<b>[MUSIC]</b><b>Welcome to GenX Adulting.</b><b>Today we are discussing</b><b>the disbursement of labor throughout the holiday season.</b><b>We are actually recording this on</b><b>the days between Christmas and New Year's,</b><b>which to a lot of people are the lost days.</b><b>You don't know what day of the week it is,</b><b>what date it is, you're not cooking,</b><b>you're rarely cleaning,</b><b>you're living in pajamas.</b><b>Sometimes you change from daytime pajamas to nighttime pajamas.</b><b>There's rarely any structure.</b><b>I know there are people that still work during this time,</b><b>so I'm actually not necessarily talking about you.</b><b>A lot of people take these days off.</b><b>I know Brian has these days off</b><b>and our older two took these days off.</b><b>I think that's pretty common.</b><b>People that work also experience</b><b>the lost days between Christmas and New Year's.</b><b>We thought we would do an episode.</b><b>We have had a little bit of a break because of the chaos of</b><b>Christmas and we thought we would do an episode just</b><b>discussing some opinions and thoughts about the holidays,</b><b>about the holiday season,</b><b>and the disbursement of labor,</b><b>and not just talking about Christmas.</b><b>In my mind, for me,</b><b>the holiday season starts on Halloween.</b><b>I know there's a lot of people that as soon as</b><b>Christmas and July is over,</b><b>they're decorating for fall in August.</b><b>I'm not one of those.</b><b>I start decorating for fall in September,</b><b>but that's still pretty relaxing for me.</b><b>I'm lucky enough that my older son is in charge of our storage unit,</b><b>and he'll come with me and get the fall bins.</b><b>It's pretty relaxing through September.</b><b>It's cozy. I enjoy it.</b><b>We live in South Florida.</b><b>It's still so hot,</b><b>but I still try to bring fall in usually towards the end of September even.</b><b>We'll get through the first half of September.</b><b>But I do know there's people that view the beginning of</b><b>their "holiday season" as August.</b><b>But for me, where I feel I punch in to</b><b>start doing the "work of the holiday season" is Halloween.</b><b>I guess mentally, I start preparing for Halloween in August,</b><b>because I start to pick up bags of candy.</b><b>If I'm at Costco, if I'm at the stores,</b><b>I'm grabbing candy and I'm sticking it aside for Halloween.</b><b>I am already preparing,</b><b>but that's still so low stress.</b><b>Halloween comes, we set up a table in front of our entryway.</b><b>We used to always carve pumpkins.</b><b>We haven't carved pumpkins the last couple of years,</b><b>but we used to have that on the docket.</b><b>Our kids used to have Halloween parties.</b><b>So for people with small children,</b><b>they're dealing with buying costumes,</b><b>Halloween parties, carving pumpkins,</b><b>going to the pumpkin patch, picking out pumpkins, hayrides.</b><b>There's a lot of traditions in our society tied around Halloween.</b><b>Hot cider, there's Halloween parties sometimes.</b><b>So that "holiday season",</b><b>that feeling can really start during October and towards the end of October,</b><b>because of all the Halloween traditions.</b><b>Does that make sense to you so far, what I'm saying?</b><b>Yeah.</b><b>Right.</b><b>I'm curious on the disbursement of labor, but I'm sure we'll get there.</b><b>But if you think about that, think of how crazy that is.</b><b>August is when you start to get into this.</b><b>That's four months ago today type of thing.</b><b>That's crazy.</b><b>I know. And it's a mental thing, right?</b><b>So for those who purchase the candy for Halloween,</b><b>and I'm going to speak for myself, for our family, it's me.</b><b>And I think for most families, it's the mom.</b><b>Because in general,</b><b>and especially I'm going to speak for boomer and Gen-X situations,</b><b>because I know millennials,</b><b>there's a lot of millennial men that will go do the grocery shopping and help.</b><b>And I'm not saying there aren't Gen-X men that do that,</b><b>or that don't do that, or boomer men.</b><b>But I am saying in general, I'm going to speak for Gen-X.</b><b>It's typically the women who've gone and done the grocery shopping.</b><b>It's just how culturally we were raised, how our childhood went,</b><b>the model behavior we had, even those of us raised with a single mom,</b><b>obviously she was the one doing the grocery shopping.</b><b>So I was raised by a single mom.</b><b>And my dad was remarried.</b><b>His wife did the traditional domestic stuff.</b><b>That was my model behavior.</b><b>Your parents, now your dad did leave work early</b><b>and get home and start dinner.</b><b>You had a little bit of a different situation,</b><b>because he would get off at like four and have a decent commute,</b><b>but get home in time to start dinner.</b><b>But your mom was a stay-at-home mom to you basically what,</b><b>mid-junior high, late junior high, something like that?</b><b>Yeah, I think like sixth, seventh grade.</b><b>So let's say up till then you had that traditional,</b><b>your mom was probably the one that going out</b><b>and picking up the bags of candy from Acme.</b><b>Unless your dad happened to be,</b><b>I will say your dad was more domestic than most, I think.</b><b>I would say too though, these holidays are crazy today compared to when we grew up.</b><b>I kind of remember, I didn't go get candy and stuff, right?</b><b>But you're getting candy in August.</b><b>If it was me, if I was in charge of it,</b><b>I'd probably pick it up on like October 28th,</b><b>29th, throughout shopping type of thing.</b><b>I have it feels like that was more the protocol back then.</b><b>It's out of control now.</b><b>Absolutely. So I would say even for those,</b><b>the parents who were out getting candy for us,</b><b>for our Halloween's, we're doing it in October.</b><b>There's no question. Now, maybe they were grabbing it mid-October,</b><b>but I don't know if there was the same</b><b>concept of people driving and parking in</b><b>neighborhoods to trick or treat as there is now.</b><b>So speaking of our neighborhood, for example,</b><b>people drive from other neighborhoods, park in our neighborhood.</b><b>Other towns.</b><b>Other towns.</b><b>Other counties.</b><b>I'm sorry, other towns, other counties.</b><b>People drive to our neighborhood,</b><b>park on the side streets to trick or treat in our neighborhood.</b><b>That is very common in a lot of neighborhoods around where we live.</b><b>Now, we have gated communities in our neighborhood.</b><b>That's not happening in the gated communities,</b><b>but our community is not gated.</b><b>We have a very large neighborhood that has that very 1950s hometown vibe.</b><b>I think people love our neighborhood.</b><b>So people come and park here.</b><b>So one of the reasons I start purchasing in August is because I probably hand out</b><b>like 700 pieces of candy at least and could be more.</b><b>I was going to say at least a thousand.</b><b>Probably.</b><b>Could be a thousand.</b><b>And so I'm a Costco shopper and it's more</b><b>economical for me to buy the big bags from Costco</b><b>unless I can get a good bogo at Publix,</b><b>which is buy one, get one at Publix.</b><b>I'm sure wherever some of our listeners live,</b><b>they might have deals at their grocery stores.</b><b>So those are my filler bags when I'm at Publix and I get a bogo.</b><b>That's my filler bag.</b><b>That's my backup bag.</b><b>My main bags are my Costco bags.</b><b>Those are $20 each other.</b><b>Of course, they went up.</b><b>So the one I normally buy this year went up to 24 or 23.</b><b>And then the other one was 22.</b><b>But the reason I start in August is so I'm not</b><b>taking a $200 candy hit the week of Halloween.</b><b>Do you think that, do you recall, is it always been like this?</b><b>Because the part you haven't touched on</b><b>yet, we can get into it as the retail cycles.</b><b>So Costco starts doing Halloween probably after they reset for the 4th of July.</b><b>All the Halloween shit starts coming out.</b><b>And then before you know it, it's Christmas.</b><b>By the time Halloween hits or at Halloween, there's Christmas stuff.</b><b>100%.</b><b>Hitting the stores.</b><b>So then I'm sure there's Valentine's Day crap out now.</b><b>I don't know if it's, I don't recall it always being like that, but as the shopper</b><b>for the older two, where's this stuff going on in August?</b><b>No, it's revved up.</b><b>So Costco, I think I'm pretty accurate in this.</b><b>They're Halloween.</b><b>I see the giant skeleton or the other decor they have in July.</b><b>And Christmas starts getting put out.</b><b>In the summer, some point.</b><b>I want to say by end of August, I see something.</b><b>The trees aren't up at Costco, but at other stores, they are.</b><b>So the speed at which the retailers put out</b><b>the next holiday has revved up significantly</b><b>since we were kids.</b><b>And I will say since we were raising our children when they were young, mentally,</b><b>it's the retailers have us on this FOMO vibe</b><b>of, oh, shit, I need to hurry up and get my stuff</b><b>for this next one.</b><b>You almost have trouble totally relaxing because you're always feeling like,</b><b>okay, I need to get the next holiday ready.</b><b>I need better buy this or else it's going to be gone.</b><b>Well, in the case of Christmas and lights</b><b>and outdoor decor and all that other crap,</b><b>if you go to Lowe's and Home Depot, they were shut down, basically consolidated all</b><b>inventory by December 15th.</b><b>Yeah.</b><b>At the latest.</b><b>Yeah.</b><b>I went to get some extra.</b><b>I was just perusing and they had shut down.</b><b>They had sold through and that's part of the game too, though, right?</b><b>All this stuff's coming from China.</b><b>You got long shipment times, lead times.</b><b>They bring it in.</b><b>They also want to get the impulse buy.</b><b>So then they'll be first and then they sell through it and tear it down, reset.</b><b>By the time Christmas hit, you did not know it</b><b>was Christmas at our local Home Depot in Lowe's.</b><b>Right.</b><b>It was over.</b><b>Yeah.</b><b>Everything was out months before that.</b><b>Absolutely.</b><b>And I will say this when we were kids, I remember</b><b>Thanksgiving always being like the third Thursday</b><b>in November.</b><b>I feel like it was always around the third Thursday in November.</b><b>And then you would have like a week to 10</b><b>days left of November to prepare for Christmas.</b><b>If you're one of those people who</b><b>decorates after Thanksgiving, I know there's people</b><b>that start decorating for Christmas in August.</b><b>There's people that start decorating November 1st.</b><b>There's some people who never stop.</b><b>Right.</b><b>But there's a huge amount of people that start decorating November 1st.</b><b>That's a big one right after Halloween.</b><b>But for those of like traditionally I may</b><b>after Thanksgiving, I start decorating Christmas.</b><b>Now in recent years, we've started putting</b><b>up our tree two weeks before Thanksgiving.</b><b>And that's been really nice having the tree up</b><b>for Thanksgiving, but decorating after Thanksgiving.</b><b>So recently, I feel like in the last five years, I don't know, I could be wrong.</b><b>Thanksgiving has been literally, it feels like almost the last day of November.</b><b>And you have two to three days left of</b><b>Thanksgiving and then bam, you're in December.</b><b>So if you are one of those people that doesn't decorate until after Thanksgiving,</b><b>you're scrambling just to try to get your</b><b>everything decorated so that you feel like</b><b>you actually had decor up for Christmas.</b><b>It's crazy.</b><b>I'll look this up, but I think Thanksgiving is what the third Thursday of November.</b><b>No, that's what I'm saying.</b><b>Is it used to be like that?</b><b>It might still be.</b><b>There's been a rotation.</b><b>I'm going to look it up.</b><b>I'll look it up.</b><b>It's not.</b><b>It's not.</b><b>It's been, I don't know when this happened</b><b>because you just said something that I just said.</b><b>I said when we were younger, it was</b><b>traditionally around the third Thursday of Thanksgiving.</b><b>And that felt comfortable to you.</b><b>That made sense to you.</b><b>In your mind, you're probably like, yeah, it was.</b><b>It's not like that anymore.</b><b>It's like the fourth Thursday of Thanksgiving.</b><b>I mean, fourth Thursday of November.</b><b>So you lose, you lose that buffer time to decorate for Christmas.</b><b>So that just adds to that revved up feeling of I need to get everything done.</b><b>So it's officially.</b><b>It's officially by federal law the fourth Thursday in November.</b><b>How long has that been since 1941?</b><b>Okay, but that's not how it's felt.</b><b>Well, when you're a kid, I don't pay attention to this stuff.</b><b>It's all about getting off of school and having the Thursday and</b><b>probably get that week off, that kind of thing.</b><b>But even when we were raising our older two and they were young,</b><b>like I felt there was time, there was more time.</b><b>I just feel I could be if there's any listeners, please let me know what you think.</b><b>Because I always felt when my kids, my older</b><b>two were younger and even when our 15 year old</b><b>was younger, I would say, too.</b><b>I felt like I had like about a week after</b><b>Thanksgiving to get my Christmas decor up.</b><b>All right. So because because November can have four or five Thursdays,</b><b>the date changes yearly, falling between November 22nd and the 28th.</b><b>But it's always the fourth one in the month.</b><b>Okay, so I feel like in the last five years cycle.</b><b>Yeah, in the last five years, it's lean towards the 28th.</b><b>Yeah, I know. I think it'll I think it'll flip back.</b><b>So that could be it for seven days on a week.</b><b>Okay, so right.</b><b>Okay, we're going to come out of it.</b><b>So I can't wait. Let's put it that way.</b><b>Putting up the tree before Thanksgiving, we switched that up two years ago.</b><b>I know you weren't a fan of that initially.</b><b>I'm not sure how you feel about that now, but I will say for myself,</b><b>I have 10 Christmas bins of decor.</b><b>And it's a lot. And I also we also host Thanksgiving.</b><b>And I do all that.</b><b>So for me, having at least the tree done</b><b>relieves a significant amount of stress for me,</b><b>especially since Thanksgiving's been so late.</b><b>It's one less thing I have to rush to do before the beginning of December.</b><b>And I do enjoy having the tree to look at on Thanksgiving Day.</b><b>It doesn't affect the fall vibe because the rest of our decor is fall.</b><b>The rest of the house is fall.</b><b>Anyways, I will say the tree doesn't bother me</b><b>because we did a few years ago get the artificial</b><b>tree. Things awesome. You stack it and it</b><b>turn on the lights and it's done in five minutes.</b><b>Right.</b><b>And then, you know, you guys all do the</b><b>ornaments and stuff and I sit and observe and watch.</b><b>But so it doesn't doesn't really bother me per se.</b><b>And it is nice. It's a nice festive vibe.</b><b>That's good. I'm glad that you've.</b><b>Yeah. Because up until a few years ago, we</b><b>always had a real tree because we started in Oregon.</b><b>I grew up in Oregon. You get a real tree in Oregon. Always, always, always, always.</b><b>You grew up in Jersey and I think traditionally a</b><b>lot of times you guys would actually go cut your</b><b>own tree.</b><b>I grew up with an artificial tree, but you and I.</b><b>Oh, I start to go out and cut it. Everybody had artificial trees when I was a kid.</b><b>Are you kidding? It's New Jersey. Everyone's</b><b>afraid that the house is going to burn down</b><b>because back in the day you'd have those big bulbs.</b><b>Right. And that was the thing. The big bulbs</b><b>would heat up the dried out Christmas tree.</b><b>Houses catch on fire. It's not good. That's kind of a thing of the past.</b><b>Fortunately, that's true. That's true.</b><b>Think in Oregon, we didn't care about that.</b><b>Yeah.</b><b>No, but we got real fresh Douglas furs. They</b><b>were so like moist. They were beautiful trees.</b><b>You're right, though. When we lived in New</b><b>Jersey, then we started the tradition of taking</b><b>the kids up to the farm, cutting the tree. That was fun.</b><b>Then not everybody does that. And that's also the other thing, right? It's like,</b><b>it's a highly populated state and area.</b><b>They bring in trees probably from the country,</b><b>North Carolina, South wherever. And it just wasn't a big thing that I'm aware of.</b><b>And then when we moved down here, we tried doing</b><b>a real tree. We hung in there for quite a while.</b><b>We've been here 18 years and 15 years of 15 years</b><b>of real trees, but and it was great. And we would</b><b>do a whole thing. We'd, we'd go to the tree lot.</b><b>We'd pick out a tree. You would time me to see how</b><b>long it would take. Then we'd go get food. I</b><b>think I don't know, but it was always a thing.</b><b>So then it got to be too much because by two</b><b>weeks in the tree was dying. It was completely</b><b>dying. There were needles everywhere. And by</b><b>Christmas, there were significant parts of it</b><b>that were brown. So it was a total mess. And so</b><b>we gave in, we did the artificial tree. I got it</b><b>from Costco. It's been great. And you're right.</b><b>It makes it a lot more easy. But to go back to</b><b>Halloween. So the mental load. I'm once we get</b><b>through Christmas in July, because that's kind</b><b>of like that adjustment period for those of us</b><b>who carry the mental load of the holidays is we</b><b>have the fourth of July, which we host a party</b><b>here, but we have the fourth of July. And then</b><b>mentally, I know it's Christmas in July on all</b><b>the TV. Hallmark has their movies on. I know people</b><b>are starting to shop like on QVC online,</b><b>because there's a ton of Christmas sales in July for</b><b>Christmas. So I know mentally, okay, it's going</b><b>to be like, I'm going through this. It's almost</b><b>time to punch in. I'm almost there. I'm going</b><b>to, I'm going to have to be punching in soon.</b><b>So then when August comes, I'm in the back of</b><b>my mind, carrying the mental load of getting the</b><b>candy for Halloween, getting the candy for</b><b>Halloween. It's there. It's not overwhelming</b><b>me. It's not stressful, but it exists. Right.</b><b>And I'm sure that's true for a lot of moms who</b><b>buy the candy for Halloween. And then to go back to moms who have young children</b><b>by September, when especially in the Northeast</b><b>and everywhere else in the country, other than here,</b><b>that's when school starting. We start in the beginning of August and Florida.</b><b>It's costumes. Kids start talking about</b><b>their Halloween costumes when they're little.</b><b>I mean, usually by the end of September,</b><b>they're starting to talk to their friends. But so the</b><b>moms are figuring out, okay, we got to get their</b><b>costumes. I don't know how involved that is now</b><b>with millennial parents. I have a feeling I</b><b>would say based on the number of kids that come here</b><b>and the quality of their costumes. Yeah. And even</b><b>the parents. Yes. Right. Our Halloween's off the</b><b>hook here. Yes. And the kids are some of their</b><b>costumes are phenomenal. And the whole family.</b><b>Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I don't know if that's, I</b><b>don't know if that was this prevalent. I know,</b><b>I didn't see parents dressed up walking their,</b><b>first of all, I think it's weird. No one walked</b><b>with us when we trick or treated. I don't</b><b>think like, like as Gen Xers, when we went out,</b><b>we just went out with our friends and trick or</b><b>treated. And then we came back. There wasn't like</b><b>a parent walking with us. It was just</b><b>something we did. We went out into the neighborhood.</b><b>We went to houses and hardly anyone was outside</b><b>of their house at a table. It was all knocking on</b><b>the door. People opening the door, handing you</b><b>one piece of candy out of their bowl. If their</b><b>porch light was on, you knocked on the door. If</b><b>the porch light was off, they're out of candy or</b><b>they're not home or they're just not handing out</b><b>candy. But we navigated that ourselves. As a group,</b><b>it'd be like, where do we want to go? What are</b><b>we doing? Everyone runs up, knocks on the door.</b><b>They hand it out. And that's how our night was</b><b>spent. And then we would come home, dump it on</b><b>the floor. At least for me, I'd have to go through</b><b>it. You know, my mom had a safety thing. Make sure</b><b>no razor blades in the apples. Cause that</b><b>was a big thing. What was another thing that we</b><b>called that whole Tylenol debacle, right? Was</b><b>back when we were kids, which got the panic going,</b><b>which was the like cyanide or something or some</b><b>shit. So it was like checking all the candy to</b><b>make sure it's all legit. Cause people gave out</b><b>apples. Yeah. That's a whole other thing. Well,</b><b>here they give out water and pizza and other</b><b>treats. If we're going to compare it, but talking</b><b>about back when we were growing up, people handed</b><b>out apples. That's why there was, um, risk people,</b><b>they would say check for razor blades in the</b><b>apples. That probably sounds really weird to younger</b><b>people, but people, you had to be worried. Do you</b><b>bite into an apple? And that was the fear. Did that</b><b>ever happen? I don't know. I don't know. It's</b><b>about to ask you. I feel like that's like the,</b><b>uh, uh, the seventies, eighties horror</b><b>movies, right? Like I don't know. 13th or somewhere.</b><b>No, it was not. I can tell you as a horror buff,</b><b>I never saw that in a movie, but so we had that</b><b>in our head. Another thing that people handed out</b><b>that they never hand out now are raisins. We got</b><b>lots of boxes of raisins. So that's from like that</b><b>silent generation boomer generation. It was fruit,</b><b>right? Because coming from the depression</b><b>fruit would have been a beautiful commodity. Like</b><b>for that would have been special sugar. So a</b><b>lot of those people carried that over. They don't</b><b>deal with that now. So I would say really</b><b>quick, the one holiday that seems to have disappeared</b><b>as mischief night. Like I remember trick</b><b>or treating and going in and inspecting the,</b><b>the vandalism we did the night before,</b><b>whether we're soaping up a car or TPing a house,</b><b>that kind of thing. I don't think that happens</b><b>anymore. I don't know if mischief night happens</b><b>anymore probably because of ring cameras. Oh,</b><b>good point. There were no cameras and phones.</b><b>So because of ring cameras and phones, they're</b><b>probably, probably eliminated mischief night.</b><b>Not saying stuff doesn't go down. Cause there</b><b>is ding dong ditching that goes on in our area.</b><b>It can get crazy. And in Florida, you have to be careful cause everybody could,</b><b>you never know who has a gun, but I don't think</b><b>there is a quote unquote. Our kids never had a</b><b>mischief night. That was the best night of the</b><b>year. I bet you it's cause of technology that</b><b>that eliminated mischief night for sure. Maybe.</b><b>So we'll at least ring cameras, but to bring it</b><b>back. So we would just go out and go on our</b><b>own. Then with our kids, we went out with them and</b><b>walked with them, right? So right there, we</b><b>have a heavier mental load than our parents and</b><b>grandparents did on Halloween because they</b><b>had the freedom to go trick or treat. We didn't</b><b>give ourselves that freedom because we wanted to</b><b>walk with our children. So right from the start,</b><b>we're doing an extra labor. The generations</b><b>before us didn't have to do, but we're just walking,</b><b>right? Most of us didn't dress up. Well, I</b><b>remember too, the freaking preschool parties,</b><b>the, uh, the, the costume parties would go. I</b><b>remember taking off of work, going over to watch</b><b>a five minute walk around the school. Yes. And</b><b>then the schools themselves did this shit. And</b><b>we did it too. I remember dressing up when I</b><b>went to Helen Morgan. I think we walked around the</b><b>school and parents came and stuff, but not</b><b>everybody's parents were there. But I remember</b><b>that. Okay. So to your point, I remember going</b><b>to Halloween parties at school dress up. It was</b><b>awesome. I remember you would dress up on</b><b>Halloween that day. And that's when your Halloween</b><b>parties were your Halloween parties were on the</b><b>day of Halloween and everyone wore their costume</b><b>to school, at least where I grew up. It was</b><b>awesome. I don't remember parading outside of my</b><b>elementary school for parents to watch. It was</b><b>Halloween parties in school. And if we did any</b><b>type of parade, it was in the school and other</b><b>kids would see it, but I don't remember doing</b><b>anything outside where parents came. But to</b><b>your point, like you said, you had that, but not</b><b>everybody's parents were there. And that was</b><b>probably like no big deal, right? Like some parents</b><b>are there, some parents weren't. Okay. So ramp</b><b>that up to when we were raising kids, our little</b><b>Gen Z's, everyone's parents are there. Like you</b><b>took off work for five minutes. You took off work</b><b>to not miss a five minute Halloween parade.</b><b>That would have been unheard of for our generation</b><b>when we were kids. So again, that just shows</b><b>that extra labor, mental labor, physical labor of</b><b>holiday holiday time that Gen X has that the</b><b>previous parents didn't, because we put that</b><b>on ourselves. We didn't want to miss anything.</b><b>We're not going to miss that five minute costume</b><b>parade outside of preschool, outside of</b><b>elementary school. I can't even imagine. So for millennial</b><b>parents, which I see them when their kids are</b><b>trick or treating our neighborhood, not only are</b><b>they not missing anything, they are all dressed</b><b>up and it's a theme. Well, there's even people,</b><b>adults who come in, try to get candy. Well,</b><b>that's a whole nother. I feel like that's scheming.</b><b>I think if you're an adult and you try to get</b><b>candy, you're scheming. I think it's all one big</b><b>scheme. Now, as we're talking about it, honest, it</b><b>truly is. The retailers and Hallmark are winning.</b><b>They got us all buying into this shit and it's a</b><b>lot of money. It's a lot of time. It's a lot of</b><b>effort. Okay. They're winning. We're talking</b><b>about the Halloween though. So they're winning.</b><b>Okay. So what I'm trying to say is this. I'm</b><b>fine. I love it. I love to see families dressed up</b><b>and it's amazing. Especially when they're all</b><b>like the dad is this, the mom and all goes together.</b><b>I think it's phenomenal. And what we're seeing are</b><b>millennial parents. There's no question about it.</b><b>Maybe some older Gen Z parents, but I think it's mainly millennial.</b><b>It's when if a parent walks up with their own</b><b>bucket. So their kids have come up with a bucket</b><b>or a pillowcase, whatever, and they've gotten</b><b>their candy. And sometimes there's a parent who has,</b><b>they have a baby. And so the parent will</b><b>walk up and a bucket for the baby. I don't know.</b><b>That's fine. No, that's totally fine. I'm totally</b><b>fine with that. It's when the parent has their own</b><b>bucket. Yeah. And I, I will say I don't give two</b><b>adults. And I might, people may think that I am</b><b>a jerk for that, but this is a children's</b><b>Halloween is a children's holiday. Or of course, if there's</b><b>adults with disabilities, that's a totally</b><b>different thing. Obviously that's completely fine.</b><b>You know, if we have a child, an adult,</b><b>but mentally they're still a child, you know,</b><b>for whatever reason, that's, I'm not talking</b><b>about that. I'm talking about a mom or a dad.</b><b>I've already given to their kids and now they</b><b>want candy in their bucket. Are you kidding?</b><b>Absolutely not. I will. I looked at, I think I</b><b>want to say four or five people this past Thanksgiving</b><b>and said, I don't give to adults. And they're</b><b>just like, I feel like that's a boomer attitude.</b><b>I feel like you're showing your age or</b><b>something. I don't, I, maybe I, I think that's ridiculous.</b><b>I think this is a children's holiday. Now</b><b>I, I think they would be curious. Quick poll.</b><b>Do you give to adults that trick or treat at your house or not?</b><b>Yeah. You're nay. Why are you coming to my house</b><b>asking for candy? If I just gave to your children,</b><b>I just gave to your children. Why do you need a bucket of candy? You're an adult.</b><b>You're a grown man or woman. Why do you need</b><b>your own bucket of candy by each other? Candy.</b><b>Why are you coming to my house? I hear what you're saying. I, but</b><b>in some ways, hall holidays bring out the kid in</b><b>all of us in some respects and Halloween's one of</b><b>those. Give me a break already. Sure. Okay. So</b><b>it brings out the kid in the adult to dress up.</b><b>And I think that's awesome. I love to see adults</b><b>dress up. It brings them out of the house to walk</b><b>around with their kids, go trick or treating.</b><b>Everyone's in a great mood. They might even have</b><b>alcohol or something in their, in their</b><b>cup. Everyone's having a great time down here.</b><b>They're on their golf carts, whatever, but</b><b>you're coming up to me with your own bucket</b><b>after your kids have gotten candy. No, I don't</b><b>give to adults. Forget it. And that's fine. I</b><b>don't care if anyone judges me. I think that</b><b>you're, if you're a wife coming up to me to get candy in</b><b>your bucket, then you should be talking to</b><b>your husband. Your husband should have bought you</b><b>candy for Halloween. If you needed that bad, like</b><b>your kids just got a bunch of candy and you know,</b><b>you're going to end up eating half of that</b><b>anyways, cause your kids aren't going to eat it all.</b><b>And either way, even if they want to, it's</b><b>your kids candy. Well, you should mean that much</b><b>candy. That's why you have diabetes. Yeah,</b><b>maybe, but either way, so that is the opinion I have.</b><b>Okay. So, but let's, okay. So we have more</b><b>mental load. We have, we're buying candy earlier than</b><b>generations before us. We're walking with</b><b>our kids generations before us did not do that.</b><b>Of course we're checking the candy generations</b><b>before us typically did at least Gen X. We were</b><b>raised to check our candy. Now millennials, I</b><b>think have the pressure of everyone dresses up.</b><b>I never felt that pressure. My kids never put</b><b>that pressure on me. My kids never expected me</b><b>to dress up with them. I think that's a thing,</b><b>at least for we live when we see that's a thing.</b><b>I'd be curious if that is a thing. Yeah. It has to be a universal thing.</b><b>I would, I don't know. I don't know. And then</b><b>I think there's a lot more Halloween parties</b><b>that adults go to now than when we were adults. So I think the month of October</b><b>can have a lot more social engagements that</b><b>are centered around Halloween than when we were.</b><b>Well, there's no doubt because to your point, when we trick or treated,</b><b>we were out and it was lawless. There were no,</b><b>there was nobody at the end of their driveways</b><b>or anything. Yeah. Now it's common. Even when we,</b><b>when we were in Jersey, people would be at the end</b><b>of their driveways and they're in those</b><b>developments, the McMansion developments down at the bottom,</b><b>pizza parties, friends are there. They're all</b><b>getting hammered. You see it here too, right?</b><b>A lot of people are at the end of their driveways</b><b>or up at their steps, hanging out, getting drunk,</b><b>party and whatever. Yeah. That wasn't a</b><b>thing when we were younger. No, but I'm even,</b><b>I agree, but I'm even talking about through</b><b>the month, like people hosting Halloween parties</b><b>where everyone, and then you have to have different</b><b>costumes. So let's say you're invited to different</b><b>Halloween Halloween parties. You need a costume</b><b>for, you know, the Jones's Halloween party. And</b><b>then you know, their costume for the Franklin's</b><b>Halloween party. And then you need a costume for</b><b>Halloween night. I know there is a listener</b><b>out there that can relate to what I'm saying.</b><b>When, when I was working in the office, there</b><b>were Halloween parties in the office. People</b><b>would show up at work with these elaborate</b><b>costumes. Yeah. They'd be costume parties,</b><b>the whole thing. Oh, our daughter, she had for</b><b>Halloween, she had a Halloween costume for work</b><b>and then she had a Halloween costume for Halloween. And then I think she went to a</b><b>private, she's in her twenties. That's a</b><b>little bit different. I'm talking more about</b><b>parents. So parents, I think now that have</b><b>young children, which would be millennials and older</b><b>Gen Z and I'm not, and there are Gen Xers who</b><b>have children later in life. So I don't want to</b><b>leave them out. There are Gen Xers with young</b><b>children still that had children later in life.</b><b>But I think there's even more labor involved in</b><b>Halloween than when we were growing up for sure.</b><b>And even when we had young children, well,</b><b>you like, I don't recall anybody decorating. Now</b><b>everybody decorates the fricking house, right? We</b><b>do. It used to, yeah, we do. It used to be like,</b><b>um, maybe like a pumpkin thing or a scarecrow carved pumpkins. Yeah.</b><b>That we smash them on, on a, on a, on a, yeah.</b><b>So no, I mean like maybe a scarecrow. I remember</b><b>that, but you're right to the elaborate degree,</b><b>there was always like the house. Yeah. Well, no,</b><b>there weren't lights. Like they didn't sell</b><b>lights for Halloween. No, no. I mean, now there's LEDs.</b><b>Yeah. There's, they start selling lights</b><b>probably in, in August. That's part of the candy hall.</b><b>The purple, the neon green and the pump and</b><b>the orange. I'm telling you the retailers and</b><b>Hallmark are winning. I I'm not, I don't</b><b>disagree with you, but to go back to, and I think they,</b><b>they have a huge handle on this FOMO. Look</b><b>at, uh, look at Costco, right? You can buy that,</b><b>that eight or 10 foot tall skeleton thing. That's</b><b>what I said comes out in July. Yeah. Yeah. I said</b><b>they, they start with that and all their other</b><b>stuff. Yeah. But that's pretty elaborate. It's,</b><b>it's crazy now. And we have a lot of people in</b><b>our neighborhood that have that skeleton. Yeah.</b><b>I passed on it because I knew it would. Storing it. Yeah. But, and it's cool.</b><b>But so, okay. So there's more mental and</b><b>physical labor now than ever with Halloween.</b><b>I would say that. And even the night itself, and even for those of us who hand out,</b><b>like those of us Gen Xers in our fifties that are handing out, it's more elaborate</b><b>than when we would just, we used to hand out where people would knock on our door.</b><b>Yeah. We went through that where people</b><b>would knock on the door and you'd open the door.</b><b>We've transitioned to a full table tablecloth. I</b><b>put a little decor on it. You know, we, I dress,</b><b>I've always put a witch's hat on, but I sit out there. I have, I dinner usually,</b><b>because I will start as early as five 30 or six.</b><b>We've had, you've dressed up before and had like</b><b>a chain. We've had fog machines. We've had</b><b>sounds strobe lights. Like we've amped it up because</b><b>everyone else is. So we're like wanting to maintain the vibe.</b><b>It's also a survival mechanism. You can't</b><b>have the dogs going nuts every two minutes.</b><b>There's just constant flow when you have</b><b>seven to a hundred thousand kids out there.</b><b>There's no break. Yes.</b><b>It's one large group after another.</b><b>Yes.</b><b>You've just got to be out there.</b><b>Okay. So if you just take Halloween and fall, that starts as early as August,</b><b>at least with the mental load for some to buy candy like me.</b><b>For some, they start decorating for fall and Halloween.</b><b>You go through August, you go through September, and now you're in October.</b><b>People with young children have been dealing with getting costumes,</b><b>also possibly their own costumes, because it all has to be coordinated.</b><b>What costumes are going to wear to different parties?</b><b>If they're exhausted, just talking about it.</b><b>If they're invited to multiple parties, what their setup's going to look like.</b><b>If you have to walk with young children,</b><b>who's going to hand out candy at your house?</b><b>For us, it was my mom.</b><b>So you have to have someone that's going to maintain.</b><b>And if you don't have a grandparent that can do that or an older sibling,</b><b>then one parent is walking with the children and one parent is at the house.</b><b>So you've split now.</b><b>So now one parent's managing all the kids and one parent's managing the home front.</b><b>That's mental and physical labor.</b><b>Okay. You have all that.</b><b>That's just Halloween.</b><b>Now, back it up to September.</b><b>For those of us who host Thanksgiving,</b><b>we start thinking about that in September</b><b>because we have to now go through mentally.</b><b>Okay. What do I make again?</b><b>Okay. And you just start thinking about it in your head.</b><b>Okay. I need to...</b><b>And then you're at the stores and you're like,</b><b>"Oh, okay. I'm going to grab marshmallows."</b><b>"Oh, okay. I'm going to grab evaporated milk.</b><b>I'm going to grab canned pumpkin.</b><b>I'm going to... Oh, that's on sale.</b><b>I'm going to grab green beans."</b><b>You're doing that through September and October.</b><b>And then when November hits, it's on.</b><b>Like if you haven't already, the beginning of November,</b><b>you are pulling out all your recipes that you traditionally make.</b><b>You're going through line by line.</b><b>What have I bought? What haven't I bought?</b><b>And then you're doing your big grocery shopping.</b><b>Like, "I need to get this."</b><b>It's like, "We're down to the wire now."</b><b>And by the time you hit November is when you're like,</b><b>"Okay. I actually have to get everything."</b><b>So you're spending a good part of November just purchasing food to make.</b><b>And now for me, I have all my traditional dishes and I've printed them out.</b><b>So it's kind of like a paperclip together Thanksgiving Bible in a way.</b><b>And I lay them out and I look at the ingredients and I make my lists.</b><b>But I've started picking stuff up in September.</b><b>So some things I'm like, "I got it. I got it. I got it. I got it."</b><b>That doesn't just... Now that doesn't include just the ingredients.</b><b>Now, if you're hosting, you need soda.</b><b>You need sparkling water if you serve that.</b><b>If you provide alcohol, you need to get the alcohol.</b><b>We personally in the last few years have gotten some wine,</b><b>but we tell our kids, "Our older two bring what you want to drink."</b><b>And they usually... They bring stuff.</b><b>We host some of their friends at Thanksgiving.</b><b>They also bring some stuff.</b><b>But in the past, we used to buy all the alcohol because we also drank.</b><b>And then you have to start thinking about when are you going to start making stuff.</b><b>So cranberries can be made a week, week and a half in advance.</b><b>You can even freeze it.</b><b>So you go through these dishes that you make</b><b>and then you correlate what days on the calendar you're going to make them.</b><b>And so your month of November is pretty much shopping.</b><b>And what days am I cooking this?</b><b>Also, when is the house getting cleaned?</b><b>When am I setting up the tables?</b><b>Including the tablecloths, the china, everything.</b><b>What day is that going to be out?</b><b>That has started in September while you're also carrying the load of Halloween.</b><b>So you're layered.</b><b>You got two layers going on.</b><b>All while trying to be present in the moment, right?</b><b>Now, for those who travel for Thanksgiving, go to someone else's house.</b><b>Typically, a lot of times you're asked to bring something.</b><b>So the pressure isn't as hard on you, right?</b><b>You maybe just have to do an appetizer.</b><b>Those people, I will say, have it easier.</b><b>The people that go to other people's houses do have it easier.</b><b>They're not doing the whole production of Thanksgiving, right?</b><b>Yeah, nothing.</b><b>So the difference in the mental and physical load</b><b>versus if you're hosting Thanksgiving and not, there's a difference there.</b><b>Mm-hmm.</b><b>There isn't as much of a difference with Halloween as much.</b><b>Although people that are in the hardcore young children have it heavier,</b><b>but we all kind of are managing.</b><b>Thanksgiving, there's more of a difference if you're hosting or not.</b><b>But if you have to get on a plane--</b><b>I wouldn't do it.</b><b>Or if you do or drive a road trip that week,</b><b>that is a mental and physical load.</b><b>That is to carry.</b><b>That is heavy.</b><b>That can mess up your whole week.</b><b>Plus, now you're not staying at your house, so you're not sleeping well.</b><b>You're not totally relaxed and comfortable.</b><b>I don't think I would do either.</b><b>I know you wouldn't, but a lot of people do, right?</b><b>Yeah. So they have their own-- we don't do that, so we don't go through that.</b><b>We host.</b><b>We have our own mental and physical load.</b><b>But the people who travel are going through their own shit.</b><b>There's no question about it.</b><b>And that's a whole thing.</b><b>And also where they're traveling, too, could be to family that</b><b>they don't totally get along with, or they could be going to the place</b><b>where their trauma is sourced from.</b><b>It could be really triggering the people they're spending Thanksgiving with.</b><b>There's a whole emotional thing there.</b><b>So that's an emotional load, right?</b><b>So you start preparing for Thanksgiving in September.</b><b>And for those of us who are hosting, it's a huge mental and physical labor.</b><b>And traditionally, it's on the woman.</b><b>Now, I don't know what it's like with millennial marriages.</b><b>I don't.</b><b>I have a feeling it's a little more even</b><b>spaced or spread out than it is for the Gen X</b><b>relationships and marriages.</b><b>But I don't know.</b><b>I can't speak to that.</b><b>But in general, traditionally, if a family is hosting Thanksgiving,</b><b>the woman is making pretty much everything except the turkey.</b><b>Now, the turkey is a big deal, right?</b><b>Like that's the main character.</b><b>Most important piece.</b><b>But, but.</b><b>It's got to be in safe hands.</b><b>Of course.</b><b>But a lot of times the woman has prepped the turkey.</b><b>And then the man slides in and either cooks or smokes the tree.</b><b>Now, I will say this.</b><b>Even if you're I know, you know what?</b><b>There's a lot of times the woman is making the turkey too.</b><b>If it's in an oven, I would say most of our Thanksgiving's I made the turkey too.</b><b>I made the turkey too.</b><b>So I for most of our Thanksgiving's I made all the food and I did the turkey.</b><b>Where things changed for us is when we started smoking the turkey.</b><b>And then that was handed over to you.</b><b>And that was that took a labor off of me.</b><b>And that was huge.</b><b>But for women that are hosting Thanksgiving,</b><b>they have shopped, planned, and baked and cooked</b><b>everything up to that day.</b><b>And then that last week before Thanksgiving is like the end of them.</b><b>Like they're just going, they're grinding, they're baking, they're cooking, they're</b><b>getting everything ready.</b><b>And then you have Thanksgiving and you're hosting, right?</b><b>And so you go through the hosting and then now with this Thanksgiving so late,</b><b>as soon as Thanksgiving is over, it's like,</b><b>bam, you got to get your Christmas spins and</b><b>you got to start decorating for Christmas.</b><b>And on top of that, you also have Black Friday and Cyber Monday.</b><b>And if you have some things that your relatives</b><b>or your children, you know they want or your spouse</b><b>and you know it's going to be on sale, you have to spend some time shopping.</b><b>And even online shopping can take hours</b><b>because it can be very overwhelming because you're</b><b>looking at this, you're looking at that.</b><b>So that weekend after Thanksgiving, after you've</b><b>done the layer of Halloween and then you've done</b><b>the layer of prepping Thanksgiving and now you're</b><b>in the shopping and then you're going to have to</b><b>decorate for Christmas, right?</b><b>And it's a lot.</b><b>Now you're adding the third layer of Christmas.</b><b>Christmas is creeped in, right?</b><b>And for a lot of families, the person who does most of the shopping is the woman.</b><b>So she's just finished hosting Thanksgiving.</b><b>Now, if she hasn't hosted Thanksgiving, she got a bit of a break.</b><b>She went to someone's house, she brought a dessert or an appetizer.</b><b>She's had kind of a look, that woman has had a little bit of a break there.</b><b>Now, maybe she had to go to a house she hated.</b><b>There's a whole other thing with that.</b><b>That could have triggered a whole bunch of stuff.</b><b>But she didn't do the grind of hosting and cooking for Thanksgiving.</b><b>So now, let's say she did though.</b><b>Now she's right into the grind of starting to purchase.</b><b>If she hasn't already, because keep in mind,</b><b>the women who shop for their families, a lot of them start in the summer.</b><b>Because if they see certain things on sale or it can be a stocking stuffer,</b><b>they'll start picking little things up</b><b>through the summer and sticking it in places.</b><b>Like this is good for Christmas, good for Christmas.</b><b>That revs up every month.</b><b>In August, they get a few more things.</b><b>In September, they get a few more things.</b><b>In October, they get a few more things.</b><b>In November, they get a few more things.</b><b>And then the final big push for the women who do this</b><b>is that Black Friday Cyber Monday weekend.</b><b>A lot of them finished their shopping that weekend.</b><b>So before even December's hit, they have 95% of their shopping done.</b><b>They've even bought the wrapping paper.</b><b>That's a layer, right?</b><b>So in a way, Christmas is also there with fall, with Halloween, with Thanksgiving.</b><b>You almost have all three holidays kicking in around August, if that makes sense.</b><b>In one way or another, they are presenting themselves</b><b>to the woman who's kind of in charge of it all.</b><b>So she spends a good part of that year, those four months,</b><b>really thinking, we're talking about mental load here, thinking about,</b><b>it's like moving pieces of those holidays.</b><b>Do you know anybody who does all this that you're talking about?</b><b>Or is this just you?</b><b>No, I know a lot of women that do this.</b><b>A lot of women that do this.</b><b>Now, I know women who don't host Thanksgiving,</b><b>or they may be in situations they cater it in.</b><b>So one of the reasons that Thanksgiving also we can't really cut many corners</b><b>is I'm gluten free and our daughter's gluten free.</b><b>You can't really have that catered in.</b><b>And I have a feeling if you did, it'd be very expensive.</b><b>So everything has to be made.</b><b>Now, could I have someone bring something?</b><b>Like one of the side dishes? If I could trust, they would make it gluten free.</b><b>Yeah.</b><b>And we did have our daughter's friends come this year and she's gluten free.</b><b>And so if she comes next year, I could actually ask her to make something.</b><b>She did make a great brie appetizer that was so tasty with gluten free,</b><b>filo dough, and it was so good.</b><b>But yes, most of the women I know are,</b><b>managing all these things.</b><b>And I see many women on social media that are managing all these things.</b><b>Okay.</b><b>So you get through Thanksgiving.</b><b>I'm calling it a marathon.</b><b>It's the holiday marathon.</b><b>So you've been running it now for months, but now it's the big show.</b><b>It's December.</b><b>And for women who have small children, they made Halloween.</b><b>It was holy. They made Halloween.</b><b>It was totally immersive for them.</b><b>Costumes, all that.</b><b>They were in it.</b><b>Even if they didn't host Thanksgiving, they had to drag those children somewhere.</b><b>That's a whole thing.</b><b>And they have to shop for all these little children.</b><b>You know, if you, especially if you have</b><b>multiples, you're shopping for multiple stockings,</b><b>multiple kids.</b><b>They all want different things.</b><b>Plus your spouse.</b><b>We're not even touching on the fact that most women,</b><b>I'm not going to say most.</b><b>There are a lot of women who buy the gifts for their husband's family.</b><b>There are a lot of women who buy the gifts for their husband's family.</b><b>So she's buying for her children.</b><b>She's buying for her spouse.</b><b>She's buying for her family.</b><b>And then she's buying for her husband's family.</b><b>If she isn't one of those women that's been picking up stuff since August,</b><b>she's just starting on Black Friday, Cyber Monday.</b><b>So the stress is real.</b><b>Whether she's finishing that weekend or starting that weekend,</b><b>that's a big weekend.</b><b>And guess what?</b><b>December 1st is Cyber Monday this year.</b><b>So you are trying to take care of Christmas shopping,</b><b>but hey, also you need to decorate because it's already December.</b><b>Hello.</b><b>So now there's that, right?</b><b>And in this day and age, I don't, in our area at least, I mean, it's on.</b><b>It's you decorate with lights.</b><b>You make your house look nice.</b><b>It's, you don't phone it in.</b><b>Like it needs to look pretty nice.</b><b>Now we have different houses that do less and houses do more, but</b><b>you know, there is a pressure, I guess, to act to be a part of the magic.</b><b>Now there are people that don't, right?</b><b>I think that's a pressure though, that people put on themselves.</b><b>It's no one gives a shit, I don't think, but I</b><b>think it's something people put on themselves.</b><b>So it's interesting.</b><b>The magic of Christmas, the magic of Christmas happens because of work.</b><b>And speaking for myself as the woman in this</b><b>family who creates the magic of Christmas every year,</b><b>I am honored that I get, have gotten to do that for almost 32 years.</b><b>Because even before we had kids, I still tried to</b><b>make everything magical in our condo or apartment,</b><b>whatever we lived in.</b><b>I've always loved that I could do that.</b><b>I think it's an honor and it's nothing that I have felt was put on me.</b><b>I gladly accepted it.</b><b>And I think for women who do special</b><b>things, and there's so many, there's so many new-</b><b>But I mean the whole neighborhood thing.</b><b>That's a pressure I think people put on themselves to go out and make sure that</b><b>they're decorating and stuff.</b><b>There's plenty of Jewish people in our neighborhood or around the area who don't</b><b>put up any lights at all.</b><b>I'm talking about four people who create the magic of Christmas.</b><b>Putting lights on their house is part of it, especially if you have children.</b><b>Because young children love lights.</b><b>Kids love it.</b><b>And so I'm viewing it as when we do that, it's not just doing it for our kids.</b><b>Because even our older kids like it and our 15-year-old likes it.</b><b>But the young children, when I see them</b><b>walk by our house and the big smiles they get,</b><b>I feel like I'm being part of the</b><b>community by helping give the magic of Christmas to</b><b>the younger generations.</b><b>Because somebody did that for my kids.</b><b>My kids got to see that.</b><b>And maybe those people didn't have young children</b><b>anymore, but we're all kind of in on the secret.</b><b>We're creating this thing for these young children.</b><b>I want to be a part of that.</b><b>I don't want to live my life not being a part of that part of the community.</b><b>I personally think everyone, if you're capable, physically, monetarily,</b><b>I think everyone should do something.</b><b>Even if it's just throwing one set of string</b><b>of lights on one bush in front of your house.</b><b>If everyone did a little bit, you're creating that magic.</b><b>And it isn't just for young children because everyone feels it.</b><b>Because all of our inner-childs remember that feeling, that excitement of Santa.</b><b>Santa's coming, we're getting ready.</b><b>So that's the whole outdoor lights, as much as our children love it.</b><b>We're also, it's a way of giving back.</b><b>That's how I view it.</b><b>It's a way of giving back.</b><b>It's giving to my family, but I'm also giving to other families.</b><b>And Christmas can be such a lonely time for some people.</b><b>And a melancholy time and a nostalgic time and bring up a lot of sadness.</b><b>And so I honestly think Christmas lights can,</b><b>if that could be the only thing for some people</b><b>that actually made them smile that day or brought</b><b>them any type of good feeling inside of themselves.</b><b>They could be just drudging through the Christmas season.</b><b>And that's their one reprieve, is they saw some cool lights.</b><b>So for me, it's more meaningful.</b><b>I got out there this year and helped you do it.</b><b>Because I think it's important.</b><b>It's not just important to me.</b><b>I think it's important in general.</b><b>But to get back to the magic of Christmas.</b><b>So women do the magic of Christmas.</b><b>Women do the magic of Christmas.</b><b>And most women are honored to do it and happy to do it.</b><b>I don't think it's just women who do the magic of Christmas.</b><b>I'm not saying it's just women, but I think the</b><b>majority of women create the magic of Christmas.</b><b>There are a lot of men who help and who do</b><b>cool things during the holidays to add to it.</b><b>But the foundational magic of Christmas is sourced from a woman's heart and spirit.</b><b>I don't agree.</b><b>That's so interesting.</b><b>The magic of Christmas is mainly created by women.</b><b>And I stand by that 100 percent.</b><b>Mothers are the source of the magic of Christmas.</b><b>And it comes from their heart.</b><b>And I think most mothers are honored to do it and are happy to do it.</b><b>But it is work.</b><b>The magic of Christmas is work.</b><b>And any woman that pulls the"oh, just try to be</b><b>present in the moment and just try to not worry</b><b>and just remember, you know, it's more</b><b>important to enjoy whether, you know, then stress out."</b><b>That's a pick me.</b><b>Give me a frickin' break.</b><b>Creating the magic of Christmas takes work.</b><b>And from that work, really great memories come.</b><b>You are creating memories for your children, right?</b><b>You're creating memories for yourself and for your spouse.</b><b>But just like any good thing, work went into it.</b><b>It doesn't just happen.</b><b>Things aren't just going to somehow happen.</b><b>Everything isn't just going to somehow be okay.</b><b>Because traditionally, the woman is the somehow.</b><b>So in general, and I know I'm speaking in generalities, and I know there's going to</b><b>be men that are going to be pissed off at what I'm saying.</b><b>But in general, women do the shopping.</b><b>Women plan the activities.</b><b>Women decorate the home.</b><b>Women make sure the tree gets in and decorated.</b><b>Women do the baking.</b><b>Women do the cooking.</b><b>Women make sure that her spouse's stocking is stuffed year after year.</b><b>I can't tell you how many moms' stockings do not get stuffed.</b><b>And I know there's women out there who don't even get gifts bought.</b><b>Their husband hasn't bought them gifts.</b><b>Like, this happens where she has spent a month or longer</b><b>creating all this really cool shit for her family and has loved doing it.</b><b>It's not that she's like, women in general love to do this for their family,</b><b>but they want to feel some appreciation.</b><b>They want to feel seen.</b><b>Not that it's an exchange, but they want to</b><b>feel that they're appreciated for this work</b><b>that was put in and that it's recognized in some way.</b><b>And the least their spouse can do is buy</b><b>them Christmas gifts and fill their stocking.</b><b>Do you think that there's women out there</b><b>in family situations that don't receive gifts</b><b>for Christmas?</b><b>Yes, from their spouse.</b><b>From their spouse.</b><b>Guys, that's terrible.</b><b>That's terrible.</b><b>I buy gifts.</b><b>I like it.</b><b>I do.</b><b>I enjoy it, but that's terrible.</b><b>There and there are even.</b><b>How is that possible?</b><b>How is that even possible?</b><b>If you're married to someone and you have kids and there's a family,</b><b>hell, even if you have just a girlfriend or a wife, you got to, if you celebrate,</b><b>you have to get something.</b><b>It happens.</b><b>That's crazy.</b><b>And it happens a lot.</b><b>And even more so, there are so many women whose stockings do not get filled.</b><b>You're a lucky girl, aren't you?</b><b>Okay.</b><b>Well, let's put it this way.</b><b>My stocking did not get filled by you for many years.</b><b>That's not true.</b><b>No, my stocking got filled by me and my mom.</b><b>That's because I, well, you put nuts and tangerines or whatever.</b><b>Shit like that.</b><b>No, it wasn't for lack of generosity.</b><b>I think it was, to be honest with you, just</b><b>being a Genex woman, I just, it was easier for me to</b><b>buy stuff I wanted from my stocking and then my mom would buy stuff from me.</b><b>And I honestly never thought about saying to</b><b>you, get some stuff from my stocking and you</b><b>didn't think about doing it.</b><b>And then it was just in the last, like, I</b><b>want to say five years or so where it's like,</b><b>you need to guess you've gotten some stuff from my stocking.</b><b>I filled it this year.</b><b>Then it was so full that one of the things I got you got taken out.</b><b>But you have always bought me, you've taken more than care of me at Christmas.</b><b>And I know you're appalled right now</b><b>thinking that there's men that haven't bought their</b><b>wives gifts, but it happens.</b><b>It happens.</b><b>So you have a lot of women out there that</b><b>are, have been busting their ass with these</b><b>layers of holiday, Halloween, Thanksgiving,</b><b>now we're at Christmas and the whole Christmas.</b><b>There's so much that goes along with Christmas.</b><b>They're socializing.</b><b>And if you have young children, they all have Christmas parties.</b><b>And if you have a kid that has a birthday</b><b>in December, that's a whole nother freaking</b><b>thing that's thrown at you.</b><b>And then you get to Christmas day and your stocking's empty or you don't have gifts</b><b>from your husband.</b><b>I agree.</b><b>It's appalling.</b><b>Those men should be ashamed of themselves.</b><b>And also what kind of example are you giving to your children?</b><b>Well, I mean, you have to, you're making</b><b>the assumption that there's gifts there for</b><b>kids and that they can afford it and all of that, right?</b><b>There's some token of...</b><b>Absolutely.</b><b>No, I'm talking like she's taking care of the kids.</b><b>They all have their gifts, Santa Claus.</b><b>He has his gifts.</b><b>Their stockings are full.</b><b>His stocking is full.</b><b>Her stock...</b><b>What kind of example are you as a spouse showing</b><b>your sons if you don't feel your wife's stocking?</b><b>You're just perpetuating this because your</b><b>sons aren't going to think that's important.</b><b>What about like couples without kids?</b><b>I don't know.</b><b>I assume they fill each other's stockings.</b><b>Or if the kids have all grown on and now you're</b><b>like, "All right, finally we're done with this.</b><b>We can kind of just chill out."</b><b>No, you still do stockings.</b><b>That's the magic of Christmas.</b><b>I think the magic of Christmas has been somewhat</b><b>zapped though by all this over-commercialization</b><b>of it that...</b><b>Right?</b><b>I'm expressing another, a different viewpoint.</b><b>It's too much.</b><b>It's gone too far, I guess.</b><b>I'm not saying there shouldn't be Christmas.</b><b>Trust me, I like Christmas.</b><b>But it's gone too far.</b><b>It sets out of control.</b><b>I do think that consumerism is out of control.</b><b>I think it's interesting because I think that</b><b>things that we would have thought would be big</b><b>gifts when we were growing up are just regular gifts now for kids.</b><b>Everyone has access to everything.</b><b>Yeah.</b><b>Do you know what I mean?</b><b>Do you remember when it was a big deal to buy a big screen TV?</b><b>Yeah.</b><b>And only a few people actually had one.</b><b>Yeah.</b><b>Now it's just normal.</b><b>Everyone has one.</b><b>Yeah.</b><b>So...</b><b>I'll tell you, I will show you my favorite gift.</b><b>Well, I don't want to say favorite.</b><b>If you're watching on YouTube.</b><b>If you're watching on YouTube, maybe a short, I guess we won't do a short of this.</b><b>But this is one of my favorite gifts this year.</b><b>And I guess it's a photograph of Kaya and I</b><b>when she got roller skates and I had roller blades.</b><b>This is a great idea.</b><b>So it's a photo.</b><b>It's taken from a photo when Kaya was younger</b><b>and she was roller skating your rollerblading</b><b>and you guys are holding hands.</b><b>And I took that picture of you guys from the back.</b><b>She took that picture and sent it to a</b><b>t-shirt company and they superimposed this design.</b><b>I think it's clever.</b><b>No, it's great.</b><b>No, and that's sentimental, right?</b><b>Mm-hmm.</b><b>So...</b><b>And they're sent in.</b><b>People get...</b><b>I think that should be a new direction on all of this stuff, right?</b><b>So many...</b><b>To your point, TVs, Xboxes, phones, whatever it is, right?</b><b>Thousands of dollars are spent.</b><b>A lot of people can't even...</b><b>They overspend.</b><b>A lot of people go into debt and overspend just to keep up with the Joneses.</b><b>There should be this movement to go back.</b><b>Okay, but here's...</b><b>Like handmade things, hand carved.</b><b>Like Etsy is a great example.</b><b>A lot of people do have Etsy shops.</b><b>Great way to support local communities</b><b>instead of a bunch of crap from barges from China.</b><b>Yes, I understand that.</b><b>But when you have children, it's just not reality.</b><b>No, I get it.</b><b>Because also children have social media.</b><b>And so talk about keeping up with the Joneses.</b><b>Those kids are plugged into keeping up with everyone all the time.</b><b>It never ends.</b><b>So unless the whole collective of parents made that decision.</b><b>I'm calling for it.</b><b>I'm calling for that movement now.</b><b>But that's easy for you to say because we've already raised...</b><b>Our youngest is 15 and we were part of that.</b><b>We were part of it this Christmas.</b><b>Like we are a part of it too because no one wants their children to feel left out</b><b>or that they didn't get something that</b><b>everyone has, which makes them feel left out.</b><b>It's an emotional thing.</b><b>Everyone wants to make sure their kids are okay when it really comes down.</b><b>This is why I say the retailers are winning and Walmart's winning</b><b>because it's emotional and it's not practical.</b><b>Remember when I talked about empathy a few episodes ago</b><b>and how politicians can use empathy against people?</b><b>Retailers use empathy against people because we feel what our children will feel</b><b>if they don't get that thing.</b><b>And so we purchase it for them.</b><b>Now, I will say there is a group, obviously of parents who give their kids stuff</b><b>just to one up and for clout, right?</b><b>That's a whole nother thing.</b><b>Unfortunately, those people usually are the ones that start this whole problem</b><b>because Johnny got this.</b><b>Yeah, 100%.</b><b>So now Timmy wants this and now Jimmy wants this</b><b>and now everybody wants this.</b><b>And now you're trying to figure out how to get that thing</b><b>that that family could or could not afford, who knows?</b><b>But they decided to make this astronomical purchase for a 10-year-old</b><b>and now everyone's 10-year-old wants it when it's not real.</b><b>So parents start this, whether they're trying to clout chase, flex,</b><b>new money does a lot of this shit,</b><b>where wealth whispers, just a heads up, wealth whispers.</b><b>What's that mean?</b><b>Meaning old money and people who are truly wealthy</b><b>aren't out there being obnoxious with their money.</b><b>There's people who look like they could be working in your garden</b><b>and they're the ones that are the most wealthy type.</b><b>But my point is, is it's a perpetual cycle</b><b>and we were a part of it too, because it's an emotional thing</b><b>and it probably ties back to our own childhood.</b><b>There were probably so many times that we felt left out</b><b>and I know I can speak for myself.</b><b>I grew up in a very affluent area.</b><b>I had a single mom and sure, my dad was a doctor in Michigan,</b><b>but it did not mean that that translated to me</b><b>having a lot of stuff all the time.</b><b>And so there was a lot of things I didn't have</b><b>that every peer around me did and it sucked.</b><b>It sucked.</b><b>Do you not think that I haven't transferred that sometimes</b><b>to my own children?</b><b>Oh yeah, definitely.</b><b>Well you too though, there's things,</b><b>you and I have talked about this before we even had kids,</b><b>that there were things you wanted and you got</b><b>and it made your life easier and you feel that</b><b>you wanted that for your children.</b><b>If they want a pair of shoes and it makes their life easier,</b><b>you're buying that pair of shoes.</b><b>I think so many parents feel that way.</b><b>And so you're right.</b><b>The retailers have us by the balls.</b><b>Just like entertainment does with movies, Disney does.</b><b>Cause all these kids are gonna wanna go see the movie,</b><b>whether the parents feel comfortable with that movie or not</b><b>or wanna go to that theater or not.</b><b>I think that's changing.</b><b>Yeah, maybe.</b><b>So either way, that does play into Christmas, absolutely.</b><b>So there's the stress of that</b><b>because I just got done talking about the moms, right?</b><b>And I know this sounds very old school type shit,</b><b>like the mom shopping, the dad's working.</b><b>Cause I know that most moms are also working outside</b><b>the home and they're purchasing things with money they've made.</b><b>So it's not just all the dad making the money, right?</b><b>But even if that's the case,</b><b>the dad still has the monetary stress of the holidays.</b><b>So both of them, if they're both working,</b><b>have the monetary stress of the holidays.</b><b>She's got the monetary stress of the holidays</b><b>plus everything else tied to the holidays.</b><b>The emotional labor, the mental labor, the physical labor.</b><b>In general, the dad has the monetary stress</b><b>of the holiday labor.</b><b>And that can be incredibly stressful.</b><b>That can be, especially if they're not</b><b>in the best financial situation,</b><b>but he knows this has to happen.</b><b>And so he's going through, he may be edgy,</b><b>he may lose his temper,</b><b>he may not be enjoying the holidays as much</b><b>because all he's thinking about is the money aspect of it</b><b>and how is this going to affect their family</b><b>and are they going into debt over this?</b><b>And how are they going to pay this off when January comes?</b><b>And so she has, if she's working outside the home,</b><b>the monetary stress, and then the mental stress,</b><b>the physical stress, the emotional stress,</b><b>creating the entire magic of Christmas.</b><b>He's got this huge monetary stress, right?</b><b>And now, do you not think arguments are going to happen?</b><b>Well, you have the stress of the mom making magic too.</b><b>It's very stressful on the family.</b><b>Then he's also, because in some ways,</b><b>then this goes back to sometimes I think like,</b><b>if there's some issues or things are lacking in general</b><b>the rest of the year in the relationship,</b><b>the holidays can amplify it.</b><b>So if she needs help, and let's say he never really helps</b><b>in the holidays is when she really needs help</b><b>and he's still doing his old habits,</b><b>that's when a really big blowout can happen.</b><b>You know, if that makes sense.</b><b>You know, is that--</b><b>Because everything you just described,</b><b>I'm getting stressed just listening to the calendar</b><b>starting in August, right?</b><b>And it's crazy.</b><b>I find these holidays very stressful</b><b>because I typically will hold off my,</b><b>I'm off from work, right?</b><b>And then it's time to chill.</b><b>But then there's all these activities,</b><b>like whatever it might be, shopping, going out to dinner,</b><b>you know, getting stuff ready, it adds up.</b><b>It's a lot.</b><b>Well, so what's interesting is what you just described</b><b>is where you, let's say you personally,</b><b>what you participated in was shopping</b><b>the day before Christmas Eve</b><b>and going out to dinner on Christmas Eve.</b><b>Those two things just stressed,</b><b>you just said those, that was a lot.</b><b>It is a lot.</b><b>You shouldn't be out in the masses doing any of that stuff.</b><b>It's almost like traveling, right?</b><b>You say, I wouldn't travel for Thanksgiving.</b><b>It's too stressful, you're out there with Joe public.</b><b>I just don't think you even understand what you just said.</b><b>Let's just take us.</b><b>I have been doing stuff since August, right?</b><b>Let's just take that, right?</b><b>And now let me just-</b><b>Asmonically, I have been too.</b><b>Okay, well, that's because you live with me</b><b>and you feel that you've had to absorb the energy from that.</b><b>Yes, yes, it's a lot.</b><b>Which I would think is the least you could do, right?</b><b>But anyways, so let's say,</b><b>there's, let's say 500, there's a lot for me</b><b>that I've been dealing with.</b><b>You had to-</b><b>No.</b><b>And I think that's what it comes down to.</b><b>I really do.</b><b>I think that's where the resentment builds</b><b>and I'm not gonna totally personalize this,</b><b>but what I'm saying is I know there's a lot of women</b><b>that do all the things</b><b>and it could start in August, September, October,</b><b>whatever, November,</b><b>or there's women that start at the beginning of December.</b><b>But either way, if you're talking Christmas,</b><b>most of them are pulling together that magic Christmas,</b><b>whether they started in August</b><b>or they started December 1st</b><b>or they started December 15th,</b><b>but they're pulling it together.</b><b>It's happening.</b><b>And we're talking about mothers, just to be clear,</b><b>because mothers are going to do that for their children.</b><b>I mean, of course there's shitty mothers,</b><b>but I'm talking about in general,</b><b>mothers are going to make sure</b><b>that their children have Christmas memories,</b><b>that Santa is coming and it's gonna be great.</b><b>Now, there's a lot-</b><b>And if it's not great, you have a problem.</b><b>Well, yeah, well, what's interesting is-</b><b>You better enjoy your Christmas.</b><b>No, no, what's interesting is,</b><b>what's interesting is as the mother is trying</b><b>to do all these things or is doing all these things</b><b>and many times also working a full-time job.</b><b>So just imagine and trying to maintain their house.</b><b>The load is crazy.</b><b>It really is during the holiday season for a woman.</b><b>If she works outside the home, she's working full-time.</b><b>If she is a stay-at-home mom, she's working.</b><b>It's exhausting.</b><b>There is no punch out for stay-at-home moms,</b><b>and I can't stress that enough.</b><b>Then she has to worry about her house being clean.</b><b>Dinner's on the table.</b><b>Lunch is, lunch, stuff to make lunches for their kids.</b><b>Breakfast.</b><b>And then prepping for the holidays.</b><b>Halloween, Thanksgiving, and then the big show, Christmas.</b><b>And she's doing it.</b><b>I think it's understandable if she has moments</b><b>where she might lose her shit.</b><b>If she asks her partner to do something</b><b>and she either gets pushback or he blows her off completely</b><b>or even questions why that's important</b><b>and doesn't just give her that moment of support.</b><b>I think what a lot of men don't understand is women,</b><b>it's knowing that if a woman goes to you,</b><b>you're going to be there to help.</b><b>It's that what causes the anxiety for a lot of women</b><b>is in the back of their mind they know,</b><b>I'm going to go to my partner, to my husband,</b><b>and he's going to push back or he's going to blow me off</b><b>or he's going to forget.</b><b>And so it's that feeling of I can't truly depend on him</b><b>and so I'm doing this alone.</b><b>Do you think that's common?</b><b>I think that's common. I think it's very common.</b><b>And more often than not, she's given him the opportunities</b><b>to step up but he hasn't year after year</b><b>so obviously resentment builds</b><b>but it just amplifies that feeling of</b><b>I'm doing this on my own.</b><b>I don't have a partner in this situation</b><b>because he thinks what I'm doing is over the top</b><b>and so he's just, it's not important to him</b><b>so he's just not going to do it.</b><b>Instead of viewing, instead of changing his perspective</b><b>of look what she's doing for this family,</b><b>look what she's doing for my children,</b><b>look what she's doing for me.</b><b>How can I help?</b><b>How can I help?</b><b>It's so simple but it requires for some reason</b><b>for a lot of men.</b><b>They have to get past so many things</b><b>to even get to that point</b><b>and I think it's something that in general,</b><b>women really struggle to try to understand</b><b>because our first inclination is how can I help?</b><b>We don't even think of blowing it off,</b><b>forgetting it or pushing back.</b><b>If you need help, if someone needs help,</b><b>we're helping, how can I help?</b><b>But when it's our turn, we don't feel we can depend</b><b>that we're gonna get that same support.</b><b>So if you're in, for a lot of women,</b><b>if they're in a situation where they get pushed back</b><b>or they don't have one of those partners</b><b>that's ready to support them,</b><b>or that, because there are partners like that.</b><b>There are men that are like,</b><b>when do you want the Christmas bins?</b><b>Or what can I get?</b><b>Or do you need me to run the store?</b><b>Or what are you working on now?</b><b>For a lot of women, when they're in the middle</b><b>of the holiday chaos, just something as simple as,</b><b>what are you working on right now?</b><b>Just interest, it's feeling seen.</b><b>It's so you don't feel like you're this invisible servant</b><b>that's doing all the things and it's going unappreciated.</b><b>And not just going unappreciated,</b><b>but then you might have your partner saying something like,</b><b>why you make such a big deal about this?</b><b>Or why are you going over the top?</b><b>Or this is important to you and that's why you're doing it.</b><b>So it can amplify, it can get beyond just</b><b>wanting to feel appreciated,</b><b>but then it can get into being ridiculed</b><b>for wanting to create this, wanting to do this.</b><b>And if it's important to your partner</b><b>and you know it's gonna happen,</b><b>she wants to do this.</b><b>It's important to her.</b><b>It's important to her children.</b><b>It's a family tradition.</b><b>She's either creating it right from the start</b><b>if you have young children or if you have adult children,</b><b>it's set.</b><b>Like this is your kid's tradition.</b><b>It's what they expect.</b><b>So if you throw it out the window,</b><b>you're totally throwing out their Christmas traditions</b><b>out the window.</b><b>So now it needs to happen.</b><b>I think speaking as a woman, what I don't understand is,</b><b>and I know there's reasons for it,</b><b>but why is it so hard for so many men</b><b>to not just step up in these situations</b><b>and not just be like,</b><b>"This looks great.</b><b>I like that you did that."</b><b>Or it's like the smallest things</b><b>because women in general wanna feel seen</b><b>for the magic they create in life in general,</b><b>but especially around the holidays,</b><b>it matters.</b><b>But the worst thing that happens or can happen</b><b>is if a man makes it even more stressful.</b><b>It's already stressful.</b><b>You're already talking about all these layers</b><b>that she's been a fucking conductor</b><b>in an orchestra for months.</b><b>The last thing she needs is to be ridiculed or get pushback.</b><b>I feel that's a common thing.</b><b>Are you seeing that allowed there a lot?</b><b>Yes.</b><b>People are women with social media now so prevalent.</b><b>Is this a topic?</b><b>Yes.</b><b>Yeah.</b><b>Interesting.</b><b>Yeah, she's done all the wrapping,</b><b>all the cooking, all the shopping.</b><b>I'm not saying everyone.</b><b>There are men.</b><b>I will say this,</b><b>and I don't know if this is social media or what.</b><b>There are a lot of men stepping up.</b><b>There really are.</b><b>And so that's been really cool to see.</b><b>Or you'll see women comment</b><b>that their husbands do this and that.</b><b>I think the younger generations are figuring out,</b><b>hey, we need to divide this from women probably.</b><b>We need to divide this from the start.</b><b>That's smart.</b><b>If you're a young person listening to this,</b><b>decide how you kind of want your holiday traditions to look</b><b>and then assign who's gonna do what.</b><b>Make an agreement as partners.</b><b>Okay, I will do the basic.</b><b>It's probably a good idea.</b><b>Yeah, you're like, I'll do the baking,</b><b>but you need to go pick out the wrapping paper</b><b>because I can't tell you the decision fatigue</b><b>that goes with the holidays for women.</b><b>I'm gonna say for women.</b><b>Do you think you wrap people's gifts</b><b>in different wrapping paper?</b><b>Is that common?</b><b>There are people who do that.</b><b>So what Brian's talking about,</b><b>one of our traditions is Santa gives each of the kids</b><b>their gifts in their own wrapping paper.</b><b>So like our daughter would have wrapping paper,</b><b>let's say all in Barbie.</b><b>And our one son would have all Spider-Man</b><b>and our other son would have all Batman</b><b>or Hot Wheels, whatever.</b><b>And it's whatever they're into that year.</b><b>And we still do it.</b><b>So this year, our daughter ran a marathon.</b><b>Her wrapping paper was Santa running a marathon.</b><b>And our older son and younger son coached</b><b>a basketball team together.</b><b>So I got custom wrapping paper that says best coach</b><b>and their names in the year.</b><b>And I did Marilyn Crabbe for my son's girlfriend</b><b>because she's from Maryland.</b><b>And I will say why it's easier.</b><b>This is a tip, no name tags.</b><b>There is no two so and so from Santa.</b><b>Two so and so from Santa.</b><b>Two so and so from Santa.</b><b>Two so and so from Santa.</b><b>It's just you wrap it and you put it out.</b><b>Or Santa puts it out.</b><b>But so for me it's simplify things.</b><b>That was actually a step I took to simplify things.</b><b>Is I didn't have to do the stupid name.</b><b>I hate writing the name tags.</b><b>I have horrendous handwriting.</b><b>And it's almost like you reach a point</b><b>where you're so tired that writing a name tag is like,</b><b>I wish I could take out Sharpie and just write their name</b><b>on it and just like whoever I'm giving it to.</b><b>You can.</b><b>I know, I might next year.</b><b>I might just write mom.</b><b>What about just pivoting to gift bags?</b><b>You know, I think--</b><b>It's a beautiful thing.</b><b>I don't mind it, but I think for the kids,</b><b>I think it, I know for our kids, it adds to their Christmas.</b><b>They actually want to know what they're excited to see</b><b>what their paper is.</b><b>I agree.</b><b>They enjoy seeing what the paper is for sure.</b><b>Yeah, so if you decide to do that</b><b>for anyone starting out or whatever,</b><b>one regret I have is I didn't keep a scrap</b><b>of each wrapping paper and put it in like a scrapbook</b><b>because it shows you what they were into that year.</b><b>If I could go back--</b><b>I would have done video.</b><b>Yeah, but I would have kept the scrap.</b><b>So I think, I think, I don't know.</b><b>I think that, I think women create the magic of Christmas.</b><b>And I think women are, many women are honored to do it.</b><b>It's not a complaint thing.</b><b>It's not a, I have to create the magic of Christmas again.</b><b>It's that they're going to create the magic of Christmas.</b><b>And so the least their partner or husband should do</b><b>is make sure they feel seen while they're doing it.</b><b>And if it's what can I get from the store for you?</b><b>Come on guys, step up.</b><b>What can I do to help?</b><b>What can I do to help?</b><b>Is like, people don't get that.</b><b>That's like saying, I love you.</b><b>How can I help you?</b><b>Makes a woman feel like he just said, I love you.</b><b>And also when a man remembers something about you</b><b>and buys you a gift based on that,</b><b>that's saying, I love you too.</b><b>I remember and how can I help?</b><b>Are this, are synonymous with I love you.</b><b>I wish more men understood that.</b><b>And that's a year round thing.</b><b>But especially during the holidays, when she is in it,</b><b>more men need to step up</b><b>because what's happening is these women</b><b>are by the time they cross the finish line</b><b>of the holiday marathon, you feel like those people</b><b>you see crossing finish lines at marathons</b><b>that are barely walking.</b><b>And it's not a complaint thing again.</b><b>Most women, not all women, but most mothers, I will say,</b><b>enjoy creating this magic of all the holiday season.</b><b>But they want support and they want help.</b><b>And they at least want to feel like if I ask him,</b><b>he'll come through for me.</b><b>He's got my back.</b><b>Women need to feel like their partner has their back in this</b><b>and are kind of on call.</b><b>Like I got this, but if I need you, you need to tap in.</b><b>And I need to know you will.</b><b>And the worst thing a woman can feel during this time</b><b>is I can't turn to him because he's gonna get pushed back</b><b>or he's gonna forget or blow me off.</b><b>Or worse, he's gonna ridicule what I'm doing</b><b>and question why I'm even doing so much</b><b>or I'm going over the top.</b><b>Those are the worst responses.</b><b>It makes everything a million times worse and it hurts her.</b><b>So I just think as far as the distribution of labor,</b><b>because I think it's on women.</b><b>And then I think it is on their partner</b><b>or their husband to be part of the supporting cast here.</b><b>He should want her to succeed in this</b><b>and be grateful she's doing it.</b><b>I don't think there's enough gratitude out there</b><b>for the women in the world that are creating this,</b><b>all the magic of the holidays.</b><b>I think there's expectation</b><b>because our society has created that.</b><b>It's a cultural thing.</b><b>It's an interesting concept.</b><b>Well, I think it goes so far as even if a woman is,</b><b>a lot of times women will buy, like I said, for their in-laws</b><b>and let's say she doesn't,</b><b>let's say one year she's like, I'm not doing it.</b><b>The failing will be looked down her.</b><b>Oh, she just didn't take care of it this year.</b><b>I think it's rare that it would be looked at him.</b><b>It would be, oh, she must have not got around</b><b>to it this year.</b><b>Not, why didn't he buy me that?</b><b>It'll still be on her.</b><b>So she's the scapegoat too.</b><b>Yeah, I would agree with that.</b><b>So that's where some of that pressure comes from, right?</b><b>Because you don't wanna be the scapegoat</b><b>for any quote unquote failings of the holiday season.</b><b>Like if the Christmas card didn't get out in time</b><b>or it's late, she didn't get it out in time.</b><b>It's not that he didn't.</b><b>She didn't get it out in time.</b><b>She must have not ordered in time.</b><b>She must've not arranged for the photographer</b><b>to come early enough or for them to get a good picture.</b><b>It does seem like people are backing off on cards, right?</b><b>Isn't that been kind of a trend?</b><b>Yeah, I think so.</b><b>That bums me out because I love that.</b><b>I love getting cards.</b><b>I think it's gonna become an old fashioned thing,</b><b>but I think it's gonna come back around.</b><b>I think things got so digital,</b><b>but I think the appreciation for the snail mail,</b><b>getting something in the mail is gonna come back around.</b><b>But the thing about it, and I'm fine with the cards.</b><b>I like getting the cards,</b><b>but decision fatigue on that as well, right?</b><b>You gotta get the picture.</b><b>Gotta figure out what the layout,</b><b>all that stuff that goes into it, it's just a lot.</b><b>It just adds to the stress and chaos.</b><b>It does.</b><b>Do you remember we went to Washington DC in September</b><b>and I said to all of you, if we get a good picture,</b><b>we don't have to worry about it.</b><b>But that was in my head.</b><b>That was in your head,</b><b>because we fought before in the past.</b><b>We're going to take a picture</b><b>that everyone's fighting and pissed</b><b>and because it didn't come out or somebody blinked</b><b>and somebody else looks good,</b><b>someone's hair is off, all that shit, right?</b><b>It's stressful, so it worked out perfect.</b><b>Let's get a picture that we got at some event in July.</b><b>That's good enough.</b><b>Yes, but it was in my head.</b><b>I think actually I just--</b><b>Do you hear what I'm saying though?</b><b>Yeah, yeah, no, I hear you.</b><b>That's part of the layer.</b><b>I was already thinking about the Christmas picture</b><b>in September. And the whole squad</b><b>was on board.</b><b>Yes, and we aren't the only families of five, by the way,</b><b>at Christmas picture time.</b><b>Yeah.</b><b>I'm sorry, you were gonna say something.</b><b>No, no, I was gonna say,</b><b>there's a concept of it's good enough.</b><b>It's good enough, it's good enough.</b><b>Let's keep going.</b><b>Good enough, make a decision, move on.</b><b>Good enough, good enough, good enough.</b><b>And just keep going and going.</b><b>And it's still Christmas magic.</b><b>I think you can still have it.</b><b>But some things are just good enough.</b><b>But you know, take the picture, right?</b><b>We've gone through that where it's like fighting over it.</b><b>I'm the photographer, the kids, blah, blah, blah.</b><b>And it's finally like, all right, finally, it's good enough.</b><b>Yes. Let's move on.</b><b>Right, yes.</b><b>And there's things where it can't be just good enough.</b><b>Like it needs to be what it is.</b><b>Do you know what I mean?</b><b>Like there are things where--</b><b>I agree.</b><b>Because it's a tradition--</b><b>An example would be our lights outside.</b><b>I think we did a nice job this year.</b><b>We teamed up together, went to, got it.</b><b>I think it looked good, right?</b><b>And it was better than I think good enough.</b><b>Or do you think it was just good enough?</b><b>There's some opportunities for next year.</b><b>No, no, no, I think--</b><b>But let me ask you a question on that.</b><b>And I was fine doing it, I enjoyed it.</b><b>But from someone on the outside looking in,</b><b>I do most of everything for Christmas,</b><b>Thanksgiving, Halloween.</b><b>Some people would maybe say,</b><b>why couldn't you just take care of the lights?</b><b>And I'm saying objectively.</b><b>Yeah, yeah.</b><b>And you have in the past.</b><b>She's doing all the things, can't you just do that?</b><b>Yeah.</b><b>And how would you answer that?</b><b>I'm kind of done with it.</b><b>I've always done the lights.</b><b>I've been doing lights since I was 15.</b><b>Or 14 years old.</b><b>And now the kids aren't into helping.</b><b>I think Kai and I did it last year.</b><b>No, Kai and I did it last year.</b><b>Yeah, maybe you guys, I'm just done.</b><b>It's like, I'll go out and put up one or two things.</b><b>But I don't care, I guess.</b><b>Okay, so right.</b><b>But then that ties into,</b><b>we talked about Christmas lights</b><b>earlier in this episode, right?</b><b>And I think I expressed my view on them.</b><b>And now you understand probably even more</b><b>how I feel about lights.</b><b>But that that's important to me.</b><b>And that's important to the kids.</b><b>Our kids have texted me saying, how do they look?</b><b>So the kids should come over and help me do it?</b><b>Or whatever.</b><b>Well, okay, okay, okay.</b><b>So, but this is, the part of the magic is,</b><b>is like they get to see them when they drive up</b><b>and they're like, oh, that looks so good.</b><b>You know what I'm trying to say?</b><b>So if it's important, this is a good example.</b><b>If it's important to me, but you're tired of doing it,</b><b>how does that work?</b><b>Like how does a couple find common ground?</b><b>Yeah, great question.</b><b>If you're, cause there's stuff with Christmas,</b><b>I'm tired of doing too.</b><b>Like what?</b><b>I cook.</b><b>I'm sorry, you don't quote unquote cook,</b><b>you cooked this year.</b><b>I cooked the last few years.</b><b>No, no, three years ago we ordered Chinese,</b><b>which I thought was great.</b><b>That was good actually.</b><b>No, no, it was the day before.</b><b>Cause in the past I've said, I'm not cooking</b><b>and I've gotten a bunch of appetizers from Costco</b><b>and we've put those up.</b><b>But then you guys were starting to say, this isn't enough.</b><b>So then I was like, let's order Chinese food.</b><b>We got it the day before, put it in the fridge</b><b>because we couldn't order it on Christmas.</b><b>There was nowhere around us that had gluten-free</b><b>Chinese food on Christmas.</b><b>So we had to get the day before.</b><b>And then you guys said, you didn't like it leftover.</b><b>We were not doing this again.</b><b>And that was three years ago.</b><b>And so last year, I don't remember what we did.</b><b>I made a same as this year.</b><b>The brisket.</b><b>I didn't think so.</b><b>Yeah.</b><b>Okay, and then this year you did a brisket.</b><b>So yeah, that's good.</b><b>And that took a, that was actually,</b><b>and you've keep doing it.</b><b>You made nachos last night.</b><b>No, I like that tradition.</b><b>That's a relatively new tradition.</b><b>And I think I did say to you, this is great.</b><b>I think we should keep doing this.</b><b>But I think that's a great point.</b><b>Traditions should morph and evolve.</b><b>And so you should continue to evolve your traditions</b><b>and not get to be in.</b><b>But the tradition is food was still there, right?</b><b>With the lights, there'd be no lights.</b><b>That's not true.</b><b>Okay, so yeah, there,</b><b>because you almost were like not even really wanting</b><b>to do lights at all this year.</b><b>No, I would say, I guess a little personal baggage here</b><b>for the audience would be,</b><b>it wasn't as timely as you wanted the lights put up.</b><b>It's more in line with reality, right?</b><b>Because as you were saying, Thanksgiving happened.</b><b>And then all of a sudden it's boom.</b><b>And yeah, I wasn't ready to just jump right in</b><b>and do lights.</b><b>It was, you know, still had the turkey coma,</b><b>which is, you know, I smoked the turkey,</b><b>two of them by the way.</b><b>Okay, so we're all supposed to clap for you.</b><b>Everybody clap.</b><b>Yeah, I want a cookie.</b><b>Right? Yep.</b><b>Right, but--</b><b>The cookie that you made.</b><b>Yeah, that I made.</b><b>(both laughing)</b><b>No, it's just, it's an interesting thing</b><b>because I kind of forced the issue,</b><b>I think the next weekend,</b><b>because if I didn't,</b><b>we wouldn't have lights up for longer than like two weeks.</b><b>And that felt, didn't feel right.</b><b>Is it too early to take them down?</b><b>Cause I was a moment long yesterday,</b><b>I'm ready to take some of them down.</b><b>Is it too early or--</b><b>It's interesting,</b><b>cause there's different views on that.</b><b>I personally like to keep things up,</b><b>excuse me, through epiphany,</b><b>through January 6th, Armenian Christmas.</b><b>The Christmas-- January what?</b><b>Six. Okay.</b><b>But we can, that can be a discussion.</b><b>I might be fine with, you know, whatever's convenient.</b><b>But Christmas starts Christmas day.</b><b>So the way I view Christmas,</b><b>all of this that we've been talking about,</b><b>the holiday distribution of labor and all that,</b><b>that's all prepping for Christmas.</b><b>But for, in my mind, it doesn't end on Christmas.</b><b>The celebration starts on Christmas.</b><b>That's celebrating the birth of Jesus.</b><b>It starts on Christmas.</b><b>And then the 12 days of Christmas</b><b>are those 12 days after Christmas.</b><b>So for-- Oh really?</b><b>Yeah.</b><b>Oh, I didn't know that.</b><b>Yeah, the 12 days of Christmas start--</b><b>I thought it was a commercialization of the 12 days</b><b>leading up to Christmas and the 12th day was Christmas.</b><b>No. Oh, interesting.</b><b>No, so it begins on Christmas.</b><b>All been lost.</b><b>Because there's the whole journey,</b><b>like the three wise men come a few days later</b><b>and the epiphanies like January 4th.</b><b>It's a whole thing, right?</b><b>Where do you find out about this whole thing?</b><b>Cause it's all lost.</b><b>It's all gone. Well, I agree it is.</b><b>But you can Google it as you always say to me.</b><b>Yeah, you could Google.</b><b>But so my point is for me personally, mentally,</b><b>as a mom who's been doing all the things really since August</b><b>for Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas,</b><b>but then let's get to Christmas, right?</b><b>The big show.</b><b>I've been prepping for Christmas,</b><b>but it starts on Christmas.</b><b>And then I spend my, that especially the time</b><b>between Christmas and New Year's Day,</b><b>that's my time.</b><b>Like I really can relax and I can eat the cookies I made</b><b>and I can just sit and stare at my tree</b><b>with either a glass of wine or a cup of coffee,</b><b>or I can go walk around in the front of my house</b><b>and just stare at the lights at night.</b><b>And now I don't have to think about,</b><b>I still need to buy this gift.</b><b>I still need to wrap this gift.</b><b>I still need to go get a dress for Christmas.</b><b>My mind is clear.</b><b>My mind is clear.</b><b>That's nice.</b><b>Yeah, and I can just look around and enjoy.</b><b>And that is my 12 days of Christmas.</b><b>It starts on Christmas.</b><b>And so I keep my decorations up during that time</b><b>because the celebration of Christmas is now.</b><b>I wonder if I'll represent a male view on this.</b><b>I'm cramming, because I got to go back to work</b><b>and start my, right, I took off and show a little bit,</b><b>but then I'm cramming to get ready to have to go</b><b>and start a new year, new things.</b><b>So it's very different, very different.</b><b>But I think there's women that also have to go back</b><b>to work, you said a male view.</b><b>I'm saying a male perspective, but you're right.</b><b>I mean, it's somebody who's--</b><b>Going back to work, going back to, no, yeah.</b><b>But I think even for people who have to go back to work,</b><b>like they took this time off,</b><b>there's a lot of mothers who have to go back to work</b><b>probably January 4th or whatever, whenever that Monday is.</b><b>Or this week.</b><b>Or there's people, okay.</b><b>Like I said earlier, there's people who have to work</b><b>during this time.</b><b>I'm more talking about the people who traditionally</b><b>take this time off, right?</b><b>But even so, it ends.</b><b>And so, and even for stay-at-home moms,</b><b>school starts back up again.</b><b>You're back into routine, homework, sports, stress.</b><b>So even for the moms who are home,</b><b>it all starts back up when they go back to school.</b><b>So for all of us, there's an end.</b><b>There's an end here, whether it's going to work again,</b><b>or your kids are going back to school</b><b>and you're back on as a stay-at-home mom.</b><b>There's this period, and this is the 12 days of Christmas.</b><b>And this is, there are people who,</b><b>there's people who take down their Christmas trees</b><b>Christmas night.</b><b>There's people who already have their stuff put away.</b><b>Part of me thinks they're the same people</b><b>that decorate November 1st,</b><b>but they're sick of it by now, right?</b><b>Like if you wait a little bit longer,</b><b>I'm not tired of it yet.</b><b>It's only been up like a month.</b><b>So I'm enjoying it still.</b><b>But this is also my time.</b><b>There's a creator on TikTok, I saw her,</b><b>she calls it Steeping.</b><b>This is when we're steeping in our Christmas spirit</b><b>because we can do it with a clear mind</b><b>and be totally present and in the moment.</b><b>And so for so many mothers who create this Christmas magic,</b><b>it's their first time where they can just be in the moment</b><b>and not have the long to-do list in the back of their head.</b><b>Because even if you're at these Christmas parties</b><b>and you're doing all these things,</b><b>you still have the weight of what you need to get done.</b><b>And again, I think for most women and most mothers,</b><b>they are happy to do it because it's the magic of Christmas</b><b>and they wanna do that for their children.</b><b>But if they have a partner, they need to know,</b><b>he sees what I'm doing, he sees me,</b><b>and he cares enough about my emotional and mental health</b><b>to say, how can I help?</b><b>What are you doing today?</b><b>Is there something I can do to help you today?</b><b>I think that if people watch this,</b><b>then maybe that can help bridge the divide</b><b>you're talking about in some ways</b><b>because what you're describing is what women need.</b><b>What men are probably going through is,</b><b>oh my God, this is too much, blah, blah, blah.</b><b>So maybe if people watch this,</b><b>they can watch it again next year, start in August,</b><b>because that's when all this shit starts up</b><b>and that's when women start stressing out.</b><b>And as men, it just slowly comes and comes,</b><b>it comes and builds up.</b><b>So maybe that's a communication change</b><b>for the collective consciousness or people</b><b>when it comes to Christmas and the holidays.</b><b>No, I think it'd be great.</b><b>It's almost like, remember the friendship</b><b>part of your relationship and be a good friend.</b><b>Just be like, and trust me,</b><b>and I do think there should be division of labor.</b><b>I do, but for some of us, I'll speak for ourselves.</b><b>We've been together almost 33 years.</b><b>There's some things, trust me,</b><b>there are things that have changed or are changing,</b><b>but it takes longer when you're in a relationship like this.</b><b>And conversations like this will help even Brian and I,</b><b>like for next year.</b><b>But if you're younger and you're starting out,</b><b>divide that labor up now, like figure out what you--</b><b>Or keep things simple.</b><b>Don't get too complicated</b><b>because keep your traditions very basic and simple.</b><b>If you can, like when it's just the two of you,</b><b>you totally can.</b><b>And when your kids are really young, you still can.</b><b>But once they hit that school age, it's challenging.</b><b>And I think it's important to be realistic with that.</b><b>Like, sure, you have the people that are like,</b><b>my kids are not, you have the righteous people</b><b>or the pygmies that are like, well, my kids don't watch TV</b><b>or have screens, but a lot of times those kids are weird.</b><b>Like, you know what I'm trying to say?</b><b>Like, sure, you can have situations</b><b>where it's the crunchy granola family</b><b>who's isolated themselves pretty much</b><b>from their kids assimilating as normal people in society</b><b>because they're so far one way.</b><b>And that's, I know, a controversial thing to say,</b><b>but sometimes you're making it harder on your kid</b><b>if you remove literally everything,</b><b>then it's almost like they don't know how to communicate</b><b>with their peers. You know, I heard a stat.</b><b>I don't know if that makes sense.</b><b>Yeah, it does, but I heard a stat.</b><b>I think it's either 90% or 97%</b><b>of a US citizen celebrate Christmas,</b><b>which shows you if we're not a 90% Christian nation, right?</b><b>So we've got non-Christians celebrating Christmas,</b><b>so the Hallmark and retailers are winning, right?</b><b>That's what I'm saying. Yes.</b><b>So everybody's celebrating Christmas now,</b><b>just about everybody.</b><b>Yes, no, it's true.</b><b>I know Jewish people who celebrate Christmas.</b><b>They celebrate both. Yes.</b><b>And let's throw in, if you're Jewish</b><b>and you celebrate Hanukkah and Christmas,</b><b>that's a whole nother thing.</b><b>You're buying gifts for Hanukkah,</b><b>and although they start small and build up,</b><b>but that's like, oh my gosh,</b><b>like throw in the fourth holiday, oh my gosh.</b><b>So I just think, like I said,</b><b>if you're a young couple starting out,</b><b>it could be something as small as who's gonna wrap.</b><b>It could be that small.</b><b>Who is gonna stuff the envelopes of the carts?</b><b>Well, you know, for me, a big job of mine--</b><b>I'm being dead serious on these things.</b><b>A big job of mine that's no longer around</b><b>is putting shit together.</b><b>Remember, I would always be up late putting stuff together.</b><b>It's nice to have older kids.</b><b>Yeah, yeah, yeah, no, and I will say that you,</b><b>our kids were young, I didn't put anything together.</b><b>You did that.</b><b>So it could be things like that, but like,</b><b>so in general, the women's list,</b><b>let's say her list has 20 things, his list has two.</b><b>I'm just saying comparatively, it really is like that.</b><b>So it's like, let's make this list more even,</b><b>or the very--</b><b>Honestly, reduce the list</b><b>is what I would suggest to people.</b><b>True, but I think to be realistic,</b><b>I don't disagree with that, but let's be realistic.</b><b>Everyone, most people, you grew up getting a lot of gifts.</b><b>I grew up getting a lot of gifts.</b><b>Even if it wasn't expensive stuff,</b><b>it was a lot of things to open.</b><b>Especially if you grew up like that,</b><b>you like to give your kids that.</b><b>You like Christmas morning, oh my God,</b><b>there's been times on Christmas Eve,</b><b>you're like, "Did we get enough?"</b><b>And you've said that to me.</b><b>Like, in general, a lot of families like to have</b><b>that feeling of, "Santa came, look at everything."</b><b>That's that magic, right?</b><b>So I try to keep in mind, sure, simplify,</b><b>but let's be realistic too.</b><b>Like, everyone gets caught up in the magic of Christmas,</b><b>and I don't think there's anything wrong with that.</b><b>But it can be little things that you get help with.</b><b>If you can divide up those small things,</b><b>and I may give you something next year.</b><b>I may say, "I need you to put these cards</b><b>"and these envelopes for me.</b><b>"I just need you to do that."</b><b>If you can do that, that will help.</b><b>See, and I'm taking responsibility</b><b>as a Gen X woman who took everything on,</b><b>and I'm aware of that.</b><b>But, and I also am with a Gen X guy,</b><b>and they aren't known for their emotional development</b><b>or their emotional IQ.</b><b>So it wouldn't occur to you to stop and say,</b><b>"How can I help you today?"</b><b>That's not in your DNA.</b><b>For the card example, I would say,</b><b>"Let's not send cards."</b><b>But we just got done, I know, but that,</b><b>see, that's a cop-out.</b><b>No.</b><b>No, because, okay, A, I enjoy sending them.</b><b>We enjoy receiving cards, and it's a tradition.</b><b>And the kids like to see what picture did we do.</b><b>It's one of our family traditions.</b><b>So, but that's so interesting.</b><b>And I find that is such an interesting male response.</b><b>And I bet that happens to a lot of women.</b><b>I am asking if you could just put cards in an envelope.</b><b>You could be watching football while you're doing it.</b><b>And instead of being like, "I can totally do that,"</b><b>your response is, "Let's just not do cards."</b><b>Do you see how that doesn't work?</b><b>Why not?</b><b>Because you're wanting to throw it all away</b><b>because you don't wanna be in convenience</b><b>for a short amount of time.</b><b>No, I'm not saying that.</b><b>I'm not saying I wouldn't stuff the cards.</b><b>I'm not saying there's no value in that.</b><b>All I'm saying is it's worth questioning</b><b>whether you should do it or not.</b><b>That's pushback.</b><b>No, it's not.</b><b>But it is.</b><b>No.</b><b>Yes, so that right there is that</b><b>this is part of the Christmas magic.</b><b>This is part of our tradition,</b><b>and this is something that we all participate in.</b><b>And we send out--</b><b>No, we all don't.</b><b>We do.</b><b>Even we send to people that you want to receive cards to.</b><b>Our older two send to people they want to receive cards.</b><b>And we all send to our own people.</b><b>I'm in charge of sending them,</b><b>but everyone has people they want them to go to, okay?</b><b>So we all are a part of it.</b><b>So I should feel comfortable.</b><b>I should feel that I can say to you,</b><b>"Hey, Bri, can you just stuff these for me?</b><b>"Because I got to get them out tomorrow."</b><b>Or I got to get them out on three days.</b><b>Like I wouldn't want to throw it to you the day before.</b><b>I need this done in the next five days.</b><b>Oh, thank you.</b><b>And I want to feel like you would say,</b><b>"Yes, I can do that, not a problem."</b><b>And that's it.</b><b>Because in that moan of that craziness,</b><b>that's what a woman needs.</b><b>She doesn't need, maybe we shouldn't do--</b><b>You know what, what about--</b><b>She doesn't need, maybe we shouldn't do cards.</b><b>Maybe it's too much.</b><b>We're in it.</b><b>Just say, "Yep, I got you.</b><b>"I got you.</b><b>"I got you."</b><b>Because it's not a huge inconvenience to you.</b><b>How do you know?</b><b>What if other things are going on?</b><b>And that's pushback.</b><b>No, that's just reality.</b><b>No, but it would take you 30 minutes.</b><b>Because she creates, she takes so much time</b><b>and there's a ton of things going on</b><b>to create all the things.</b><b>You could take 30 minutes just to do that one thing.</b><b>That's what I mean.</b><b>That's starting to create help with the balance.</b><b>I'm playing devil's advocate.</b><b>I don't think this is a big deal.</b><b>But I'm representing other men out there who maybe,</b><b>there has to be some boundaries at some point</b><b>on the magic that's getting created.</b><b>And I'm not questioning, this is not a personal thing.</b><b>I'm just saying in general, there's people out there</b><b>that go over the top, that go over the top.</b><b>Like the people down the road who do that display,</b><b>that's wonderful, right?</b><b>I've driven out of my way to go see it.</b><b>It's amazing.</b><b>They've got inflatables and like all types of, right?</b><b>You know what I'm talking about.</b><b>What if that was the only one of them that wanted to do it</b><b>and the other burdened the other one to do it?</b><b>That's a lot.</b><b>See, I think when there's something to that extent,</b><b>that extravagance, like when you see these homes</b><b>where people kind of go just to see that home</b><b>because it's such a big deal.</b><b>I think, honestly, I think it's either they both want that</b><b>or heated.</b><b>Yeah, 100%.</b><b>And we all know if he wanted it, it's gonna get done.</b><b>Yeah, that's right.</b><b>And I think what women want is that feeling</b><b>of if she is important to her,</b><b>that he has just as much passion about doing it,</b><b>what her thing, that he would--</b><b>That's an interesting concept though.</b><b>For his own.</b><b>When you say if he wanted it, it would get done.</b><b>But if she wanted it, he has to help.</b><b>Is that what you're saying?</b><b>No, no.</b><b>If--</b><b>Get on "Plain Devil's Advocate."</b><b>Yeah, yeah, no.</b><b>Well, because lights are a physical thing, right?</b><b>And especially those extravagance,</b><b>there's like getting on roofs and blowups and stuff.</b><b>Like the roof and all that, that's typically--</b><b>That's on the roof or not.</b><b>Men do that.</b><b>What I'm saying, I'm talking about houses</b><b>where there's lots of lights and all that.</b><b>That's a more outdoor physical.</b><b>Typically, men do that.</b><b>I'm just gonna say it.</b><b>So if you see a house that is that extravagant,</b><b>either they've hired someone or he wants that.</b><b>If he didn't,</b><b>she would either hire someone or it wouldn't happen.</b><b>I'm not saying there aren't women who get up on roofs</b><b>and houses and I know there are,</b><b>but in general, there aren't.</b><b>I'm sorry, it's just how it is, there aren't.</b><b>And she also has so much on her plate.</b><b>I don't think going up on a roof is gonna,</b><b>she's gonna add to it.</b><b>No, I'm sorry, dogs are in here, hold on.</b><b>No. Hey.</b><b>So, no, what I'm trying to say is,</b><b>so if he wanted something during the holidays,</b><b>it's gonna happen.</b><b>If a man wants something done during the holidays,</b><b>whether it's decoration, whether it's a food,</b><b>whether it's anything, going out to a restaurant,</b><b>going to a party, it's happening.</b><b>He's doing it.</b><b>Well, why can't the same be true for a woman?</b><b>Whatever that example might be.</b><b>Because typically,</b><b>I don't know if we're thinking on the same lines with this,</b><b>but because,</b><b>okay, so if she wants to go to a party and he doesn't,</b><b>then she's showing up to the party alone.</b><b>And if it's a party where there's couples,</b><b>that can be uncomfortable for a woman.</b><b>And then also it makes it look like her husband,</b><b>like he's-- What about men who wanna go</b><b>to a party and the woman doesn't wanna go?</b><b>Same thing. Yeah.</b><b>Yeah. But you're saying</b><b>he's gonna go, and that's because he's gonna do it, but--</b><b>If he wants to go to a party and she doesn't wanna go,</b><b>he'll still go, and maybe,</b><b>I don't know if he'll feel as uncomfortable as she would.</b><b>What I'm trying to say is,</b><b>if he wants to do something, he's going to do it.</b><b>But if she wants to do something,</b><b>and he's like lukewarm about it,</b><b>a lot of times he's gonna push back</b><b>instead of just doing the thing</b><b>because he knows it makes her happy.</b><b>Where I think women do a lot of things</b><b>that they don't wanna do,</b><b>but they don't make their partner happy,</b><b>so they're gonna still do it.</b><b>I think men are less inclined to lean into that.</b><b>Yeah, maybe. That makes sense.</b><b>Women are kinda used to being selfless.</b><b>And I'm not saying men aren't,</b><b>because men do many selfless things for their families.</b><b>So I'm not saying they don't.</b><b>But like I said, I think if there's certain issues</b><b>in a relationship throughout the year,</b><b>the holidays can really exacerbate the situation,</b><b>and you can end up with--</b><b>I would agree. Really bad arguments.</b><b>Yeah, I would agree.</b><b>Holidays, they're stressful.</b><b>As you talked about, a shit starts in August,</b><b>and it goes all the way through into New Year's,</b><b>into the first week of New Year's.</b><b>Would you say though that for a lot of men though,</b><b>the stress is just the energy</b><b>that they're dealing with with their wives?</b><b>That's their stress?</b><b>No, I think it's, I do think it's their wives.</b><b>It's the shopping and having to go and buy gifts and stuff,</b><b>and depending on how many gifts you have to get, right?</b><b>Those are all decisions.</b><b>Now I'm talking about from a male perspective,</b><b>because that's the woman taking care of all that.</b><b>No, men go buy gifts unless you're an asshole,</b><b>and you're gonna go buy your--</b><b>On Christmas Eve Day.</b><b>Christmas Eve Day.</b><b>So yeah, that's it. No, what are you talking about?</b><b>Christmas Eve Day buying gifts?</b><b>Or the day before Christmas Eve, they go and buy gifts.</b><b>No, that's not true.</b><b>A lot of men, I don't wait till that last day.</b><b>I'll go and pick up a couple things,</b><b>but I already know what I'm getting.</b><b>When I go towards the, my last purchases for me personally,</b><b>that you think are the last minute purchases</b><b>have already been planned out.</b><b>It's just, I don't have an opportunity to go shopping,</b><b>to go pick them up, right?</b><b>Okay, but so--</b><b>But other things are purchased over online, in advance.</b><b>Okay, but let's be real.</b><b>You bought for me.</b><b>Yeah, yeah.</b><b>Okay, and I bought for every other--</b><b>Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.</b><b>Okay, so when you're saying the stress of the shopping,</b><b>you're saying the stress of the shopping</b><b>for one person in your life.</b><b>Well, and then you go out with the kids</b><b>to get other stuff and get--</b><b>For me.</b><b>Yeah, either you or other them,</b><b>or like their siblings, that kind of stuff.</b><b>Which I do.</b><b>Yeah.</b><b>I do that.</b><b>So you had the stress of the shopping for your wife,</b><b>which is good, because as we talked about,</b><b>there's husbands that don't even do that.</b><b>Your stress is shopping for me,</b><b>and then having to go out to dinner on Christmas Eve,</b><b>and then the lights.</b><b>No, I think the whole thing is just stressful.</b><b>But no, I'm trying to pinpoint for you, for a man.</b><b>Oh, it's gotta be you.</b><b>(laughing) That is a source of stress.</b><b>Okay, so that's what I'm saying.</b><b>No, no, I think it's the--</b><b>So for a man, for a man, if his wife</b><b>is doing all the shopping for everyone,</b><b>including his family in a lot of situations,</b><b>all the planning, all the cooking, all the baking,</b><b>all the wrapping, all the cleaning,</b><b>all the reservation making, all the clothes shopping,</b><b>making sure all the kids have clothes for Christmas Eve,</b><b>all the things, right?</b><b>Yeah.</b><b>His job is shopping--</b><b>Just to pay for it all?</b><b>To be the outlet? But she may be too.</b><b>Wait, wait, his job, yes, to pay for it,</b><b>but she may also be paying for it</b><b>if she's working outside of the home.</b><b>So either they're both paying for it</b><b>or he is paying for it, yes.</b><b>But I'm talking about during that Christmas season, yeah,</b><b>paying for it, and then shopping for her,</b><b>hopefully he is, he should be.</b><b>Filling her stocking, he should be.</b><b>And showing up for Christmas Eve dinner to go out.</b><b>So those are two things, three things,</b><b>paying for it, shopping for her,</b><b>going out to dinner on Christmas Eve.</b><b>That's where the main stress for men come.</b><b>And that's why I think--</b><b>No, no, I think--</b><b>And then the energy off of their wives' stress.</b><b>I think it's the energy off their wives' stress</b><b>is gotta be the number one.</b><b>Exactly. 100%.</b><b>Okay, so-- 100%.</b><b>What I just talked about--</b><b>Well, you just tried that you had trapped me</b><b>or something here? No, no, I agree.</b><b>And what I've been talking about is,</b><b>let's alleviate that.</b><b>If they-- Are you shrinking?</b><b>No, no, no, no, no, no.</b><b>If men could start seeing their wives</b><b>through the holiday season,</b><b>that stress level that you're feeling off for her,</b><b>I think it's worth a test.</b><b>That stress level that you're seeing off,</b><b>feeling off for her, it would come down.</b><b>I promise you that.</b><b>It would come down.</b><b>And so that in turn-- I don't agree.</b><b>Then the men don't feel as much stress.</b><b>No, no, no, because the words of, "How can I help?"</b><b>No, here's why I don't agree.</b><b>That looks cool, let me finish.</b><b>Taking moments, it doesn't have to be every day.</b><b>Or you know what?</b><b>Just how about a little back massage</b><b>without expecting anything afterwards?</b><b>What I'm trying to say is,</b><b>if men took a little bit of time</b><b>and sprinkled some attention to their wives</b><b>throughout the holiday season,</b><b>as their wives are running around crazy</b><b>to make the Christmas magic,</b><b>that stress energy they're feeling off for her</b><b>would alleviate significantly</b><b>because they know their partner has got their back.</b><b>And you may not agree with me,</b><b>but I'm telling you right now,</b><b>so much of the stress that women feel</b><b>is because they feel alone in it,</b><b>even when they're married or have a partner.</b><b>They feel like they're doing it all by themselves.</b><b>So if you take that away,</b><b>I'm telling you, you know what it is?</b><b>That's an interesting concept.</b><b>You know what it is?</b><b>Is women are in their freaking masculine</b><b>all of the holiday.</b><b>Put them in their feminine,</b><b>the most important time to put them in their feminine.</b><b>During the Christmas season.</b><b>Think about that.</b><b>Think about that, right?</b><b>You're saying from August to December,</b><b>that's four solid months, really five.</b><b>Five solid months, that's almost half--</b><b>That you have to show love?</b><b>No, no, no, half a year,</b><b>you're focused on these different holidays</b><b>instead of just living.</b><b>Instead of just living the day to day and enjoying things,</b><b>it's trying to create mystical magic</b><b>of these Hallmark holidays.</b><b>It's a lot.</b><b>And I think women, if your premise is accurate</b><b>and that women are the magic makers,</b><b>I don't totally agree, but I don't, whatever.</b><b>Maybe dial it back.</b><b>Women should dial it back a little bit</b><b>and it'll still be magical,</b><b>but it doesn't have to be over the top</b><b>where you're stressing yourselves out for five months.</b><b>But you need to be realistic in that</b><b>because we went through this.</b><b>We've raised children.</b><b>When you raise children, it's hard to dial it back</b><b>because children want to dress up for Halloween</b><b>and they might want, and if you're a millennial,</b><b>you may have to dress up now with them too.</b><b>And maybe there's a bunch, it's stuff that happens.</b><b>But think about that.</b><b>If Halloween's on a Friday, get your costumes Tuesday.</b><b>You don't need to be the month before.</b><b>That just shows you, you don't know.</b><b>There's no costumes on Tuesday.</b><b>Here's the thing, you're ignorant.</b><b>You are ignorant to this shit because you are, you are.</b><b>And I think most men are ignorant to this shit.</b><b>Go out as a football player or a cheerleader,</b><b>put a plastic bag on it, go as the glad man or something.</b><b>I'm not wanting to be serious.</b><b>You're crazy because you know what's so funny</b><b>is that our children knew exactly what they wanted to be</b><b>and we needed to get exactly those costumes</b><b>and that's how everyone is.</b><b>Yeah. Yeah.</b><b>Yeah, no, I'm down.</b><b>Like kids want to be Buzz Lightyear.</b><b>Okay, six weeks out, buy your Buzz Lightyear stuff,</b><b>order it online.</b><b>That's September.</b><b>But parents shouldn't be dressing up.</b><b>That's going on now.</b><b>That's an example though of stress you don't need.</b><b>But that's part of that generation once that</b><b>and if everyone's doing it and then maybe little Jimmy's</b><b>like, what are you gonna be mom?</b><b>What are you gonna be dad?</b><b>And I'm sorry.</b><b>I'm gonna be me.</b><b>I'm gonna go back to, well, no, there's things that,</b><b>yeah, there's Gen X dads have definitely done some things</b><b>that have been disappointing to their kids</b><b>because they won't do it.</b><b>But let me just ask you this.</b><b>You literally said you're not sure if women are the creators</b><b>of the magic of the holiday season.</b><b>How do you think it all, everything we've talked about,</b><b>who did it?</b><b>Me.</b><b>No, you didn't.</b><b>(both laughing)</b><b>No, you didn't.</b><b>I was the driving force that made it all happen.</b><b>The support arm, the strength, the wall you leaned on</b><b>when you needed it the most.</b><b>Now you're just being comedic.</b><b>No, I'm being serious.</b><b>You're bringing comedic relief to this episode.</b><b>We haven't even touched on the people that have to go.</b><b>We touched on a little bit,</b><b>but during the Christmas season that have to go</b><b>say with family members who maybe were the source</b><b>of their trauma and stuff.</b><b>I mean, I think that's a whole nother thing is think about--</b><b>I'm glad you came back to that.</b><b>Cause here, why go?</b><b>I think a lot of people are stopping.</b><b>Yeah, but stop.</b><b>I think--</b><b>No, I think that is something where the couple,</b><b>if they can agree, I think that that's,</b><b>there's a lot of no contact happening.</b><b>I think that there is an adjustment there.</b><b>But again, that has to be a couple thing because if,</b><b>or let's say in-laws aren't very nice to the son</b><b>or the daughter, well, that spouse has to be okay</b><b>not going there.</b><b>You know what I mean?</b><b>So it's a whole, that's a couple decision.</b><b>I just think that if you think about it,</b><b>when you're a kid, hopefully Christmas and the holidays</b><b>were magical.</b><b>If they weren't, that means your situation</b><b>wasn't great, right?</b><b>You didn't have a mom doing it, but yeah.</b><b>Whatever it is.</b><b>It's a mom.</b><b>But it was magical as kids, you hope.</b><b>Why turn it into a total stressful shit show as adults?</b><b>I get it.</b><b>You want to create the magic and everything,</b><b>but at the same time, there's got to be a balance.</b><b>That's all I'm saying.</b><b>There's got to be a balance.</b><b>There's no reason that over the holidays,</b><b>you should subject yourself to family</b><b>that causes you trauma and grief,</b><b>whether it's Thanksgiving or Christmas or whatever.</b><b>If it all works out, it works out.</b><b>But if it doesn't, then it doesn't.</b><b>And maybe it's easier to be alone</b><b>than it is to go and subject yourself</b><b>to that kind of thing, right?</b><b>My overarching message, I guess, my point is</b><b>that holidays shouldn't be stressful.</b><b>It just shouldn't be.</b><b>But we all make them stressful</b><b>because of over-consumerism and trying to create magic.</b><b>And there's some balance in here.</b><b>I think we're too far as a society,</b><b>not us personally, we might be, I don't know.</b><b>But we're too far and it needs to come back a little bit.</b><b>I don't know where that is,</b><b>but I'll tell you, last thing I'll say on this.</b><b>One of the best things I thought about,</b><b>I found it enjoyable and I'd never done this before,</b><b>but watching the Midnight Mass from the Vatican.</b><b>It was pretty cool.</b><b>And I've never watched it before,</b><b>but to see the architecture of the Vatican</b><b>and with the other kids watching it,</b><b>we're all like, wow, that's really cool.</b><b>I think that was kind of cool.</b><b>So, okay, so what's interesting is</b><b>I think that's really cool</b><b>that you guys were all watching that.</b><b>But I just wanna bring some reality</b><b>of my situation into that.</b><b>And I think it's cool.</b><b>And I think that'd be a great new tradition to start.</b><b>I do, I really do think that's cool.</b><b>And I would love to start that tradition and add that.</b><b>Cause that's actually a chill thing to do.</b><b>You just sit and watch.</b><b>But do you know, did you observe?</b><b>And I'm not attacking you.</b><b>Yeah, you were putting out gifts</b><b>and doing the final arrangements and all that, yeah.</b><b>What I actually was doing,</b><b>because now Dylan helps put out gifts</b><b>and Kaya helps put out gifts.</b><b>So they were very helpful with that.</b><b>And I think that's a really hard two of our kids.</b><b>What I was doing at that time was stockings.</b><b>And that took a long time.</b><b>So while you and the kids were watching that,</b><b>which is great, I was going back and forth,</b><b>back and forth.</b><b>I was taking stockings to our room,</b><b>filling a stocking, bringing stuff out.</b><b>And we go big on stockings, we always have.</b><b>So there was a lot for each stocking.</b><b>So as you guys are sitting and talking about it</b><b>and all that, and it's, as you said, midnight, right?</b><b>I mean, I'm tired.</b><b>I don't know if it was midnight, but.</b><b>It was late, it was late.</b><b>Cause I think after that I went to bed</b><b>and it was like one o'clock or something.</b><b>It was late.</b><b>I was tired, I was fading.</b><b>So it was either get these stockings done now</b><b>or they're not happening.</b><b>So I spent that whole time doing stockings.</b><b>So I think that's an example, right?</b><b>Of everyone sitting relaxed.</b><b>I'm not talking about me personally,</b><b>but the family's relaxing and enjoying something.</b><b>It was magical.</b><b>Enjoying a magic, yeah, it was great.</b><b>I'm glad you put it on.</b><b>I'm saying, I love that.</b><b>But for next year, we're gonna tweak some things</b><b>because, especially now that I know</b><b>that could be a potential thing.</b><b>Get the stockings in like July.</b><b>That's a good idea.</b><b>But for next year, we are gonna tweak things</b><b>cause I wanna sit and watch.</b><b>And I don't wanna be putting stockings together</b><b>while you're all enjoying something</b><b>and I'm in the bedroom.</b><b>And that's what it was, that's what happened, right?</b><b>But I think that happens to so many moms</b><b>is they're doing a million behind the scenes things</b><b>so that the magic Christmas happens.</b><b>Stockings are part of the magic of Christmas.</b><b>But you need a dad who's distracting.</b><b>No, no, a dad who's like, who's okay.</b><b>I'm just kidding.</b><b>Now that you know that's a thing,</b><b>like you just said, do stockings in July,</b><b>but maybe you say at 10 o'clock,</b><b>where's the stockings, let's get them done,</b><b>I'll help you because then we can watch this, right?</b><b>That's huge.</b><b>It's gold, that's like saying, I love you.</b><b>That's the same as saying, I love you.</b><b>I'm telling you right now because it's thoughtful too.</b><b>I feel seen.</b><b>So yeah, so that's a small example of,</b><b>Midnight Mass was an amazing thing, beautiful watching it,</b><b>especially considering we went to mass, you didn't,</b><b>but we had gone to mass that day,</b><b>but it was cool to see that.</b><b>I'm not even into the religious aspect of it,</b><b>but just the whole ornate thing of it.</b><b>I know, but things need to be tweaked</b><b>and I'm gonna be 55 in March.</b><b>So I'm here, one of the reasons I wanted to do this episode</b><b>is because no one talked about this when I was growing up.</b><b>No one talked about this when I was in my 20s, 30s or 40s.</b><b>So I'm talking about it because I want,</b><b>as all things, like I talk about menopause,</b><b>I talk about perimenopause, I talk about marriage,</b><b>I talk about parenting.</b><b>I want the generations coming up behind us</b><b>to do better and evolve.</b><b>And I don't, I want the shared labor.</b><b>I want there to be shared labor.</b><b>I don't want all the labor to be on the wife,</b><b>the mother, the woman.</b><b>And again, I think the younger generations</b><b>are changing this, but it's only truly gonna happen</b><b>if Gen X talks about these things.</b><b>We have to keep talking about the broken parts of the system</b><b>because in so many areas, the woman is the scapegoat.</b><b>I don't want that for our daughter</b><b>and I don't want it for my granddaughter</b><b>and my great-granddaughter and my great-great-grand,</b><b>I want this changed.</b><b>And the holiday time is another example where</b><b>a lot of times the woman gets the short end of the stick.</b><b>Do you think that the women gets the short end of the stick</b><b>because the judges right now are the boomers</b><b>and maybe some silent gens,</b><b>whereas when our daughter rolls around and our kids are,</b><b>we're not gonna blame their wives.</b><b>If they don't do something,</b><b>we're gonna look at them as a couple</b><b>as opposed to blaming her.</b><b>And do you think that's a generational thing</b><b>that will just evolve out of?</b><b>Yeah, I think that's a really good point.</b><b>I hope so.</b><b>I think that it isn't just that our judges are boomers</b><b>and silent gen, but I think it's also the pressure</b><b>we put on ourselves because of the way we were raised.</b><b>Yeah, yeah.</b><b>So to your point, I don't think we have put</b><b>or will put the same type of pressure on our children</b><b>as they're hosting things.</b><b>Like our kids one day may say,</b><b>we wanna do Thanksgiving, one of our kids.</b><b>And I don't care what's going on.</b><b>We will show up and be like,</b><b>this is the most perfect Thanksgiving I've ever been to.</b><b>But we didn't grow up that way, right?</b><b>I mean, like Gen X didn't grow up that way.</b><b>We grew up thinking it needs to be right.</b><b>I wouldn't say that that's not my experience.</b><b>When I was a kid, I'd go to my grandmother's.</b><b>We'd all sit around the table in the room and it was--</b><b>She made it perfect.</b><b>Oh, she made it perfect, but it wasn't perfect.</b><b>Meaning it was just, it was what it's supposed to be.</b><b>It was the family's there, everybody's eating.</b><b>The food she got up at five in the morning to make.</b><b>Yeah, no, she didn't get up at the crack of dawn.</b><b>She created that.</b><b>But other people contributed.</b><b>But no, you're right, she did.</b><b>She made cookies three, four days out.</b><b>She's an example of what I'm talking about.</b><b>Yeah.</b><b>Okay.</b><b>Yeah, but my point is,</b><b>it wasn't necessarily perfect,</b><b>but it was everybody there to see everybody</b><b>once a year Thanksgiving.</b><b>You know what I mean?</b><b>It was more than just whatever it is today.</b><b>Yeah, yeah.</b><b>No, I understand what you're saying.</b><b>I hope that things change.</b><b>I do think there's two types of Gen X though.</b><b>There is the typogenics that has broken generational trauma</b><b>and the cycle and accepts their children for who they are</b><b>and supports them and is progressive in mind.</b><b>And then there's the typogenics of it was good enough for me,</b><b>it's good enough for them and they're perpetuating.</b><b>And those kids may go through the same type of pressures</b><b>and traumas that when it comes.</b><b>So it depends on which typogenics parents you have.</b><b>I think we're the over the top example.</b><b>And I think again, to your point,</b><b>you're saying you hope it works better</b><b>for future generations.</b><b>My thing would be to dial it in a little bit,</b><b>reel it in a little bit.</b><b>It's a lot, it's a lot that what it's evolved into.</b><b>It's not, it's not.</b><b>It's actually what's interesting.</b><b>It's not a lot.</b><b>And I think-</b><b>I think it's a lot.</b><b>I know, but I think what I'd like to do,</b><b>and this would be interesting,</b><b>we may do this and then do another holiday episode</b><b>around this time next year.</b><b>I think I'm gonna include you in certain things</b><b>like communicatively, like just so you know</b><b>this is what's going on right now</b><b>and get your feedback on, do you think that's a lot</b><b>or is that just normal and it just needs to be done?</b><b>It's just a normal thing and it, we just, it has to do.</b><b>What I mean by a lot is that it starts in August</b><b>and we're five minutes in here.</b><b>Not everybody.</b><b>No, society is, it's the society.</b><b>Oh, you mean like the stores of-</b><b>Society, the US culture right now,</b><b>as you go to any retail, not every,</b><b>but if you go to Home Depot, Walmart, Lowe's,</b><b>the grocery stores, Costco, the big retailers, right?</b><b>You're bombarded with this shit starting in August.</b><b>I don't wanna rehash it, but it is-</b><b>Hobby Lobby.</b><b>Hobby Lobby, all this stuff, it's the resets, retail resets.</b><b>So you're living in this mode, boom.</b><b>Next it's gonna be President's Day.</b><b>No, Valentine's Day.</b><b>Valentine's Day.</b><b>They don't acknowledge President's Day,</b><b>but Valentine's Day.</b><b>Then we get, well, no, you do, you get MLK Day,</b><b>President's Day, Valentine's Day.</b><b>Not the stores.</b><b>No, not the stores, I'm telling you, I know.</b><b>What you have next, Valentine's.</b><b>4th of July, St. Patrick's Day,</b><b>all the whole of it, Easter, the whole thing, it's crazy.</b><b>Mother's Day, Father's Day, 4th, and now you're back.</b><b>Yeah, that's too much.</b><b>I get what you're saying.</b><b>I get what you're saying.</b><b>What I'm saying is, in my opinion,</b><b>and so we'll take this in a personal space,</b><b>our traditions, because remember,</b><b>I didn't even mention about when our children were young</b><b>and we would do the reindeer food on the lawn,</b><b>we would do the cookies and milk for Santa,</b><b>and we would do the carrots for the reindeer.</b><b>It's all those little nuanced things.</b><b>We put this magical key out for Santa.</b><b>It's a lot of little things, right?</b><b>But now our children are older.</b><b>So as, starting in August, I'm just gonna give you</b><b>a heads up, hey, I'm doing this, this week,</b><b>this is what I'm doing, and I'm gonna get your feedback.</b><b>I really do, I wanna see,</b><b>because I think you'll find that it all feels pretty normal.</b><b>And so when I truly say it's those little things</b><b>that can make all the difference for the mental health</b><b>of the mothers who make the magic of Christmas,</b><b>it is the little things.</b><b>It's that little, she's carrying 10 bags,</b><b>maybe take six of them off her back.</b><b>And I'm just, figuratively speaking,</b><b>just take some of the weight off sometimes,</b><b>and what a difference.</b><b>It can be so rejuvenating, and it's so not a lot to ask.</b><b>I think most women feel like it should be 50-50,</b><b>but we all know nothing's ever 50-50.</b><b>And there's things for men that it's not,</b><b>there's no 50-50 for women, right?</b><b>The women are not gonna do 50% of some things men do.</b><b>It's just not gonna happen for different reasons.</b><b>So sure, to listeners, if anyone's there screaming</b><b>at the radio or whatever, it should be 50-50.</b><b>Of course I agree with that.</b><b>That's rare, and if someone has that,</b><b>I think that's amazing.</b><b>So I'm going with a realistic expectation of,</b><b>how can I help you, or that looks really cool,</b><b>or that sounds good, or I love when you make that,</b><b>that's really good.</b><b>You make that so good, that type of thing.</b><b>Those little things, or can I stuff the cards for you?</b><b>Those little things is really what helps her</b><b>so she doesn't have a breakdown,</b><b>a week before Christmas.</b><b>Because I think the partner should want his wife</b><b>to enjoy her Christmas, because she puts so much work.</b><b>I would agree.</b><b>So I think part of his goal should be,</b><b>look, she's doing all these things for everyone.</b><b>I'm gonna make sure someone's got her, and that's me.</b><b>So I'm gonna make sure she's good.</b><b>It's really the only job he should worry about</b><b>is she's the fucking engine.</b><b>I'm gonna make sure it's well-oiled,</b><b>and she's got all the gas she needs.</b><b>I'm gonna keep it going.</b><b>That's my job.</b><b>I'm gonna water the plant.</b><b>That's the man's job.</b><b>Like, just make sure she's okay during that time.</b><b>I don't know why that's so much to ask.</b><b>So, but I know there are guys like that.</b><b>I know there are men that do that.</b><b>And I know there are men that do a lot</b><b>during the holidays. You're implying I'm not.</b><b>I'm speaking from personal experience in that situation,</b><b>but I think that, I think it's,</b><b>I think at least with Gen X, it's a lot of the norm.</b><b>I don't think this is an unusual situation</b><b>for our generation is my point.</b><b>I'm not saying, look at you, you don't do this,</b><b>and that's so weird.</b><b>I'm saying, I think this is a problem.</b><b>I think we need to talk about it in our generation,</b><b>and I think we need to be part of the solution</b><b>for future generations.</b><b>That's the point.</b><b>So, you know, and now we're here.</b><b>It's fascinating though, because,</b><b>and I don't wanna prolong this,</b><b>but you're saying that man should plant</b><b>or water the plant, right?</b><b>I'm saying that maybe don't grow so many plants.</b><b>But she's the plant.</b><b>Yeah, that's a bad analogy.</b><b>Yeah, you missed the mark on that one.</b><b>But listen, trust me, I know where you're--</b><b>Garden, let's say it's the garden.</b><b>Okay, that's why I think though, I will be curious.</b><b>I'm gonna keep you involved.</b><b>You're gonna be more involved next year</b><b>than you ever thought you'd be,</b><b>because I'm gonna let you know.</b><b>That's the other thing is you have the beauty of ignorance,</b><b>because you don't know half the shit I've done.</b><b>I know it all.</b><b>And then you walk in and you're like,</b><b>I don't get why you're so stressed out.</b><b>It'll all get done. Well, I do, I do.</b><b>Okay, but again, I think there's so many women</b><b>that go through this.</b><b>Well, here's one last thing I'll say.</b><b>Because this is where I thought you were going earlier.</b><b>You're gonna involve me in August with decisions.</b><b>And I'm gonna make decisions that are completely contradictory</b><b>to me saying, keep things simple.</b><b>What do you mean?</b><b>Like where it's Christmas Eve and I'm like,</b><b>did we get them enough?</b><b>That kind of thing. Yeah.</b><b>So I get it.</b><b>I know, but I think also that</b><b>it makes it more of a partnership.</b><b>It could be something as simple as in August,</b><b>I may be like, I'm gonna pick up a bag of candy</b><b>for Halloween this week.</b><b>I'm doing it in July.</b><b>(laughing)</b><b>It'll be an all-star.</b><b>Let's start now.</b><b>Actually, I was thinking about picking up one gift per kid</b><b>every month of this year for Christmas.</b><b>So four gifts, because we have our older son's girlfriend,</b><b>four gifts a month between now and Christmas.</b><b>So by the time we hit Black Friday,</b><b>I already have most of it done.</b><b>And I, like economically, obviously it's not as big of a hit,</b><b>but also--</b><b>Oh, it is, it's just a hit.</b><b>Spread out. Yeah.</b><b>Well, I'm not saying big gifts,</b><b>but it could be small things.</b><b>But also if I do that, I could order wrapping paper in July</b><b>and start wrapping.</b><b>You should do that.</b><b>I'll help you pick out the wrapping paper.</b><b>I'm serious. Yeah, but what if?</b><b>And then wrap in August.</b><b>What if their interests change</b><b>by the time Christmas comes around</b><b>and you've missed the mark, magic is fucked.</b><b>Well, I think-- Magic is out the window.</b><b>When you have older children</b><b>and you know them pretty well,</b><b>especially ones who are in their own apartments,</b><b>you're pretty safe.</b><b>It's the 15-year-old that we may have to wait</b><b>because they, yeah, that one could be like in September,</b><b>he wants totally different everything.</b><b>But I think for our older ones,</b><b>especially for the apartment,</b><b>I think we can buy some things and be, you know,</b><b>I'm gonna try that this year</b><b>and I'm gonna start involving you in it.</b><b>I can't wait.</b><b>And then we'll do another episode this time next year</b><b>and reflect on, as a Gen X woman,</b><b>tried to get her husband more involved</b><b>in the magic of Christmas,</b><b>how did things change? It's just so not fair.</b><b>I'm the magic maker.</b><b>Yeah, okay.</b><b>Anyways, so again, I wanted to do this episode,</b><b>I think it's timely, but I want--</b><b>For shit on men.</b><b>No, it's not to shit on men, it's to change the norm.</b><b>Now, and it's to help women feel seen.</b><b>There's a lot of women who didn't get a Christmas gift</b><b>from their husband. That's terrible, yeah.</b><b>I can't stress that.</b><b>And had an empty stocking. That can't.</b><b>That's crazy.</b><b>Okay, so there's a lot of women being treated that way</b><b>and they work their asses off for everyone.</b><b>So I just also want women to feel seen,</b><b>like I see you girls.</b><b>So that's our little holiday.</b><b>Oh, and I have one little tip and then I'll close out.</b><b>When our kids were young for New Year's Eve,</b><b>now this is old school, but I would create,</b><b>I would get paper lunch sacks</b><b>and I would write times on them,</b><b>like 6 p.m., 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, and midnight.</b><b>And I would fill them with things.</b><b>And at the beginning of every hour,</b><b>they would get their sack.</b><b>So let's say 6 o'clock I put in like Play-Doh,</b><b>markers, stickers, whatever.</b><b>And I did, I think actually 6 o'clock</b><b>I did one of those disposable cameras</b><b>and they would take pictures throughout the night</b><b>with their disposable camera.</b><b>I know it's now with their phones,</b><b>but honestly, disposable cameras</b><b>kind of have a little novelty to them.</b><b>But I would fill the bags with different things.</b><b>And so they had a new things to play with,</b><b>do every hour of New Year's Eve night.</b><b>And it kept them entertained</b><b>and they looked forward to it, special treats, whatever.</b><b>And then I thought at midnight</b><b>I had the silly string and poppers and stuff.</b><b>So for anybody with young children</b><b>that is looking for a new idea or something,</b><b>that was always a hit.</b><b>If they were with cousins,</b><b>I did the bags for the cousins too.</b><b>Any kids that were there,</b><b>I did bags for everyone, friends.</b><b>So that's my little New Year's Eve.</b><b>That's women making magic.</b><b>Exactly, that's more of the magic.</b><b>I kept making New Year's Eve.</b><b>I don't have to do that now until we have grandchildren.</b><b>But this New Year's Eve will just be chilling</b><b>and I'm looking forward to it as I'm chilling this week.</b><b>For all the moms, if you're watching this on YouTube,</b><b>I am in pajamas, they're clean pajamas.</b><b>But I'm in pajamas all week.</b><b>I am steeping in my Christmas magic</b><b>and enjoying every minute of it.</b><b>And we thank you for joining us as always.</b><b>And we welcome all comments, all questions.</b><b>And we will be returning at the beginning of the year</b><b>with tons of guests.</b><b>We have so many great guests coming up</b><b>and we will be back at it.</b><b>We do have a special episode coming up on Gut Health.</b><b>Yep, yep.</b><b>We'll start off the New Year.</b><b>That's gonna be a series.</b><b>We're gonna have with Dr. Pat Lynch, the first one,</b><b>probably it'll drop in the next week or two.</b><b>And I think once a month,</b><b>we're gonna do a Gut Health episode with him,</b><b>go real deep into that.</b><b>So look for that as an addition to a whole bunch of guests.</b><b>And we again, wish you all happy holidays.</b><b>And especially to all those moms out there,</b><b>we hope that you had a wonderful, wonderful Christmas</b><b>and you're enjoying hopefully some quiet time</b><b>before the New Year starts.</b><b>And we will see you next time.</b><b>Bye.</b><b>(upbeat music)</b>