babies were born 10 weeks apart. So I'm a grandma. And I this last year decided and when I reached out to you guys, it was that time when I said, okay, it's time to start again. It's time to start talking again. It's time to see what's next. And, and that's honored that even we were even on the realm of that. the first show I'm doing. Oh my gosh, I'm so honored. Thank you, Amy. Honestly, I'm so honored to be a part of your next shift and that we get to be part of the fabric of the quilt of your life. So we're honored to have you on. Thank you so much. And I was just thinking about as you were having this beautiful goodbye with your father, you were also experiencing this whole new shift as a grandmother. That's our next gift, right? Is to be grandparents. So how did you align that happening as you're losing your dad, but your birth of life coming into your life that had to have been? That was so full circle at the same time. And I thank goodness last January, the one son in Idaho who they came down to visit and had the baby and the other son, the two babies got to be together. And there is a picture of my dad with both babies before we lost him. And so I'm so thankful for that. But to see these little ones, I mean, there's the part of me like, no, those two boys are in charge of these humans staying alive. Like, really? Can they, are they, okay, it's okay. They'll keep the baby alive, it's all right. But it is beautiful and it's beautiful to watch my sons become sons and especially Ryan being the oldest and after all that we've been through together, how he was saved, right? In the abortion clinic that day. And now there's this beautiful little baby girl. And because, And because of the dynamic, Ryan is a Scruggs. Ryan has my last name because of that situation, because I had him by myself. He has my maiden name. I have my maiden name. My granddaughter is a Scruggs. And that wouldn't have happened any other way. wow. Talk about beating the patriarchy. Yes, you found a loop. You found another loophole. That's the best one. That's the best one. I love that your grandfather has your last name. I love that. That's awesome. That is so awesome. So is he live close to you? Because you're in San Diego. hour and a half away and which means in Southern California with traffic, they're five hours away, but it's okay. I can still drive. I can still see them. We still make it happen. The other ones are tough, right? I to fly, keep flying to Boise. The others are in Boise. I was just there in December. The one boy with his baby is in Boise. The other boy is an hour and a half north of here in Orange County, California. about the third one? The third one. as he says, he's the smart one. No babies yet. He's working. He's hustling. He's the middle one and he's he's like no. He lives. He lives close next to the next to Ryan, so two of them in Orange County, one in Idaho and and then the daughter in San Diego. So does Ryan and I'm sorry, what's the name of the son that lives near Jeff? Do they see each other and hang out? They're so, so, close. And they're all, four of them are close. We're always on a group chat or a FaceTime and something happens to one, everybody gets on the phone, you know, so there's just such last, there's, yeah. Yes, and I insist on it. I insist on it. Like they're good. that's the beautiful thing. We were talking about technology way at the beginning of how the negatives of it. But we also have a family chat. I will say that has kept like when our kids were in college, that kept us all so close. So when they would come home, there was no catch up time because we've been texting all the time. So you're constantly in touch. So when you do see each other in person, you're not wasting any time catching up because you already it's just like the next day you see each other. It's like you never left. So that is my favorite thing about the phones. the babies know me on FaceTime, thank goodness. Yes, yes, yes, yes, exactly. Now, are you also um something with brands, a brand special, do you do something with brands? Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So is that tying to the digital footprint? Do those go hand in hand? Okay, okay. knowing their branding. But with that, then you also need to be comfortable being on camera and you also need to know what your message is. And you need to understand what is your business? Who are you? What are you representing? So we think it's always all kind of mixed up in the same umbrella. And it's so important, even through all of those different changes in my careers and look back even as an artist, I was branded and known as a part of AMVETS, that I was the one that was singing for the military and veteran community. It helped me stand out as an artist, even though was just my heart doing it, but there was still the branding with that. And the side of the trailer had the logo and all the things that go with that. uh so, yes, I just think it's always important to any professional in any business, even when I work with real estate agents, who are you? Who are you in your community? What do you represent in your community? That is your brand. And this is how you go after that brand. And so it's really fun. I've worked with some amazing nonprofits and other. entrepreneurs and some I just work on their keynote and just getting them polished in a keynote speaking because so many people have a hard time following that and the audience and the PowerPoint and all the things that go with it and how you time that just right and really capture your audience. it's fun to take my scrappiness and have it be something that becomes tools to help others. Yeah, and inspire. you currently working with clients or are you just starting that back up again? back up and this is scary. honestly, if you had asked me even six months ago, I'm like, I've been forgotten. Now what? I'm gonna be an underwater basket weaving. What now? know, because I just, I was in such grief of that, you know, losing dad and coming back to just, and I came back to empty nest. My daughter moved out into her apartment while I was living and caring for my parents. now I've got, now I'm like, wow, this is unusual. This is new. How long have you been kind of on the bench in a sense where you gave yourself some time? Has it been a year then? year today? Yeah, tomorrow. Yeah. well, is amazing timing for this podcast, too. You know, you think about doing that. So then what about singing? When was the last time you performed? that's a good one. I forgot, thank you. I gotta, it's always, gotta call, right? I'm call out of the blue in June. And it was the lead guy from the cover band from back when the boys were little. When I was in 2001, I'm like, are you still together? How is that possible? I'm doing the math. I'm like, how, okay, I'm not gonna ask. They... their lead singer, now mind you, I have not sung with them in 25 years, 20, yeah, 25 years. He said, will you do a couple shows with us? We need the 4th July big stadium show and we have another one, concert in the park. And I go, what city? He said, San Dimas, my hometown. So I went back in July, a few months after dad passed and I sang, no, over her, oh my God, I went in blind. I'm like, okay, we got this. And I sang with the same band that I sung with all those years ago. when I was 29 years old. And what was so fun is Ryan came and brought his wife and baby and they were dancing up front. Gosh, I'm telling you, your life is a movie because that is such a full circle moment. I feel. show with them and it was all cover stuff and it was a blast and it was a beautiful reunion and so I did do that this summer. That's amazing. you think you're going to continue to, like, get a band together? Is that in the future for you or continue to perform? miss it and I am, if one thing I've learned every time I try to plan something, it goes the opposite, right? I'm waiting, I'm gonna, I'll reach you guys next week and say who called? It's gonna be a phone call. Hey Amy, I got this for you because that's what always happens when I just let it go. So I am letting it go and I'm putting it out there. Yes, I would absolutely love to perform. That it's a great approach. It's a great approach to just. Yeah, that name opportunity knocks for you, though, you know, one way or another, it does knock for you. so you're so so as we're speaking, you are just at the beginning of the new part of your journey, the new shift, the new thing that's going to happen. I'm so excited to see what what transpires here, because I know it's going to be something. Yeah. basket waving, but I'll be the best at it. I'll brand it. kill it. You'll brand it. So about your last name though, because that is a musical last name. Country Royalty. Are you connected to Country Royalty? Okay. And my favorite story for that was when I was first in Nashville in 2004 and James was introducing me around when all that was happening. And we were in this one place where he introduced me to this one woman who was a somebody on Music Row, couldn't tell you who she is to this day. That's not the point. The point was he introduced me and she goes, oh, you're the Amy we've been hearing all about. It's so good to meet you. I have to put that on because that's what it sounded like. And so she was very, very nice until James excused himself for a moment to step aside. And he left me alone with her. And she said, who do you think you are coming into this town with that last name? I know Earl, I know Randy and his illegitimate son. So if you think you can ride the coattail of the Scruggs name, you got another thing coming. And I said, my name is Amy Elizabeth Scruggs. I'm from Southern California and I'm here on my own accord. No relation. You have a good day. And from that point, Every interview is always no relation. Now, was Ralph Scruggs in Russellville, Arkansas related to Earl Scruggs who came from the same reason? Probably. But no one ever knows, no one ever traced it, and it's no relation. I did it on my own accord. there's those questions where you said the ancestry is kind of you have missing. It could be, but you don't know. You know, so it's like no relation. not a ton of strokes in the world. So now do I. SEO standpoint and a branding standpoint. If you Google Amy Scruggs, you only find me. So I'm always like, just Google my name. You can't miss it. Thank God. But Yeah. Yeah. So as all of us Gen X Gen Xers are either in perimenopause or menopause. Whenever I have a Gen X woman on, I try to ask, what has your experience? Have you had an experience with perimenopause and menopause? And what has that experience been? And what what steps have you taken? to deal with it. Yeah. Agreed. It's February 28th today as we record this. And I want you to know that I am sitting in a very cooled air conditioned house that I'm sure my husband is downstairs wearing a parka. I also have two fans on me right now. There's one of it. Because I had the hysterectomy at 34, it instantly shot me into menopause at that time, partial, but then an even doubt. The problem was then for the years later, now in my late 40s, I didn't have an identifier that I was in paramenopause. Nobody taught me about it because I didn't have a cycle that would notify me that things were changing. All of a sudden, late 40s at 50, everything, everything changed. And I went, what is happening? So I started doing a lot of homework on this. And I finally, I went ahead and got the supplements, the estrogen replacement and. I got onto that and I started completely overhauling as well what I realized I need to be doing in strength training and protein. What I need versus what anybody else needs. And it was really, especially this last year since Dad passed that I went into a 110 % like health overhaul and just was eat, sleeping and breathing literally. What is the chemistry of my body with these symptoms of menopause? And I'm happy to tell you today, except for the fact that I'm roasting all the time and it doesn't help that I have like a ton of hair. I have been able to manage the symptoms so much better through food, through exercise, through strength training. I have a vibration plate. I drink a hundred ounces of water a day, 120 ounces of protein. I'm careful about what I do. I cut out 90 % of alcohol because I realized it was just not helping me. Deep stretching, all of those things and saying I... I, both my grandparents on the RIPI side lived to be 101. So I could only be at the halfway point right now and this body's gotta keep me through. And it was already, I mangled it in my 20s and 30s from having all those kids. I can repair and restore now. Our cells can, you know, be healed. And so I've been in the, if it isn't good for the chemistry and the makeup of this, if it's gonna make me feel worse, I don't do it. I won't eat it. I won't do it. And did you notice that you hit a point where even your body rejected alcohol? Like you couldn't you felt 10 million like you whether you had one glass of wine or 10, you still felt and just felt horrible. Yeah. And there is it is a physiological change that happens where we can't process it the same way. Because even if I pretty much am alcohol free, like I'll do it. Maybe for my birthday or for my daughter wants to go out for a glass of wine. I'm gonna have a glass of wine with my daughter. She's 25. I'm having a glass of wine. But I'm aware that okay, I'm probably gonna feel like crap tomorrow. Like I already know. So it's a conscious, I call it conscious drinking. So I'm aware. Okay, so tomorrow, like I don't do it the night before I'm hosting a podcast. Like there's things, but I really, can't, I just can't do it. And I am the same. I mean, I'm gluten free. I avoid dairy. The weight training, the walking 10,000 steps. yes. if, now you said HRT, are you doing estrogen, testosterone and progesterone? oh gosh, insurance and they won't give me this and that and I'm fighting with my doctor and she's gotta be a day old over 15. I swear I have a female Dookie Howser. I'm like, you don't even understand what I'm talking about. Call me in 30 years and we'll have a better conversation. Listen, this is what I need. This is what I, so I've just got like the estrogen cream that I've got right now and then another one thing that I'm not on the progesterone. I'm like, oh the heck with it. But I am feeling better. sleep. Just so you know, if you have trouble with sleep, progesterone is the answer. So I don't know if you hit that point yet. Okay, that's good. It's good. such a super spaz when I shut down, I'm down. Thankfully my sleep has not ever been affected. I need more sleep. If anything, as my husband said, he goes, God, you want to sleep a lot? I'm like, yeah, I do. Because I didn't sleep for their last 40 years. So yes, I would like to sleep now. Do you know me? Did you see my life? Yeah, yeah, you're now catching up with the rest. I'm curious really quick. you eat or takes eat creatine? I'll get my question out. Do you do creatine? OK, if you you lift. Yeah, yeah. And menopausal women look up creatine. menopause. It's definitely for men over 50. Men of all ages but especially over 50. I'm just curious if you pretty dialed in if you creatine. and a nerd now. I'll be ordering it as soon as we hang up. I may be like, oh, I must have this thing. Yeah, definitely. it out for women. I know it's for men. There's also there's more and more places that are just focusing on hormones that will do telehealth and will prescribe separate from your doctor. I know here we're in Florida. There's places like that where you can do a telehealth with them for like 100 bucks or 150 bucks and then they'll call in HRT for you. So if you ever want to go that route, I'm sure in Southern California that's there. I mean. Everything there is so health. I'm from Oregon, so I'm a West Coast person. know California, everything's so health based. So I'm sure that's there. yeah, for sure. But a of regulation, though, I think in some ways. I don't know. So maybe not. But I just it's such I call it putting Humpty Dumpty back together again for us, where if you don't do the one thing you feel you are falling apart. Like if I don't do the walking. I'm screwed if I don't do my celery juice in morning. I'm screwed. it's like I have Yes. Yes. I'm like, no, I'm not missing that. No, no, no, no, no. just to be normal, just to be a normal person, not even to be like, I'm thriving, but just to like be at that normal level. I'm breathing, I got up today. Yes, yeah, I didn't kill you in your sleep, Brian. Yeah, all of that. Now. zero information that this was something that was gonna happen. And still, if I bring it up to mom, she goes, well, I really didn't have any problem with menopause, so I don't know what you're talking about. Her pregnancies were perfect. She never had menopause, never had a symptom, nothing wrong with her. That generation was stoic through so many things, but it's one of the reasons I do bring it up, because I want the younger generation to know what's ahead. And perimenopause can start as early as 37, 38. So I think us Gen X women have got to use our voices to get this. Same with hysterectomy, same with pelvic organ prolapse and your pelvic floor health, because no one talked to us about this. So I'm like, Gen X is going to do it. We're going to get this out there. millennials going, come to mama. We're going to tell you it's OK. OK, come here. do you want to know? Well, we'll be a resource of information. So if somebody's Googling, maybe this part of this podcast will come up, menopause, and then they hear two women talking about, that's my goal, is just get it out there, get out there, get out there. it is. that the sun should be raised, that this is what women go through and periods and everything. So women can talk about everything and it's not to be embarrassed about. m Gen X men like he's learned a lot from doing the podcast. What do want to know? So no, but that now my other question is, what would be your advice to a woman that's hit midlife and is looking around and saying, I have no idea who I am and I have no idea what to do and I feel lost. What do I do now? What would be your advice? Because you've You've had so many lives already and you're such an inspiration. if what would you say to them? I would say start with a list of what you don't want anymore. And I know I had to do that for myself as I sit here and go, what's next? What do I not want? We've identified, I don't want to do a show if it's not a matinee, right? What don't I want? I don't want to deal with Yahoo's anymore. I'm done with that. I don't want this or that or this or that. So deciding what doesn't suit us anymore, especially in this mid-lifetime, especially at the empty nest phase, what don't I want? What's going to narrow that channel to what is left and what are the tools that I actually still love about myself? What are the things that I, that still does bring me joy when I do it? What are some of the skills that I could bring to an industry or to volunteering or to my community that could be of benefit that would, that would work? What do I, what do I, what's repulses me? Right? So making that list of the don't helps identify more what's left. And then there's a lot more breathing room to imagine and create and visualize and put out to the world and to the universe that this is a possibility. But when it's just everything, it's overwhelming. We're on overload. And especially because we do have such digital overload. And here I train social media, and I get it, but it is still digital overload. So also training our algorithms that we're only seeing those things that are bringing positivity or feeding that thing that we're thinking about or looking towards. That I think is the most helpful. Creating even our digital space to only show us those things that are of value to us in our life. That is amazing advice and I've never heard anyone say that before of make a list of what you don't want now. And that is a great way to not feel overwhelmed in that situation because you are so right that it's almost like process of elimination and then look at what's left. So thank you. That's That's amazing advice. Thank you. Before I ask my last question, do you have any more questions? I do have a lot of questions, I'm here, I'm here. Yeah, no, I do think on your branding, I'm still blown away that you put together the video. Because when we watched it, I was like, wow, this is super high quality. And it just flows. And just to orchestrate that or choreograph it, guess is more like it. um It feels like you can do that for other people too. And is that part of your business where if someone's thinking of not so much, maybe it's a music video, right? There's a lot of ways. You can record nowadays, ah but you took it to a whole other level. So is that part of your business? It became because I became a production geek, especially when I was a part of those television shows before COVID. I had a lot of experience working with the editors at the media company. Now, tweak that a little bit. You know, put this here, put this there and really learning what it took to put an episode together, to put a show together, what that editing needed to look like out on the field shoots with the camera guys, how they got those angles, what they were looking for, where I would see something was slow or needed more movement or this or that. it really taught me so much because when I dive into something, I always love looking at the back end too. So even though I was the one that was the host of the show, I was so geeked out on the technical capacity of everything from the lighting to the sound to the framing, how they were doing their job and how it all came together. And I kept paying attention and taking notes. And so it was really fun for me to add that to the toolkit that I'm able to offer because I had that firsthand experience. And when it came time to... releasing my music and I'm like, well, I need a music video. I've never actually had the opportunity. I didn't want to pay thousands and thousands of dollars. Like, I know how to do this so I can outsource the things that I that I don't do the best. I didn't have the software for the quality of, you know, the smooth transitions that he did, but I did timestamp. I pulled all the clips and sent it to him in a giant, you know, shared drive that said this clip goes at, you know, one minute and 26 seconds. This clip goes at two minutes and, you know, whatever. And I timestamped it. and they did a beautiful job putting it together. And we did a few revisions and there it was. And I think that creative process, and yes, I could advise others on that and help oversee a production project. Again, why I would have loved to have gone to the LA Film School growing up in Southern California. See, I could have been there. I could have been there. Yeah, that's where um I'm sure you can get wrapped up into the potential that was lost if you would have been able to have followed those steps. But I think your story is a gazillion times more interesting in the way you followed it versus if you would have done that traditional route. You know, if you really think about what you did, I don't know if you would have had near these experiences if you would have just headed over to college like everyone else, you know what I mean? And again, you don't know what that would have led to, but I don't know, your story is so seasoned. I think what's cool is, it was going to be a question, but it's just self-evident. You have this skill to self-recognize what your strengths are and your skills are, and then stitch it together. And that's kind of cool. And that's kind of the story of your life is you learn something here, you learn something there, and you just kept stitching it together. And that's pretty cool. It seems like you're in a great space. You know, not not the easy path. You've been tested, like we said, but seems like you're in a great space, great energy, a great outlook on things. Going back to your kids, the fact that, you say you, you make sure you guys all talk, they respect you because they're picking up the phone. So you might demand it, but they respect you and they want to talk to mom and so kudos to you. Great, great job. That's scrappiness. We're close. They're amazing. They're amazing young adults. I could not say enough about each one of them. All of them completely polar opposite. But I couldn't, I can't say enough about each one of them and who they are and their hearts and their character. They'll do anything they want to do. And anytime they hit a hard time or an impasse or life kicks them down, I go, it's a blip. You guys look, we did it. Remember when we did this together and you guys helped pull me up. So. It's okay. And I was so thankful that the two older sons were actually in the room with me when dad took his last breath. We had that experience together. And I am so thankful that they saw how I honored my father in the way that he was cared for. that, and I say, okay guys, see I raised the bar, who's taking me? And then they, nobody's stepping up to the plate on that one yet. But. uh But I am glad that there's those qualities. And I hope that my grandkids, these granddaughters are gonna go, oh, we heard stories about grandma, don't ask. I want that, I would much rather, at the end of my time, that they're gonna have these crazy stories about grandma and the scrappiness, rather than I played it safe and there were no stories. Because at the end of the day, I'm still breathing. And we've gained, we've lost, we've gained, we've lost, and it was just stuff, right? It was just stuff. No, their grandma's a legend. this episode, you know, helped document your story. And one of the reasons that we do this is so you have people have this for their children, their grandchildren, their great grandchildren. And even when you're gone, your generations after you can look at you and listen to you and hear what you thought about things and hear about your life from you. And that's a gift to future generations. and they get. Yes, absolutely. as Gen Xers, we're different than any, we're called like that forgotten generation. People don't realize that we felt in this crack of so much, but we also had, especially with the eighties, we had the coolest time. That was the best time to be a teenager. It was just awesome, right? So we've had some really, we were the last ones, we weren't worried about cell phones and technology and any of that stuff. We got to. We got to play, we got to be, we got to be lost, nobody knew where we were. We got to do those things before some other things got harder. And I would rather have had that than what I see like my poor young adults going through with trying to find their way in this economy and the different things that they're gonna have to do to make a way. student loans are no student loans and all those things. We had some beautiful times, we fell in some really hard times. And I think that we are going to rise up to be the first real generation that tells the next generations, it's okay. No shoulds. You don't have to just be you. It's all right to have emotions. It's all right to talk about what our bodies are going through. It's all right to say we're having a hard time and the generations before us weren't teaching us that. And we've been able to change that narrative. And I know that the way I'm hopefully doing this, that I've changed this. for the next generations, that my granddaughters will be different because of these choices that I think all of us as Gen Xers have chosen to do and be, to shift it. No, there is no question you are part of the narrative of the cultural shift. You know, you are doing your part and and an inspiration I hope to other Gen X women to use their voice for the same reason because the question now on the okay, go ahead. Well, no, you just mentioned something we were talking about, especially for myself as a kid, right? I'm growing up in the 80s and Gen X wasn't really you don't express yourself. It's either anger or I don't know, you weren't really allowed to cry, right? For boys. Yeah, for boys. yeah. That's what it was. I'll give you something to cry about. Loosely, my parents were not, I mean, my parents are okay. em But we were talking about how our kids express their emotions far more now than when we were kids. Sounds like you have the same, right? Your kids will share with you. That's what keeps it all together, I guess. But have you noticed that as well for your kids? And even with with Ryan to your daughter, you've got a little bit of a span there. Have you seen that evolve over time? What's the span? Yeah, so have you seen that evolve over time with? Yeah. And like you mentioned earlier, like I'm a different mom with her than I was with them. And they like to point that out as well. And also she was the only girl. Yes. Yes. Yes. There's nothing like a girl sibling rivalry. Yeah. No, there's nothing like the girl. But we do change with each one. So but I think Gen X uh parents, a lot of us made the space for our children to be able to express their emotions and feel we created that space for them that we weren't given. So but you grow into that. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Okay, so do you have any other questions? eh to relate to them, and it's been a recent conversation with a number of them, when they're like, okay, but this was such a hard week, or this happened to this. It'll get easier. And I went, I hate to be the one to tell you. Something always comes next. It'll be something, especially now if you're parents, right? It's how you're handling your resiliency. in this situation that you'll carry to the next situation so your wisdom gets a little bit better, your discernment gets a little bit better, or your patience becomes a little bit stronger, or your gauge of how severe you think this actually is compared to what the severity could be, your gauge will change. So how you're handling these are tools to what's coming next, because it always will. Yeah, that's great advice. And I was going to say you've definitely given your children resilience, like you've taught them resilience. And that's such one of the most important tools in life. You know, I mean, what other one is there that one gets you through? And by example. Absolutely. Yeah, that's what I mean. So, you know, discernment, like you said, such great advice. OK, my last question is always and I know you said you don't like to necessarily do this, but I still always ask this. Where do you see yourself in five years? I know you said you're not a planner you like to kind of see what comes at you, but Yeah, but but not necessarily a plan, but where do you see yourself in five years? No, I do. I see your point. I think the difficulty for me on this one was because of the shakeup of what I just came out of as a recovering caregiver and with dad. I used to be more laser focused and answering that question this year was like, oh, wow. Again, keeping underwater basket weaving as an option. All right. So we're it's possible. Five years I see and I've been writing this down a lot. I see more commerce, stability and balance. that I'm still working in my passion helping others, but without the same hustle or fight or flight or survival behind what I'm doing. I see more of a flex, stable, easier movement. I think that not that hard things aren't gonna come ahead, because I know they will. But I just think that I feel like it's my turn a little bit that I might actually just get to breathe for the next five years in some capacity. just breathe for a minute and look back and reflect. I see another book. I really do think that I'm gonna get some of this in writing. I think it's time. uh And I do see another music project. I do see going back in the studio. I think that's wonderful. I love I love the breathe because that is where we're at right now is where we can stop and just kind of look around and breathe and let our nervous system regulate. Even if it's something like washing the dishes. I used to wash the dishes like I was in a race. And then I realized, why am I doing everything around the house like I'm in a race or I'm rushing like I can walk in the laundry room. I don't have to speed walk to the laundry room. But it's a little thing. Yeah, it's those little things like let the nervous. It's okay, you know, it's from being in fight or flight the whole for our whole lives. Hello. So but I think that's wonderful. And when you write that book, if you would like to come back on to discuss it or your music project, you have an open invitation here anytime to come back on and promote whatever your next project is, because we can't wait to see what you do. And we can't thank you enough for coming on and sharing your story. And again, I'm so honored. I'm sure when you read, you were like, oh my goodness, where do we begin with? What's this mess? No, listen, honey, I'm messy too. So no, no, I was excited. I was very excited to have you on. And I didn't realize that we were part of this, the beginning of the next uh stage for you here. So I just I'm just so appreciative of that. And so we cherish that we cherish your story. We're so glad that we were able to document it for your children, your grandchildren and your future generations. And for any listeners that are out there. that need that confidence, need that guidance, um you know, need that advice on having immediate presence on taking that chance on picking up that phone and maybe starting that, um you know, just talking about something they're knowledgeable about, but they're just too scared to take that step. They can reach out to you and you have we just established expertise in pretty much every area. You could be a life coach. I know. You know what? I know where my limits stop. And that's okay. I would feel so, I'm such an empath. I would get so emotionally attached that I would be just wrecked after every one of them. They're going through this? I couldn't. So I'm gonna stay in my lane. Yeah, yeah, yeah, no. Yeah. advice to yourself. So you do flow better in the next five years and you do have a little bit. It's boundaries. Crazy. Yeah. It's it's respecting boundaries. You had talked about something earlier and I thought that's It's boundaries. It's having boundaries in our life really for the first time. That's so smart. You know what you don't want to do and you don't want to do that, you know, but the media coach. So and we encourage we're going to. um I think you sent us, I'll put in the show notes, how people can find you. Will that also link to your music video? the Linktree, you have my Linktree link and it's in my email. So I put it in the prep sheet and that Linktree has everything. So it's one click and you can see all of those things and browse what you like or toss it, whichever. Here we are. I mean, I highly encourage all listeners go check out this music video. What if it goes right? What if it all goes right? No, it's a wonderful music video. And then the song Fly, I have to check that out. I love the idea of it for I will I'll watch the video but for know, graduations or that type that that could become kind of an anthem a regular so I'm going to definitely. Yes, totally. recorded that song, it was just, ugh, yes. now it's amazing. I'm picturing this highly, not highly, but super well produced, put together, touching video and song. Well, and her asking for picture people to send in pictures. So listeners, please go check out these two songs and you can find we're going to have in the show notes how to find Amy. And if you want to reach out to her for any media coaching help, if you're starting or if you're in the middle of it or or keynote preparation. Keynote preparation, you know, she's the one. Yeah. But we'll have in the notes how to reach her. And again, thank you, Amy, for coming on. to say you guys are a light in this world and I am so grateful and listeners, you need to follow, share and subscribe to everything they have. As I looked even at your past guest list, there's some of my heroes and other people that I already follow on social media that I think are fantastic. I'm like, wow, they've been on the show too. You guys have an incredible energy that is attracting in other amazing human beings. that are opening up these conversations and changing the narratives for our next generations. And so what you guys are doing is so important and I'm so grateful. Thank you. That means so much. Thank you so much for those kind words. It really means a lot. really, really cool, fascinating people. Now you're now you're one of them. You're part of our tapestry. So thank you for joining in on that group. We feel privileged with all of our guests. And you have been an incredible one. And we've loved hearing your story. And I'm so inspired by you. For our listeners, please leave any questions or comments that you have for Amy or for us. We love to hear from you. And again, I will put in the show notes where you can find Amy Scruggs and we will see you next time. Bye.