<b>[Music]</b><b>Welcome to GenX Adulting and today we have Whitney Kel with us in the studio.</b><b>Welcome Whitney. We're so happy to have you here. And our first question is always</b><b>what year were you born? 1971. It's the best year. That's our year too. So we</b><b>love to have our fellow GenXers that were 1971 babies because it's the best.</b><b>And where were you born? Portland, Oregon.</b><b>Okay and were your parents from Portland?</b><b>How many generations back would you say? Grandma and Grandpa were from Portland,</b><b>Oregon too. Her mom came through Canada. Okay.</b><b>She's Russian. Oh wow. Yeah. So is that your mom's</b><b>mom or your dad's mom? My dad's mom. So she</b><b>came from Russia over to Canada and then down to</b><b>Portland and your grandfather did she meet him</b><b>when she got to Portland? I believe so. There's</b><b>certain parts of the story. I don't have</b><b>clarity around but I did my ancestry.com and I'm 1%</b><b>Icelandic. Oh cool. Nice. And then what about</b><b>your mom's parents? Well that's a little more shady.</b><b>Okay. Mom was brought up in foster care. Okay so</b><b>you're not sure. I know her mom but her mom was</b><b>having a good time so she had three daughters</b><b>with three different men. Okay and is this all in</b><b>Portland? It was all in Portland. Okay. That's</b><b>where it all happens right Nicole? Oh definitely.</b><b>Full disclosure, Whitney and I went to high</b><b>school together. We weren't besties in high school. Our</b><b>high school was the largest high school in</b><b>Oregon at the time. So we had a huge graduating class</b><b>and lots of kids but we did know each other. We</b><b>just didn't hang in the same groups but I know we</b><b>probably were at some similar parties together.</b><b>So what's cool about this as a side note is we're</b><b>kind of reconnecting midlife and really</b><b>getting to know each other for the first time and I</b><b>we did have we went to lunch before a couple</b><b>months ago and it was awesome. Yeah. It was so</b><b>awesome just to really get to know you so and</b><b>we're so happy that you're here to share your</b><b>story because even though I knew you then I</b><b>didn't know you. Right. Yeah well we didn't even know</b><b>ourselves right. Yeah I thought Nicole was this</b><b>popular cheerleader. And I wasn't a cheerleader.</b><b>So we definitely didn't know each other. Okay so how did your parents meet?</b><b>Mom and dad how did they meet? Gosh</b><b>I have no idea. That is such a good question. I</b><b>cannot believe I don't know the answer to that.</b><b>Do you know how old they were when they met?</b><b>20s. Okay. Yeah. And did they get married? Yeah. And</b><b>are you their only child? My sister is 16</b><b>months older than me. Morgan. Morgan lives in</b><b>Ocala and Tennessee. Okay so Irish twins you guys</b><b>were very close together 16 months. Yeah. Okay so</b><b>they got married. Do you know what your dad</b><b>did? My dad was a cop. All right and was your mom a</b><b>stay-at-home mom or did she work? She did nails.</b><b>Okay so she hustled. But she stayed stay-at-home</b><b>mom mostly. No I think she did nails after the</b><b>we started to get older but I don't remember her</b><b>working when I was young but in all fairness I</b><b>don't remember a ton of my childhood. Okay. For</b><b>very specific reasons I suspect. Okay did that</b><b>start okay so when they were married and they had</b><b>you your dad's a cop your mom's home in the</b><b>beginning raising you and your sister. You guys</b><b>go to elementary school you think that's around</b><b>the time she probably started working outside the</b><b>home doing nails. Well okay so one of my</b><b>girlfriends is very intuitive psychic and she touched my neck</b><b>she's like what is this what is this she goes</b><b>what happened between the ages of five and six</b><b>where your father no longer felt safe having you</b><b>alone with your mother. Okay so between the ages</b><b>of five and six what what what grade are we</b><b>in? That's kindergarten. Okay so that's when the</b><b>marriage ended. Okay so are you there was physical</b><b>abuse? So what happened was we were all at Willamette</b><b>Park and we were at the police picnic and when</b><b>my dad came back to find me and my sister I think</b><b>she was passed out and I was missing so they</b><b>took all the cops and they split up and they got out</b><b>into the park to find me and apparently I was on</b><b>the other side of the park by the water. Oh my gosh</b><b>and my father no longer safe having me alone with</b><b>my mother and it was funny because my girlfriend</b><b>did this reading for me and I typed it up and</b><b>sent it to my dad with lots of detail I recorded it</b><b>and my dad said yeah this is what happened. Oh</b><b>wow. Wow. And that's when he realized my mom was an</b><b>alcoholic. Okay so your mom was an alcoholic. So</b><b>they separated when I was. Okay so those formative</b><b>years of zero to five when you were with your</b><b>mom she was probably drinking. I think it happened</b><b>gradually because we had some good time she made</b><b>all of our clothing they were very happy seeming</b><b>for a long time and then I remember my dad</b><b>punching a hole in the wall. I remember my mom</b><b>got a DUI. Okay. Yeah I started to have moments of</b><b>distressful memories. Okay was he an alcoholic or</b><b>have any substances? You know I would imagine</b><b>grandma and grandpa you know we go to grandma</b><b>and grandpa's house I don't know if you guys had</b><b>the same kind of grandma and grandpa but they were</b><b>always smoking cigarettes and drinking bourbon</b><b>and coke. That was it was like full in the closet.</b><b>So I mean my dad was a cop and my sister just</b><b>shared a story because my cousin's my dad just</b><b>passed away in October and my sister just</b><b>shared a story with all our cousins it brought us all</b><b>closer once a month we do a cousin call. That's</b><b>awesome. It's so fun. That's a great idea. And my</b><b>sister told me that she told everybody in the</b><b>truck my dad was driving he stuck a beer between</b><b>her legs. So you know my dad was like I guess</b><b>when were we brought up we were brought up in</b><b>the 70s so I'm gonna guess that drinking beer</b><b>while you're driving in your own house. Roadies.</b><b>Roadies everyone had a roadie and it was very</b><b>normal. I know that we were around that and as</b><b>far as the cigarettes smoke everyone smoked in the</b><b>house in the car. With the windows closed. Oh yeah</b><b>we were yeah secondhand smoked babies 100</b><b>percent. Okay so your parents divorced. Yeah do you and</b><b>your they first separated and they lived in the</b><b>house that I was raised in on Leahy Road. Okay</b><b>and my dad moved into the basement. Interesting</b><b>so they're still existing in the same home under</b><b>the same roof. How long did that go on for? I</b><b>think a year my mom had parties. My mom was a</b><b>party girl I don't know if you remember our parties</b><b>when we were young. I think when we were teenagers</b><b>I feel like I was there. Well we'll get there but</b><b>yeah yeah yeah. So when I was really young my mom</b><b>was already a partier. Okay so she would</b><b>throw parties and my dad was down in the basement</b><b>listening to Barbara Streisand and you know</b><b>I think he was in love with her and he was so</b><b>disappointed that she turned out not to be the</b><b>kind of person that he'd hoped for because she</b><b>was beautiful and fun. My mom was so much fun.</b><b>Yeah so probably so that's just an interesting</b><b>thing to picture is your dad is kind of</b><b>downstairs in his own world and then upstairs is this</b><b>completely other world of partying and he must</b><b>have been going through it for sure. I imagine.</b><b>So then when the year was up did he move out?</b><b>Yeah he did. And then did you girls stay with your</b><b>mom or go with him? Oh yeah he took us. I do</b><b>remember my mom took off to Palm Springs or</b><b>something and then he just took us and I didn't</b><b>see my mom again for until I turned 14. Oh wow.</b><b>Okay so like from seven to fourteen probably</b><b>because if they were together for a year under</b><b>did they divorce officially? Yeah. Okay so</b><b>then you lived with your dad still in Beaverton?</b><b>Yeah he was across the street from Cedar Mill.</b><b>Okay. We were on Cornell Road. All right so you</b><b>and your sister are now living with your dad so</b><b>did you go to um what was the elementary was it</b><b>Cedar Mill? Mm-hmm. And then you didn't go to</b><b>Cedar Park though right? Yeah. Okay so you were at</b><b>Cedar Park okay so we were at the same junior high.</b><b>Yeah we were at the same senior. Okay so when you were</b><b>with your dad did he remarry? He did. Now on the</b><b>last cousin call we had a couple women were shown</b><b>in their photos and they still know these</b><b>women and they were the girlfriend of my father.</b><b>And I slightly remember them but not really.</b><b>Yeah yeah. And I heard they were really nice</b><b>nice women but my dad married my step-monster</b><b>Judy who is a narcissist. And you know he just</b><b>passed away in October and she told me that</b><b>she wasn't gonna have she told all of us that she</b><b>wasn't gonna have his funeral till the spring.</b><b>But my cousins saw the announcement because they</b><b>still live in Portland and so well it was in</b><b>sisters but they saw the announcement. Yeah yeah.</b><b>And so we went me and my cousins went to the</b><b>funeral uninvited unannounced and kind of shocked</b><b>everybody. It was so fun. It was it was it was um</b><b>you know those feelings of like oh my gosh yeah yeah</b><b>and then there she is and I she never said one</b><b>word. So you guys didn't talk or anything? No and</b><b>you know I think about it could have been so</b><b>different. Yeah. So the issue is she's a narcissist</b><b>you have a narcissistic parent co-parent in</b><b>the house and I'm sure there was no way for your</b><b>father to control her if she was a narcissist in</b><b>the way she treated you guys I assume. Right well</b><b>and when I listened to him he was a chaplain for</b><b>the police department for over 20 years. So the</b><b>first responders all talked on his behalf.</b><b>There was no one from his family at the funeral that</b><b>wrote except for the first responders and they'd</b><b>say he's a born-again Christian so Dave was there</b><b>praying praying for the families he was always</b><b>there and they said he was always there which</b><b>told me a lot. You know like it was beautiful</b><b>to get my know my father through these people</b><b>and how much they respected him. So when you</b><b>were growing up with her in the house did she</b><b>alienate you guys from your father? I so yeah</b><b>remember Jill Morell can I say people's names?</b><b>Yeah that's okay Jill. Yeah when we did I think</b><b>we were one of our high school reunions I remember</b><b>her saying do you remember when your stepmom</b><b>locked us in the garage? She locked us in the basement,</b><b>she put us in the we had a trailer that was parked</b><b>outside and she put us in there too. Like she just</b><b>didn't want to have us around. Just randomly</b><b>like when you would have friends spend the night she</b><b>would then just lock you guys up. See again the</b><b>memory's very limited so I didn't remember that</b><b>when Jill told me but I'm sure she's telling the</b><b>truth. There's certain things I do remember but</b><b>for the most part it was just really tough to</b><b>not be loved like to be with somebody who really</b><b>wishes you weren't there like treats you like it</b><b>but I just realized after the funeral she was just</b><b>so unhappy you know people who hurt people hurt</b><b>people I mean there's such truth to that. Yes but</b><b>if you're dealing with narcissism in general I</b><b>find they lack compassion and empathy. Right. So</b><b>it's hard to feel compassion and empathy for</b><b>them because they're so devoid of it and hurt people</b><b>so deeply. So sometimes I understand hurt</b><b>people hurt people and I do try to find empathy and</b><b>compassion for where people are coming from but I</b><b>personally am challenged finding it when it comes</b><b>to a narcissist. What's a mental illness? Yeah so</b><b>when you think about that I mean I've sober from</b><b>alcohol for 25 years and I think my mom was</b><b>probably bipolar alcoholic she just didn't know</b><b>so she used alcohol instead of regular drugs to</b><b>numb and medicate I think most people have something.</b><b>Well think about how when we grew up mental</b><b>illness was a bad word no one talked about mental illness</b><b>no one talked about depression. There was no</b><b>mental illness. No. Oh that person has they're just a</b><b>little off. It was a stigma. Yeah. It was an</b><b>absolute stigma so whereas the Gen Z'ers talk about it like</b><b>I'm gonna go take a shower and I'm depressed and</b><b>it's normal and they all support each other and</b><b>they talk about their anxiety it's a beautiful</b><b>thing but for us it was like no one talks about it</b><b>and certainly our parents no one talked about</b><b>it for them so they suffered and self-medicated.</b><b>Yeah. So okay so when you were in elementary</b><b>school and junior high so your home life is that</b><b>is the way it is. Did you find any reprieve at</b><b>school? Was there a balance there or was school</b><b>rough? It was tough too. Now I just want to</b><b>say we lived in multiple houses she had a ranch</b><b>it was called Apple Hill Ranch on Ash Street. I</b><b>lived right down the street from Mark Anderson</b><b>do you remember Mark Anderson? And the ranch was</b><b>amazing and the house was really cool so we had</b><b>like she had money so it was she worked for uh</b><b>12ton Hills Park and Recreation too. It's a good</b><b>job. Yeah she was badass so there were things</b><b>that I'm sure and feel that are part of who I am</b><b>because of that right there shadow and medicine</b><b>and everything so to your point about it being</b><b>you know that mental illness and not finding</b><b>empathy I have found the positive for myself</b><b>because I've had to you know to see where have I</b><b>benefited from that experience. Yeah so um as far</b><b>as bouncing around homes that was that kept</b><b>it a little interesting school was not safe</b><b>for me school was a lot of bullying you know I</b><b>have congenital defect on my hand but one of my</b><b>girlfriends who's also handicap who never got</b><b>made fun of she's one of my besties and her husband's</b><b>kind of a celebrity I'm not going to say her</b><b>name but she's has a you know she walks she has a</b><b>walk and a cane and she's little and no one</b><b>made fun of her in high school and she said wait</b><b>I think they would have found something else to</b><b>make fun of you if it wasn't your fingers. I don't</b><b>think that's why they did that it was because I</b><b>was so broken inside I was abandoned by my mom</b><b>that's what that was the story because my mom</b><b>took off my dad kidnapped us and then we moved out</b><b>and then he met this the evil step monster and</b><b>we moved in with her and um you know the story</b><b>that we create when we're little is a lot more</b><b>dramatic than the one that's actually there I</b><b>believe not always I mean some kids have I mean I</b><b>was fortunate not to have um a lot of sexual abuse</b><b>although I think most women have some tiny bit</b><b>yeah we all get exposed to it a little bit maybe</b><b>men too but um you know I didn't have a lot of</b><b>violent physical abuse most of it was emotional</b><b>so the stuff at school was scary my stepmom</b><b>wouldn't let us wash our hair but once a week</b><b>so and then the clothing she had money but she wouldn't let us wear cute clothes</b><b>so I would hide my clothes out in the bushes</b><b>when we lived on um Cornell and I would change my</b><b>clothes so I'd leave the house in one outfit and</b><b>change my clothes and my sister saw me doing it</b><b>so she started doing it and I would wake up in</b><b>the middle of the night and wash my hair because</b><b>I was bullied at school it was really hard yeah</b><b>you know how hard it is most kids know how hard it</b><b>is oh yeah and especially where we grew up too I</b><b>mean I it was brutal it was I went through my own</b><b>oh my god uh sixth grade I'm not going to say</b><b>her name but because you would know who it is</b><b>but um there I'll tell you off the record</b><b>when this is over who it is but she bullied me</b><b>so bad in sixth grade that every day I didn't</b><b>know if I had friends or not because she would</b><b>tell everyone to be my friend one day I think I</b><b>remember and then she would tell them not to be my</b><b>friend I think she had a mental illness because I</b><b>always thought that maybe there was I don't know</b><b>I don't know but that year but um so just that</b><b>brutalness of that I still remember it so and so</b><b>I feel like where we grew up in Beaverton was</b><b>harsh and I know Sparta where you grew up was</b><b>like brands mattered money mattered uh every</b><b>everyone wanted to know what brand your clothes</b><b>were how much everything cost what vacations you</b><b>were going on it just was so hard to keep up and</b><b>then if you're in that situation where you have</b><b>a parent that is sabotaging your life basically</b><b>you can only wash your hair come on I mean I do</b><b>have a question so it sounds like you and your</b><b>sister got equal treatment from her yeah it</b><b>wasn't just you yeah okay my sister just isn't</b><b>as resourceful as I am um you know still in</b><b>life I love her and I'm sober for 25 years</b><b>yeah um I was always resourceful and able to</b><b>look outside the box so I came up with all kinds of</b><b>creative ways and then she would follow me so how</b><b>did you you said you changed clothes how did you</b><b>get the clothes you changed into I just shove</b><b>them in my backpack but like where did they close we</b><b>had clothes she just wouldn't let us wear them she</b><b>controlled every part of our life which I think is</b><b>narcissist behavior yeah so I didn't have control</b><b>over anything almost like she was competing with</b><b>you and your sister for your dad's attention</b><b>yeah I mean that's what our narcissism is is</b><b>insecurity right yeah yeah yeah but it's next</b><b>level when the when you're the adult in the room</b><b>and there's kids involved that's really kind of</b><b>fucked up obviously so that was through elementary</b><b>school junior high did it go into high school uh</b><b>when I turned 14 I um was given a 10-speed bicycle</b><b>and I rode my bike well Rhonda Condre I don't</b><b>know if you remember Rhonda bless you Rhonda if</b><b>you're out there um her mom and my mom were best</b><b>friends and she her mom had told Rhonda that um she</b><b>missed us and she wanted to see us so I jumped on</b><b>that 10-speed I got that for my 14th birthday and</b><b>rode my bike it was funny because the address</b><b>was can I say the address should I not say it</b><b>it's the same address okay so where we lived at</b><b>that apple hill ranch and where the address was</b><b>on the he rode was the same address the same</b><b>number and I'm into numerology so it's really</b><b>interesting that the numbers are the same but</b><b>it wasn't far to ride yeah so I rode our rode the</b><b>bike over to my mom's house she cried when she</b><b>saw me the instant she saw me and I can't imagine</b><b>it was just so good to reunite to feel loved for</b><b>the first time in so long by a woman how many how</b><b>many years was that good yeah it's about seven</b><b>eight years so were you you didn't even see her</b><b>on holidays or anything so one of the things that happened um was that um</b><b>they uh showed us photos she got a DUI so they</b><b>made it look like she was a witch which she was</b><b>so um a hippie witch yeah yeah uh so yeah he</b><b>would show they programmed us not to want to see her</b><b>but what I found out later she was sending us</b><b>stuff and they hid it from us oh my gosh so she'd</b><b>been wanting to see us the whole time but they</b><b>wouldn't they hit all I mean my stepmom actually</b><b>stuffed animals cards gifts we didn't get any of</b><b>it so and then the other yeah okay so wait let me</b><b>slow down so that's the story there what was</b><b>the so well we're just trying to figure out like</b><b>she didn't see you for seven years so you're</b><b>saying she did try she tried she tried to send</b><b>you stuff on your birthday christmas but the</b><b>seven oh you're a mom so you can hear that you</b><b>knew when she sent us of course yeah no i'm</b><b>horrified right now for your mom so and then</b><b>the stepmom was hiding these things yeah they</b><b>didn't give them to us so was your mom not able</b><b>to go to the physical house she were at was there</b><b>some sort of restraining order or something legally</b><b>a reason she couldn't i don't know well when</b><b>i when i when i went over there and met her</b><b>she's just a mess crying all the time and stuff</b><b>and you know she drank so i think that maybe she</b><b>didn't do the courageous thing and then she felt</b><b>less than of course she's insecure my dad's a cop</b><b>you know the law but she got the house so she was</b><b>at my home that they built and then i grew up in so</b><b>when i went over there we just bonded and she</b><b>said hey would you move back in and i said yes</b><b>tomorrow wow so when we went home back home to</b><b>see miss judy yeah the love of my life and she was</b><b>like uh i said i saw my mom and she was like</b><b>oh you did and i said yeah and i'm gonna move in</b><b>with her and she goes oh that's great you can see</b><b>the relief and i said tomorrow and she said well</b><b>no we got to tell your dad and she started</b><b>like getting uncomfortable with that but when she</b><b>dropped us off tomorrow she said don't call again</b><b>for 30 days why why 30 days we didn't see my dad</b><b>again for till my mom passed away 25 years ago</b><b>wow so you and your sister left yeah and we're now</b><b>living with your mom yeah and so your high</b><b>school years were with your mom but i want to say this</b><b>one part is that when i went back and said i'm</b><b>leaving my sister was um she did not want to leave</b><b>how come do you think well i think that people</b><b>who are abused sometimes want to stay with their</b><b>abuser she loved my dad she was daddy's little</b><b>girl so little sock home syndrome there probably</b><b>i don't know what that is it's where you start</b><b>to um empathize and connect with your um captors</b><b>no that wasn't it because we we really hated</b><b>her she was like we wrote stories about her they</b><b>would scream at each other on a regular basis so</b><b>that that wasn't really it i think she just didn't</b><b>want to leave my dad and she felt abandoned</b><b>by my mom she was older almost two years so</b><b>she experienced that whole situation much</b><b>differently so my i try to have empathy for</b><b>where she's at in life versus what i chose as my</b><b>path so it's not easy but i do try to do that no</b><b>i mean i can understand the resentment and</b><b>feeling abandoned by your mom and i'm sure you probably</b><b>had some of that too i would assume i never did</b><b>like the therapist i had she goes can you get angry</b><b>at your mom i just want you to get angry she's</b><b>raised in foster care she was raped she had all</b><b>kinds of hard life i met her mom her mom was not</b><b>a great person she was addicted to drugs i mean my</b><b>mom got passed around foster care and she had a</b><b>mom so it was just like rough to get angry at my mom</b><b>and my mom was fucking cool like she was fun and</b><b>um funny and we had so when we were sober we had</b><b>the best time together when we drank we had a</b><b>lot of our time yeah did she drink with you guys</b><b>oh yeah we drank and did all kinds of things</b><b>together in high in high school i think i was in</b><b>junior high when i did i got an a plus on one</b><b>of my economics um we made these little uh peanut</b><b>people and i sold them um i'm trying to</b><b>remember the is it davis was it um mr davis that sounds</b><b>familiar yeah are you talking about home ec it</b><b>was cedar park home ec no it's economics oh gosh</b><b>i don't remember i remember it was davis eric's</b><b>eric you're right though eric somebody's uh sister</b><b>was married to him anyways i love that guy he was</b><b>a football coach too he was amazing really cute and</b><b>we were just got along i don't know why he likes me but we had a great relationship</b><b>but my mom and i stayed up all night in crystal</b><b>meth and made the peanut people and you were in</b><b>eighth grade yeah i got the crystal for her too</b><b>like it wasn't like um my bestie who i will not</b><b>mention since since like you said i don't</b><b>know but um her sister's boyfriend made it in the</b><b>bathtub so your bestie's sister's boyfriend made</b><b>meth in the bathtub and you knew about this and</b><b>bought it and then no they gave it to us we</b><b>never had to buy anything they gave it to for free oh</b><b>yeah had you done it before you did it with</b><b>your mom oh yeah so when was the first time you did</b><b>crystal meth uh probably tail end of 14 okay</b><b>so that's eighth grade right yeah yeah yeah so</b><b>that's so interesting to me because i had no</b><b>clue that was even an option at that age do you feel</b><b>that that was an isolated incident or was there</b><b>a group of kids that were doing crystal meth that</b><b>we were going to school with well okay so while</b><b>we're talking about this i was thinking when was</b><b>the first time i ever did cocaine and that was</b><b>at one of the parties we had in high school but</b><b>i'd started crystal younger so because it was</b><b>easy to access and it was cheap yeah i mean it's</b><b>practically free yeah okay so yes there was a</b><b>group of people and yes i was associated with them and</b><b>yes you probably know some of them yeah i just had</b><b>no friends with some of them i think some of them</b><b>have sobered up but some of the other ones</b><b>have disappeared so my assumption is they didn't</b><b>i mean that's a hard thing to get off of yeah i</b><b>can't even imagine i stopped at 21 all of it but</b><b>so that though crystal and coke i stopped at 21</b><b>but let's not go too fast and too far because we're</b><b>in high school now we were throwing parties and</b><b>i remember the first time i did cocaine with my</b><b>best friend's brother and all the older boys and</b><b>that was fun mom was out of town so but you were</b><b>okay so you did crystal meth in eighth grade you</b><b>did crystal meth with your mom to stay up and do</b><b>a project yeah so she was aware of all this well</b><b>was it did you stay up to do the project or was</b><b>that the celebration oh that's a great question</b><b>i think it was both okay i think i had to go to</b><b>school the next day i was sweaty you know that</b><b>look that people have after they've been up all</b><b>night yeah so yeah so and then did and then did</b><b>you continue to party with her oh yeah that was</b><b>like a normal thing oh yeah so i remember we</b><b>had a huge group of high schoolers over again you</b><b>probably know some of their names and they threw a</b><b>big chunk of cocaine onto the pool table we had a</b><b>pool table and everybody's diving for it and we're</b><b>all digging it was so creepy i mean anybody who's</b><b>done it and knows that feeling where you're</b><b>searching for it it's an awful drug i have to</b><b>say out of all the things brian i have done</b><b>neither one of us have done coke in our whole life and so</b><b>that it's weird because we've done a lot of other</b><b>stuff you didn't do crystal meth no i never from</b><b>oregon you got out oregon yeah yeah but again</b><b>like i didn't even know that was you were innocent</b><b>i always thought you were super preppy and sweet</b><b>i don't view myself as preppy maybe i was doing</b><b>hard drugs honey yeah maybe comparatively</b><b>speaking yeah yeah we were innocent probably for portland</b><b>maybe yeah because my big thing was pot mushrooms</b><b>and then some acid a handful of times at grateful</b><b>dead concerts and then drinking right but you</b><b>were normal though my guess is and i don't know</b><b>your mom but i'm guessing you have a good</b><b>relationship with your family and you were</b><b>raised in a relatively healthy situation no not</b><b>at all no to her episode yeah you'll have to listen</b><b>to my episode i share my story but no your</b><b>friends with your mom i am but we a lot of healing has</b><b>gone on there and a lot of it wasn't abusive it</b><b>was emotionally mentally abusive but not i'm not</b><b>my mom okay right and that's the biggest</b><b>relationship i think we have if you look at the people and how</b><b>they respond to life when the mom is you meet a</b><b>man who's got a mom who he does not have a good</b><b>relationship with that's the worst it's a</b><b>challenge i think most people are have daddy issues but i</b><b>think the mom the mother wound like yes that's the</b><b>deepest it's a it is you're right and i've got the</b><b>daddy and the mommy just all that type of shit</b><b>but um no crystal meth was not on my bingo card</b><b>that's a new level that's a new level and i just</b><b>find it interesting to do it at such a young age</b><b>um that had to have thrown off your</b><b>perspective chemically to some degree i would think right</b><b>so um do you think my heart okay so did it did</b><b>you have physical damage from it yeah yeah i had</b><b>heart surgery five years ago and and that was</b><b>they attributed to that well some of its congenital i</b><b>had been born with two aortic valves but they</b><b>were calcified and how fast your heart beats</b><b>when you know you're on that stuff you know i</b><b>think i was gentler with it at the end of junior</b><b>high a little more uh attentive in high school</b><b>so if i think about how frequent and the amount of</b><b>money that we had access to it picked up in high</b><b>school for sure okay so for your high school years</b><b>it keeps me focused so here's the thing and</b><b>let me let me just interrupt for a sec is that</b><b>adderall is meth yes it's the exact same thing</b><b>yes and i have ADHD and most people who have been</b><b>raised in a family where there has been abuse</b><b>they have ADHD and they give you adderall for that</b><b>so i was just self-medicine is it is it</b><b>actually chemically the same it's just cleaner because</b><b>it's coming from the real lab instead of the</b><b>bathtub you know i should look that up to get details</b><b>but i did it i did adderall and it's the same</b><b>thing it felt the same as when you did crystal</b><b>mask i mean it's gentler and i didn't snort it</b><b>it's cleaner i don't know if i got it i find it</b><b>interesting what you just said um a lot of</b><b>children from abusive situations have ADHD</b><b>is there a true correlation yeah i've seen on</b><b>um i'm trying to think of his name gabor matte</b><b>okay he talks about ADHD being so anyone</b><b>who's had abuse or he even just talked about um</b><b>moms who are stressed in the womb yeah it you</b><b>know i think it's all connected to childhood</b><b>every little every little thing that we have as</b><b>adults 100 so through elementary school and junior</b><b>high and you're having all this upheaval did</b><b>you do any sports any extracurriculars or were you</b><b>just surviving i got offered to be on the track</b><b>team okay but that would have interfered with my</b><b>smoking and my partying so i chose not to do it</b><b>but i was glad to be offered that yeah for sure</b><b>was it long distance or sprint i don't</b><b>remember what he offered me i just remember the um the</b><b>coach asking me if i wanted to try out for it</b><b>and i did and i got offered it but i just decided</b><b>not to do it and this was junior high um i think</b><b>that was high school okay so in high school that</b><b>was my next question did you do any sports or</b><b>extracurriculars or was it pardon my extracurricular</b><b>it was partying was partying so and you were</b><b>one of those kids that were in the smoking section</b><b>yeah and all of just for our younger listeners</b><b>all of us in our high schools had smoking sections</b><b>did you guys have an active one when you guys</b><b>were there yeah i remember i just walked past it</b><b>like on school girl i just kind of looked over</b><b>i was we yeah they had a little area for us like</b><b>the puppies yeah put them in the area for sure</b><b>no shit for sure outside outside outside so that</b><b>next to the school around the corner so</b><b>everybody didn't see it but yes you could walk out it was</b><b>feels like it was by the cafeteria something</b><b>yeah because i remember walking past it and like and</b><b>i wasn't judging at all but it was more like</b><b>intimidating like i never would have gone in</b><b>there and talked to you guys because i was</b><b>totally intimidated but and i did smoke cigarettes</b><b>in high school but it was social and it was like</b><b>you know it wasn't like writing to have a cigarette</b><b>in between fourth and fifth period yeah we just</b><b>hadn't passed away well it was where our friends</b><b>went right right right and then you know yeah</b><b>that just felt like the social norm for me yeah</b><b>yeah okay so your your extracurricular was</b><b>partying um how about school academically how did you do</b><b>you know i remember because i had been the the</b><b>drug use graduated as i went along and i remember</b><b>my accounting teacher saying whitney unless</b><b>you're hit by a truck you better be in this</b><b>seat tomorrow so i started missing a lot of</b><b>school and it did impact my grades but i get</b><b>to see in english i say that whenever i meet</b><b>people because there's so many people here who</b><b>are from latin america yes and i mean english</b><b>is hard yeah it's really hard i gotta see um</b><b>but i mean i didn't go to class very frequently</b><b>so and then i remember french class pulling up</b><b>in the rental car so um so i'm in uh i i got</b><b>reasonable grades let me just say that and part</b><b>of it with using those drugs helped me focus and</b><b>get homework done so i will give credit to i mean</b><b>yeah because were you diagnosed no not until um</b><b>five years ago six years ago okay and wouldn't</b><b>you say that's pretty true for many gen x women</b><b>that they were overlooked the ones who had adhe</b><b>that the boys got more of the attention with</b><b>that and because girls are so good at masking and</b><b>grinding through that so many girls when we were</b><b>girls didn't get diagnosed when they should have</b><b>i don't know if you found that with anyone you</b><b>know i guess i would say you know your parents</b><b>had to be present for you to have somebody</b><b>who's watching over you and looking for things like</b><b>that like you didn't even know about crystal meth</b><b>that wasn't even in your field because your mother</b><b>was normal and she wasn't doing those things</b><b>so yeah my mom was not looking for things to fix</b><b>right we were looking for things to suppress</b><b>right right a little different so adhd wasn't even on</b><b>the radar no one asked questions it was just about</b><b>um going to school and then you know when it came</b><b>time to graduate i dropped classes so i</b><b>wouldn't graduate so you did that on purpose yeah so my</b><b>stepdad was a heart surgeon he helped invent the</b><b>defibrillator so my mother married soon after we</b><b>moved in with her so we moved in with my mom</b><b>yeah she's on food stamps so we're on food stamps</b><b>my mom doesn't have a job she's the manicurist</b><b>so she's struggling to get by so we did this thing</b><b>on the bed which is funny because now i do all</b><b>this manifesting meditation we're all holding</b><b>hands on her water bed water let's just take</b><b>a moment i had a water bed you had a water bed</b><b>water beds were very common for gen x they</b><b>were fun yeah they were fun and she had these</b><b>anyways so we we held hands and imagine</b><b>the man who was going to come in and save us</b><b>wow that's like early manifestation my mom was</b><b>powerful she was a powerful witch she was on it</b><b>in junior high she had me take photos and build</b><b>altars for boys and i had one of the boys talk</b><b>to me stephen why i probably shouldn't say his</b><b>name right anyways um but he talked to me so anyways</b><b>we did this manifesting thing on the bed and</b><b>held hands and imagined our new our new dad and she</b><b>met my stepdad at a party like two weeks</b><b>later wow married him very quickly yeah jewish guy</b><b>really good man yeah decent human being um and all</b><b>of a sudden we had money did you move in with him</b><b>no my mom just got to keep her house i'm sure</b><b>it was a struggle i don't know what was really</b><b>going on there with the house but she rented out</b><b>most of the home but did you with the new stepdad</b><b>did he move into that house um he was in la</b><b>his his base was in marina del rey so we ended up</b><b>moving there part time and then moving back i</b><b>don't know that they ever really long time lived</b><b>together i don't remember that presence of him in</b><b>our life for a long time until we moved to marina</b><b>del rey and then he died oh no okay so while</b><b>you're in high school she's married to this guy</b><b>but he's in marina del rey she's traveling all</b><b>the time all they did was travel so hence why you</b><b>could probably have parties a lot because she</b><b>wasn't around right and then let me tell you what</b><b>my sister and i figured out so she locked her</b><b>bedroom door so while she's gone my sister and</b><b>i got that doorknob off and we took it to the</b><b>locksmith and we had to make a copy of it so now</b><b>we got a key to her drawer so the next time she</b><b>leaves town so she wasn't completely out of town</b><b>i think they left for a couple days we had to put</b><b>it back on yeah and then she went out of town for</b><b>like a week well we broke in and i remember</b><b>that was the first time we smoked all her pot</b><b>and you know we got in big trouble and then we</b><b>watched her videos remember those 70s videos like</b><b>chicken ball chicken ball yeah yeah yeah yeah</b><b>yeah we had our friends over we went in there and</b><b>watched her born how i learned how to give a blue</b><b>job so yeah um that was definitely fun okay so you</b><b>had access because she was traveling she was with</b><b>her new husband so you guys so um okay so you get</b><b>to the end of high school so it's called the</b><b>sunset house by the way we were yeah i went to parties</b><b>there yeah he's in the backyard yeah i remember</b><b>brady i won't say his last name jumping off the</b><b>back of the because you know everything was on</b><b>a half acre there we have all this property and</b><b>he jumped because the cops came and he had the</b><b>keg and jumped off the back was running with the keg</b><b>i mean you were so crazy i feel like i because</b><b>now that i can see it i can see walking parking</b><b>walking walking around to the back right kegs are</b><b>there i remember this what a trip this is a trip</b><b>it's bringing it all back you called your house</b><b>it was the sunset house yeah well they tagged it</b><b>you had so many parties i mean yeah when you get</b><b>away with that many and we had the beavos over the</b><b>beaverton guys yes we always stack the deck</b><b>it was always a party did you ever have um</b><b>jesuit guys over i went to the jesuit prom</b><b>okay so you were you were came there too okay yeah</b><b>the guy's last name is was my first name okay</b><b>yeah all right all right so well i mean see eighties</b><b>coke is i mean this very normal coke was present</b><b>were you doing coke no i never have done i don't</b><b>know how i the guy was dating do you remember</b><b>chico of course okay so that was my high school</b><b>sweetheart oh i still follow him on facebook</b><b>same so we dated i loved him he's a great guy</b><b>very great guy um we dated from spring</b><b>sophomore year of me because he was a year older</b><b>through my freshman year beginning my freshman</b><b>year college so we were like together a long time</b><b>wow he you just got in on the that the tail end</b><b>yeah she got and then she goes cool chico's good</b><b>people i mean his brother he had a brother yeah</b><b>he was my age right oh it was no no we're the same</b><b>age okay but was chico's older chico's older and</b><b>what's chris he's older okay yeah yeah chico is</b><b>the baby okay there was four of them wow um all</b><b>boys yep um they lived in what was that neighborhood</b><b>oak ridge i know something i remember him being</b><b>very popular and that's why i tied you to that to</b><b>that right yes yeah yeah so in a different way</b><b>than i was popular right right of course yeah so</b><b>but that way but i wasn't a cheerleader but more</b><b>normal people she was normal i was i was a normie</b><b>i was a normie but i don't think that group</b><b>at least he didn't do coke and i don't feel</b><b>because remember buddha all those guys um scott</b><b>all those guys i don't think they if they did it</b><b>he didn't so i didn't maybe they did it but it</b><b>wasn't around so it was more that wasn't their vibe</b><b>that wasn't their vibe there were more athletes</b><b>right no yeah i mean he ran yeah maybe they were</b><b>they had this big trailer maybe they played soccer</b><b>yeah oh well actually i've been talking to him on</b><b>facebook too he's in germany or somewhere and</b><b>he's very into personal development he's got a great</b><b>family he seems like a great guy yeah no</b><b>everyone like vinod remember vinod like all those guys</b><b>they're so nice see those were like the athlete</b><b>jason were actually normal no jason was a partier</b><b>oh yeah but um but they all partied like that</b><b>whole group party but i don't remember normal</b><b>right yeah it was more weed and booze it was</b><b>more weed and booze and psychedelics sometimes but</b><b>i just i'm not saying it wasn't there they</b><b>didn't i just didn't see it but it's an interesting</b><b>distinction as we're talking about it as</b><b>i'm thinking about what is that line between</b><b>people who end up doing stuff like i did yeah</b><b>and then going down that pathway versus the ones</b><b>that don't is it daddy issues is there a</b><b>commonality i have no idea but it's interesting to think about</b><b>how i mean jason was always so cool i still follow</b><b>jason on the plane too so it's really fascinating</b><b>i don't know i don't know if it is related to</b><b>how broke is it how broken your home is is how much</b><b>dysfunction is there i mean i know for chico</b><b>his family was very leave it to be where parents</b><b>married perfect family but mine wasn't i was a</b><b>mess so and i think with a lot of financial do you</b><b>think how do you because i always thought chico</b><b>had cat like they were abundant i don't know i</b><b>mean i feel like middle class we all we were all</b><b>like upper i mean my mom was on yeah but the area</b><b>was very upper middle class like no one would</b><b>have known that unless you told people that or your</b><b>friends right told people but no one assumed you</b><b>no one would have even thought food stamps like</b><b>that wasn't our world yeah so it was only for a</b><b>few months right because my mom got right right</b><b>then she married a rich guy we visualized a man</b><b>to come into our lives and then change their life</b><b>he did but okay so towards the end of high school</b><b>you said you dropped classes on purpose what was</b><b>the motivation behind that well my stepfather</b><b>passed away okay and whatever reason i don't</b><b>know the laws but i was entitled to his social</b><b>security um and the cutoff was when you turn 18</b><b>or you graduate high school so i dropped</b><b>classes because i was going to graduate high school</b><b>before i turned 18 okay so you kind of bought</b><b>some extra time financial decision yeah it was a</b><b>financial decision it was 985 a month and i</b><b>remember one of my friends jolly i'll just say</b><b>her first name she was crying and because she had</b><b>the same situation but didn't want that right um</b><b>and she was upset and i remember her saying but</b><b>you wanted to do it and i was like i'm not going to</b><b>graduation either why do you care like i didn't</b><b>care but there was a financial benefit and i got</b><b>250 a month from my mom for the child support</b><b>that my dad got that my dad gave her okay so i</b><b>was making 1200 1100 a month in high school</b><b>living off my sister's couch okay so that's what</b><b>i was gonna ask so you you did you even go to</b><b>school spring semester yeah of course i did i</b><b>did elective classes okay so school ends we</b><b>all graduate you don't go to graduation you don't</b><b>graduate what do you what do you do do you get a</b><b>job where did you live um so i did have it i've</b><b>always had a job i was always good at getting</b><b>jobs i got a job when i was 15 years old i got</b><b>my workers permit um but i worked at winchlestone</b><b>it's down from sunset high school and i'll never</b><b>forget working there and all my friends would</b><b>come in and i'd give them free whatever and they were</b><b>going to sabbie's island and i was working yeah</b><b>i've been working since i was 15 years old and</b><b>i remember my mom coming down to see me while</b><b>i'm mopping the floor and she peed her pants</b><b>she was laughing so hard that i was mopping</b><b>floors for somebody else oh my gosh but i was</b><b>just so tired of her controlling my money</b><b>situation so yeah i worked and then i'll never</b><b>forget this other guy that i met at burger</b><b>king while i was working at the drive-thru</b><b>had so many jobs i got fired from almost every</b><b>job i had when i was young why um my mouth usually</b><b>probably my mom used to say um your personality</b><b>is your birth control okay you know tell me what</b><b>to do try it on right see what happens okay so uh</b><b>burger king made the cutest guy i can't remember</b><b>what high school he went to but he knew a</b><b>lot of sunset people and his name was brad</b><b>and brad had a lot of friends brad was</b><b>selling marijuana and i had in my own apartment</b><b>and i think i was getting that child support</b><b>but i um i had my own apartment and i was the only</b><b>person who had their own place of course yeah and</b><b>all these kids came over and stayed the night at</b><b>my place and i had to leave because i had to go</b><b>to work so they're all passed out i leave and come</b><b>back and the heat is turned up so high it is</b><b>boiling hot in my apartment i'm like oh my god</b><b>i just paid for oh no the whole day so yeah</b><b>yeah so how long were you living in that apartment</b><b>and kind of had that where you were</b><b>working and living in that apartment about a year</b><b>and then where did you go um so i went to uh</b><b>community college did that i did was at mesa</b><b>for a while and then i feel like i moved to</b><b>uh palm desert my mom moved to palm desert oh</b><b>that's right okay so no no so while i was in uh</b><b>college in mesa this is arizona right uh no this</b><b>is mesa la mesa where's that the mesa's in san</b><b>diego okay so i'm sorry i i'm so sorry let me put</b><b>this story together i think my timeline gets</b><b>okay so see so after graduation you're living in an</b><b>apartment living in an apartment i met a guy you</b><b>met a guy and i moved to do you remember sarah yes</b><b>yes i met a guy that she knew there were twin</b><b>brothers and i met one of her friends a pizza hut</b><b>i was working pizza hut and i ended up dating</b><b>him and moving to um crawfordsville illinois</b><b>edwardsville edwardsville and crawfordsville</b><b>so i lived in edwardsville and crawfordsville</b><b>crawfordsville was first okay he was going to</b><b>college out there and i lived with him and then</b><b>we moved to southern illinois university and then</b><b>i was done i knew that that relationship was over</b><b>and ended up moving to palm desert then i moved</b><b>back to the west coast so i did have a i forgot</b><b>about you went to illinois yes and palm desert</b><b>where is is that that is in uh palm springs palm</b><b>springs so what made you go there so um i</b><b>remember when i was ready to leave that relationship and</b><b>he promised me that he'd drive me across the</b><b>country but he wouldn't so i drove myself all</b><b>by myself i drove from illinois it was s-i-u-e</b><b>area and i sold real estate there by the way and</b><b>worked at a pizza hut and a bowling alley i mean</b><b>i was a hustler i always worked yeah working girl</b><b>yeah um i learned good values with that for</b><b>some reason because my mom didn't yeah judy my</b><b>stepmother okay so that's where like there's</b><b>things that come if you can find them i feel</b><b>like that's where she gave me the good work ethic</b><b>so i moved from uh from illinois yeah back to palm</b><b>springs and my mom goes oh yeah i need a car</b><b>she's oh good you have a car come here and i wanted to</b><b>go back to oregon because she had the whole house</b><b>rented out but her little sweet yeah well why can</b><b>i go to oregon she was well i need a car come come</b><b>here so i went and i'm not sure if when i turn my</b><b>face like this by the way if that's gonna be</b><b>a problem okay no you're good you're good so i</b><b>drove back to palm springs and she lived in this</b><b>little court where i immediately got in trouble</b><b>for driving too fast because i was young i got</b><b>jobs right away there all the girls did crystal</b><b>meth at the cocktail waitress thing that's how</b><b>they stayed skinny okay oh i fit right in were</b><b>you a cocktail waitress i was a cocktail waitress</b><b>at um uh sessles zeldas those were the popular i</b><b>mean i met scott bayou you know all the popular</b><b>young whatever was it like a bar like a restaurant</b><b>nightclubs nightclubs where they did this</b><b>weird thing that they'd have you hustle the clients</b><b>like okay you bring this this round of shots</b><b>yeah and you drop them off and then you look at the</b><b>person who looks like he's got money and you're</b><b>like i don't know who ordered these but it's 42</b><b>or whatever it was it was back then it was right</b><b>right and so you'd hustle the customers and i did</b><b>not like that it was not clean energy for me</b><b>that even back then was a little much for me yeah</b><b>but it was the most popular nightclub and all</b><b>the cool people went there and famous people so i</b><b>worked there for a while and then i realized i</b><b>think that was mafia okay it was interesting yeah</b><b>i didn't realize there was mafia out there oh</b><b>i think there's mafia everywhere you look for</b><b>it here yeah yeah there is so so how long were</b><b>you there in palm desert yeah uh we were there</b><b>for a year so we stayed there for a year um and</b><b>you lived with your mom well i lived with her for</b><b>a little while and our drinking escalated and so</b><b>did our physical fights so there was a moment where</b><b>we physically got into a fight um maybe that was</b><b>that was actually san diego so we moved back to</b><b>san diego together so it got so hot in palm</b><b>springs i just remember it got so hot we decided to move</b><b>together so we left palm springs and we decided</b><b>to go over the mountain to san diego it's like a</b><b>two-hour drive so we moved to san diego to a</b><b>trailer park she had a motorhome and we lived in</b><b>that motorhome together she just had a motorhome</b><b>in san diego just randomly no she bought it when</b><b>she went to um she left oregon because it was so</b><b>rainy while i was in illinois okay she left oregon</b><b>okay she went to palm springs and she bought a</b><b>motorhome oh so when you drove there you drove</b><b>the motorhome to san diego well yes with a friend</b><b>i remember a girlfriend helped us with that that</b><b>was intense because we went over the mountain i</b><b>bet yeah it was a lot i bet because was it one of</b><b>those motor homes where it's all one or were you</b><b>was it a trailer it felt like a bus no it was a big</b><b>giant motorhome that was nice well my stepdad left</b><b>her some money right right right okay so you guys</b><b>live in that in san diego so we lived in that</b><b>in san diego in a motorhome that's close quarters</b><b>brewing company off of um garnett almost</b><b>garnett it was the one before that was the exit before</b><b>garnett i'll never forget that the trailer</b><b>court well and that's close quarters especially</b><b>considering if you guys are drinking that's when</b><b>we would fight we would get along so well and then</b><b>i would move in with her and let go of my</b><b>apartment because we were together all the</b><b>time she was my best friend yeah and then we'd</b><b>kill each other because of the drinking or were</b><b>you guys still doing drugs too together um i</b><b>stopped doing drugs when i turned 21 okay so yes</b><b>the answer is yes when i moved to san diego i</b><b>think i was still doing them yeah yeah because</b><b>i was doing them when i went to la mesa college</b><b>which is where we were getting confused because</b><b>la mesa is actually in san diego so is that</b><b>great professors is that your first stint at</b><b>community college was there no i went to um</b><b>what was it called in portland rock rock creek rock</b><b>rock not rockaway rock creek rock creek community</b><b>college rock creek community college yeah i think</b><b>there is i did a little time there okay yeah uh</b><b>the problem for me with college is that i took</b><b>a lot of classes that i wanted to take like</b><b>african arts and some really cool classes and then i</b><b>went and met with the counselor and she's like</b><b>none of these count towards your degree and i was</b><b>like well why would i why would i even go then</b><b>like what's the point of college and i got a job</b><b>in san diego a really good one where i was selling</b><b>um uh apple computer uh memory that is a good job</b><b>yeah so how long were you there doing that was i</b><b>there two years i was there until my mom passed</b><b>away okay so you guys were living in the motor</b><b>home together but you said you at one point had</b><b>a really bad physical fight right and so i</b><b>moved into a garage of a home on thomas avenue which</b><b>i'll never forget across from the planned</b><b>parenthood where it was a huge house a bunch of</b><b>guys lived in the main house um some rock star</b><b>lived upstairs and i was in the garage for 350</b><b>a month it was a converted garage okay some guy</b><b>had hung himself in the garage oh yeah it was a</b><b>great place but i was that desperate to get out</b><b>of that situation so you knew going in somebody had</b><b>hung themselves no i think i'd learned it when</b><b>i lived there some neighbor had told me about it</b><b>but you know i didn't care i wasn't spiritual</b><b>then at all it was heavily right inebriated okay</b><b>so you're still drinking doing all that very angry</b><b>great job and your mom you're still in touch with</b><b>i was working in norstroms i worked in</b><b>norstroms for years and then um i got that job at um</b><b>apricorn it still exists the company is a great</b><b>company okay and then you said your mom passed</b><b>away like what two years after you guys got</b><b>to san diego i was uh 28 no so that's like</b><b>because i think we got to san diego and it was</b><b>probably 23 um so five years you know okay so</b><b>you lived in san diego for five years before she</b><b>passed away before she passed away i was there for</b><b>28 almost 30 years okay so that's where you were</b><b>home base for a long time that's home base okay</b><b>so you guys get there you were drinking when you</b><b>got there but you stopped at 21 why did you stopped</b><b>snorting cocaine and crystal meth at 21 at 21</b><b>okay so you stopped drugs we were at the open bar</b><b>my mom got bit or she bit somebody my mom bit</b><b>someone when she was drunk i threw her out you</b><b>were in an open bar called the open bar oh it's</b><b>actually an open bar yeah it was really fun okay</b><b>it's a great bar you would have loved it and</b><b>then she got an altercation and bit somebody</b><b>and got thrown out yes and was it after that that</b><b>you decided yeah i mean there's so many incidents</b><b>like that nicole there were so many times where</b><b>i just remember being with my mom but she wasn't</b><b>there there's no one home and that's a trigger</b><b>for me now when i'm out with people who drink</b><b>i can take it to a certain point but then when</b><b>they're when they're checked out it's not fun yeah</b><b>yeah for me intimacy needs to be done where</b><b>we're both in our bodies yes yeah now so yeah so</b><b>at 21 was that incident the catalyst that made</b><b>you want to start of it you know there were so many</b><b>things i just looked at my life and i was like at</b><b>21 you're supposed to have responsibility i think</b><b>i really saw myself being able to accomplish much</b><b>more than i was doing and the possibilities i mean</b><b>there was just so so many things i wanted to do</b><b>and i could see myself you know doing but i didn't</b><b>have the direction and doing that every time i</b><b>did that there was one time i did it i was up for</b><b>four days in a row and just what was about to</b><b>happen during that time it was i felt ashamed</b><b>of the experience so i remember thinking to</b><b>myself i'm too old for this 21 years old there's</b><b>people who are having careers at 21 and people</b><b>who are training to become doctors and all kinds</b><b>of things and i just stopped i just said i said</b><b>no more no more coke no more chris i'm gonna let</b><b>myself still drink i'm gonna let myself still smoke</b><b>cigarettes okay and then at some point you stopped</b><b>drinking too right 25 years ago so that's 28</b><b>you're when you were 28 and was that related to your</b><b>mom's death in 2000 yeah my mom had passed away</b><b>uh well i got sober uh on new year's 1999 i was</b><b>wearing the 2000 glasses um but yeah she</b><b>passed away i helped her pass away she died in my</b><b>apartment in mission beach i lived on mission</b><b>beach off of kingston in this cute little tiny</b><b>apartment and i was taking care of her and um</b><b>august 20th at 420 a.m it's how you funny how you</b><b>remember stuff in 1999 or 2000 it was probably</b><b>1989 but i don't remember but i just it was like</b><b>six months after she passed away i decided to get</b><b>sober so that was 1999 okay so she passed away in</b><b>like august 1999 and then about six months</b><b>later yeah okay and so her passing was that from</b><b>drug use and alcohol use or was it something else</b><b>i mean so my mom when we would talk on the phone</b><b>i could put the phone down and she'd still be</b><b>yelling about somebody who did her wrong somebody</b><b>who cheated her something that went sideways</b><b>she just had so much anger she didn't i mean</b><b>most of our parents didn't have resources</b><b>or know how to navigate their own emotional</b><b>um bankruptcy yeah yeah you know they didn't no</b><b>one taught them okay honey where's that in your</b><b>body right where are you feeling that let's</b><b>breathe through it and therapy but no coaches</b><b>we didn't really have coaches back then so they</b><b>she just didn't have a lot of resources i just</b><b>like you said we didn't talk about it well we</b><b>didn't either like they didn't the boomers didn't</b><b>which is your mom my mom but we didn't either</b><b>you know it's really our generation i think that's</b><b>really taken off with that and change things</b><b>so a certain percentage it's just a certain</b><b>percentage that's what a lot of people don't</b><b>realize yeah it's a very small percentage of</b><b>people who are awake to emotional intelligence</b><b>or words that express things like that i think the</b><b>younger generations are way ahead of anywhere</b><b>we ever were because yeah gen x our emotional</b><b>intelligence our emotional development it that's</b><b>why i say i think for a lot of us it's starting</b><b>it's starting later in life you know because we</b><b>just shoved everything down yeah grind it through</b><b>do what we're supposed to do smile through it</b><b>and then we hit a point like i was talking to you</b><b>before we started recording where we have a</b><b>moment to breathe and look around and are like okay</b><b>now i'm gonna actually acknowledge what's</b><b>going on inside of me so i feel a lot of us came to</b><b>that point probably around 50 maybe a little</b><b>earlier maybe a little later but i think with</b><b>the younger generations are way more in touch</b><b>with not all not everybody but i just think it's</b><b>more prevalent to be more in touch with what's</b><b>going on with you with the younger generations</b><b>because they've made that space for themselves</b><b>and we're so many of us now are the coaches like</b><b>what you do so but okay so to go back though</b><b>so your mom passed away you said you helped her</b><b>pass away yeah um do you want to share well we</b><b>had um yeah we had hospice come to the house okay</b><b>i tried to get my sister to take my mom she</b><b>had a house i was living in a studio beach front</b><b>right apartment party pad like crazy parties</b><b>yeah uh right on the beach in mission beach</b><b>and i moved her in and just took care of her</b><b>you know they told her she would have eight months</b><b>to live she lived exactly eight months she died</b><b>of the same thing my father died of too which is</b><b>bizarre which is pancreatic cancer she had</b><b>tumors on her bile duct and she was actually</b><b>she flew to Oregon she you know i think what</b><b>happens when we get older and i don't know this</b><b>is for everybody but when they when they start to</b><b>lose control they want control back so she flew to</b><b>Oregon she did all this weird stuff i had to go</b><b>get her and bring her back and it was very very</b><b>hard that was one of the toughest times of my</b><b>life so during this time is your sister living in</b><b>Oregon still no she moved to San Diego she came</b><b>to visit us that's what happens when people go to</b><b>San Diego and they visit you they move there</b><b>especially if they're from Oregon San Diego is</b><b>beautiful it's my favorite part of California um</b><b>so okay so she's there with a home but you moved</b><b>your mom into the studio they never quite sorted</b><b>out their relationship from her abandoning it us</b><b>i don't think okay so you were there when your</b><b>mom passed away and you made the decision when did</b><b>you consciously make the decision to become to</b><b>give up alcohol um well my mom died right and i</b><b>felt like i had two directions to go i'd met um my</b><b>life partner who i was i guess it's not life part</b><b>of my life like before midlife what do you call</b><b>it when it's i was 28 quarter life and we were</b><b>together till i was like 48 18 years we were</b><b>together so 28 to 46 um and he said to me that</b><b>you know i was taking care of my mom and she</b><b>was dying and he met her once and i wanted a</b><b>monogamous relationship and he said well i want a</b><b>healthy girlfriend i've already done this i don't</b><b>want to do it again his last girlfriend was super</b><b>cute i met her she's crazy and a drunk you know so</b><b>apparently that was something he'd already</b><b>experienced and i really wanted monogamy this</b><b>guy was worth like i was really surprised that i</b><b>actually like this guy let me back up one second</b><b>because this part is something i wrote in my</b><b>book i call it the um the 30 day um tontric</b><b>like the pause so what i started doing i was</b><b>dating and drinking and one of the boys that i</b><b>slept with um came over the next night to that</b><b>party place and tried to sleep with my roommate</b><b>or my neighbor she was not my roommate but it</b><b>was like she was my roommate because we were</b><b>these little apartments were really close</b><b>together and i was like what am i doing so i</b><b>decided to put in um these kind of things like</b><b>quitting crystal and coke would pop up and i was</b><b>like okay i'm putting in a 30 day pause i am</b><b>not sleeping with anybody two days before i kiss</b><b>and no sex for 30 dates and i did that and i had</b><b>a couple guys that i put the through and back then</b><b>hiv was popular so i they had to get the full</b><b>panel and if they made it through the 30 days</b><b>then we'd have it 30 30 days or 30 days 30 days 30</b><b>days 30 days okay yeah they've been very specific</b><b>every guy that's ever talked to me about this</b><b>is very is it 30 days or 30 days but the thing is</b><b>is it's got to be enough time to feel like i've</b><b>gotten to know them so the guys i've noticed are</b><b>happy to do it it's really interesting i've been</b><b>very surprised um back then like i had a lineup</b><b>you know of course i was super cute 28 years old</b><b>people are lying about the door oh yeah let's do</b><b>this yeah and uh so my partner of 18 years who's</b><b>also my business partner and anybody who watches</b><b>us that knows us knows him and we're still</b><b>friends but um back then i put in the 30 days</b><b>and he signed up for it so we made it through</b><b>the 30 days and we ended up together for you know a</b><b>really long time but that was um a turning point</b><b>in my life uh of setting that up so that i actually</b><b>would get to know someone and then the next</b><b>turning point was where he said to me well i</b><b>want a healthy girlfriend if you want monogamy</b><b>well have a handshake on it you better get your</b><b>shit together and i was like well i'm not doing</b><b>that so we broke up for a little while and then</b><b>got back together and i said yes and so then you</b><b>you had your last drink new year's eve 1999 and</b><b>that's the last time you had alcohol and that was</b><b>after my mom passed away that was what helped make</b><b>that decision for me and i remember thinking my</b><b>sister and i went to the bar when they they took</b><b>her out of my apartment at five six a.m you know</b><b>they came in the coroner's office took her body</b><b>from my place and we went drinking and i just</b><b>thought again it was that same feeling that i</b><b>got when i was doing crystal meth and coke at the</b><b>bar i was like there's got to be more to life than</b><b>this this cannot be all there is and that's really</b><b>what i felt like drinking i was like okay i've got</b><b>a decision to make and i decided to get sober so</b><b>did you did you get sober from alcohol cold turkey</b><b>or did you use any of the tools that are out</b><b>there to help people like aa or stuff like that</b><b>i went to aa i did 90 days and 90 days 90 90</b><b>meetings in 90 days wow um the guy that i was</b><b>with for 18 years roommate's girlfriend was sober</b><b>so she got me into aa and then she added me to my</b><b>sponsor later but um she got me into aa and she</b><b>took me to meetings and showed me that i could</b><b>drink non-alcoholic beer it's very sweet i was</b><b>very grateful it's amazing how sober people will go to</b><b>all links to help people that are addicted get</b><b>sober it's a beautiful thing how would you say</b><b>giving up alcohol in your life changed your life</b><b>so i'm gonna go big picture and then i'll bring</b><b>it down but i think that alcohol is a spirit now</b><b>and when you invite a spirit into your body and</b><b>you're allergic to it and you don't know it or</b><b>there's not um harmony with that drug alcohol</b><b>can be relaxing for some people some people are</b><b>normal and it doesn't trigger them to get addicted</b><b>for me that's not how it worked so you know it</b><b>immediately um i'm trying to remember i think my</b><b>first drink was i was eight i drink a beer and</b><b>beer is awful and um what was the question it was</b><b>how do you feel giving up alcohol out of your</b><b>life affected your life oh i mean my one true</b><b>sentence is if my mother hadn't died i wouldn't</b><b>have gotten to live so do you feel that you're</b><b>living you have lived a much more authentic and</b><b>fulfilling life since giving up alcohol and if you</b><b>would have kept drinking that would not have</b><b>happened anyone who drinks and knows that they</b><b>are an addict is miserable i remember when</b><b>my girlfriends looked at me and they're like</b><b>you're not even having fun anymore why are you</b><b>still drinking so what is that experience like</b><b>when you are an addict and you are drinking and</b><b>everyone else around you is just having a good old</b><b>time and it's happy hour and they're just</b><b>letting loose but what is it that as the the addict is</b><b>feeling yeah for me it was that i could no longer</b><b>uh get that same experience that high or that fun</b><b>party part it just was it was changing it was no</b><b>longer fun i wasn't having fun anymore but i still</b><b>did it and i couldn't stop that was the shit</b><b>part and i mean i got a dui back then too so</b><b>that helped wake me up and i'll never forget</b><b>asking my mom mom are we alcoholic they're telling</b><b>me i'm alcoholic in this in this thing and she's</b><b>like oh no i don't want to talk about that no we're</b><b>not alcoholic right so i um i feel like for people</b><b>who are curious sober curious you know for me what</b><b>i decided was i said i can do it for a year</b><b>i'm going to take a year off if my life does not</b><b>completely transform and i do not become the</b><b>happiest person i've ever met i'm going back to</b><b>so why not why don't i give it a shot give</b><b>your life a chance for a year my life completely</b><b>changed i mean within two almost two and a half</b><b>years i think i found the company that i helped</b><b>build for 23 years and the 12th step to me i</b><b>did the 12th step over and over and over again i</b><b>obsessively did the 12 steps i have so many</b><b>journals that i burnt and that i tossed out</b><b>i mean i did it so many times i think the</b><b>personal development side of the 12 steps is powerful</b><b>um and it helps you grow right you can't help</b><b>but grow there are some people who get sober</b><b>from alcohol and don't do their work and those</b><b>are called dry alcoholics interesting i've met</b><b>some of those so they just gave it up but</b><b>they didn't take the next step for the personal</b><b>development aspect right so there's a little</b><b>edge there to some of those people's personalities</b><b>interesting interesting so you said after doing</b><b>that after giving up alcohol and your life changed</b><b>and you um ended up finding the company that you helped build what was that company</b><b>so i'm not gonna say the name of the company</b><b>okay um i'm even not allowed to promote it it's</b><b>really interesting when you're part of an MLM</b><b>they have all kinds of laws and regulations okay</b><b>the company i helped build was a coaching company</b><b>i developed the coaching division of it but what</b><b>i wanted to share was the 12th step is being in</b><b>service okay so in AA i sponsored one young woman</b><b>she stole my tapes i gave her my tool tech way</b><b>tapes her story was so heartbreaking i mean i have</b><b>a lot of compassion and empathy and my nervous</b><b>system is not designed to help people who are here</b><b>and when i started coaching people with weight</b><b>loss and helping them with their physical mental</b><b>and financial well-being i felt like i was taking</b><b>them from here to here that was working so i really</b><b>only sponsored one person in AA and we used the</b><b>big book and in the company i helped build we have a</b><b>big book too but it's all about the habits of</b><b>health okay so we will all go through it together</b><b>so when i got healthy and started teaching</b><b>other people so i start sponsoring other people it's</b><b>the same thing it was so cool yeah and i was</b><b>doing it for physical mental and financial well-being</b><b>and getting paid because guess how much the</b><b>sponsors in AA get paid nothing i would assume</b><b>it's volunteer right it's actually a lot of</b><b>drama what is the uh what do you think the</b><b>differences between the person that's here</b><b>versus the person that's up here is that just desire</b><b>that they're ready just desire uh yeah i think</b><b>there's part of that for motivation i guess yeah</b><b>same word yeah i think that part of it is that i</b><b>think um i think the desire motivation is definitely</b><b>a piece but i also think the willingness to to</b><b>to meet yourself they're ready almost to see your</b><b>own fears and like to shift the way you see your</b><b>childhood rather than making everybody else wrong</b><b>saying they did the best that they could and they</b><b>shit the bed yeah now it's my turn yeah now i've</b><b>got the responsibility to shift and forgiveness is</b><b>giving yourself the forgiveness letting go of the</b><b>shame and all of those emotions that we feel one</b><b>thing that's coming through i think you don't i</b><b>don't think you view yourself as a victim it</b><b>almost sounds like you've had what you had but</b><b>you're now taking it and making it a good</b><b>thing thank you that's really powerful and a really</b><b>powerful observation uh i've done more work than</b><b>anybody else i know and i'm not trying to boast</b><b>about that but that's what i did in my personal</b><b>development work and i honestly feel like a lot</b><b>of us think that life is supposed to be easy</b><b>but we used to kill each other going down the</b><b>pathway right like we'd get robbed and</b><b>people would kill each other left right and center</b><b>back in the old days we're not that far from that</b><b>and i think everyone forgets that and thinks that</b><b>life is supposed to be easy um i've done a lot</b><b>of deep spiritual work we talked about that enough</b><b>we'll talk about the the the medicine but um</b><b>that part of when i started getting into spirit and</b><b>connecting with god and what that energy felt</b><b>like is helped me see that um death is easy and</b><b>the spiritual work that we do here and the</b><b>vibration and the frequency that we hold while we're here</b><b>how we see things the way we view the world whether</b><b>or not we forgive and decide that that person like</b><b>so the book that i wrote is one of the chapters</b><b>is the man who showed me who my father was and what</b><b>i learned from my mom my dad dying is and this</b><b>is recent like this is all like in the last year</b><b>is that no one does anything and i've been</b><b>studying the four agreements for decades the four</b><b>agreements with dalma gal ruiz is one of my</b><b>favorite books and the four agreements are</b><b>the second agreement which is the number one</b><b>agreement that i'm focused on is don't take</b><b>anything personal because no one does anything to</b><b>you they're just assholes and you happen to be in</b><b>their care or there are people like my mom who</b><b>was abused as a young child and had no resources</b><b>or skills and she was just doing what her mom</b><b>did and for those people out there who've been</b><b>very severely abused i'm so sorry i really am</b><b>but i really believe that the parents who parented</b><b>them just repeated what happened to them they</b><b>don't it's not like they took this kid and said</b><b>you are the one who's going to get this it was</b><b>like you're the person in my face i gave birth to</b><b>you or you're now in my charge and i'm a miserable</b><b>person so that's what you're going to get and now</b><b>guess what you get to do you get to make a choice</b><b>yeah did this happen to me or did it happen for me</b><b>and one of the spiritual medicines that i used</b><b>i remember after it my friend said to me do you</b><b>whitney because i didn't think i could get on the</b><b>plane to go home i was having so much anxiety and</b><b>she goes whitney do you think the universe is</b><b>happening for you or against you and i believe</b><b>that the universe is happening for me and the</b><b>lessons that i'm receiving i get to choose in</b><b>every moment what does this mean and they're not</b><b>all easy and not always in my resource to be this</b><b>one of my friends pointed that out to me and i'm</b><b>like i know like when put me in a car especially</b><b>here we are not the meditating goo that i have developed into i get a little crazy</b><b>when did you have that realization then which one the the world's not against you</b><b>than it is for you yeah because that's pretty</b><b>powerful that's a complete mind difference i</b><b>don't know if it's a shift per se right but it</b><b>it could be a shift for some folks but it's just</b><b>a different way of looking at things yeah</b><b>yeah great question um i have done a lot of plant</b><b>medicine and um the way i've aggressively</b><b>chased life i chased plant medicine so i did uh</b><b>experience with ibogaine ibogaine is the only plant</b><b>medicine known to help someone who's a heroin addict</b><b>recover from heroin addiction so after burning</b><b>man all stories start like that i met a woman</b><b>and she had a shaman um like uh it was her step</b><b>mommy type of vibe who loved her and had a clinic</b><b>down in mexico where ibogaine is legal and she</b><b>would help heroin addicts get off heroin so we</b><b>went down thinking oh this will be great you know</b><b>i wanted to do all of the medicines ibogaine is so</b><b>deep and so intense and what i felt like it did</b><b>was it went in and took all that crystal meth and</b><b>cocaine that i'd ever done and it shook it out</b><b>of the receptor sites so it was all loosened my</b><b>system and it was moving through my system but</b><b>it was all there i was so paranoid it was the</b><b>trippiest thing so we're getting ready to get</b><b>on the airplane they told me to take a xanax they</b><b>said look take a xanax and i was like no i</b><b>don't i you know i don't want to take anything like</b><b>i was such a puritan and here i am you know</b><b>because i i wasn't drinking alcohol but i had</b><b>certain things that i was okay doing so i took</b><b>that xanax and everything i felt like my whole</b><b>my nervous system cleared out all of that crystal</b><b>meth all of that cocaine because i think it's all</b><b>spirit and it lives in our bodies anything</b><b>you do nicotine i love cigarettes god if i could</b><b>smoke and not die so yeah um so when she said it</b><b>to me she said that question she had the xanax and</b><b>she's like i go i don't think i can get on the</b><b>plane and she's like what is the universe for</b><b>you or against you and i got a choice of the</b><b>blue or white pill i took the xanax and i realized</b><b>oh my god everything is for me every choice</b><b>that i've made in my life has predicted me or</b><b>taken me to the next choice whether good or bad</b><b>who's to judge and the thing about doing plant</b><b>medicine is it brings you from my perspective to</b><b>god's perspective which is you think about animals</b><b>in the wild they're just killing each other</b><b>there's no judgment no shame no guilt it's survival</b><b>and that's what i'm saying is we're not that</b><b>far from that yeah so that decision or that shift</b><b>happened then i was like oh my god everything</b><b>because it was so hard for me to end my 18 year</b><b>relationship but i ended it it was just it was</b><b>something shifted i was done and walking away from</b><b>something that you've invested that much with it</b><b>was it was really so the i've again experienced</b><b>am i saying it right i i began um that was</b><b>recently that was or yeah right it wasn't</b><b>eight years ago seven seventy okay and so it</b><b>almost sounds like a cleanse yeah deep spiritual</b><b>cleanse i do not recommend it to anybody who</b><b>isn't really trying to recover from heroin addiction i</b><b>mean that's the deepest medicine that's called</b><b>the grandfather really oh it was deep like and</b><b>it's from another planet 100 like my whole body</b><b>lit up and the sound of the universe to me was</b><b>it makes you instantly psychic too like i asked</b><b>the question because i could see everybody throwing</b><b>up everyone who i went there with got food</b><b>poisoning about me they were throwing up during</b><b>the whole yeah they opened the door and i saw</b><b>my girlfriend project out of almond but it wasn't</b><b>from the ibogaine right no it's from where we went</b><b>and ate they all got food poisoning everyone were</b><b>they all doing the ibogaine yes and they</b><b>project out of almond so their food poisoning hit them</b><b>during this ibogaine yeah that's a bad bad trip</b><b>for them no kidding but then you you eat the same</b><b>stuff but didn't get food poisoning i don't</b><b>think i ate the same stuff okay yeah you must</b><b>is the universe forming you're against it yeah</b><b>no kidding i got some big boy angels on my back</b><b>i have some protection i don't know if they're</b><b>angels or aliens or whatever what is the what is</b><b>the ibogaine is it cactus or is it a plant it what</b><b>i understand is it's in africa the only place you</b><b>can find it is in maybe a root roots it's a</b><b>root yeah okay and how long does the journey last i</b><b>think we did three treatments three different days</b><b>and it lasted all night okay so like three nights</b><b>so it lasted like i mean when did we start like i</b><b>think she waited until it got dark like six o'clock</b><b>and then i think it was two o'clock before and</b><b>so do you feel that after that those sessions</b><b>that changed my life that changed the trajectory</b><b>of your life totally well trajectory so how do you</b><b>define trajectory um like if you're at a</b><b>crossroads and you can make a choice you chose this choice</b><b>instead of the path you were on you chose a totally</b><b>different i think it's deep in the path i was on i</b><b>don't think it changed it i think doing ibogaine</b><b>because i've done all kinds of medicine i've been</b><b>doing medicine since i was 40 okay i think it</b><b>sounds almost more like it changed your psyche</b><b>in how you your mindset and what kind of</b><b>you're describing you've relieved yourself of a</b><b>shit ton a lifetime of baggage you're now</b><b>loosened up and it's it's out of you the toxins are gone</b><b>and now you've got this new perspective is</b><b>kind of how i'm picturing more so than the</b><b>trajectory right because that's like a path that</b><b>i'm going to go here and i'm going to be financially</b><b>wonderful or not or whatever right this is my</b><b>perspective you're saying perspective perspective</b><b>change it seems like yeah perspective change is</b><b>an accurate way to to define it not only did i see</b><b>that the universe was for me but i mean that is</b><b>deep deep god medicine i mean like i said i think</b><b>it's from another planet i think that aliens</b><b>planted it there so we could find it and have</b><b>some healing because this planet how many people</b><b>would agree that this is a lot of work yeah yeah</b><b>studies human there's a lot of good things on</b><b>this planet but there's also a lot of suppression of</b><b>those good things through pharmaceutical</b><b>industry and money and all that there's a lot of things</b><b>that don't get taken advantage of yeah and cut</b><b>into it but think about okay so so yes and if you</b><b>think about our parents parents like that's one</b><b>of the practices that i've gone through with the</b><b>hoffman institute which was you know a</b><b>traditional therapy process when i was a hoffman institute</b><b>they had us go back to first of all you go to</b><b>the funeral of your parents and you imagine people</b><b>there and what would they say about them</b><b>but then they have you think of them as kids</b><b>we were so fortunate to be brought up when we</b><b>brought up that there's even an option to change</b><b>the way i look at something the perspective</b><b>change they didn't have that do you watch old movies</b><b>yeah yeah yeah yeah so okay before we jump ahead</b><b>because now i have a question about the hoffman</b><b>but um i just want to go back a little bit</b><b>because we kind of skipped over it um your heart surgery</b><b>how old were you 50 okay so we haven't gotten</b><b>there yet i thought i was for some reason i was</b><b>thinking that we skipped over that okay so so you</b><b>are building this company with your partner at the</b><b>time the company that should not be named kind</b><b>of like voldemort um how long were you involved</b><b>with that company i'm still involved with the</b><b>company okay so you're still currently connected</b><b>with that company and your role in the company</b><b>how would you define what your role was um my</b><b>role shifted quite a bit i used to be very</b><b>involved i helped build the culture of the company we were</b><b>one of the first 50 coaches that um developed</b><b>the culture um and i was on stages and you know</b><b>working with the corporation and um when i ended my relationship with my partner</b><b>i mean it's an mlm so you have an upline my</b><b>partner's my upline so i was tired of working</b><b>and you know we we got property in tahoe i</b><b>don't i left that part out but we moved to tahoe for</b><b>eight years so so you guys met lived in san</b><b>diego for a while and then moved to tahoe yes</b><b>and is that where you would say most of your</b><b>life together was was in tahoe no that was only</b><b>six six years okay seven years most of the life</b><b>was in san diego okay and traveling we traveled</b><b>all i traveled all over the world with him he was</b><b>a big wave surfer so i've been fortunate and we had</b><b>the freedom because we did a virtual coaching</b><b>business to travel all over the world all over</b><b>the country first which is why i know firsthand</b><b>this percentage of the population think the way</b><b>that we're communicating we've just found that</b><b>pocket of people most people all over the world</b><b>i mean there's farmers great people they just</b><b>don't have an interest in this and it's okay</b><b>there's you know one of my mentors says just fluff their pillow let them sleep</b><b>they don't need to be waking up it's not our job</b><b>to woke people i love my life i'm super happy to</b><b>be sober to be from alcohol to be growing and</b><b>learning to be sitting now with really interesting</b><b>people and having an opportunity to share my</b><b>story is really important and it feels really</b><b>good what a great like this is medicine this is</b><b>like another form of medicine yeah that's really</b><b>cool yeah so would you say um when you guys</b><b>were coaches just for just to break it down</b><b>for listeners you guys were coaches you talked</b><b>about physical mental financial how would you</b><b>help people or how do you if you still do it how</b><b>do you help people like what's what are the steps</b><b>yeah so i'm gonna do it for you guys can i do</b><b>like a coaching exercise for you guys and then</b><b>everybody who's listening can follow along yeah</b><b>so if you want to close your eyes you can close</b><b>your eyes and take a deep breath if you want to</b><b>just keep them open that's fine too but imagine</b><b>your 10 physical health and we're going to go</b><b>through your physical your mental and your financial</b><b>can you imagine your best physical health</b><b>you're at your 10 you're at your goal weight you feel</b><b>great you sleep through the night you're</b><b>physically active you're at your goal weight your diet's</b><b>great what else you just feel like a million</b><b>bucks no pains you're not on medication you feel like</b><b>you could run through this place naked yay</b><b>wherever you are your 10 can you feel it when you can't</b><b>open your eyes and where are you at now compared</b><b>to that vision do you want to share i don't have to</b><b>number wise where physically taking in</b><b>medications into consideration compared to the ultimate um</b><b>probably a seven great congratulations seven</b><b>yeah what does that mean though so on a scale</b><b>from yeah that's how i interpreted it right</b><b>exactly yeah yeah say now but i would say if</b><b>you asked me a year ago or a year and a half ago</b><b>uh four wow i've made insane changes in it the last</b><b>year year and a half what were those cutting</b><b>out alcohol out of my life special occasions also</b><b>maybe have like a glass of wine with my daughter</b><b>if we're you know if it's something special like</b><b>that pretty much i don't drink walking over 10</b><b>000 steps every day getting up at five in the</b><b>morning to walk getting making sure i commit to</b><b>that um weight-bearing exercise five days a week</b><b>good job um are you lifting him because we do</b><b>it together oh that's great we walk together we</b><b>wait lift weights together um creatine um</b><b>and supplement focusing on my supplements um</b><b>focusing obviously on my eating i've been</b><b>gluten free for like 12 years so that was a given but</b><b>then cutting out a lot of dairy like dairy is</b><b>very rare sucks that we have to let it does cheese is</b><b>the best i know dairy either i don't know so</b><b>it's all those little you're the seven now i'm at</b><b>a seven do you know what you would need to do to</b><b>get yourself closer to a 10 do you know what the</b><b>next steps are for you i think my next steps are</b><b>in introducing meditation that's the mental health</b><b>we'll go there but yes that will impact your</b><b>physical yeah and i think uh introducing cleansing</b><b>some cleansing some fasting i'm on a bone broth</b><b>thing right now okay yeah so it's that i think i</b><b>need that yeah um just to play with your with</b><b>your food yeah know that you're in control is</b><b>a powerful experience yeah um sleep um sleep is</b><b>my biggest weakness i don't get enough of it yeah i</b><b>think if i got enough sleep i would easily jump to</b><b>an eight do you know why you don't sleep at night</b><b>um i think i have too many things in my</b><b>brain happening i think i worry about my kids</b><b>uh it's hard to turn that off yeah um because</b><b>even though they're older i still have worry</b><b>different worries um and i have no control over</b><b>it and it's so i have to give it over to god i've</b><b>i've incorporated prayer big time in the last</b><b>three years of my life and really practicing giving</b><b>things over to god that's been huge so probably</b><b>anxiety turn it over baby yeah yeah so i would</b><b>think that affects and then also just time because</b><b>you know we have a 15 year old and there's things</b><b>like you know finding out 9 30 he has a project</b><b>do the next day well i can't go to bed now you</b><b>know things like that i don't have control</b><b>over that you know so um sleep's a big one though</b><b>for me okay well i'd like to give you ideas on</b><b>that but i also i think we'll keep going i want</b><b>to take you through what the coaching is just</b><b>so we complete that yeah yeah and then i will and</b><b>we might do it off air but i'll i'll try to come</b><b>back to the sleep thing that i've started doing</b><b>yeah for sure but the meditation could be helpful</b><b>okay so let's go to mental health and close your</b><b>eyes or not take a deep breath imagine you're 10</b><b>the happiest version of yourself no drama you have</b><b>purpose and meaning in your life you're so</b><b>happy all your relationships are healthy um you have</b><b>time to do the things you love your spirituality</b><b>is on point your 10 imagine yourself just giggling</b><b>and laughing all the time that's what i do but</b><b>what is your 10 what does 10 look like to you in</b><b>your life and when you can feel it in your body</b><b>open your eyes what's your number in this moment</b><b>i mean my number is pretty good for this i would</b><b>say i'm probably at an eight congratulations yeah i</b><b>feel pretty good about where i'm at mentally i</b><b>would think the thing i need to change would be to</b><b>have more fun i think live music is my biggest</b><b>outlet for that it's where i feel more my authentic</b><b>self and it's a realignment for me every time i</b><b>go see live music i dance so that helps the somatic</b><b>healing and all that um so i think i need to</b><b>incorporate that more for myself dancing yes</b><b>yes yes i love dancing um so i think uh that</b><b>would be huge it's just uh we both work very hard</b><b>professionally and also as parents right and i</b><b>think we both of us are not balanced with fun</b><b>yeah and then of course that becomes you can get</b><b>edgy with the other person because the stresses</b><b>of life we have an amazing marriage and amazing</b><b>friendship and amazing relationship and the only</b><b>thing that's negative i'm going to say this</b><b>in our relationship at this point in our lives</b><b>is um just the stress of the world and balancing</b><b>that it isn't what's going on between us intimately</b><b>it's when the world is coming in and we're both having to deal with it</b><b>and that's where you can get in little</b><b>arguments but it's not personal it's just we're reacting</b><b>so because good awareness you take us out of</b><b>that and we're like best buds there's no problems so</b><b>it's getting more fun a balance of more fun while</b><b>we're working our asses off you know do you guys</b><b>do a date night we've tried we're together so</b><b>much you know so we don't need an activity together</b><b>yeah you're working out together and that's</b><b>huge yeah that's huge well maybe you need activity</b><b>separate maybe you need to get a girl's night</b><b>going and we and i do i'll go without with my</b><b>girl that's always been an important thing</b><b>like we had like i tried to get away with</b><b>spend time with women i very particular on</b><b>who i spend my time with um i've learned that</b><b>consistency that but you want to have more</b><b>fun together is something i hear you saying too</b><b>yeah do you guys ever to go to workshops together</b><b>or do any personal growth no together any marriage</b><b>development together no you know a lot of</b><b>churches offer that if you're getting into church that's</b><b>one thing to consider that he's not into church</b><b>okay he's not spiritual or religious and it's an</b><b>interesting relationship right where i am but he</b><b>isn't so that wouldn't be a common ground for us</b><b>but honestly i think when we see live music</b><b>together is when we completely everything real</b><b>lines again that's been our but i think i'm open</b><b>to other things you get creative together i mean</b><b>he seems very um open and interested in thinking</b><b>outside the box and he's here with you doing this</b><b>this is a creative outlet by the way it is</b><b>it is great 100 but we're not dancing no no</b><b>and you want to be physical and do something</b><b>else so maybe just have the intention once a quarter</b><b>you guys come up with something fun to go away</b><b>and do together there's camping or going to a</b><b>live concert or going to a festival yes we</b><b>actually are um the end of next month we're going to</b><b>alabama to see billy strings for three nights</b><b>so it sounds like you're already doing it we're</b><b>trying yeah you're an eight i mean yeah yeah i</b><b>feel pretty good you're doing well okay so let's</b><b>go to the financial well okay now we'll get in</b><b>a lot of people have a lot of discomfort with</b><b>the financial part where it's all if you think</b><b>about physical is the food and you know how you</b><b>feel your body mental is what you think about</b><b>you said you worry about your kids my invitation</b><b>would be start imagining what you want for them</b><b>and make that a practice even though it's super</b><b>hard and i know it is for all moms because i know</b><b>so many moms that they can't help it yeah but you</b><b>can yeah and now it's the time we have this new</b><b>awareness that you have control over what you focus</b><b>on so just start practicing that what if</b><b>everything went right for him what if the kids came back and</b><b>this great thing happened yeah because the storm</b><b>is going to happen whether you think about it or</b><b>not so why think about it why not pretend like in</b><b>your nervous system because the only person you're</b><b>affecting is you when you put worry out okay so</b><b>let's go to finance i agree with all of everything</b><b>you just said big time good and that's a</b><b>practice honey so it's just like getting off sugar it's</b><b>like 100 and you're addicted to the fear a lot of</b><b>us get evicted to those thoughts i am i am i i wish</b><b>i could just know everything's going to be fine</b><b>and then i can relax but you can't but what if</b><b>you do know in your body right because in</b><b>reality if the universe has my back everything is going</b><b>to go exactly as it's supposed to right and when</b><b>you do medicine work deep medicine work you realize</b><b>that death is love and we're all connected we're</b><b>all going to be connected again whether you believe</b><b>in you're an atheist or whatever why not</b><b>believe the best thing you could believe why do people</b><b>believe in the worst yeah i don't know i don't</b><b>know it's such a great point for sure yeah we're not</b><b>we're not raised to believe in the best is going</b><b>to happen and we're we're raised to be fearful and</b><b>think of the worst because survival was real it's</b><b>not anymore we're not really in survival if people</b><b>quit spending their money on shit they would have a</b><b>lot of it yeah and that's my biggest thing is live</b><b>under your means so we're going to talk about</b><b>finances next okay so let's imagine take a deep</b><b>breath and i want you to imagine your 10 for</b><b>abundance your financial well-being you have great</b><b>income you manage the money that comes in so well</b><b>you're so much money i like to imagine 25 million</b><b>dollars and what does that feel like in your</b><b>body is it freedom you never look at the check</b><b>ever again you give money away because you're so</b><b>abundant all your bills are paid you are in such</b><b>incredible position to be abundant the most</b><b>abundant version of yourself can you feel that</b><b>in your body and when you got it open your eyes</b><b>that's your 10 and give us a number from 1 to 10</b><b>of where you are now five okay yeah so really</b><b>we kind of have your life puzzle and we can spend</b><b>some time on your five but if you think about</b><b>it you gave yourself number one was a seven eight</b><b>no number one was um seven oh no i think yeah</b><b>eight mental and five financial so generally</b><b>what i'll tell people but it sounds like you're</b><b>really hustling is that you would um well no i</b><b>guess this would be the advice to you because</b><b>you're super happy you're super physically well</b><b>then you take your foot off of that and put your</b><b>foot on the abundance factor what is it in your</b><b>abundance or in your finances or in your finances</b><b>what is it that you know that you need to adjust</b><b>that would make the biggest difference for you</b><b>um i don't know i think that's my problem so let's</b><b>break it down though when you get to your five</b><b>if you think about where do you want to go do you</b><b>want to go to a seven if you want to take your</b><b>five to a seven where your physical health is you</b><b>took your health from a four to a seven by just</b><b>quitting drinking and making some changes yeah so</b><b>if you look at what is it and this is for everybody</b><b>like making a list of all the have-to's go through</b><b>your credit card bills what are the things we have</b><b>to do and what are the things we'd like to do and</b><b>what are the things do we need to take away from</b><b>so that we can put money towards something else</b><b>and the one thing that i used to coach people</b><b>on before they buy stuff and i know you guys</b><b>i mean you don't seem like you're buying random</b><b>stuff although there's a lot of stuff here yeah</b><b>yeah stuff is material stuff and i find that a</b><b>lot of people especially here have a lot of material</b><b>things and they're spiritually bankrupt and</b><b>they're so like somebody said to me oh yeah getting bored</b><b>i'm like i could never get i don't even know what</b><b>that means yeah yeah i'm never bored yeah i'm never</b><b>bored yeah do you find that um it's different on</b><b>the east i know you've lived extensively on the</b><b>west coast and now you've recently how long have</b><b>you been over here on the east coast would you say</b><b>almost two years uh what is what are the</b><b>differences you're seeing when you just talked about</b><b>materialistically i think a lot of people and</b><b>just to close the loop on that three the physical</b><b>mental and financial that's that's what i go</b><b>through with people now you have your physical</b><b>your mental and your financial puzzle yeah and</b><b>if he wants to sit down and you do it with him and</b><b>take him through it then you guys can look at</b><b>okay what are the things that we want to shift</b><b>and adjust so we can take the next step to move</b><b>forward now as a coach that's where i offer my</b><b>services i help people get clarity i either</b><b>charge them or put them on my program depending on what</b><b>the need is and i move them closer to their</b><b>goal i help them make those adjustments it's really</b><b>having accountability you guys have each other yeah</b><b>yeah yeah so if you can hold each other accountable</b><b>i find some couples and people just shop as a</b><b>soothing factor they're spending money to soothe</b><b>it's an addiction it's just to squash down some</b><b>of those feelings of fear or anxiety that they</b><b>haven't figured out how to deal with on a different</b><b>level yeah that makes sense and so you're so you're</b><b>still actively coaching people and taking clients</b><b>yeah i'm gonna build a whole new program i finish</b><b>my book i am going away as i mentioned and i'm</b><b>gonna clean it up and then i'm gonna come back</b><b>and publish it and i'm gonna probably travel a</b><b>bit and do some speaking and and build a coaching</b><b>coaching practice so is this separate than the</b><b>company you've been working with you know it all</b><b>goes together so it just depends on what somebody</b><b>needs if they want to lose weight i have a weight</b><b>loss program second to none i know weight</b><b>loss backwards and forwards um the company that i</b><b>help build can say now we reverse metabolic</b><b>syndrome and 90 percent of people have it so</b><b>i can help with your physical with your mental</b><b>and with your financial and just to go back to</b><b>the mental for 30 seconds with you the meditation</b><b>is the thing that for me this new dr joe dispense</b><b>the work that i've been doing he doesn't use</b><b>plant medicine like i did a lot of work with that</b><b>medicine and it's a spirit and it's an incredible</b><b>work for a lot of people and it's done some damage</b><b>but now with dr joe's work he's just doing it with</b><b>your own breath and the work that it takes to start</b><b>focusing on what you want even though in your</b><b>body like this morning when i woke up i could feel in</b><b>my body i must have had a bad dream so then what</b><b>amount of work does it take to reset yourself back</b><b>to what do i want to create what's possible what</b><b>can i dream like when did we start dreaming about</b><b>what's wrong versus what's right like when you're a</b><b>little kid you get to imagine the best possibilities</b><b>of we could be magical fairies we could be wonder</b><b>woman we could do anything we want so that is the</b><b>invitation is the meditation and when you can sit</b><b>with yourself and your thoughts just like you did</b><b>with your kids nicole i can see you're a great</b><b>mom you just reship those thoughts when you start</b><b>hearing them go in a direction that's not healthy</b><b>and not positive start shifting them say you know</b><b>no this is what i want to focus on and when you</b><b>do that enough times you catch yourself and then</b><b>like me in the car and i'm like that motherfucker</b><b>i'm like oh you're someone's kid bless you i'm so</b><b>sorry and yes i feel bad because i'm</b><b>consciously incompetent now so you're aware that you are</b><b>unaware or aware that you're going in a direction</b><b>you don't want to go so shift it so that's just my</b><b>yeah mental health part for you and i meditate</b><b>for at least an hour a day you got to split it up i</b><b>know you're super busy and most people out</b><b>there like i don't have time for that yeah you do</b><b>especially if you look at for people out there</b><b>your mental health is higher if your mental health</b><b>was a five it would be a nine one one you have</b><b>to meditate yeah for a very solid period of time</b><b>maybe your physical health was higher so we take</b><b>away from the physical health time and we put it</b><b>in the mental health you've got your puzzle now</b><b>and once you help someone find their puzzle then</b><b>they know how to resource and you're just</b><b>reallocating we're not going to take it away for</b><b>long you're just going to shuffle the deck and get</b><b>it towards what you want so you can create more of</b><b>what you need to have in your life so you can</b><b>be a better mom a better parent a better spouse</b><b>i love how you said um about dreaming positive</b><b>basically positively and so negatively or setting</b><b>up your mind the way what you just talked about</b><b>made me think about people should set up their</b><b>mind before they fall asleep in that</b><b>positive way that positive outcome um thinking about</b><b>everything that could go right instead of what could go wrong and then as you dream</b><b>your dreams will follow suit so what you're thinking about before you go to sleep</b><b>could affect your rest and your subconscious as</b><b>you're dreaming which then could affect how you</b><b>feel when you wake up in the morning so you</b><b>could get stuck in the cycle of always your</b><b>eat your sleep time you're going to sleep sleeping</b><b>and waking up there's always fear base or negative</b><b>which indirectly or directly affects your day</b><b>so you never kind of get out of it does that make</b><b>sense well absolutely that's what i've been</b><b>studying so one thing i would also suggest is doing a</b><b>dump you know you take a dump yeah dump your</b><b>mind mind dump do a mind dump take your journal</b><b>write out all the crap you know you have to do</b><b>put it aside then meditate then imagine your life as</b><b>though everything you've ever dreamed of that</b><b>you've ever wanted has already happened what does</b><b>that feel like in your body your son's graduated</b><b>college you guys are empty nesters yeah you can go</b><b>anywhere you want you can do anything you want</b><b>you have grandkids they're healthy they're wonderful</b><b>everybody's happy you know imagining those things</b><b>going on for you yeah your kids are beyond happy</b><b>what's that feel like in your body like everything</b><b>worked out everything's okay as though it's already</b><b>happened in this moment so yeah because isn't</b><b>it true your body reacts to whatever the thoughts</b><b>are become your reality and so whatever you're</b><b>thinking about your body doesn't know if it's</b><b>really happening or not so you're putting your</b><b>body through the trauma and the stress even if</b><b>you're just thinking about a situation right</b><b>well the body's speaking too if you know kinesiology</b><b>the body's actually trying to communicate we just</b><b>give more attention to what thoughts we don't give</b><b>as much attention to our body and tell what</b><b>happens autoimmune disease sickness and then you're</b><b>finally like oh you're talking oh have you been</b><b>talking this whole time and i haven't been listening</b><b>and then you're like chasing the mind addiction</b><b>of fear hostility you know all the things that</b><b>are negative and what you could start doing is</b><b>having them balance because the body wants to be</b><b>in balance the body wants to be healthy like it</b><b>will regrow limbs and parts of your you know like</b><b>i mean i'm maybe not in a physical human being</b><b>but in some cases you can heal yourself and what</b><b>you think about you bring about have you ever</b><b>heard that i've heard about your thoughts can</b><b>become your become your reality so i think</b><b>that's been true forever and we just have not really</b><b>given it permission and now i feel like we're just</b><b>coming up on the evolution of consciousness where</b><b>you have permission you have permission nicole as</b><b>a matter of fact i am commanding you for 30 days</b><b>imagine your life as though everything you've</b><b>ever dreamed of is so so beautiful so happy and do</b><b>that for 30 days and see if anything changes and</b><b>if it doesn't stop doing it but if it does which</b><b>it has for me it doesn't mean that life doesn't</b><b>have opportunities it means that i called them</b><b>opportunities and that you know i get</b><b>really angry now i'm running energy of hope and</b><b>transformation and evolution and what's the</b><b>lesson here and it's you know for some people it's like</b><b>what's that well if that's not good for you</b><b>then don't do it i'm not asking anybody who's not a</b><b>match for me i feel like i sing my soul's note</b><b>and if it tunes into you great just like trump he's</b><b>tuning it he hits a tuning fork whoever's</b><b>attracted come in if you're not check out right</b><b>tv change the freaking channel yeah yeah you</b><b>know that's a fascinating point you're bringing up</b><b>because not just trump but it made me think</b><b>about it he elicits such a negative response</b><b>from some people when you can just keep moving</b><b>on you don't need to get sucked into that whole</b><b>vortex of his energy if it doesn't agree with</b><b>you so i think what you're saying is spot on</b><b>if it doesn't work just keep going don't let</b><b>it don't let it throw you off yeah it's just</b><b>but don't let it throw you off that much it's not a</b><b>big deal it's a choice it's a choice it's a choice</b><b>now that's the part where people don't like to</b><b>take responsibility yeah yeah that's their choice</b><b>that's why lawsuits are so heavy that's why</b><b>attorneys have so much work because people do</b><b>not want to take responsibility for the fact that</b><b>they're making the choice where granted and i use</b><b>trump because we're in florida and that just i</b><b>know triggers so many people but i'm from i always</b><b>they yell this to the drivers who almost</b><b>hit me or they honk at me i'm from california</b><b>california we let each other cross the street</b><b>it's like i'm from kansas yeah but what you're</b><b>saying is that it is up to the individual</b><b>something happens in your life what is your decision around</b><b>how you're going to respond to it are you going</b><b>to react with violence use someone else's system</b><b>which is what my therapist told me my mom</b><b>used to do she would use other people's systems</b><b>uh to run her emotions and they were usually what</b><b>do you what do you mean by that i can get it with</b><b>like the the recent stuff with charlie kirk right</b><b>they didn't like his words they're gonna go shoot</b><b>him but what is that other system oh that's</b><b>interesting i hadn't thought about that and</b><b>honestly i didn't even know who he was because i</b><b>don't watch my nervous system can't handle it and</b><b>i'm sorry for the people out there who are upset</b><b>that i'm not putting myself in a position of having</b><b>to expose myself to um things like that but i</b><b>just choose where yeah very consciously i put my</b><b>energy because my nervous system can't handle</b><b>that stuff like i don't know him i'm sorry but</b><b>you don't have to be sorry for not knowing him</b><b>no one should make you feel sorry for not knowing</b><b>who charlie kirk is i mean everybody's entitled</b><b>everybody's right by their method that's kind of</b><b>how i try to see the world is that you see it</b><b>one way and the way i got there was with doctors i</b><b>trained doctors for 20 years so doctors all</b><b>see things from their perspective everybody's</b><b>channeling through whatever they see things</b><b>through so what was your point again you said</b><b>you were it was asking about um it was uh how</b><b>your mom used other systems other people oh yeah so</b><b>she would get angry so we would go to norstrom</b><b>well mom had this great thing she would do we</b><b>she we were on food stamps but she had a</b><b>credit card so she'd go buy fifteen hundred dollars</b><b>worth of clothes which was a lot back then yeah</b><b>we would get to wear the clothes we would do uh</b><b>drink champagne and do like um you know what do</b><b>girls do when we get all dressed up in front of</b><b>the mirror yeah yeah so much fun fashion show</b><b>right yeah and then she would take the clothes back</b><b>and back in the old days they would challenge her</b><b>they would be like uh well now they do it for sure</b><b>but back then they'd have moments where they'd</b><b>be like man this looks like it's been worn and she</b><b>would lose her shit and she would use their</b><b>system processing her emotions instead of like</b><b>so for me when somebody loses their shit it's</b><b>just an indication that they haven't they're</b><b>i don't want to call it lazy but if you don't</b><b>know how to move emotions like anger through your own</b><b>body that usually means no one sat with you and</b><b>said hey where are you feeling that in your body</b><b>are you tuning in because it's your anger until</b><b>you expel it onto somebody else it's like splashing</b><b>them with a hot cup of water or shooting them</b><b>to that degree yeah but it's still not personal</b><b>they have emotions yeah they have shit that's</b><b>going on yeah and they're choosing you as the</b><b>person who's in front of them not for any</b><b>particular reason or maybe it is but it doesn't</b><b>matter it's still not personal they're having</b><b>this emotion and they want to express it to someone</b><b>and they don't know how to deal with it</b><b>themselves yeah they're projecting or yeah objectify i love</b><b>to objectify people now because we didn't used</b><b>to be able to do it when you use an app and you're</b><b>dating you can objectify guys like many well</b><b>anyways you do any one of those things like</b><b>however you're responding or reacting to</b><b>whatever's going on in front of you but if it's an energy</b><b>and you're angry yes my therapist used to say my</b><b>mom would use other people's systems to work out</b><b>her emotional shit that's interesting i think</b><b>parents also do that too with their children</b><b>where if you're stressed out about finances or</b><b>you're stressed out about anything that's going</b><b>on with job or whatever and then like the</b><b>smallest thing might happen with your child</b><b>but all that anger and stress from this other</b><b>situation then goes on to your kid right i think</b><b>that happens a lot with displacement of</b><b>your anger yeah for sure have you heard of carl</b><b>young's internal and external locus of control i</b><b>think a lot of that is what you're talking about</b><b>that self accountability of dealing with your</b><b>own shit before you start to put it onto others out</b><b>there in the world but it it like you've said</b><b>it's a skill and it needs to be practiced like how</b><b>you just challenged me to the doing this for 30</b><b>days it's almost like start lifting weights for</b><b>30 days start eating clean for 30 days it's just</b><b>it goes along the lines of all the things to better</b><b>yourself you have to do it for a so isn't it like</b><b>three weeks to form a habit or something like that</b><b>i don't know the the science on it but i'm a big</b><b>advocate of if you work out or start a diet you've</b><b>got to make the hardest day is like day 21 it's</b><b>like the third week in yeah the first two weeks</b><b>anybody can do anything for two weeks but the third</b><b>week is when it starts to really sort of work it's</b><b>you eat healthy although shitty toxins or have</b><b>left maybe by the third week of lifting weights</b><b>you're probably not as sore walking you're not as</b><b>tired so that's when you start to see progress i</b><b>guess yeah yeah no it makes sense you just went</b><b>out again no i didn't oh there you are sorry so to go</b><b>back to my other question though since you've lived</b><b>here for two years and but you pretty much grew up</b><b>on the west coast that's been your life they let</b><b>me just okay you're building a muscle basically</b><b>and just want to say discipline in the military</b><b>think about olympic athletes yeah what are they</b><b>great at anybody who's ever accomplished anything</b><b>worth having is discipline and militant about it</b><b>and that is the thing that most people are lazy</b><b>as f is that my goal is to get you to get out of</b><b>your comfort zone i want you to be so</b><b>uncomfortable yeah on a regular basis whether it means you want</b><b>to say something to someone and you no longer</b><b>communicate in that way because you're going to</b><b>only talk about love and yeah puppy dogs and</b><b>happiness and you just say the things that are</b><b>kind to people and that's so uncomfortable for</b><b>you like i am in my card i'm ready to you know</b><b>so that's the intention and when i went to</b><b>dr joe's workshop i'm going to show that i've</b><b>did a seven day meditation he has us do a five</b><b>and a half hour meditation we're up at four am</b><b>we're up at six am he gets us out of our comfort</b><b>zone and i know this is being a coach for 23 years</b><b>i'm sober 25 you have to stop doing what's easy</b><b>and start doing what you don't know what is not</b><b>normal that's how you start and create a habit</b><b>and that's how you break a habit goes both ways</b><b>what do you think though as far as society is</b><b>is crazy right and i think a lot of people are</b><b>outside of their comfort zone on the daily</b><b>and so to say hey get out of your comfort zone</b><b>how does that land that i guess in a sense i'm</b><b>talking about okay so let me ask you a question</b><b>what is it in your life that you would like to</b><b>create in the next 90 days what would you like</b><b>to have so i'm talking about intentional</b><b>intentionality people are crazy in their day</b><b>because they don't start their morning thinking</b><b>about the people they're going to see and what</b><b>they want to create they're lazy and they're</b><b>crazy like you said instead of being intentional</b><b>and holding and creating a container like you</b><b>guys have here for people to get to come in and</b><b>share their stories by the way anybody who wants</b><b>to come on the show it's so good really beautiful</b><b>to get to share your story but i do think that</b><b>society is crazy but mostly because they haven't</b><b>done the discipline she quit drinking yeah that</b><b>discipline creates it's like a domino effect when</b><b>it's the butterfly effect you do one thing and</b><b>it creates lifetimes it creates you know you think</b><b>about our ancestors i've done healing for our</b><b>ancestors for mine for sure like when you do</b><b>something different than what the people in your</b><b>ancestral space have not been able to accomplish</b><b>we're doing things that people could never do it</b><b>takes work and effort what does it take to have</b><b>a hot body what are you doing right now eat well</b><b>sleep while you guys are doing it together you're</b><b>working out you're lifting weights weights are</b><b>heavy yeah you got to do it over and over and</b><b>over again so that's what the weight of focusing</b><b>on what you want imagining on what it feels like</b><b>in your body it's such a freaking high i do</b><b>walking meditation as often as i can in the morning</b><b>so i can imagine the life and it he has you</b><b>walk with it so you can start now living in life</b><b>as though everything in my life has already come</b><b>true i see the audience clapping because i am now</b><b>i've written my book i'm a best-selling author</b><b>i'm helping millions of people all over the world</b><b>i imagine my community all my friends</b><b>everything in my life is so amazing and i'm just so happy</b><b>and what's that feel like in my body bliss and</b><b>you do that for an hour every day and guess what</b><b>starts to happen guess what starts to happen you</b><b>start to believe it i would assume and start to</b><b>feel it and live it most likely wow things start</b><b>showing up that you're like oh my god did that just</b><b>happen i wanted that yeah wow yeah i think</b><b>you're tapping into though the power of perception and</b><b>how you look at things and just how you approach</b><b>the world because there's always two choices and</b><b>you've touched on it right there's there's uh</b><b>at least two choices but you could you can either</b><b>see the good or the bad and you're talking about</b><b>seeing the good yes and then that just manifests</b><b>itself and it picks up momentum and before you</b><b>know it everything is it's all good and and it's</b><b>and it can be though i don't doubt that</b><b>actually but it also i would assume wards off um</b><b>disease physically yeah like if you relinquish</b><b>yourself of the weight of fear and the weight of</b><b>uncertainty and the weight of stress as much as</b><b>you can your body starts to heal and it and well</b><b>and if you're young you could do this proactively</b><b>speaking to the younger generations and you don't</b><b>even get the disease to begin with you're</b><b>staying ahead of the game by putting yourself in that</b><b>space you're it's actually a form of health</b><b>taking care of your physical health too but they</b><b>could do it they could be way better off than</b><b>many of us or us gen xers at least but just grind it</b><b>through because we ignored everything we</b><b>needed to get through life survival mode we've been</b><b>literally like we just got ignored every sign our</b><b>body and mind were giving us we were like i'll be</b><b>with you when i can get to you i have to do this</b><b>thing right now and then we did this thing right</b><b>now for like 30 years and so it's just now</b><b>where it's like okay wait now i think i need to like</b><b>address you know because you don't have a</b><b>choice right because you're either you're physically</b><b>have to know and you spoke to this or mentally you</b><b>know it's something is forcing you to now have to</b><b>acknowledge yourself so much of it's about</b><b>honoring yourself too and giving time to yourself which i</b><b>don't think comes naturally to women in a certain</b><b>way except for mani vanity wise but moms moms like</b><b>immediately put themselves in the back like that</b><b>woman that we were not all moms so moms are great</b><b>at balancing i've always been admired women</b><b>like that but in general a lot of moms are like my</b><b>needs now are here because the children you just</b><b>naturally give to them first it's like an innate</b><b>it's an animalistic thing you just don't even</b><b>question it and then your spouse and then the home</b><b>and if you work outside the home your job</b><b>and your pets like and the plants people don't</b><b>realize if you have a lot of plants they require</b><b>a lot of attention that can be stressful i'm like</b><b>oh my god now i have to water the plants and</b><b>that's a whole other thing um but no if i could go back</b><b>i would have honored me as a woman much more</b><b>self-care wasn't even a thing but you can start</b><b>yeah yeah and i have and i have no i totally am</b><b>great i just want to get behind this 30 day thing</b><b>that i planted yes yes yes i think i will and</b><b>i think about talking about the joe dispense</b><b>the whole meditation thing because whenever i've</b><b>pictured meditation and i'm sure a lot of listeners</b><b>picture meditation is you're sitting in a room</b><b>and you're still and it's dark and you need to just</b><b>like you have to set up a whole thing just</b><b>to do a meditation but what i want to do is</b><b>do a meditation but what you're talking about</b><b>is you can meditate anywhere anytime you could</b><b>incorporate it and so when you're talking</b><b>about walking meditation is it more you're walking</b><b>and you've put your mental state into that</b><b>space so you're still amongst life yeah but you have</b><b>you can adjust your mental did you learn that at</b><b>his workshop i've been doing walking meditations</b><b>but not to this degree his walking meditations</b><b>are audios where he's actually he has you stand</b><b>eyes get the chakra centers all lit up so</b><b>they're connecting and it's heart and brain coherence</b><b>heart coherence is a very popular meditation</b><b>type and he has you get your heart and your brain</b><b>connected connecting with your chakras getting</b><b>yourself in the state he prepares you and then</b><b>now we're going to open your eyes and walk into</b><b>your future self the power you know and i mean</b><b>he's got so many great meditations so but yes so</b><b>now you're taking your state into being actively</b><b>involved in society where you're carrying that</b><b>same frequency with you so it takes practice yeah</b><b>i would assume so that's that's the key right</b><b>there is being able to carry the well you know</b><b>it does because we talked about it and you're</b><b>in the frequency of fear and i know a lot of moms</b><b>that are in that does create disease so stop it</b><b>yeah well how do you yeah that's how do you deal</b><b>with that it's a great motivator you spoke to</b><b>it early you imagine it what if it all works and</b><b>what if it's going to work out it has worked out</b><b>it did work out you older your kids they made it</b><b>through life you got through the baby stage no</b><b>one thinks they're going to make it through that</b><b>yeah that is terrifying yeah my kid's gonna wake</b><b>up they're gonna be on you know i'm gonna be laying</b><b>on them in the middle of the night who knows</b><b>every parent has had some fear oh yeah that their kids</b><b>are not going to survive childhood totally but</b><b>they're teenagers so you've proven them wrong so</b><b>why not keep doing it in a way that makes you</b><b>healthy why not keep showing up and the other part</b><b>to what you said about moms putting themselves</b><b>last what would happen if just putting yourself</b><b>first meant thinking about everything working</b><b>out perfectly what if that was the one thing that</b><b>people started doing yeah it's like a great</b><b>form of self-care it is self-care absolutely it is</b><b>conscious awareness of your frequency and</b><b>everybody's carrying a frequency with them and honestly</b><b>because i don't drink i can see people's</b><b>frequency especially on atlantic avenue here in uh</b><b>delray beach uh when i walk down the road i can</b><b>see someone's frequency yeah well that brings me</b><b>back to this question okay is what are the</b><b>differences you're seeing living on the east</b><b>coast versus the west coast you would you would</b><b>mention that you feel it's way more materialistic</b><b>here yeah well i mean san diego's flip-flops and</b><b>surfers right right military um and the culture</b><b>is different it's hispanic and asian culture and</b><b>there's a lot more latinos down in um miami and</b><b>what i love about that is one the i'm going</b><b>to explain the difference in what i've seen</b><b>is hispanic culture is ashamed of the fact that</b><b>they speak spanish latino culture is not a shame</b><b>oh no and they're driven yeah they're achievers</b><b>they're going after it and they're competitive</b><b>and then the russians that are here too are like</b><b>some of the most competitive people i've ever met</b><b>um and there's an energetic field around that of</b><b>how people process i think um for me i actually</b><b>love the latinos because the fire but they</b><b>also love family i really love the family vibes so</b><b>there's a lot um of people that i've met here and</b><b>middle eastern i mean god i met this woman who's</b><b>79 years old and she's in the best shape i</b><b>just learned how to do water pilates it was so fun</b><b>what's my point west coast east coast east</b><b>coast is um what school did you go to there's</b><b>there's it's another frequency of um competition</b><b>with materialism and i think the school you went to</b><b>matters but to me i've gone to more personal</b><b>development i've gone inside more than i've</b><b>gone outside and while they may have a degree or</b><b>they may have you know a billion dollars sadly i</b><b>know someone who was a billionaire and passed</b><b>away because they were so unhappy i think so i think</b><b>that the difference is that is that there's not a</b><b>lot of spiritual caretaking as much that i've seen</b><b>out here and it's not that i'm criticizing</b><b>religion i think the religion is great i know</b><b>so many different religious people mormons i</b><b>mean i grew up with it with belging and mlm</b><b>um and it would be nice to see people go inside</b><b>and take care of themselves more and i don't think</b><b>there's as much of that it's more granola on the</b><b>west coast for sure granola to me means you're a</b><b>hippie you're going inside you're doing the woo</b><b>woo stuff the alternative stuff it's not as much</b><b>stright you know i don't need to go to church</b><b>to meet god i need to go inside to meet my god to</b><b>connect with my spirit to connect with that</b><b>consciousness that makes me feel love because</b><b>i've had some people ask me with critical</b><b>thinking that are religious well what do you</b><b>pray about what are you meditating on at those</b><b>events it's love no one can fight that no one's</b><b>gonna argue with me like isn't that why we're</b><b>here isn't that what we feel together like i</b><b>love getting together with you and seeing you our</b><b>high school years bring us together in that feeling</b><b>of love and connection and gratitude yeah and</b><b>we remember each other from being young and we've</b><b>come together like and you guys with your</b><b>marriage of how many years 31 yep yeah when you</b><b>tap into that and you start with that and you</b><b>remember how much you love each other's spirits</b><b>that have hung into this three decade</b><b>relationship and have built those humans that are now running</b><b>around there doing stuff that's i just feel like</b><b>the west coast is a little softer a little more</b><b>feminine the east coast is a little more</b><b>masculine it's more competitive get things done um</b><b>yeah interesting no that makes sense it's an interesting way to sum it up</b><b>feminine versus masculine i never thought about it</b><b>that way i moved here what what are your thoughts</b><b>so in terms of the people you've met here i'll</b><b>say for myself i find east coast are slightly</b><b>more genuine than i find west coasters and</b><b>that's a big paradigm or a big difference i think i i</b><b>think you're spot on on the spirituality the</b><b>the the more formalized religion here versus</b><b>more of a internal spirituality out there i'm</b><b>curious what you think of the authenticity angle</b><b>that's a great point and i think you're right</b><b>i think that there is i've been invited to more</b><b>parties especially during the holidays everybody</b><b>wants to take care of little whitney she's all by</b><b>herself and i'm used in california just</b><b>feeding myself doing on my own and i'm good with that</b><b>but everybody wants to be in your business and</b><b>they want to mother you and they want to take</b><b>care of you and they're in your stuff so</b><b>there is definitely that's a great point there's a</b><b>difference between people wanting to be in</b><b>community that's the difference that i see</b><b>where they're more segregated communities they're</b><b>more protective of their tribe or they they don't</b><b>necessarily want to bring everybody in um on</b><b>the west coast yeah the west coast like i've heard</b><b>that from people that they don't feel as welcomed</b><b>on the west coast um and i've seen that in certain</b><b>communities that i'm part of i think the east</b><b>coast just has more of what you're saying it's</b><b>like they there's more of a genuine um maybe</b><b>they've had harder times i don't know you know i think</b><b>some of it is tradition and well spanish culture</b><b>is very inclusive uh itallians are very inclusive</b><b>irish are very inclusive big families big</b><b>families there's just a lot of tradition and so i think</b><b>it's more like like i know for our thanksgiving</b><b>it just keeps growing because our older kids have</b><b>friends who need places in them they know the</b><b>house you have an open invitation by the way if</b><b>you're around yeah you have an open invitation um</b><b>but i think there's an interesting i talked about</b><b>this in one of our episodes is that because i grew</b><b>up on the west coast he grew up on the east coast</b><b>um i found when i moved to the east coast it was</b><b>like a breath of fresh air because even if somebody</b><b>was abrupt with me i knew exactly where they</b><b>were coming from where on the west coast there were</b><b>people that seemed so so nice but behind the</b><b>scenes they were not that way i'm not saying that</b><b>doesn't exist here and i'm i know i'm</b><b>generalizing but the way i've summed it up is um from my</b><b>experience is the on the west coast in general</b><b>i feel that people can be nice but they're not</b><b>necessarily kind and on the east coast people</b><b>aren't necessarily nice but they're kind beautifully</b><b>said if that makes sense yeah of course like</b><b>they'll fix your tire but they may demean you</b><b>while they're doing it out right it's more</b><b>a humanity who who's got each other's back</b><b>on the west coast it's doggy dog a little bit and</b><b>so it's such a weird contrast with the spirituality</b><b>and the granola and the and i and i know what</b><b>you're talking about because again i grew up there</b><b>um but it's a weird balance right because i do think there is authenticity in that</b><b>but is it an inclusive authenticity or is it a</b><b>competitive authenticity you know do you remember</b><b>when we were in oregon and we moved to california</b><b>and everybody said oh the californians are moving</b><b>in or oregonians don't want people moving into</b><b>oregon yeah that i have never heard of that out</b><b>here and also the latinos that i met when i first</b><b>got here the guy who was driving my uber is trying</b><b>to bring his wife or his girlfriend or somebody</b><b>from another country here and they're proud of</b><b>it and they own it yeah because they're doing</b><b>it in a legal way i think it has some to do with</b><b>mexico where people have gotten in illegally</b><b>and they're ashamed and they don't want to speak</b><b>spanish because they're embarrassed or they</b><b>want to measure up to something i don't know i that</b><b>that was part of the vibration that i felt into</b><b>when i moved here is how proud latinos are and i</b><b>think by the year 2020 i think i heard 80 of</b><b>the population is going to speak spanish they're</b><b>breeders out here like crazy and the community</b><b>aspect of big families is a big part of it and</b><b>i think the california is maybe it's more split</b><b>up maybe people who move to california like it is</b><b>in miami a little bit they're coming to reinvent</b><b>themselves those people were running from something</b><b>like uh what is it la hollywood and that's the</b><b>same with miami i heard i don't know i have no</b><b>idea what they but you're right we're onto</b><b>something here we need to keep dissecting it and get 30</b><b>run it yeah because i think that um like</b><b>like sometimes i know it's in the dead community</b><b>it can be like who's the most dead head of them</b><b>all grateful dad right yeah but it's like who's</b><b>the most hippie hippie of them all or in that</b><b>sense it's almost becomes how a competitiveness</b><b>of how woke can you be do you know what i'm</b><b>trying to say and then you go down a rabbit hole where</b><b>they start judging each other on well you're not</b><b>doing enough wokeness and you're and this is coming</b><b>from uh growing up in portland vibe not now i'm</b><b>not talking about political at all um so i i don't</b><b>know i just again it can become heavy with i</b><b>need to follow these these things in order to be to</b><b>come across that i am spiritual i am granola or</b><b>whatever whereas when i moved to the east coast</b><b>it was just like i felt liberated yeah i felt</b><b>like i could just be whoever i am and either people</b><b>took me or didn't but i didn't care it just</b><b>everyone was just kind of i don't know it was</b><b>more straightforward part of it is moving away</b><b>from somewhere into a new environment yeah yeah</b><b>but i also agree with you like because my dad was</b><b>a born-again christian and i know and i built an</b><b>mmm so i know every religion out there and they</b><b>all want to enroll you and they're all right the</b><b>truth right is their truth right right right it's</b><b>not the truth that you can't speak in aa they teach</b><b>you don't ever talk as a third party always</b><b>say i yeah don't say we they you can't speak for</b><b>in aa i mean we've been broken like fuck you've</b><b>seen the bottom of the bottom yeah so you know</b><b>you can't speak for somebody else yeah and</b><b>the challenge is is that while people judge the</b><b>born-again christians for being so extreme then</b><b>i see the same thing happen with that community</b><b>yeah you go granolas right yeah extremes never</b><b>nothing good comes from extremes i think it's</b><b>about ego so one of the things when i first did</b><b>my first medicine journey he said it's the death of</b><b>the ego and that's my experience with death it's</b><b>love when your brain stops working when we're out</b><b>and i know it's harder for people with kids but</b><b>death is beautiful like it's spirit connection</b><b>god everything you've ever happiness joy like</b><b>joy and love and gratitude like so overwhelming</b><b>that's what i experienced right my ego died</b><b>that and i do believe that you know what are we all</b><b>connected by what's the one thing that every</b><b>single person that is connected to this planet has to do</b><b>in order to stay here and when we stop doing</b><b>it we're no longer just breathe yeah i got some</b><b>meditation yeah yeah no it really it makes sense</b><b>and i think humility i wish i would have learned</b><b>humility at a much younger age and let go of</b><b>more ego and i don't know if that's just through</b><b>maturity but um i don't know if that's a gen x</b><b>thing i don't know but i think humility goes hand</b><b>in hand with that you were a little stuck up</b><b>when we weren't i'm just kidding what do you mean by</b><b>that how many understand humility i would i did</b><b>not consider myself stuck up because i was so yeah</b><b>yeah yeah cut open because of my my childhood but</b><b>i'm curious what you think in it and i did admire</b><b>and look up to the popular kids that were popular</b><b>in a way that i didn't understand because i didn't</b><b>come from a family where a mom actually took</b><b>care of me and cared if i what was the thing i don't</b><b>remember what we talked about but tell me what</b><b>humility humility like i feel um is is when you</b><b>approach anybody it could be in your daily life</b><b>the grocery store your job or just coming at it</b><b>where you're not automatically in competition</b><b>with whoever you're talking to or trying to compare</b><b>that's competition but um i've got a great book</b><b>for you you're coming you're coming and everything</b><b>with an openness and it's not about you you're</b><b>just present and if somebody's talking to you</b><b>you're truly listening to what they're saying and</b><b>not thinking about what you're going to say next</b><b>and compare it to what they're saying you're</b><b>really just present and absorbing what they're</b><b>saying and it's okay you don't have to</b><b>counter it sometimes you do to relate with someone's</b><b>be like i understand what you're saying because</b><b>but not it's not just back and forth like you're</b><b>playing tennis okay well here's my experience</b><b>oh that's yours here's my experience so it's just</b><b>that you're not judging people is what well</b><b>you're not judging people but you're also not trying to</b><b>one up with anyone or clout chase or it's just</b><b>that's their experience it doesn't really have</b><b>anything to do with your experience you can</b><b>listen to someone i have not to interject yourself you</b><b>know i have a practice you could do for seven</b><b>days with each other do you want to try it so</b><b>let me let me get let's frame it yeah what you</b><b>were saying what i heard is being present for</b><b>another person and actually listening to them</b><b>and the way that i have been taught by an fbi</b><b>hostage negotiator is that you repeat the last three words of what someone says</b><b>and how i look at this is it's um getting gotten</b><b>and what you're basically doing is getting that</b><b>person and i've gone on lots of days after you</b><b>know i've got all these tools i've been practicing</b><b>communication skills for so long and the key is</b><b>making it about them and holding space for their</b><b>life yes so you guys are doing that like uh like</b><b>an active listening exercise because that's kind</b><b>of like that repeating back what i just heard</b><b>right the confirmation the essence of what that</b><b>person just said before you move on to whatever</b><b>it is that you want to talk about for seven days</b><b>with your son don't add what you want to say i</b><b>know it's hard because he's 15 right i get it i</b><b>get it and try it with whoever you can maybe at</b><b>work whatever you want to try with each other for</b><b>sure yeah but what i have practiced doing is i</b><b>don't need it to i'm full every morning i meditate</b><b>i fill up with mother earth i meditate i'm</b><b>present yeah so i don't need to talk at all about myself</b><b>so i've gone on dates where all i did was repeat</b><b>back with i heard that person say and by the end</b><b>of it they'd be like i feel like i didn't get to</b><b>know anything about you i'm like yeah that's right</b><b>yeah i don't need you to know me i want to</b><b>support the evolution of the humanity of the</b><b>person that's in front of me and hold space for</b><b>them if they've got things to share and it's so</b><b>much easier if you have conversations where</b><b>you're really just being present for that person</b><b>but i think what i heard you also say about</b><b>humility is um the competition and i wanted to</b><b>say there's a book so good and it's in my</b><b>book that i wrote and the chapter is bright light</b><b>and i had a meltdown with another woman and my</b><b>mentor said to me i want you to read this book</b><b>by alphi khan it's called the case against</b><b>competition it changed it was another turning</b><b>point and he teaches you he's a psychologist and</b><b>he goes back alphi khan's a great author by the</b><b>way but it's like a really interesting</b><b>manuscript about how we are created in society to compete</b><b>with one another and it builds insecurity and it</b><b>also is uh competition is insecurity 100 that's</b><b>what it is yeah so when you start being present</b><b>when you're full because you don't need someone</b><b>to hear you you don't need me to be um i don't</b><b>know validation that external or admiring or yeah</b><b>when you love yourself and you know yourself</b><b>and you're confident in your own body yeah you can</b><b>be as nice to the grocery store clerk as you are</b><b>to the president of the united states they're both</b><b>just fucking people and and it really when</b><b>you start to um function through life like that</b><b>uh you realize that you're changing the frequency</b><b>of that person's day like for that moment you you</b><b>kind of shift helped everything shift for them</b><b>too because you're giving them that space you're</b><b>giving them that positivity you're giving</b><b>them that time it could be something as simple as</b><b>that interaction with the cashier at the</b><b>grocery store but for that moment you you you shifted</b><b>something right there doesn't mean the person</b><b>behind you isn't an asshole and is going to shift</b><b>right shift it right back for them to where they</b><b>were but you're at least at least you're you're</b><b>coming from a place of giving and and it's it's a</b><b>much smoother and enjoyable way of going through</b><b>your day it really is i was just gonna say i've</b><b>found when you do that though so many people don't</b><b>know how to deal with it they don't know how to</b><b>absorb it if whether it's like i was telling you</b><b>when we're up in dc and i was saying hi to the</b><b>the cleaning crew they were looking at me like</b><b>i was an alien and i was just trying to be nice</b><b>but they didn't know how to take it because they're</b><b>not in that environment up there whereas down</b><b>here it's way more receptive it was wild yeah well i</b><b>would ask you questions about that because uh yo</b><b>hablo muy puedo que to las panao but yo necesito a</b><b>uh i want to learn spanish when i practice</b><b>spanish with people who speak spanish it doesn't</b><b>matter what where how when i try when i it's</b><b>about language in many cases sometimes it can</b><b>be frequency of energy sometimes it's what you</b><b>say and then you realize that when you just do</b><b>a little yo hablo muy puedo que to las panao you</b><b>think you think that goes a long way then it's just</b><b>speaking there like it has to as i say it out</b><b>loud um i don't know if they didn't make that</b><b>assumption that's why i stuck with english to be</b><b>honest with you down here they're spanish they a</b><b>lot of them are spanish i made the mistake once</b><b>of i had a driver taking me somewhere and i assumed</b><b>he was indian and he was pakistani i totally</b><b>offended the guy so ever since then do you know</b><b>how to speak indian versus pakistani no but they</b><b>hate each other so if you call an indian person</b><b>pakistani or pakistani but i can only be</b><b>responsible for my intention so if my intentions are good and</b><b>i'm actually speaking spanish to try to connect</b><b>it's like a half a percent of people who would</b><b>ever in my experience get offended it</b><b>literally brings me closer together i get people giving</b><b>me stuff like i have friends that go to the same</b><b>place that they've gone to for 20 years and i just</b><b>started there because i just moved here yeah i am</b><b>very fortunate to be genuine and present in my body</b><b>and people can feel it when you're not doing</b><b>something to get something but you're literally</b><b>just being present to give and you're giving</b><b>and if you pay attention to in your body where</b><b>that comes up for you and the other thing because</b><b>you look off sometimes so what i would do with you</b><b>is i would love to put you guys in an eye gazing</b><b>ceremony together where you look into each other's</b><b>eyes because the other thing of eye contact when</b><b>you hold eye contact with someone and you breathe</b><b>with them that is one of the deepest connections</b><b>someone can make because you see the eyes are the</b><b>seat of the soul yeah soul but i think that men a</b><b>lot of men have that's a very intimate space yes</b><b>what you're talking about it is and i think so</b><b>much for i'm generalizing i know there's gonna be</b><b>for listeners i know i'm generalizing but i think</b><b>for a lot of men i like to make people uncomfortable</b><b>i think their idea of intimacy is the actual act</b><b>and they're they they miss all the other levels</b><b>of intimacy they can make that act a</b><b>gazillion times better yes but they want to they skip</b><b>because i think growing up they weren't even</b><b>taught about any correct so they don't even know</b><b>right and so when i teach people that at a bar</b><b>and they want to know what tantra is i'm like let's</b><b>just do eye gazing yeah let's just sit where do</b><b>you feel it in your body let's just breathe together</b><b>and hold eye contact yeah how does that feel</b><b>men and women both are very uncomfortable with it</b><b>but here's what i've always thought you can't</b><b>meet someone where you've never met yourself</b><b>and so for me to have someone who's going to</b><b>meet me they better have met themselves otherwise we</b><b>just can't play i mean i no judgment god bless</b><b>you go do what you need to do but you got in order</b><b>for somebody to really know themselves you know</b><b>i don't care if you get a mirror out and you sit</b><b>in the mirror and you breathe and you get naked</b><b>and you just love into the person that you are</b><b>fortunate to come here to be yeah like there's</b><b>like an essence of that and i'm not criticizing</b><b>you didn't do anything wrong i'm just saying</b><b>that when and i don't know that scenario i could</b><b>imagine there's probably a thousand things</b><b>that were going on we have no idea but generally</b><b>speaking that's usually my intention is to</b><b>connect authentically and cultivate trust</b><b>and the way i do that differs depending on the</b><b>environment i'm in but if i speak spanish to you</b><b>and you're not spanish yeah because what</b><b>my intention was is to connect authentically</b><b>cultivate trust and i've made that mistake</b><b>a couple times and some people are offended</b><b>and some people aren't but either way they're not</b><b>my people if they're yeah if they don't know where</b><b>my heart is and you can't feel it that's okay</b><b>and you know where you're coming from so you're</b><b>comfortable with either reaction because their</b><b>reaction isn't going to affect you as much you</b><b>knew you were coming from a good place your</b><b>intention is positive communication is the</b><b>response that i get so it's a learning so if i</b><b>get a response that's not positive then i go back to</b><b>what you just did which is okay so what was i</b><b>not seeing in that moment that i missed because you</b><b>know that happens to me just yeah for me i didn't</b><b>take it personally i was it was more that it was</b><b>like how could i i would rather have connected</b><b>and it didn't happen and it was just it was genuine</b><b>how's your day how are you hi we're in the same elevator together</b><b>well so you mentioned dating before i have</b><b>a question about that but you were in this</b><b>relationship for 18 years uh and you guys didn't</b><b>get married correct yeah i don't believe in getting</b><b>the government involved in my relationship</b><b>unless there's a lot of money okay so that was my that</b><b>was my question was anybody wants to apply with</b><b>it okay did he want to get married and you didn't</b><b>or both of you were on the same page no we didn't</b><b>we both had an agreement he did get married during</b><b>covid he's going through a divorce right now</b><b>okay but when you were together you were both on</b><b>the same page with that yes no kids no marriage</b><b>and have you always not wanted to have kids yes</b><b>when i was very young my mom said never have kids</b><b>and never get married she screamed it at me okay</b><b>i think we wrecked the third car i don't remember</b><b>okay so that stayed with you with me and i just i</b><b>mean i need to re-raise myself i had no business</b><b>bringing someone else into the story right then</b><b>yes i just didn't and i just didn't want the</b><b>responsibility i mean even an animal yeah a lot</b><b>i mean god bless you i got enough doing all right</b><b>here i got i got a full-time job yeah so child free</b><b>by choice and there's a lot of women</b><b>currently that are making those choices in the younger</b><b>generation i think for a lot of gen x women it</b><b>wasn't as common because we were raised to get</b><b>married and have children right you did what</b><b>your parents did and told you to do it's all about</b><b>programming yeah exactly did you find as a gen</b><b>x woman being child free by choice um was that</b><b>uncomfortable at times by people's reactions to</b><b>the fact that you weren't married you didn't have</b><b>children no okay but i i don't take personal</b><b>other people's behavior usually when i was younger and</b><b>every we went to 29 weddings there was one wedding</b><b>that i was like maybe i want to get married i don't</b><b>know because you see it happening it's just like</b><b>anything pavla's dog it's happening over and over</b><b>again do you want to do it yeah and it was</b><b>still a no it's i do want to get married now</b><b>it's oddly enough i know exactly where i'm going</b><b>to get married um i've visioned it i do envision</b><b>it like i imagine and i'm so excited um but uh</b><b>then no i didn't i and i and i've been really</b><b>satisfied with the choices that i've made i'm</b><b>really grateful that i made the choices that i</b><b>made why now though what's changed um well i went</b><b>to this place in taloon that's so beautiful and it</b><b>just felt so good to be there and i could just</b><b>see myself with shoes off white dress all my friends</b><b>around and you know having that commitment and</b><b>that honoring of our relationship and i'm fucking old</b><b>so i mean i only got one last relationship in me</b><b>that's going to be long term so now i'm open to</b><b>and um it doesn't have to be legal like it could</b><b>just be a ceremony we were talking about doing a</b><b>ceremony before i ended my relationship i was</b><b>going to have jess and timberlake come and play</b><b>or beyonce i had all these delusions of grandeur</b><b>um can i ask um or may i ask why you chose to end</b><b>the relationship because that's a long relationship</b><b>it's a big story so how i'm going to frame it is i</b><b>outgrew that relationship we were in therapy and</b><b>i do recommend every person out there who's in a</b><b>relationship with someone who isn't you to have</b><b>a coach or a therapist or somebody who helps you</b><b>translate that relationship because it's so</b><b>valuable to have we always had a coach helped us</b><b>create our relationship so over a telephone we</b><b>decided to come into monogamy and i remember the</b><b>coach arguing with us and he's like you can't</b><b>build a relationship on fun great sex adventure</b><b>and as long as we're learning and growing</b><b>together we'll stay together i found that i</b><b>continued to grow we got 40 acres in tahoe he fell</b><b>in love with the land i went to tony robbins i kept</b><b>doing all of these things and i continued to move</b><b>forward and he loved taking care of that land he's</b><b>still taking care of that land it's almost caught</b><b>on fire the snow fell through the roof but that's</b><b>what he chose we had a baby that was yeah 40</b><b>acres and it's every guy's wet dream every man</b><b>that we brought on that property it's off the</b><b>grid it was great it was like family robbins in</b><b>the first year we got a foot of snow the second</b><b>year we got 20 feet of snow in a matter of hours</b><b>and i was like look i have been saving and i can</b><b>talk about money all day long i studied so many</b><b>books on money i would recommend reading the</b><b>richest man in babylon if somebody hasn't read</b><b>the millionaire next door stop acting rich</b><b>there's so many juicy books out there die with zero for</b><b>the parents who think they need to save so much</b><b>money instead of actually giving it to the kids</b><b>and enjoying it in the moment but back to the</b><b>the ending of the relationship so now we've got 40</b><b>acres 20 feet of snow i have been working my ass</b><b>off for 20 years almost traveling two weeks out</b><b>of every month he's a surfer doing living his life</b><b>essentially because i didn't really know who i was</b><b>i loved every minute of it we had a great</b><b>relationship we did personal work together</b><b>spiritual work medicine work and um there was</b><b>a moment that i remember having a conversation</b><b>with him where his habits changed and it wasn't a</b><b>values change it was just the behavior had shifted</b><b>in a way that no longer matched what i was</b><b>actively pursuing and then i don't know i can't</b><b>i can't tell this part so there was another</b><b>act that happened when i went back to san diego</b><b>and someone um turned on my kundalini when my</b><b>kundalini got switched on what's that the kundalini</b><b>is um it's like a snake that lives inside you</b><b>it's a spiritual energetic field and it got flipped</b><b>on from an energetic healer and when it turned</b><b>on everything looked different to me the things</b><b>that originally looked like love now look</b><b>like control and i just started seeing everything</b><b>differently but i don't think it was one thing</b><b>that happened i always tell people you're either</b><b>growing together or you're growing apart and i</b><b>think we grow apart he fell in love with the land</b><b>he wanted to keep tooling the land um you know</b><b>we'd eat dinner at home we'd have breakfast at home</b><b>i love going out you know i'll take myself out to</b><b>dinner when so weak i love having fun i want to be</b><b>you know and this was like family robinson great it was the shining at the end</b><b>and so eventually it was just like no longer my</b><b>bag you know yeah that makes sense and so how hard</b><b>was it to disengage your life from him and</b><b>from everything there's a book called conscious</b><b>uncoupling yes by kathy woodard and um who made</b><b>it popular um gwyneth paltrow and chris yeah what's</b><b>his name rm rm no chris um martin yes from uh</b><b>coldplay thank you yeah it's been very famous lately</b><b>yes and they made that book famous so basically</b><b>what happened was it was like a big switch inside</b><b>of me turned off and i prayed and i cried and i</b><b>wanted it back so bad it was like where did the</b><b>love go it was like i wasn't in love anymore</b><b>yeah and it um it was heartbreaking it was really</b><b>difficult for me but i'm not a person who stays</b><b>and what i learned is if i had a kid i think this</b><b>happens to a lot of people they know it's over</b><b>and they have to stay because they don't want to</b><b>lose the kid you don't want to share and we're</b><b>not cutting it in half i want to not be with it</b><b>right and then they stay and instead of speaking</b><b>it out and communicating it in a loving way because</b><b>i said love we're gonna stay on the frequency of</b><b>love this whole time it got rocky did i do it the</b><b>entire time no but i my intention was to bring</b><b>it back up to love the frequency would go here we</b><b>bring it back to love and because the love that</b><b>we had that we shared for so long the the basis of</b><b>who we are is love so i just continually brought</b><b>it back to that and so we consciously uncoupled</b><b>and brought our community in and asked for support we did a video to talk about the</b><b>fact that we were uncoupling and shared it with</b><b>our business partners and um and that was one of</b><b>the most difficult things that i've ever done in</b><b>my life is to walk away from somebody who helped</b><b>me get sober who's a one of my best friends who</b><b>i adored and shared such an incredible 18 years</b><b>with we had so much fun i became who i am</b><b>because of him he's my mentor in business and play and</b><b>everything like i'm so fortunate to have had</b><b>that chapter and everything in me said is this over</b><b>even though i i really tried but it just was</b><b>done how old are you when you i think about 46</b><b>so i'm 54 now it's been about eight years eight</b><b>years and so um when you left tahoe where did you</b><b>go when that was done where did you what was</b><b>your next phase of life then where did you end up i</b><b>bounced around a little bit so i've been</b><b>traveling and being a nomad for many many years trying to</b><b>identify where whitney wants to land next but</b><b>the first stop i made was burning man was that your</b><b>first time there yes that's my only time to go i</b><b>you guys like basically what i realized is when</b><b>that relationship ended he's secure attached my</b><b>favorite book is the attached one of my favorite</b><b>books attached if you've never read that it's</b><b>such a great book teaches you about attachment styles</b><b>he's secure attached i'm anxious attached because</b><b>my childhood he's normal i came from a pretty crazy</b><b>childhood so being in that relationship i was uh</b><b>anxious attached anxious secure so when we ended</b><b>i had no idea what was going to happen and what</b><b>has happened up until now this is the first time</b><b>like in this last year where i've been</b><b>really settled i'm so happy to be single because i</b><b>am in love with all parts of me all parts of my</b><b>life everything i've created and built and i'm</b><b>untangling from the need to hustle you talked</b><b>about it i'm in my 50s i hustled for so long</b><b>i love being in florida the water's warm but</b><b>i traveled for quite a while and then you know</b><b>shortly after i was 46 when i turned 50 um</b><b>just before i think i was 49 i was at a ceremony</b><b>and i drank too much water and i had a seizure</b><b>and i went into a coma oh my goodness yeah you</b><b>can over drink water i didn't know that yeah</b><b>you can you totally mess up your electrolytes yeah</b><b>all the electrolytes had a seizure went into</b><b>a coma for two days fortunately i did all that</b><b>medicine work where you leave your body and you</b><b>come back in so it was bliss i mean i don't know</b><b>that i wanted to come back but i'm supposed to</b><b>be back to do more work where were you when that</b><b>happened i was in san diego okay so um do you</b><b>remember being in the coma anything from being in</b><b>the coma i remember coming back and i remember</b><b>locking eyes with my shaman who looked like this</b><b>and i was just like so blissed out didn't</b><b>understand because what i experienced again was</b><b>just love there's so much love when your</b><b>unconsciousness goes and people are so afraid</b><b>for people who die that go to heaven help</b><b>you just become energy the energy you are now</b><b>it's the energy that you meld into i believe</b><b>that's why i'm doing so much work and i'm doing</b><b>it for the whole consciousness i think as well</b><b>as myself but the more you love the more you're</b><b>intentional the more you're present the more</b><b>you work on yourself the more you love yourself</b><b>that's all we're responsible for and that's all</b><b>you're taking with you you you you love yourself</b><b>so much that you set a great example for your</b><b>kids and that's where they'll go too then they</b><b>have to work on themselves it's their job but</b><b>after the um after that ceremony and the seizure</b><b>in the coma i had to get my heart surgery pretty</b><b>quick okay so that's when you told me that i needed</b><b>to do that and um i did that at cedar sina i</b><b>interviewed six doctors and um i believe that</b><b>the work that i did in my career was preparing</b><b>me for that event i found out i had um aortic</b><b>bicuspid stenosis when i turned 40 i had done dmt</b><b>every month for a year if you don't know what dmt</b><b>is god molecule joe rogan it makes your heart</b><b>race and it takes you to a different planet but</b><b>what it did for me is it created a connection with</b><b>god like nothing i've ever experienced and it also</b><b>eliminated my fear of death completely i have</b><b>zero zero fear i don't want to go yet now i'm</b><b>happier than i've ever been oh my god i had no</b><b>idea that i could get to this point if you met</b><b>me 20 years ago you would not recognize i don't</b><b>recognize myself i have videos and things that i</b><b>would do and i could see my face and where i'm</b><b>holding all this energy and pain and it's released</b><b>i've done enough presence work where it's gone</b><b>when i did that ceremony every month for a year</b><b>i started having shortness of breath and then i</b><b>went to the doctor and they said oh yeah you have</b><b>aortic bicuspid stenosis and you're gonna have</b><b>to have surgery on your heart open heart surgery</b><b>and i was like oh crap but it wasn't that soon</b><b>i just couldn't do that medicine anymore so i</b><b>stopped doing dmt what is what is the impact of</b><b>dmt on your your heart rate um they put a heart</b><b>monitor on me i did it once since i've had</b><b>heart surgery and my heart hit 190 beats wow that's</b><b>over our hundred percent mark people with heart</b><b>issues i do not recommend dmt because your heart</b><b>can also go erratic but it has been such a home</b><b>for me because that was the first medicine i ever</b><b>did that i i wanted to experience it one more</b><b>time and he kept my eyes open and he made me look in</b><b>the mirror the whole time it was an incredibly</b><b>healing beautiful experience can you microdose</b><b>it so it doesn't i've done that yeah so you</b><b>don't leave it's amazing but for me my heart still</b><b>it's not a good idea for people like if i honor</b><b>this life that i get to have and i don't want to</b><b>leave because when you go it's the death of the</b><b>ego you're experiencing death so unless you're</b><b>really up for that like i know so many people who</b><b>experience so many wild things on the planet like</b><b>jumping out of an airplane and going skiing well</b><b>this is my jumping out of an airplane i just ski</b><b>inside yeah yeah i have a question when you</b><b>say the death of the ego and you'd mentioned the</b><b>ceremony before i what was what was it the</b><b>the route that i i i began that was years later</b><b>what do you what are you considering the death</b><b>of the ego i'm thinking in terms of like froydian</b><b>ego and and that is what what's your concept</b><b>you're not thinking while you're in medicine</b><b>the medicine guides you into your body it's</b><b>into the spirit world there are i believe multiple</b><b>realms happening with us right now but</b><b>there's only one that we're present who's the third</b><b>dimension this is that what we're having in the</b><b>conversation this is all we can see when you shut</b><b>this down you can see other parts of um elements</b><b>that are happening uh what is it called so it's</b><b>it's less of a hallucination more of a freeing of</b><b>that conscious ego i guess in a sense and it's just</b><b>whatever's whatever enters i guess i think it's</b><b>up to you i think everybody's different so whatever</b><b>your experiences is for you with my and i and i</b><b>don't like to tell people like too many details</b><b>and i think it's a wise choice not to yeah because</b><b>your experience could be completely different than</b><b>mine but all by the way i'm not a doctor i'm not</b><b>recommending anyone do right this medicine journey</b><b>i do not want to be liable because there's mental</b><b>illnesses out there and people can literally lose</b><b>their mind and you feel like you have lost your</b><b>mind there were moments where i wasn't sure if i</b><b>was coming back i didn't know if i'd make it back</b><b>because you get so like out of it and then that's</b><b>where i realized how we're all connected because</b><b>what he would say is breathe hold it because you</b><b>take the medicine hold it hold it hold it and</b><b>then i'd go and then you go and then your body</b><b>starts to breathe again because the body knows</b><b>what to do our bodies are so so vital in actually</b><b>trying to share with us what's going on but many</b><b>people are so brain programmed so what i would say</b><b>is that if you could do medicine that would</b><b>allow you to release that but the first medicine i</b><b>start would start with would be meditation i</b><b>did write a little book about this i interviewed</b><b>um what's his name who wrote the um oh i don't</b><b>remember his name maybe it'll come back to me</b><b>but i would start slow like maybe smoky marijuana</b><b>if that's not for you a little mdma mushrooms do</b><b>things that are a little slower dmt literally</b><b>shoot you into another planet yeah you leave your body</b><b>yeah and this guy kept me awake the last time i</b><b>did it but anyways and it also is very taxing on</b><b>your body so as you get older i had no idea but</b><b>and the book uh guy was zero he literally says look</b><b>you're everybody's saving so much money where when</b><b>you get old you don't want to travel when you get</b><b>old you're old you don't want to leave the house</b><b>like you're not going anywhere like you did take</b><b>that vacation now spend that money take the</b><b>risk yeah so with the heart surgery was it um</b><b>genetic and i think you had mentioned it was</b><b>genetic in addition to the abuse the drug abuse</b><b>right yeah yeah yeah so i mean they didn't talk</b><b>about that with me we didn't have that conversation</b><b>i didn't educate them on that because what the</b><b>doctors do when you interview them to become your</b><b>new heart surgeon who's going to do the surgeon</b><b>they're just surgeons basically they all told me</b><b>but the surgeon i chose which valve i was</b><b>going to get all of them one of them like i trained</b><b>doctors for a living for 20 years i've been</b><b>teaching doctors how to transition their business</b><b>from traditional health into alternative medicine</b><b>helping people lose weight and now i'm going in so</b><b>i made this the biggest project of my life just to</b><b>frame it the intention that i put on this was not</b><b>from fear the intention i said was life happens</b><b>we've got these things that are god is dishing us</b><b>or whatever you believe you're getting handed</b><b>this opportunity i got handed the opportunity of</b><b>you're gonna have heart surgery at 40 they told</b><b>me you're gonna have heart surgery one day you're</b><b>gonna have to have open heart surgery what do you</b><b>want to do how are you gonna play this card yeah so</b><b>when i figured out that i had to get it pretty</b><b>quick i decided to put together a group of people</b><b>i think i organized 60 people i set an</b><b>intention to put together my crew fortunately i found</b><b>heart valve surgery calm it's a it's a book and</b><b>it's an uh a website about the book i went through</b><b>it i interviewed six physicians the last one i</b><b>think it was the last one no second to the last one</b><b>he uh looked at me and um he got up and walked</b><b>out on me and what i said to him because i knew i</b><b>wasn't gonna go with him there was a rip on the</b><b>thing his plate i wasn't gonna i'm about to give</b><b>a man at five hundred thousand dollars that's how</b><b>much heart surgery costs by the way you don't know</b><b>it because your insurance pays for it i had</b><b>incredible insurance and i knew i was interviewing</b><b>them because i had the confidence to and um i</b><b>said can i ask you a question and he leans in and he</b><b>goes yeah and i said why do you think men think</b><b>they can tell women what to do with their bodies</b><b>he got so mad he's like whoops are you are you</b><b>crazy are you gonna make it about this he got up</b><b>and walked out on me so i got up and left i knew</b><b>i was done with him then the next one i wanted to</b><b>get on my weight loss program he was unhealthy he</b><b>had broken blood vessels so i knew he drank so i</b><b>was like look i needed a i really like your</b><b>demeanor you seem like you can handle me if you</b><b>can handle me you can handle my heart and i put</b><b>him to the test and got in my weight loss program</b><b>i asked him if he quit drinking well one of my</b><b>guides said you don't want someone to quit drinking</b><b>that's been a drinker true true true so then i</b><b>knew that he wasn't the one and i was like okay</b><b>let me pray on this and ask for the guidance</b><b>yeah one of my besties came and stayed with me she</b><b>said oh let's call my auntie she had open heart</b><b>surgery and she got minimally invasive surgery</b><b>here's my i don't know if you can see it on</b><b>camera but here's here's my scar you barely see it so i</b><b>got your hair might be covering minimally invasive</b><b>surgery is basically incredible so what the other</b><b>thing i want to tell you see it now right wow i</b><b>asked every single surgeon that well i only chose</b><b>one i asked the one surgeon that i actually said</b><b>yes to i need five of your patient's phone numbers</b><b>so i can call them and talk to them and i met</b><b>them on zoom i was in tears hysterical they cut you</b><b>from here to here when you do that surgery that</b><b>was a no yeah so remember anybody out there who's</b><b>going to get anything done ask to talk to at least</b><b>five people i don't care what it is money managing</b><b>heart surgery plastic surgery gallbladder i</b><b>don't know just asked for five contacts because then</b><b>you'll see the kind of work they did and when i</b><b>did i said hey i'm gonna have a plastic surgeon</b><b>in the room and he goes no you're not i'll show</b><b>you up and i was like why this is the guy who i</b><b>wanted to quit drinking and getting him to lose</b><b>weight and then i met my friend's auntie and i</b><b>went back to him and i said hey i want minimally</b><b>invasive surgery and he goes oh i'm not doing that</b><b>for you i i can't know whitney that no and i just</b><b>got his no and then i slept on it and i was like</b><b>is he telling me no because he can't do it</b><b>because he's at the end of his career he's old he's in</b><b>his 60s or because he doesn't it's not safe and</b><b>so i got the heart valve surgery dot com book i</b><b>just prayed and said okay i'm going to interview</b><b>one more and i found my doctor who was the first</b><b>one who said um what kind of valve do you want</b><b>and i got the bovine so i have a little um cow heart</b><b>yeah but i put together this was the biggest</b><b>project of my life and i thought well why not</b><b>make this health thing my biggest project so i</b><b>put together the group the prayer group because i</b><b>believe that the people that can focus on faith</b><b>and not fear those are the people i invited by</b><b>the way yeah those are the people i knew</b><b>would stay in that vibration of trusting that</b><b>whitney's got the best doctor cedar cyanide</b><b>i um what's the doctor's name was it danny</b><b>oh i want to know what it is okay i god you'd</b><b>think i'd remember he held my heart he was a cedar</b><b>cyanide he moved to texas he got recruited right</b><b>after my heart surgery it was the most incredible</b><b>and at the end of the surgery when i was pulling</b><b>out the cord like they put this whole thing for</b><b>drains in there the nurse was in awe she's</b><b>like you're the first patient that i've ever</b><b>pulled this out of it didn't hysterically cry</b><b>all i did was breath like you would if you were</b><b>pregnant how do you breathe through pregnancy</b><b>yeah it's breath and yeah taking people back</b><b>there every time i have a conversation i try</b><b>to get people to remember yeah meditation is</b><b>medication and that's where you can find source</b><b>in a way that most people don't realize that it's</b><b>the new this is all new technology but it's</b><b>not new it's just we're becoming aware of it like</b><b>chachi ppt i've heard is it always existed but</b><b>we needed to become conscious enough to align with</b><b>it and to me right so this group that you put</b><b>together what did you do with this group so i</b><b>chose a few of my friends to help to set the um</b><b>set the intentions that were spiritual guides that</b><b>are very powerful women and we put together</b><b>a ceremony i did um one ceremony before the</b><b>surgery where we had a little sound bowl and i did</b><b>my sound bowl i have a sound and then my girlfriend</b><b>did a prayer and we did um setting the setting</b><b>up the um environment basically it's um calling in</b><b>the ancestors uh the four directions i don't know</b><b>if you're familiar with that so i like different</b><b>spiritual modalities so i use the women in</b><b>my life that are very spiritual that i knew</b><b>would help me set this up so it would be a</b><b>successful surgery because i believe you can</b><b>do all kinds of fun cool stuff and be creative to</b><b>set a container like you do here so that you get</b><b>the best outcome and that's what i did i set the</b><b>container we got together i let everybody go around</b><b>and share their prayer for me and i created this</b><b>space it was super powerful super beautiful i took</b><b>videos i still have the videos that i kept to</b><b>take myself through the memory of that and it still</b><b>to this day is something that i'm more proud of</b><b>than any other part of my life i got the surgery</b><b>during covid wow and would you say doing all</b><b>of that definitely aided in your in your in the</b><b>actual surgery and also your recovery time that</b><b>it just went with you through the whole process</b><b>you know i can't answer that question because do</b><b>i know for sure that it did what i what i'm clear</b><b>on is when you have a project whether it's a kid</b><b>or anything else when you set the best intention</b><b>and you stay focused on what you want to create</b><b>and the love that you know you can build within</b><b>that environment and calling in all the helpers</b><b>the best possible out what is supposed to happen</b><b>am i supposed to be here i only know because</b><b>i'm here right right so you had this surgery you</b><b>obviously had a good recovery i'm assuming</b><b>right did that all go well it's very painful and the</b><b>worst part of it was the um what's it called</b><b>when you can't go poo constipation i've never</b><b>been constipated before that was like the worst</b><b>thing i've ever experienced and it was from the</b><b>tramadol they put me on i was gonna say that</b><b>was from meds yeah awful yeah the rest of it was</b><b>breathing and loving myself and doing my</b><b>meditation and staying focused on what i'm grateful for i</b><b>got to recover malibu one of my besties i'm</b><b>going to greece with she took care of me and a doctor</b><b>friend who was part of my team she came and took</b><b>care of me the second part so and i actually had a</b><b>breakdown with her after as i was recovering</b><b>which was unfortunate talk about competitiveness</b><b>or comparison so it was unfortunate but um you</b><b>know i feel like some people are in your life</b><b>for a reason a season or a lifetime a big</b><b>believer in that yeah i don't have to be upset or angry</b><b>and bless her and i i wish her well and i'm</b><b>grateful that i had the opportunity and that</b><b>she was kind enough to help take care of me so</b><b>then from southern california is that when you</b><b>bounced over here to florida or did you go i've</b><b>been traveling for years okay so then you trust</b><b>so you had your surgery in 2020 you recovered in</b><b>southern california and then did you continue to</b><b>travel yeah uh one of my besties i'm so grateful</b><b>for her she has helped me so much she's been such</b><b>an angel um she told me she was pregnant we</b><b>reconnected and she's like you know um uh i</b><b>told her i'd just gotten the the lease at where</b><b>i was living they raised the rent they sold the</b><b>property for eight million dollars and um and i</b><b>was like i i need to move and she was well our</b><b>house in park city is vacant do you want to go</b><b>stay in the house and i said could i stay there</b><b>for four months she said sure and then i contacted</b><b>my nest bestie which was in hawaii and i said could</b><b>i stay there for six months sure so i just</b><b>moved from park city the day that i left at snode</b><b>that and the horses and the beauty and the</b><b>nature there and her home was so beautiful i felt so</b><b>fortunate blessed then i went to hawaii and i</b><b>lived in hawaii for six months and hawaii spit me out</b><b>it's it rained for six weeks and then i went to</b><b>costa rica porta rico i just traveled to see where</b><b>i wanted to live and i ended up here and i got</b><b>sick here which i mean like i believe everything</b><b>happens for a reason and my girlfriend said don't</b><b>go to spain if you're sick because you don't speak</b><b>language you don't want to be sick in spain so i</b><b>was supposed to go to spain for the summer so i</b><b>stayed and swam every day in the ocean here</b><b>which you can't do in socal nice no no it's beautiful</b><b>it's amazing and spiritually i was like this is</b><b>home why did you choose florida well one of my</b><b>besties with the six-year-olds i'm in love with</b><b>her little girl and actually in my book i opened</b><b>the book with how many people had a parent who</b><b>actually sat with them in their emotions i've</b><b>gotten to witness this girl my my</b><b>girlfriend raised her little girl with that kind of</b><b>communication how are you feeling it in your</b><b>body and i mean granted there's moments you know</b><b>everybody has their moments and you know you you</b><b>have to step up sometimes but she's done such a</b><b>beautiful job and they live in porta rico so i</b><b>moved to porta rico for four months i tried that on</b><b>it's not a place for a single white woman who</b><b>doesn't speak spanish if i spoke spanish i could</b><b>maybe pull it off but i just don't think that</b><b>was the spot for me not you know yeah i hope that</b><b>comes out the way i meant it but um then um what</b><b>happened in porta rico i can't remember why that</b><b>one didn't work but oh yeah it's hard to get food</b><b>everything's hard there you so it's a harder life</b><b>it's more work than it is to do it here so this</b><b>was just the match yeah you just so then when you</b><b>first got to florida did you i lived in costa rica</b><b>too by the way okay yeah and that spit me out too</b><b>they stole all my stuff oh man so i just go places</b><b>and but it was a gift like so so yes it was rough</b><b>i'm not saying it wasn't but i i found a video</b><b>of myself the day that they stole all my stuff</b><b>i was still very spiritually alert like what's the</b><b>purpose here why what happened i didn't get raped</b><b>yeah they didn't beat me up they stole myself</b><b>while i was sleeping fortunately i smoked pot</b><b>that night so i was passed out it was a super</b><b>bowl with the neighbors and they crawled through</b><b>my window pulled them the cell phone was</b><b>sitting right there but i was an injured and when you</b><b>think about your life and you focus on those</b><b>things that went wrong it's this lesson that</b><b>my former partner taught me in business he took</b><b>a white piece of paper out and he wrote a black</b><b>dot on it he used to hold it up and he did this</b><b>with me one time when i was like i wanted to give</b><b>up with that business we built a thousand times</b><b>and i walk in and i'm like oh shit the shipping's</b><b>not working so he writes this black dot he holds</b><b>up the piece of paper and he goes what do you see</b><b>and i said a black dot and then he goes but what about all the white space</b><b>what about all the all everything else that's</b><b>going on around you like it's just money it's</b><b>just material stuff and i've really come to</b><b>become aware of that that it's not about the</b><b>other things so when they sold myself i was</b><b>just so fortunate that i realized that this</b><b>place just doesn't want me to live here and a</b><b>woman said what if this is initiation and i said</b><b>if this is how this place initiates i'm not</b><b>interested and i've had a man say that to me</b><b>before he goes but i love you and i'm like but</b><b>this isn't how i'm going to be loved well that</b><b>brings me to my next question so when your relationship ended how soon did you wait</b><b>until you entered the dating world and how</b><b>has the dating world been for you at this age of</b><b>your life yeah um well i had a kundalini awakening and i needed to um explore that</b><b>so the person who helped me awaken my</b><b>kundalini after we ended i entered into a very crazy</b><b>experience that i wish i had done but was</b><b>necessary because i probably would have never left</b><b>as i know a lot of people probably understand</b><b>when you're in a relationship that's not painful</b><b>or hard it's just over you know it's scary to</b><b>leave so fortunately i had a magnet that pulled</b><b>me out of that relationship that got me to</b><b>want to see what else experiences i could have</b><b>and then after that it's just been um you know</b><b>it was the first he was the first person i ever</b><b>was intimate with sober wow so i had a lot of</b><b>exploring to do i've been sober for 25 years</b><b>and i still care about him to this day very</b><b>much and we're still great friends so i want to be</b><b>conscious of honoring that relationship and not</b><b>um you know i don't know what this conversation</b><b>will do for people who know us so i just also i'm</b><b>very aware of that but i just have been exploring</b><b>and the funny thing is i've said the whole</b><b>time i want to have a relationship but i just did</b><b>the 30-day tantric hold for the first time</b><b>eight years and i had a six-month relationship</b><b>but i said i wanted to have a long term but i</b><b>never demonstrated that to the universe right</b><b>so the first time i did that i had a the relationship that helped me start my book</b><b>wow and it wasn't the relationship that i'd</b><b>choose for me to be in long term but it was the</b><b>one that i needed to be in for me to open up</b><b>but yeah i mean i just did i had some fun i mean</b><b>so are there still good men out there to date</b><b>would you say because there's such mixed messages</b><b>if you go on social media or if you talk to</b><b>people and especially for women our age i mean</b><b>is there still uh positive um options here's how</b><b>i'll i'll frame it because i've heard all those</b><b>stories too i think now as i am growing more and</b><b>more into loving and being present in myself and</b><b>really having that visual of the best scenario i</b><b>could possibly imagine for myself i am attracting</b><b>different types of people you attract the lessons</b><b>that you need you i attracted the same person so</b><b>what was ironic too was i studied my cards of</b><b>destiny which is the deck of playing cards but</b><b>it's a tarot the tarot allegedly was the original</b><b>deck of playing cards and when i studied that when</b><b>i fell in love with it is when it said the</b><b>person before you and after you came here to do karma</b><b>with my mother was after me which is the jack of</b><b>clubs my partner my former partner was the nina</b><b>clubs and this last person that i was with is</b><b>also the nina clubs so i repeated that relationship</b><b>because i hadn't quite got in the complete</b><b>lesson and limerence i don't know if anybody's had</b><b>limerence i projected onto many relationships</b><b>and one of my councils said to me but when he</b><b>went all the men you dated married and i was like</b><b>oh yeah so the first one when i was in san diego</b><b>i knew for 20 years he came to me and said hey</b><b>i'm getting a divorce and i got i got swept up in</b><b>that story and and rather than saying to myself</b><b>as i know what happens because i've gone through it</b><b>if somebody's entangled in a connection they</b><b>have to untangle from that connection and it takes</b><b>work time space now men will go from one</b><b>to the next a little more easily than women</b><b>but what do i want and i wasn't asking that</b><b>question so i would bounce from one to the next</b><b>and the last two that were here one lived at</b><b>home with the ex and three kids so if you're looking</b><b>for a sign really great though i was so grateful</b><b>that was a great connection good person great guy</b><b>i mean the answer is yes there's lots of great</b><b>people lots of great options i was deceived a few</b><b>times about whether or not they were married so you</b><b>know i i didn't know how to navigate that i do now</b><b>um people finders is great by the way people</b><b>finders i would tell you if someone's married</b><b>people finders is something you want to do with everyone that you get connected to</b><b>or ask somebody to do an fbi background</b><b>check because that's new necessary tactics in our</b><b>digital world just for those women out there</b><b>or men out there who are dating and want to know</b><b>yeah what's the background of this person</b><b>i'll tell you their financial stuff it gives you</b><b>everything that you need to know wow yeah and</b><b>that's why i don't give my phone number out to</b><b>people because if they have your phone number</b><b>they can look you up actually with your first</b><b>note last name they can too but um it's</b><b>shocking wow that's amazing so okay so that's positive</b><b>though i mean there there is still something</b><b>out there but a lot of it depends on where you're</b><b>coming from well whatever you need to learn is</b><b>what you're going to attract and when you're ready</b><b>for that big relationship i haven't been ready</b><b>for it i thought it was i wanted it and i had a</b><b>psychic i love psychics and mediums by the way</b><b>if anybody needs a great psychic message because</b><b>i've got a list and she told me years ago when i</b><b>before i was 50 she said um your big relationship</b><b>is going to come later in life and she said i</b><b>don't want to scare you you're going to have people</b><b>between now and then but you're going to find</b><b>your total shocker match when you find yourself</b><b>because we can't meet other people where we</b><b>haven't met ourselves and what kind of relationship did</b><b>i really want to have in the state i was in do</b><b>i want to attract someone when i'm bitter angry</b><b>unhappy physically not where i want to be you're</b><b>going to attract who you are that's just reality</b><b>so you want to get to be the best version of</b><b>yourself that you can possibly be and attract</b><b>from there yeah you got to say that slower you</b><b>you're not going to meet people where you've not</b><b>met yourself yeah i'm trying to process that</b><b>i get it intellectually but i'm trying to now</b><b>draw an example to it so i've met myself</b><b>in all kinds of medicine sobriety meditation</b><b>in the most deepest areas of myself and i'm</b><b>happy to come on a podcast and talk about some of the</b><b>most intimate parts of my life now some people</b><b>that would be really uncomfortable some people</b><b>would resist it some people would downright not</b><b>like it she's pointing at me because she's i haven't</b><b>done my story on a on our episode like we like</b><b>our our podcasts our stories and i did mine first</b><b>because if i'm going to ask people to come and</b><b>share their story i better share a shit better</b><b>share mine first brian and i'm comfortable with</b><b>that because i wish i would have listened to that</b><b>before this that might be one thing to send to</b><b>people so that they can get a frame and a context</b><b>for how to share because i would i will go back</b><b>would you send that to me yeah yeah i'll remind</b><b>you for sure yeah yeah yeah but what you're</b><b>saying is that you've invited him to come on and share</b><b>and he's not ready he's not ready okay so we</b><b>fluff their pillows because it's not my job to stir</b><b>the people who are sleeping and it's my</b><b>decision as to whether or not i want to participate in</b><b>a relationship where so the last relationship</b><b>that i was in as i said um i wrote the chapter</b><b>uh the man who showed me who my father is um i</b><b>really love that guy i would love to be connected</b><b>but he's not met himself in his own shit i've</b><b>done all my work maybe not all of it but i've done</b><b>90 i did a lot of stuff i've dug it dug it dug</b><b>it i keep digging it and i'm still doing it and i</b><b>love knowing myself so he's got to be pretty</b><b>yeah it's interesting matt it's such an interesting</b><b>thing because when you're in a marriage and you</b><b>started a certain place we were very young we're</b><b>23 right yeah we got married so we didn't even</b><b>know who we you know i was dealing with all my</b><b>damage and then i've gone through then i</b><b>grinded raise children but i also have gone through</b><b>resolving healing and i'm still doing that</b><b>but i'm i've faced everything and i i know where</b><b>everything is and why you face your dragon i</b><b>face my demons i face my dragons so if you it's</b><b>interesting when you're in a relationship if</b><b>one person is in that process or has gone through</b><b>that process or embraces that process and then the</b><b>other person isn't quite there that's interesting</b><b>in a marriage too and like so the fluff</b><b>your pillow thing concept you're talking about</b><b>that is coming from a place of love and that is</b><b>coming from a okay you know the the person who's</b><b>going through the healing journey has to be</b><b>okay and accept that their partner isn't ready yet</b><b>and not have resentment about that or</b><b>expectations because it is their journey so you have to find</b><b>it find that place in yourself of they're just</b><b>not there yet and i have to be okay with that or</b><b>or i mean if it gets to the point where the</b><b>relationship can't work anymore the relationship</b><b>you outgrow each other yeah grow each other um</b><b>what's funny is that with brian i'm sorry i'm</b><b>not meaning to run but with brian um i would say</b><b>in the last couple years and he'll be the first</b><b>to say he went through kind of an enlightenment</b><b>as a man and has saw started seeing everything</b><b>differently and i think realizing a lot of</b><b>things and continues to so i feel like he has been</b><b>unknowingly on that journey um and so he's</b><b>almost like still doing enough yeah i was gonna say</b><b>enough enough where we're still like maybe i'm</b><b>here but he's coming up you know he's coming up</b><b>so it's not like he's dug in his heels and he's</b><b>like i'm not nothing's gonna change you know it's</b><b>not and so you have to acknowledge that too</b><b>now what's enough for you right exactly exactly i</b><b>just think everyone operates at a different</b><b>pace or a different level and yeah certain things</b><b>what's the right way to put this aren't front and</b><b>center to feel like you have to confront or deal</b><b>with something whereas other things maybe are but</b><b>they're more latent and less conscious or you're</b><b>less conscious about if that makes sense for for</b><b>you for the person it's a subjective experience</b><b>you know so well i'm also and if i take it away</b><b>from me and i'm not doing that from out of lack</b><b>of comfort i find this interesting but i think</b><b>your advice we've had folks women come on who've</b><b>said i'm done i've had enough and they they're</b><b>done with their husband and they move on and they've</b><b>had they found it hard right that's part of the</b><b>question around are there any good guys out there</b><b>because they've come across a bunch of</b><b>assholes i think your way of framing it is very very</b><b>interesting and you know you you found it in</b><b>the terror with the nine clubs being the same and</b><b>you're repeating the same habit i think a lot of</b><b>women still do that and it's really fascinating</b><b>at our age to the to think of going out there and</b><b>trying to find another person if you're into that</b><b>or if you're just still learning about</b><b>yourself it's going to bring in different people it's</b><b>going to bring in different experiences i find</b><b>it fascinating just at an intellectual level of</b><b>you know you've hit this point a switch flipped</b><b>you went out and you're discovering this other</b><b>aspect of yourself this other journey in a sense</b><b>that's just another chapter yeah thank you it's</b><b>i find it interesting well also like i said</b><b>everything i've done in my life has prepared</b><b>me for the next thing and i studied with alison</b><b>armstrong and i highly recommend that to especially</b><b>a king maker is that if you've had kings as a</b><b>child like you're producing men then her work is</b><b>extraordinary alison armstrong is from l.a</b><b>she's now in colorado but her program is called pax</b><b>and understanding men is what she does for 28</b><b>years she studied men so the one thing that i</b><b>think most women haven't done is taken the time</b><b>out to really get to know the difference between</b><b>men and women like don't interrupt a man as her</b><b>number one thing so i'm very conscientious not</b><b>of interrupting you but of interrupting him which</b><b>is interesting because i you even said i'm sorry</b><b>to interrupt but i interrupted you so that is one</b><b>thing because women can come back to their train</b><b>of thought what she teaches is that men are</b><b>single-minded focused they're going for the</b><b>thing she said don't talk to them in the car</b><b>about something serious because they're not</b><b>listening to you they can't they're really</b><b>focused on where they're taking you they're</b><b>want to be their your hero and men really</b><b>when she said she's like okay she had this um</b><b>uh target on the screen and she goes what a man</b><b>after and i yelled sex she's no they just want</b><b>to be your hero they really just want to be your</b><b>hero men have gotten lost they don't fight wars</b><b>anymore the way they did they don't have the</b><b>purpose to work on the farm they've lost their</b><b>purpose women can work just as hard we can do</b><b>everything for ourselves they used to take care</b><b>of us and then she teaches you to let them take</b><b>care of you but i love the fact and grateful for</b><b>the fact that i understand men so because i've</b><b>taken the time out to get to know them and myself</b><b>the ones who aren't a match i still give them</b><b>loved up i'll still love them up i i don't think</b><b>that in general people are bad i think we attract</b><b>what we need to learn and what we need to know and</b><b>um yeah like i said there are certain things that</b><b>you do want to check out that you know some people</b><b>don't have the ability to tell the truth</b><b>completely and i understand why people are afraid to get</b><b>divorced it's a lot of work but um just from</b><b>what you were just sharing i really appreciate</b><b>your perspective and i think um i'd love to</b><b>hear your story when you're ready to get it</b><b>i think i'm not if it's not that i'm afraid</b><b>to do it i i've i thought about it so much</b><b>now and i'm a thinker and we've had really</b><b>remarkable people on here sharing their stories</b><b>and you you're another one i this is fascinating</b><b>but we've really had some i want to make sure i</b><b>do it right in a sense and honor it in a way and</b><b>try to be complete because i do want my kids to</b><b>be able to listen to it at some point and and get</b><b>the perspective of of of me and i do think we're</b><b>a special generation i think we've had some</b><b>really cool things and some really fucked up things</b><b>and just what we've seen right that's landed</b><b>on our in our psyche so i want to capture it all</b><b>i don't want to short change it so i i've got</b><b>to start taking notes or something i don't know</b><b>it'll happen well but let me ask a question just</b><b>from a coaching perspective what if you did one</b><b>that is the 1.0 knowing that you're going to</b><b>do 2.0 and 3.0 and that you're well if it's for</b><b>yourself though right that's why you did it was</b><b>for yourself or did you do it for everybody else</b><b>why did you do the story nicole i did it for um</b><b>um honestly i i think i put it out there because</b><b>i wanted my children to have it and i wanted to</b><b>have people your children are never gonna listen</b><b>to that they don't care about right maybe when</b><b>they get older they're grandkids well grandkids</b><b>great great for future generations right you</b><b>know like because i i thought i wish i could go</b><b>back and listen to my great grandmother's life</b><b>yes that would be cool that was it or wow when</b><b>we talk about topics i'm like i wish i could go</b><b>back and listen what my grandmother thought about</b><b>this so it was putting a face and a voice for</b><b>like my great great great granddaughter yeah you know</b><b>i mean but also eventually my children but so</b><b>that was the first motivation and then also if</b><b>it would help anyone out there listeners if they've</b><b>gone through things i really think you should send</b><b>it to your guests before they come on and i think</b><b>it would be great to have your story too because</b><b>how incredible is that to hear it for the</b><b>masculine feminine yeah true true yeah no it'll happen but</b><b>but i just wanted one last thing on the</b><b>conversation around growing men and that you're working on</b><b>yourself the fact that you are in the game for</b><b>me the guy that i was dating for six months he got</b><b>the four agreements by dalmiguel ruiz that is</b><b>my bible yeah i've studied that book for over 20</b><b>years and the fact that he bought it and he was</b><b>willing that's enough for me yeah and the reason</b><b>even though i knew he was not a match i</b><b>stayed is because i was able now to step out of the</b><b>relationship and the pain that it was creating</b><b>and see where i needed to process these emotions and</b><b>see this experience from a new perspective</b><b>that i'd already had already had this experience</b><b>the nine of clubs yeah and my father yeah and</b><b>now i'm having it from an enlightened experience</b><b>where i'd never been before so i was emotionally</b><b>available to myself to heal those parts where i</b><b>know now the next king that is going to enter</b><b>my life is going to be a completely different</b><b>experience than it would have been had i not</b><b>stayed in that relationship gotten all the lessons</b><b>and held that experience of love that's that's</b><b>amazing that makes such perfect sense and i think</b><b>that's just a totally healthy perspective though</b><b>you're bringing but you probably didn't have it</b><b>eight years ago or whatever at some point in time right you continue to evolve but</b><b>i think you're spot on from a healthy perspective</b><b>and honoring yourself and mental health perspective</b><b>for yourself absolutely and it actually leads me</b><b>to before i ask my last question do you have any</b><b>other i do actually okay on this topic in a</b><b>sense um so you coach folks people um what do you see</b><b>let me frame it i guess um what she was talking</b><b>about my enlightenment i guess or if i'm right</b><b>as i'm i'm evolving from an ogre there's i think</b><b>an element of that is when i turned 50 it was like</b><b>things and i've asked people it's kind of corny</b><b>but it's like man once i turn 50 i start seeing</b><b>things a little differently right so there's</b><b>something biological there chronological there</b><b>um but as far as you're coaching with people do</b><b>you see a difference um in their maybe level of</b><b>enlightenment or a self-awareness ability to</b><b>transform themselves given their age so like a</b><b>35 year old versus a 40 versus a 40 yeah oh that's</b><b>a great question and what i found because most of</b><b>the people who can afford to pay for me and are</b><b>looking for guidance and coaching is more middle</b><b>age um the last couple that i worked with were um</b><b>early 40s so i would just say that the individual</b><b>who is committed to um whether it's healing</b><b>self-awareness um growth that's what it comes down to</b><b>i don't know that age has as much to do with it</b><b>now i've met some 20 year olds that blow my mind</b><b>just recently i mean this kid is like doing</b><b>so much and i just asked myself god if i was</b><b>that far advanced back then i wasn't doing</b><b>croquette and drinking like where would i be now</b><b>jim any christmas is so i do believe that um</b><b>every age has its opportunities when i turn 30</b><b>like you just said when i turned 50 i had an</b><b>evolution when i turned 31 i remember that's</b><b>when i got had to get healthy physically i was</b><b>like oh wow this stuff is catching up with me</b><b>and then when i turned 40 that's when i started</b><b>doing the medicine journey and found out i had to</b><b>get heart surgery and then 50s i got heart</b><b>surgery yeah so you do it when it's right way i think</b><b>everything happens at the right time so this</b><b>enlightenment that you're going through yeah</b><b>it's probably chronological it's it's</b><b>definitely situational i think spirit is a big part of it</b><b>and how you're raised and your environment we can</b><b>only know what we know yeah our parents are doing</b><b>the best that they can and you guys did the best</b><b>that you could with what you the tools and resources</b><b>yeah and now we have more tools and resources so</b><b>then people get to decide do i want to invest my</b><b>time and energy into there but if people don't</b><b>find value in it they're not going to invest into it</b><b>like being a coach for people i'm a coach for</b><b>people who are ready to change because i can't</b><b>do it for them i've tried i tried to buy it for</b><b>them i've tried to do it for them i've learned</b><b>over the years that somewhat just like in aa you</b><b>know you gotta hit rock bottom that's those are</b><b>the people who get sober when you're sick and</b><b>tired of being sick and tired and you're ready</b><b>to make a change with your physical mental and</b><b>financial when you are so done being that 49 year</b><b>old that you're seven into your 50s and you're</b><b>like yeah yeah that makes sense that makes sense</b><b>any other questions i guess one last thing is</b><b>it's interesting i have not drank like cold turkey</b><b>since april 5th yeah this year i i only know the</b><b>day because it wasn't a monumental day was we were</b><b>at billy strength and it was afterwards we went</b><b>and had some drinks but i haven't drank and going</b><b>on six months i don't know if i had hit rock</b><b>bottom there you know as much as it was like oh</b><b>i just feel like shit i don't want to feel like</b><b>shit for the next three days i'm gonna try this</b><b>and it's stuck yeah no he has like where i've</b><b>had that occasional drink with special occasion</b><b>he's he's stuck with it so you know and i</b><b>know you feel great yeah totally yeah and he was</b><b>i mean he was the type where he had one martini</b><b>he had three more well how how frequently were</b><b>you drinking oh well in our heyday in our 40s</b><b>nightly oh every day yeah yeah in our 40s yeah</b><b>it was crazy you can't do that when you hit 50</b><b>no and that's i think that's the big driver it's</b><b>not like it was how you feel yeah it's just how</b><b>i feel and it's um it's a health choice right the</b><b>whole you you'd mentioned you know how to reverse</b><b>metabolic syndrome i do too and but mine was more</b><b>out of fear it was like i got my blood test</b><b>it's like holy shit i'm gonna die in five years</b><b>i don't fix this so i'm gonna fix this and i</b><b>went and fixed it i'm wonderful now congratulations</b><b>and thanks yeah so it was the physical thing for</b><b>you physical health and how you felt yeah and it</b><b>was a conscious decision that you decided to stop</b><b>drinking so you're so this is what they teach us</b><b>in aa everybody has a different rock bottom and</b><b>everybody's a different kind of alcoholic i chose</b><b>my sobriety date it's january 2000 yep that was</b><b>it i knew i was done i chose my sobriety day so</b><b>some people have the ability to do that and</b><b>some people struggle with the addiction their whole</b><b>lives where i mean i i've talked to people who</b><b>still crave it and want it and gosh that would be</b><b>so difficult smoking and i wish i could smoke</b><b>like cigarettes like oh my god whenever i see</b><b>somebody with one of those buffers i get on it</b><b>and then i wrestle them for it yeah you have no</b><b>cravings for anything for well it sounds like do</b><b>you have cravings for like nicotine have a cigarette</b><b>when i see other people smoking not a cigarette</b><b>but the the vape things that people do because i</b><b>was using the zen that's how i got sick i was</b><b>using that zen stuff too much because i'm like</b><b>if one's good let's do ten you know i'm an addict</b><b>so and i should say it differently because i'm no</b><b>longer an addict to certain things but um i feel</b><b>like when you make that decision and then you back</b><b>it up with discipline choices and you have a</b><b>purpose behind it it doesn't matter where your</b><b>rock bottom is your rock bottom was here mine was</b><b>here whereas yeah yeah yeah so do you do you have</b><b>any inclination to drink at all now or is it's</b><b>let's just so now i look at his spirit because i've</b><b>danced with so many other spirits yeah there's</b><b>spirit and everything everything has a spirit</b><b>this has a spirit like if you believe that that</b><b>everything has a spirit i know that particular</b><b>spirit even though i've done so much work and</b><b>maybe i wouldn't have any issues i might not</b><b>but it takes me further than away from god and</b><b>the medicines this is what i've told people before</b><b>the hard medicines i think i heard this on</b><b>entourage years ago i i used to do the hard medicines now i</b><b>do the ones that connect me with god yeah so it's</b><b>just it they relax my nervous system drop me into</b><b>spirit are used for meditation facilitate deeper</b><b>connection with my source so my last question is</b><b>always where do you see yourself in five years i</b><b>visualize that constantly every day so much joy</b><b>so much gratitude so much love so much beauty</b><b>so much power so much abundance so much giving</b><b>i am in such an incredible place right now</b><b>what i want to do is have my whitney 3.0 moment</b><b>so you know i've been thinking about what to</b><b>call my book which um the richest woman in midlife</b><b>triggered i don't know i'm not clear what it's</b><b>going to be called but i want to create something</b><b>that's going to touch millions of lives and would</b><b>like to be part of a pioneering group that helps</b><b>evolve our consciousness so that people are</b><b>happier more fulfilled more joy even if it's</b><b>just a percentage and it's a community that i</b><b>get to help spearhead and i get to support that</b><b>speaking on stages all over the world again and</b><b>doing things that i love and having a partnership</b><b>with somebody that i call my beloved where</b><b>because the thing is about being in a partnership</b><b>you get each other to do things you wouldn't</b><b>normally she's trying to get to do the story you</b><b>probably get her to do things that are active</b><b>like i don't know i i skied my skis are parked</b><b>at my girlfriend's place so i'd love to go skiing</b><b>i'd love someone to get me out of my comfort zone</b><b>to do things that are going to be more active that</b><b>a guy is going to carry my surfboard to the water</b><b>so i don't have to carry it yeah so you know that</b><b>is kind of the place that i see myself more love</b><b>more giving more growth in my community and the</b><b>people that i get to surround myself with and um</b><b>how old will i be five years from now we'll be</b><b>59 54 right 59 before 60th birthday yes healthy</b><b>healthy healthy i want to be healthy because</b><b>what i'm seeing now are people that are um i'm</b><b>going to do an event by the way i don't know if</b><b>your mom's here she's not oh yeah she lives with</b><b>oh my god we're gonna bring her if you want to</b><b>bring her so i met a woman who is 79 years old</b><b>her shoulders are in way better shape than mine</b><b>her body is fit and she teaches water pilates and</b><b>she heats her pool to 90 degrees she lives up in</b><b>wellington and i'm gonna get a group of women who</b><b>want to learn water pilates that are going to</b><b>bring their moms and we're going to create a</b><b>network in a community of women as we get older</b><b>who are actively contributing she grabbed my face</b><b>and she said i would adopt you like that kind of</b><b>community to have women the jewish moms are like</b><b>oh they're after my heart but to have a group</b><b>of people together where we're engaging and then</b><b>people women have they live longer than men they</b><b>have a lot of well-being and wellness and you know</b><b>and if we could bring together that community for</b><b>a purpose that's greater than ourselves and also</b><b>have fun and engage that would be amazing no that</b><b>sounds awesome yeah you have to keep me posted on</b><b>that but that's part of what i want to create</b><b>like there's a lot of things i can see myself</b><b>contributing to and i just um i'm just so</b><b>grateful to to oh and then let me say the last thing okay</b><b>so this is the dr joe stuff so i imagine myself</b><b>on his stage sharing about how i healed my aneurysm</b><b>because that comes along with the aortic</b><b>bicuspid valve and my valve grows back and i am the</b><b>healthiest version no more migraines no more</b><b>anything and i haven't had a migraine and i have</b><b>to look at my calendar but that i'm able to</b><b>heal myself that i am able to step into that future</b><b>self into that fifth dimension that he teaches in</b><b>class about just having and holding the thoughts</b><b>and the vibration and the frequency of love</b><b>gratitude joy bliss happiness health and i</b><b>have that frequency enough i'm tapping into</b><b>something so frequently that it's enough to pull</b><b>in that that unbelievable health because i</b><b>swear to god i feel like my skin looks better</b><b>since i've been living more and more in</b><b>that space yeah so that's one of my visions for</b><b>five years from now is i'm on his stage sharing</b><b>publicly about how i've been able to take that</b><b>work and integrate it into my life in such a way</b><b>that i am healed in physical ways that i didn't</b><b>even imagine i was able to do that's amazing</b><b>that's a wonderful five-year goal it's awesome</b><b>it's full of so much positivity and i hope you</b><b>keep me posted on all the things that you that</b><b>you have going on we're my high school sister</b><b>yeah you're my sunset sister yeah i love that</b><b>i love i was at the sunset house all those years</b><b>ago so can you believe that no no i mean i'm so</b><b>grateful that we were brought back together we</b><b>reconnected and i'm so grateful to you whitney</b><b>for coming on and sharing your story i know that</b><b>it will touch so many listeners and um it's just</b><b>a fascinating amazing journey you have so much to</b><b>share so much wisdom to share and you're not even</b><b>close to being done i just can't wait to see what</b><b>more you do i can't wait for the book and i hope</b><b>you'll come back on once it's published and</b><b>available to talk about the book and promote</b><b>the book we would love to have you back but</b><b>again thank you for sharing your story it's just</b><b>been an absolute pleasure to have you on wouldn't</b><b>you agree yeah totally this has been awesome thank</b><b>you thank you for coming on i think you're</b><b>gonna touch a lot of our listeners we have a lot of</b><b>female listeners i think i think you're you're</b><b>just such an empowering force for for for women</b><b>women our age and even younger right that's</b><b>our that is our demographic i i just think you're</b><b>going to be an empowering force a role model an</b><b>example um just a positive energy for them it's</b><b>it's i'm excited to see what kind of commentary</b><b>we get to be honest me too me too it's all good</b><b>and for our listeners um we will include everywhere</b><b>you can find whitney in the show notes her socials</b><b>her website if you have any questions for whitney</b><b>we will make sure she sees them so she can respond</b><b>to you but um if you want to reach out to</b><b>whitney for coaching all of that information will be in</b><b>the show notes we'll make sure you can get in</b><b>touch with her and um again once her book comes</b><b>out we will hopefully have her back on to talk</b><b>about that i have one more comment just to say</b><b>how impressed i am with both of you and if you</b><b>think about frequency that i'm writing this high</b><b>frequency and working so hard and we were</b><b>brought together for a purpose yes gen x adulting is a</b><b>really powerful experience that you guys</b><b>created look i was supposed to be off i just say i sat</b><b>with it i was like this is where i'm supposed</b><b>to be this experience i got tingles i got chills</b><b>you guys are creating something really powerful</b><b>here really powerful and the experience of getting</b><b>to sit in your own medicine and have somebody</b><b>really listen and ask really penetrating questions</b><b>and really care there is nothing quite quite</b><b>like this it's tasty medicine and i'm really</b><b>grateful that you invited me to have this</b><b>experience thank you well thank you for your</b><b>kind words and we're so grateful i knew our our</b><b>hard stop had passed and i'm just grateful you</b><b>stayed yeah so thank you and thank you for</b><b>your kind words it means a lot really it does yeah</b><b>and where you know i was just gonna say we really</b><b>appreciate you coming in it's awesome i'm glad you</b><b>enjoyed your time here we yes i know i can speak</b><b>for the both of us this has been awesome absolutely</b><b>and i know in an open book i mean it's 100 100</b><b>we've got going on and i know our list i trust</b><b>myself yes and that's so when you trust</b><b>yourself whatever happens around you you have to trust</b><b>that it's happening for the right purpose and</b><b>this is my future yeah and i have to pee just</b><b>like your dog yeah i know she's trying to go out</b><b>um okay so listeners again thank you for listening</b><b>please leave any questions comments we love it and we will see you next time bye</b>